Soft Reset
by 3-13 Sniper
Summary: What do you get when you take a 15-year-old boy, chuck him into Remnant, and give him a Gamer system with enough minigames to make Wario jealous? A flaming train-wreck of a story with a writer who can't decide if he wants it to be serious, crack, or just a cesspit of self-indulgence. (C'mon, I started this when I was 15. What did you expect? The Games We Play? Get real.)
1. Prologue - Here We Go Again

**3/2/20 - There's a rewrite now. See chapter 17 for further details.**

* * *

…

…

...huh?

…

…

"Umm… hello?"

…

…

No response.

Looks like I'm all alone, here.

...wherever 'here' is, anyway.

…

Where _is_ here? From what I can tell, it's just a never-ending void full of nothing but darkness.

Totally not creepy whatsoever. Nope. Not at all.

But… simply floating around like this isn't really doing it for me. It's pretty damn boring.

Then again, though, the only real course of action I can take here is suck it up and endure it, because there's no possible way to be doing anything better than this. Because I'm floating in an endless expanse of black.

 **Black. All important stories start… with a black void.**

...okay.

"Well, the confirmation of your existence answers a lot of questions about my current situation. However, I will recognize the fact that I like your tastes. And if I'm being honest, that was a pretty fitting line, even if it is slightly modified."

 **Why, thank you! I try my best. And I kind of figured someone like you would appreciate that reference.**

"You're welcome. Now, would you please terribly mind being nice and giving me the details on what's about to go down?"

 **Well, since you asked nicely, I suppose I have no choice. *ahem***

 **Hello, there! Now, while I would like to get the situational exposition out of the way, I don't want to tell you things that you already know. So, take what you know about the current situation, attempt to draw parallels from other situations you've experienced, heard, or read about, and try to come to your own conclusion.**

K, den.

Right… I'm in a void, with a disembodied voice talking to me…

Of course, I already know where this is going.

"Okay, let's cut to the chase - where am I being whisked off to?"

 **Yeah, I figured you would piece it together pretty quickly. And to answer your question… you'll have to wait 'till you get to the avatar customization screen.**

"Well, I guess that answers the question of whether or not I'll get a broken ability. The main villains of my destination might as well call an early 'GG no re' at this point."

 **Heh, yeah, pretty much!**

"Oh, by the way, I don't think I ever got your name…"

 **Gaia. You can call me Gaia.**

"Huh. Now that's a crossover if I've ever seen one."

 **Anyway, we've spent enough time talking. I think it's time we actually got to the fun part.**

"Yes, please!"

 **If you'll take a look at the map.**

Whoa.

Umm… okay.

 **Select your starting kingdom and time period.**

 **Vale - Difficulty: Normal**

 **Mistral - Difficulty: Moderate**

 **Atlas - Difficulty: Hard**

 **Vacuo - Difficulty: Very Hard**

 **Menagerie - Difficulty: ?**

 **The Grimmlands - Difficulty: 5-Stars Hector Hard Mode combined with Lunatic+ and Radiant Hard while shooting for a Low Turn Count No Deaths playthrough on STEROIDS (I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point)**

 **Years before/during/after canon: TBD**

Well, I sure as hell know where I'm going now.

Definitely not going to the Grimmlands - even though I've never experienced those horrifying things myself, I have seen what those words entail. And it's the farthest thing from pleasant I can imagine.

I think the best possible choice would be Vale. Can I narrow it down, though?

Ah-ha! There you are, you slippery little zoom button!

Much better.

Hmm…

I think I'll start off on Patch.

From what I've seen, the Grimm there aren't really anything special. Ergo, it should be a nice training ground.

 **Drop-off point set to: Patch**

Now, when do I start?

Ehhh…

Hmm. "Hey, Gaia? Does an item that can revive people exist in this world?"

 **Yes it does, in fact.**

"Great. Thanks."

 **Happy to help!**

That gives me some leeway...

 **Drop-off time set to: 2 years before canon**

 **Are these settings acceptable?**

 **Yes No**

"Yes."

Nice. This should make me about age 17 by the time canon starts - which makes me eligible for an application to Beacon. Ozpin, being the Chessmaster that he is, will likely see my usefulness if I tell him all about myself and get me a free pass. Or he could kill me. He probably won't, though.

Done, and done. Now to create my character…

Male, obviously. I don't know how I'd feel with a sudden sex change.

Let's go with… 6 feet of height, to reflect my previous life. Hair color… how about a purple, with streaks of red? Okay, that looks good. Eye color… Mom and Dad always said my eyes were blue, but they were probably tripping due to my eyes ending up as some kind of gray. I think I'll go with a blue-steel hue, if only for the Zoolander jokes.

Can I check my stats?

 **Choose a class first.**

Oh, okay.

 **Starting Class list**

 **Drifter - A young individual traveling the world to find their place in it. Has the potential to reach any goal they put their mind to, but currently has none that strike their fancy. Balanced stats, specializes in Swords. Promotes to Mercenary, Hero, and Vanguard.**

 **Celerian - A duelist from a land of traditions, this honorbound youth wanders the planet to hone their skills in order to defeat any foe they come across. Very fast and skilled, but can't take a lot of hits. Specializes in Swords. Promotes to Myrmidon, Swordmaster, and Trueblade.**

 **Recruit - A dream chaser, this courageous youngster is training to become a part of the world's protectors. Not very fast, but makes up for it with high defenses and good offensive skills. Specializes in Lances. Promotes to Knight, General, and Marshall.**

 **Villager - A simple youth from a rural part of the world, who's had lots of impromptu training in the form of farm work and other menial tasks. Starts off poorly, but comes into their own quite fast. Specializes in Lances. Promotes to Soldier, Halberdier, and Sentinel.**

 **Journeyman - A youth with an affinity for brawling, who has trained themself to become top dog in local scraps. Very good offensive potential with high vitality, which is countered by poor defenses. Specializes in Axes. Promotes to Fighter, Warrior, and Reaver.**

 **Ruffian - An unsavory youth who loves to inflict harm on others, entirely self-taught and sustaining. Very high attack power and notable defensive ability, with near nonexistent fighting skill and below average speed. Specializes in Axes. Promotes to Brigand, Barbarian, and Berserker.**

 **Hunter - A handy youth who spends their free time tracking and hunting game, as well as practicing their wilderness survival skills. Trades off some defenses for better aim, and is otherwise well-rounded. Specializes in Bows. Promotes to Archer, Sniper, and Marksman.**

 **Engineer - A budding great mind that has become fascinated with machinery, and has created no small amount of gadgets and doodads in their free time. High defense and above average attack power, plus insane range, with low speed to compensate. Specializes in Bows. Promotes to Tanker, Ballistician, and Artilleryman.**

 **Sneak - An unscrupulous youth who has been forced to resort to stealing as a method of survival. Very hard to catch, but goes down easily if they're caught, and has multiple utility skills to prevent that outcome. Specializes in Knives and Daggers. Promotes to Thief, Rogue, and Assassin.**

 **Due to the nature of Remnant, no magically inclined or mounted classes can be chosen.**

Oh, well that's a bummer. Being an Archsage or a Gold Knight would've been cool. But I believe I can make this work.

By the by, another crossover. I don't know if I expected Fire Emblem to make an appearance, but more power to me.

That "Engineer" class line is entirely new to me, though. It's almost as if they took Shadow Dragon's "Ballistician" class and made it into a bigger thing than it already was.

Since I have a lot of prior experience with these classes, I should probably go over the advantages and disadvantages of each one and go from there.

Drifters - the famed sword-wielding all-rounders. Great for all number of situations owing to their high offensive potential, but certain specialized roles could do many of their jobs better at the cost of something else. No real weaknesses.

Celerians - one big Yu-Gi-Oh reference. You ask them what time it is, and they reply with "it's TIME to D-D-DU-DU, DU-DU-DU-DUE-DUEL!" Very few of them have been classified as objectively good units owing to their frailty and poor strength, leaving many to simply use them for chip damage. Probably not the best choice concerning survivability.

Recruits - the obvious tanks. Strong as an ox, sturdy as a steel wall… and slow as a snail. Once they get good enough most earn the nickname of 'Walking Fortress,' but they also typically have a hard time getting to where they need to be in a timely manner. I'll likely end up doing a lot of traveling, so… don't think this one's for me.

Villagers - the tried-and-true underdog story. Who doesn't love one of those? And who doesn't love training up a nobody into a nightmare? (Apparently every single pro player, but whatever.) This would probably be another good option, but I don't know if the trade-off of poor early-game performance for late game dominance is worth it. After all, being a Carry won't mean shit if I go out too soon. Next up...

Journeymen - kinda like Recruits, but with more HP, attack power, and speed at the cost of severely lowered defenses. The other kind of tanks. Much better at moving quickly, though, which gives them a huge advantage over their heavily-armored counterparts. I bet Yang's classed as this, given her semblance.

Ruffians - Journeymen 2.0, in a basic sense. Except trade speed and almost all fighting skill for even more HP and patched-up defenses. I bet if I told a Ruffian to knock down a wall, he'd still miss half his strikes, because their accuracy is just that bad. Not really the best of choices for anyone looking to fight more than really slow targets.

Hunters - often restricted from attacking at melee range. That alone usually earns them the label of 'bad unit' right out of the gate, but lots of them are also subject to incredibly horrible stat spreads, which only increase the ire directed at them. Certain members of this class do have the potential to become gods, but they're few and far between. Don't think I'll be picking this one.

Engineers - thinking on the class line, I have a few ideas as to what it's all about. Most of them… well, who doesn't love riding around in a tank? Buuuut… pretty much every big-time villain here could slice a bunch of fancy contraptions in half without breaking a sweat, and I don't want to think about how I'll fare outside the cockpit. So… not this one.

Sneak - let it be known that only a very select few of these are good combat units. Their main uses are designated as utilities - lockpicking, hacking, stealing, info-gathering, spying, all that good shadowy stuff. I can tell that later promotions will earn me the coveted Lethality skill, but I'd have to claw my way up the ladder for quite a while before I hit that level of skill. And I figure that'll be practically impossible given this line's tendency to go down in three hits or less. I'll leave it for Emerald.

Well, it looks like the only viable options here are the two sword wielding classes and the Villager class. And if I'm being honest… well, I like Ike, you like Ike, everybody likes Ike.

 **You have selected "Drifter." Are you sure?**

 **Yes No**

"Yes."

 **Starting class set to "Drifter."**

 **Set your stats.**

 **VIT - 10**

 **STR - 5**

 **INT - 10**

 **DEX - 5**

 **AGI - 5**

 **RES - 5**

 **LUK - 5**

 **CHR - 5**

 **Points: 20**

Hmm… hey, game? Mind if I see the descriptions on these before I make my choices? I already know the basic gist of what they do, but I want to make sure that a minor detail doesn't screw me over later.

 **Sure!**

 **VIT - Vitality. Determines the amount of HP you have. 1 point in this stat equals 10 points of HP. Vital (heh) to your success.**

God DAMN IT, BARB!

 **STR - Strength. Determines how much damage you deal with physical attacks, and allows you to wield heavier weapons without penalties to your Agility. Do you even lift, bro?**

Yes, I do lift bro. Literally. As in, I can pick up my brother and carry him around.

 **INT - Intelligence. Determines damage dealt and effectiveness of skills that are magical in nature, as well as how much Mana you have. Same deal as Vitality: one point here equals 10 MP. To be fair, you have to have a really high I.Q. to understand Rick and Morty…**

I don't even watch Rick and Morty!

 **DEX - Dexterity. Determines hand-eye coordination and the speed at which you can react to things. Technically speaking, it speeds up your brain so the neurons fire faster, more often, and the travel speed of the electrical pulses that give your muscles commands goes up. In general, increases ability to hit (more noticeable with ranged weapons), and slows down your perception of the world. Would you like to see a MAGIC TRICK?**

Drumroll, please…

"No!"

 **AGI - Agility. Determines the speed at which you can move your body. Increases ability to dodge attacks and attack speed, as well as movement speed inside and outside of combat. You either gotta go fast, or YOU'RE TOO SLOW!**

ROLLIN' AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND-

 **RES - Resistance. Decreases damage taken from all manner of attacks. IIII AM BULLET-PROOOOOOF!**

DOKTAR! ARE YOU _SURE_ THEES WEEL WORK?

Ahaha… I HAVE _NO IDEA!_

 **LUK - Luck. Affects all manner of things - namely chance to hit, chance to dodge, item drop rates, how often fortune favors you, and many unseen other things. So… do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?**

Nah, I'm pretty sure you fired six shots. Or was it five…?

 **CHR - Charisma. Determines your proficiency at swaying others to your side. Gives bonuses to allies when you are near them. Also affects many other aspects of socializing. Bump this up enough, and who knows… maybe Salem might even lend an ear!**

That'd be utterly insane to watch. If, by some bullshit miracle, I actually manage to convince her to stop her quest of eradicating humanity, I'll start calling myself 'Gary Stu.'

…

Please, oh, _please_ don't tell me I just tempted fate to make that happen.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding? It's so totally going to happen. It's going to happen just to spite me. I might as well give up hope trying to stop it now, because it'll only delay the inevitable.

Well… it's not like it's a bad thing, right? Right? I mean, it's not like she'll be that crazy yandere girl that has eyes only for the main protagonist who's the most oblivious person on the planet. That's impossible.

…

You know what, I'm just going to stop digging my own grave before I break through to the mantle. I need to get back to speccing myself.

What to do, what to do…

I could try for a tank build, but my class isn't really suited for that. Going too far in the other direction's also a problem. Luck might be a good investment, and an early charm boost could mean the difference between life and death if I'm caught between a rock with a soft interior and a hard place.

Sheesh. Pressure's really on here, isn't it? If I'm this indecisive at the damn character setup page, who knows how I'll get anything done when I start playing for keeps?

Mmm… okay, think I've got it.

 **VIT - 10**

 **STR - 10**

 **INT - 10**

 **DEX - 10**

 **AGI - 10**

 **RES - 5**

 **LUK - 5**

 **CHR - 10**

 **Points: 0**

That looks good. A basic Merc stat spread - balance of Strength, Dexterity, and Agility, with average Resistance. And a little Charm never hurt anybody - I'll see if I can't convince people to join me early.

 **Confirm choices?**

 **Yes No**

"Yes."

 **Enter your avatar name.**

…

Oof…

Shit. Um…

 **Would you like to randomly generate a name?**

 _Oh thank god._

Heh. Was worried I might have to choose an outlier name, what with the whole color-theme and all.

 **Parkscent Shitking**

 **Is this okay?**

 **Yes No**

Oh, hardy har har, _very funny._ Try again, smartass.

 _ **SOME TIME LATER**_

 **Zeiss Serven**

 **Is this okay?**

 **Yes No**

"Hmm… okay, okay… I think I like where this one's going. I'm finding myself a little lost on the symbolism, though. Care to fix that, Gaia?"

 **Basically, your first name is a rough translation for 'purple' in some foreign language that I can't be bothered to remember the name of. Same deal with your last name, only that's 'red.'**

"All right, that's fine. I like this name. I'll take it."

 **Okay, you're all set! Good luck, and have fun!**

Here I come, world! Hope you're ready!

* * *

 **A/N: Hel-lo, happy people, and welcome to "Soft Reset." This here's the first story that I thought was worthy of being published on this site. No offense to any other sites similar to this, but... well, I have very little experience with Ao3, I have no idea what to do with Wattpad, and experience has taught me that Spacebattles is a holy ground reserved only for the best of the best. So I figured that I might as well stick with what I know. Anyway...**

 **Spoilers ahead. You've been warned.**

 **I started writing this way back when... Volume 5 was still in the works, I think. And one of my first thoughts upon witnessing the last minute of Episode 3 of Volume 6 was as follows:**

 **"Whoa... uh, wow. Did I just stealth-predict the method of Salem's downfall?"**

 **Because if you really think about it, that might very well be what will actually happen. It's outright stated that she's impossible to kill via conventional means - or any means at all, really. Thus, the door has been opened to alternate solutions. If my hunch is correct, Miles and Kerry may be hinting that the final boss won't be beaten with blades or bullets, but rather with words. Which... would feel anticlimactic, and has me more than a little worried. If the show was written by someone with a little more credibility, I could believe that they'd find a way to make this tradition-breaking ending work well. But with those two guys' track record, I think they'd be lucky to write a cookie-cutter confrontation properly, without any plot holes or retcons.**

* * *

 **EDIT, 7/8/19: A word of warning to all newcomers of this story. Chapters 1 (Prologue - Here We Go Again) through 7 (I Scream, You Scream, We All Fall Down) feature a strange variant of First Person POV, in which all text that is not dialogue or system messages is taken directly from the main character's thoughts. Think of it like this: all text that is not enclosed in quotation marks or bolded can be read as if it was italicized, _like this_. This is changed as of chapter 9 (Don't Step on the Flowers) to a standard First Person Limited perspective (Chapter 8 is an 'intermission' chapter, and is written differently). In addition to this, Soft Reset also features dialogue that is delivered in script format, and this method is used from chapter 1 through chapter 11 (Gotta Get Into the Vault). From chapter 12 (Fight Back the Police Assault) onward, the story uses standard dialogue formatting. This has been a PRSA warning, and we thank you for your attention.**

* * *

 **In any case, I think that's about it. See ya.**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	2. There's 104 Days of Summer Vacation

Hn-ah! Wha- gah! Damned sun! Always getting in my eyes…

Huh? Where am I?

…did the game actually make me pull a Robin? I literally just woke up right smack dab in the middle of an open field!

Arrrgh… that's infuriating. Although it's also kind of ironic, considering that everyone who gets the power that I have now will eventually become godlike killing machines, and given what happens later on in Awakening's story, not to mention how obscenely broken the game is in your favor (when it's not on Lunatic, at least)… it kinda makes me look like a hypocrite.

Enough about that, though. After all, there _are_ better places to take a nap than on the ground.

Okay… first things first, check the menu.

 **Main Menu**

 **Settings**

 **Guides**

 **Sound Test**

That'll do. Settings, you're up.

 **Settings Menu**

 **HUD**

 **Brightness**

 **Saturation**

 **Ambient Noise**

 **Subtitles**

 **Censor**

 **Tutorial**

That's… not much, but expected. I think I'll fool around with these a little bit.

 _ **OHGODMYEYES**_

O-KAY, NEVER TOUCHING BRIGHTNESS AGAIN!

Uhh… yeah, I think I'll leave saturation the way it is.

I don't want to go deaf, so no altering ambient noise.

I'd like to know what people are saying even if I'm not paying much attention, so subtitles are going on.

Censor? Ummm… tap it.

 **Censor - Bleeps out all language considered "foul" when in the presence of characters who dislike said language. Consider Mister Torgue as an example.**

...we here at Serven Servos, Inc. sincerely think _THIS IS F*_ _ **BEEP***_ _KING AWESOME!_ It's _so_ awesome, in fact, that we're turning it on!

What does "HUD" entail?

 **HUD Menu**

 **Opacity**

 **Color**

 **Change Layout**

Hmm, 'kay. I can work with this.

…

Mm-hm… mm-hm… okay, I think I'm done.

I'd like to think that I know enough, but I'll play the tutorial just in case.

 **You have entered the "Tutorial" Instant Dungeon.**

 **Damage taken reduced by 100%**

Oh, great! I can at least take comfort knowing that I won't be able to die here, and can make as many mistakes as I can until I get the hang of it.

 **Welcome to the tutorial! Simply for participating, you get a reward!**

 **Received a Bronze Sword.**

...huh, didn't even notice I didn't have a weapon until now.

Can I… there we go!

 **Skill "Observe" created!**

 **Bronze Sword**

 **Might: 10**

 **A cheap sword made out of a very common material. Doesn't do a lot of damage, but cannot break. Easy to hit with due to its low weight.**

 **Requires a Sword Mastery level of 1 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder has a Strength stat lower than 5.**

 **Quest Alert!**

 **The Tutorial**

 **You've decided to view the tutorial to get a feel for how the game will play. Follow the system's instructions to learn how to properly interact with the world around you.**

 **Objectives:**

 **-Follow the system's orders**

 **-Complete the tutorial**

 **Rewards:**

 **50 EXP**

 **50 Lien**

 **2 pre-set skill books**

 **1 skill of your choosing**

 **This quest cannot be denied.**

Interesting. What's next?

 **First things first, let's take a look at your character page. Say or think "status" to bring it up.**

Standard fare so far.

' _Status.'_

 **Zeiss Serven**

 **Title: Child Cynic**

 **Class: Drifter**

 **Level: 1**

 **EXP: 0**

 **Level Up at: 100**

 **HP: 100**

 **MP: 100**

 **VIT - 10**

 **STR - 10**

 **INT - 10**

 **DEX - 10**

 **AGI - 10**

 **RES - 5**

 **LUK - 5**

 **CHR - 10**

 **Points: 0**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Lien: 0**

 **A teenager from Earth. Hopelessly addicted to video games, and has a cold, realist outlook on the world, but secretly wishes that everyone could see the obvious reasons to stop destroying everything and just respect each other. Constantly second-guesses himself. Has acclimatized to the use of snark and sarcasm so much that it has become difficult to go without them in some form for very long. Has not cried at a work of fiction for as long as he can remember.**

What a fitting title.

That description is… accurate to a somewhat embarrassing degree. Although, I suppose I should expect nothing less. This is a god(dess) we're talking about, after all. I'm still proud of that last bit - not even Infinity War broke my walls down. However, I will say that it came the closest.

 **You already know what everything here means, so let's move on. Say or think "skills" to bring up your skill list.**

' _Skills.'_

 **Skills**

 **Gamer's Body [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Changes the user's body to that of a video game character. Any wounds inflicted on the user's body instantly disappear and the attack will instead deduct the user's HP. Sleeping in a bed will completely restore the user's HP and will cure all negative status effects. The user also no longer requires basic necessities to survive, such as food, water, or sleep. Due to the nature of the system, the user cannot be inflicted with the 'Fatigued' status effect.**

 **Gamer's Mind [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Gives the user the ability to make clear decisions that are unaffected by their emotional state. Note that this will not make the user emotionless, and will only merely dampen their emotions if they get too out of control or impair judgement. This skill also prevents the user from suffering any status effects that deliberately attack the brain, such as Hypnosis, Berserk, and certain forms of Illusion.**

 **Observe [Active] - Level MAX**

 **Allows the user to check the character pages of other sentient beings, as well as all entities that wish to do harm upon the user, and appraise items that are not sentient. Note that the user cannot see the character pages of any sentient being or enemy that is 100 or more levels higher than the user.**

 **Sword Mastery [Passive] - Level 20/100**

 **Allows the user to wield swords of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases damage the user deals with swords by 1%. Sword Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

Why is my Sword Mastery Level at 20? Is it because I'm a Drifter? Wait…

The average mercenary usually starts out with, at the very least, a D Rank in Swords. D is the 2nd Rank out of 5 for weapon levels, going from E, D, C, B, and finally A. Although, there is the matter of S Rank, but if I remember correctly, you couldn't get it until you promoted to an advanced class.

Does this mean that once I promote, I'll be able to grow it up to level 120?

While I'm on that topic, how _do_ I promote, anyway? Do I just have to get up to a certain level? Or do I have to find a special item?

Hold on a sec… if I push this…

 **Sword Skills:**

 **Personal Skill: Heroic Continuity**

 **Strike a single enemy 4 times in quick succession. Each strike has a base power of STR x 1.5. Weapon Might is multiplied by 1.5. Each strike has a 25% increased chance to crit. Requires 15 standard attacks to use.**

 **Level 5: Powerslash**

 **Strike a single foe with a hard and fast hit. Has a base power of STR x 1.4. Multiplies weapon Might by 1.5. Inflicts Knockback.**

 **Level 10: Sword Flurry**

 **Unleash a series of 8 lightning-fast stabs. Each stab has a base power of STR x 0.4 and has a 15% chance to inflict Bleed.**

 **Level 20: Bullrush**

 **Lunge forward towards an opponent with your sword out front. Enemies caught in the path of the attack take reduced damage and are blown back. The lunge has a base power of STR x 1.2 and the target will be inflicted with Knockback. Enemies hit along the way take a base value of STR x 0.8 as damage and are inflicted with Knockback.**

 **Level 25: Powerslash+**

 **An upgraded version of Powerslash. Base power is boosted to STR x 1.8. If the skill is blocked or parried, it now has a 5% chance to disarm the target. Skill now has a flat 50% chance to ignore Knockback immunity.**

 **Level 35: Blade Beam**

 **Shoot a crescent wave of energy from your sword. Dissipates after hitting an opponent or a sufficiently strong object. Has a base power of STR x 0.8.**

 **Level 40: Sword Flurry+**

 **An upgraded version of Sword Flurry. Base power is boosted to STR x 0.7 + AGI x 0.4. Bleed chance is boosted to 20% and can now be stacked on top of itself to multiply the effect if more than one stab inflicts Bleed.**

 **Level 45: Bullrush+**

 **An upgraded version of Bullrush. Lunge target now suffers forced Blowdown and STR x 1.5 + AGI x 0.5 of base damage. Enemies caught in the lunge now receive STR x 0.9 + AGI x 0.3 as base damage.**

 **Level 50: Cross-Strike**

 **A 5-Slash combo that inflicts Slowdown on a single enemy. All 5 slashes must connect for the skill to deal damage. Has a base power of STR x 2.0.**

 **Level 55: Blade Beam+**

 **An upgraded version of Blade Beam. After hitting an enemy, the wave will seek out and strike other opponents that are close by up to 5 times. If there are no enemies to chain to, the wave hits twice and deals extra damage on the 2nd hit. Has a base power of STR x 1.0. Single-target bonus hit has a base power of STR x 1.3.**

 **Level 65: Tempest Slash**

 **A localized tornado of attacks that sends you and your opponents flying upwards. Enemies caught in the attack radius will be damaged 3 times and have Blowdown inflicted on them. Each hit has a base power of STR x 0.4. Each hit fills the Personal Skill gauge by 1 point.**

 **Level 70: Cross-Strike+**

 **An upgraded version of Cross-Strike. Slash speed is greatly increased for easier landing of hits. Each Slash now has an individual Critical hit roll - if any one of the 5 slashes is a Critical, the entire attack will be a Critical hit. Base power boosted to STR x 3.0.**

 **Level 75: Dancing Blade**

 **A 4-Hit combo that features 3 different variations.**

 **Standard: Extra 20% Critical chance on each strike. Each strike has a base power of STR x 0.8.**

 **Upward: Final strike inflicts Launch. Each strike has a base power of STR x 0.6.**

 **Downward: Final strike hits 5 times and inflicts Topple. Each strike has a base power of STR x 0.5**

 **Level 85: Tempest Slash+**

 **An upgraded version of Tempest Slash. Base power boosted to STR x 0.5. Each hit now fills the Personal Skill gauge by 2 points.**

 **Level 95: Dancing Blade+**

 **An upgraded version of Dancing Blade.**

 **Standard: Extra Critical chance on each strike boosted to 50%. Base power boosted to STR x 1.0.**

 **Upward: Final strike now forces Launch. Base power boosted to STR x 0.8.**

 **Downward: Final strike now forces Topple. Third strike now inflicts Smash when used in the air. Base power boosted to STR x 0.7.**

 **Level 100: Astra**

 **Slow down time to a near-stop and deliver 5 devastating attacks with a bonus 40% Critical chance. Each strike has a base power of STR x 1.5.**

 **Level MAX (120): Meteorfall**

 **Rain destruction upon a foe with 15 earthshaking sword strikes that are guaranteed Critical hits. 4th hit inflicts Break. 8th hit inflicts Topple. 12th hit inflicts Launch. Final hit inflicts Smash. Each hit has a base power of STR x 1.4.**

Well, _damn._ That is some serious broke-ass shit right there. And it looks like I was right about the S-Rank thing.

...eh, actually, maybe they're not as broken as I think. From what I can tell, the only way they can be upgraded is by leveling up Sword Mastery, and even then the last 2 skills don't get upgrades. Probably 'cause they're already busted enough. Then there's the fact that at base, a lot of them are based off Strength multipliers, which can either work in my favor or really screw me over. It depends, really.

Wait… 'Topple'… 'Launch'… 'Knockback'… those are all Xenoblade status effects. That means something significant for sure. Tempest Blade, too - that's practically a copy-paste of Dunban's Soaring Tempest, especially the Talent Art thing. Man, the combo to Blossom Dance was so freaking overpowered during chain attacks...

 **Looks pretty barren right now (not counting the sword skills), but don't worry - you should know how fast this will fill up.**

Yep.

 **Since you don't know you have it yet, let's check your support log. Say or think "supports" to bring it up.**

That's new. _Supports._

 **Support log**

 **Affinity: Anima**

 **You have not met anyone that you can support with yet.**

As expected - empty.

 **Also barren, but then again, you haven't even seen another human yet.**

Uh-huh.

 **Now to check out your items. Say or think "inventory."**

 _Inventory._

 **Inventory**

 **Melee weapons**

 **Ranged weapons**

 **Headgear**

 **Armwear**

 **Bodywear**

 **Legwear**

 **Footwear**

 **Battle**

 **Materials**

 **Other**

 **As you can see, your inventory is divided into 10 main categories, each containing items pertaining to the name of the category. You won't need to worry about carrying too much, since your space is unlimited. Tapping one of the categories will expand it and allow you to see all the items inside it. Try doing this now to check your current gear.**

Okay. How about Bodywear?

 **Bodywear**

 **Melee Pride (Equipped)**

 **A T-shirt showcasing the four stages of the Ken Combo with an orange background.**

Oh, thank god. Good to know that's still there. What about Legwear?

 **Legwear**

 **Yankee Scotsman (Equipped)**

 **A pair of shorts with a plaid pattern, but with a blue, black and white color scheme.**

Okay, good, so at least my clothes made it out with me. Footwear?

 **Footwear**

 **Old Faithful (Equipped)**

 **A pair of black Dickies with the soles being painted with a white stripe.**

Nice, nice, nice. Good. All my clothes are with me. What a relief - I don't know what I'd do if I started naked…

 **Oh, there's something else you should know - due to the way Aura works, most of the gear that you and other aura users acquire will be purely cosmetic, aside from weapons and other such things. As you can probably tell, body armor doesn't really have a purpose if you already have a natural shield.**

"..."

...oh my god, it's Team Fortress 2 all over again.

…

All the other categories (except for Melee weapons, which has my new Bronze Sword) are empty. Which is expected, but somewhat disappointing nonetheless. I was half-expecting some mysterious item that was already in there.

 **Great! Now that that's out of the way, we can get down to the real meat and bones of the game - combat!**

Alright, yeah!

 **You will be taught the basics of battle by participating in one. Here, have a Beowolf.**

That's… unsettling.

Let's observe it.

 **Beowolf**

 **Level: 2**

 **HP: 500**

 **VIT: 50**

 **STR: 15**

 **INT: 0**

 **DEX: 8**

 **AGI: 9**

 **RES: 4**

 **LUK: 0**

 **CHR: 0**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **A Beowolf created simply for the purpose of teaching you how combat works. Will deal no damage if its attacks connect and doesn't have any skills. In short: free EXP.**

Hmm… higher strength and more HP, but less everything else. That should mean I have the advantage. But god damn, is that description depressing.

 **Walking into an enemy's line of sight or detection range will cause you to be targeted by that enemy. Raising your weapon against them or being attacked will initiate a battle.**

That feels familiar… I've seen that before. Wasn't it Xenoblade that did this? Yeah, it was.

 **You have been targeted by: x1 Beowolf (Level 2)**

 **ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

There's the Crisis Core-style battle intro.

"Bring it on."

 **Track Cue: Time to Fight (Xenoblade Chronicles)**

Nice. I always did enjoy this theme. Not as badass as the Unique Monster Battle theme, though.

 **Moving into weapon range and striking your enemy without using arts or skills will result in an auto-attack, and will count towards filling up your Personal Skill meter. Try using some auto-attacks now.**

So… the combat system is ripped straight from Xenoblade. Makes sense, considering the status effects I saw before.

Hang on, wait. How many other skills did my Sword Mastery thing have? Right, there was… Powerslash, Sword Flurry, Bullrush, Blade Beam, Cross-Strike, Tempest Slash, Dancing Blade, Astra, and Meteorfall. Not counting upgrades, that's… 9 skills.

Just enough to completely fill the classic Xenoblade palette of 8 different swappable Arts, if we count the ult-Skill as a Chain Attack substitute to make room for my Personal Skill being the Talent Art knock-off. Oh, that dev team, those magnificent bastards. But enough of that.

So I guess I just… run up to it and start hacking? Okay.

Hah!

 **-20 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 480/500**

Huh. So if I'm reading into this correctly, the damage I deal is calculated by adding my Strength stat to my weapon's Might stat, then adding any damage modifiers (Sword Mastery in this case,) and finally subtracting the enemy's Resistance stat.

If I do some quick math here… at this current rate of damage, I'll be able to kill the Beowolf in exactly… 24 more auto-attacks.

 **-0 HP**

 **Current HP: 100**

Ow! Hey, what the hell, bro?! You don't just claw someone when they're strategizing! I'll have you know that talking is, in fact, a free action in this universe! You're gonna pay for that!

 **-20 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 460/500**

 **That looked like it stung. You'll have to avoid that if you want to win this battle. Looks like it's time for a Piccolo-approved tutorial on how to DODGE!**

 **You'll notice that nearly all enemies slightly telegraph their attacks before they strike you. Take advantage of that and move in the right direction before they hit you to avoid damage!**

…that's so Punch-Out. This game is just one big mess of crossovers, isn't it?

In any case… there! It looks like he's going for an overhand swipe with his right claw, which means I should dodge… to the right?

 **MISS!**

Ha, success!

 **Good job! Now, as you'd expect, enemy attacks will become much more difficult to telegraph later in the game. Some of their tells are very hard to spot and may come a scant few milliseconds before their attack lands, so raising both your Dexterity and Agility will be key for attack dodging. In some rare cases, they may not even telegraph their attacks at all, and you will have to rely purely on reaction time or careful analysis of your opponent's fighting style to avoid or mitigate damage. That will come in due time, however. Keep fighting the Beowolf for now, and fill up that Personal Skill meter! And while you're at it, try out some of the skills granted to you by Sword Mastery!**

Alright, then.

 **-20 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 440/500**

Okay, left claw for a side-swipe, so… backstep?

 **MISS!**

All right, I think I'm getting the hang of it!

 **-20 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 420/500**

Heh. 420.

I think it's time I used a skill. How 'bout the iconic 'Power Strike' ability?

' _Powerslash.'_

"Seii-YAH!"

 **-30 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 390/500**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

 **Knockback**

 **Too much of this may cause a collision with the camera. Forcibly blows back the victim and cancels any attack they were preparing or using.**

Wow, that really _did_ hit him hard. I can't believe it - I just managed to make a Beowolf lose its footing and stagger backwards!

Oh, interesting. Looks like it's now on cool-down. How long's it take to recharge?

Whoop!

 **MISS!**

Huh, not long at all. What was that, like, 5 seconds? Niiice. I have a feeling that'll come in handy in the future for interrupting focused attacks.

Let's try another. Mmm… how about going in order and trying the multi-hit next?

' _Sword Flurry.'_

"Hnnn-YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!"

 **8 HITS**

 **-96 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 294/500**

Whoa-ho-ho! Look at those sexy numbers! That's an amazing skill!

Except that insane damage output probably means that it has a really long cool-down time.

And none of those hits triggered Bleed! What the hell, RNJesus?

Nyauh!

 **MISS!**

Yep, it does. I won't be using that again any time soon.

I might as well be calling this guy 'Glass Joe' on account of how easy it is to avoid his attacks.

Well, one left. I bet this one's great for taking down fleeing foes. Not to mention the name can be hilarious in the right context.

' _Bullrush.'_

"Yeaaah!"

Wheee!

 **-22 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 272/500**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

That definitely pushed him back.

Ooh, salty runback?

 **MISS!**

Yeah, no.

Well, that's all my current sword skills. I think I might as well fill up my Personal Skill and see how it does.

Wait, what's…?

 **Before we forget: Some skills allow you to pay a flat MP cost to negate the cooldown time and immediately use the skill again. Keep in mind that most high-level skills won't allow this, as you would most likely become powerful enough in time to render cooldown periods moot.**

 **While we're on the subject: MP also has a flat regen rate of 1% of your maximum capacity per second. Certain skills and special items can increase this.**

Oh, so _that's_ what that is. Looks like mana isn't completely muda after all!

Don't really think I need it, though. I'm pretty sure I've already got this in the bag.

 _ **A short time later...**_

Personal Skill meter's full! I'm _rrreally_ feeling it!

Here we go!

' _Heroic Continuity.'_

 **4 HITS**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-180 HP**

 **Beowolf HP: 0/500**

And THAT'S how to properly style all over a mook!

 **Beowolf (Level 2) Slain!**

 **+100 EXP**

 **+10 Lien**

 **LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 10 + 5**

 **STR: 10 + 5**

 **INT: 10 + 4**

 **DEX: 10 + 5**

 **AGI: 10 + 5**

 **RES: 5 + 3**

 **LUK: 5 + 2**

 **CHR: 10 + 2**

 **+5 Stat points**

 **Learned "Fireball!"**

 **Learned "Adept!"**

 **Level Up at: 200 EXP**

 **Track Cue: Victory! Cloud (Super Smash Bros. 4)**

 **YOU WON!**

 **Battle Rewards:**

 **x1 Beowolf Fur**

 **x1 Potion**

Niiiice. I'm liking what I'm seeing. From what I can tell, I get a set stat increase every time I level up. Whether or not the stat increase will be the exact same every time remains to be seen. And apparently I get skills on certain levels. I wonder what the fur is…

 **Beowolf Fur**

 **A strip of fur that's hard as leather. Potentially an amazing material for clothing because of its longevity and comfort, it is left unappreciated due to being incredibly hard to obtain owing to its nature to disintegrate along with its source.**

Hmm… interesting. As it stands, though, I currently don't have any way to make use of it. I'll just stick it in my inventory. What about the potion?

 **Potion**

 **A single-use item that restores 100 HP. If HP is full, restores 100 AP if user has unlocked Aura.**

Wow. That would have been a full heal a few seconds ago. But considering how fast I'm growing, this might become obsolete quickly. Or… actually, wait. If I can stock up on a shit-ton of these and then spam them all at once… hm. That idea may have potential. I'll keep that little tidbit on the backburner for now.

 **Bra-vo! Nicely done!**

Why, thank you!

 **Looks like you just completed your first quest! Take a look!**

 **Quest Complete!**

 **The Tutorial**

 **Rewards Recieved:**

 **50 EXP**

 **50 Lien**

 **ID Create**

 **ID Escape**

 **1 skill of your choosing**

 **Pick one:**

 **Wrath**

 **Resolve**

 **Vantage**

Ooohhh… that's a toughie. Although… can I get a description?

 **Wrath**

 **Boosts user's chance to perform a critical hit by the percentage of max HP they are currently missing.**

 **Resolve**

 **Multiplies user's DEX and AGI by 1.5 and STR by 1.25 when user is at or below half HP.**

 **Vantage**

 **If user initiates a battle, user's accuracy and evade is increased until the battle ends. User will also inflict the "Flinch" status effect on enemies within a 20-foot radius around the targeted enemy. Skill will not trigger if an enemy initiates battle.**

Hmm… well, it looks like it's a choice between Wrath and Resolve. Vantage seems nice, but looks very situational, and if I had to guess, I'd say that I'll probably manage to get it sometime later. And given its effect and the fact that Vantage's Japanese name is Ambush, I think I know exactly how to create it myself.

Still… I think Resolve might be the better choice here. Wrath relies on RNG for the majority of its activation, and if there's one thing I've learned from Fire Emblem, it's that you should always, and I mean ALWAYS, expect RNJesus to screw you over at every possible opportunity. Whether it be missing 80-90% chances to hit, or an enemy getting a 1% critical hit that kills a unit, it's always something. Sure, once I hit red-zone HP levels I'll be critting like no tomorrow, but by that point I might as well be already dead. I can take comfort in the fact that Resolve will always activate without fail.

 **Skill "Resolve" selected. Are you sure?**

 **Yes No**

 _Yes._

" **Resolve" added to skill list.**

Good, good.

 **Good choice! Now, we'd like to take a moment to explain something: you cannot gain stats by training them. Instead, training will grant you EXP, and will provide various amounts given the length and intensity of the training.**

That's… odd, but not unreasonable. I did just gain a total of 36 stat points from a single level, after all. Although, I suppose this means that my growth will taper off once I get to a high enough level.

 **Skills level up in much the same way - training them grants them EXP, and once they have enough, they will level up. In fact, why don't we take a look at the ones you got now?**

That seems like a good idea. _Skills._

 **Skills**

 **Gamer's Body**

 **Gamer's Mind**

 **Observe**

 **Sword Mastery - Level 20/100**

 **Fireball [Active] - Level 1/10**

 **Cost: 40 MP**

 **Throw a ball of pure thermal energy at your enemies. Has a base power of INT x 1.5. Has a 40% chance of causing the "Burn" status effect. Ignores 30% of target's RES.**

 **Adept [Passive] - Level 1/10**

 **Adds a 5% chance to all active skills that, when triggered, causes the skill used to be completely refreshed with no cooldown time and the skill to instantly be ready for a second use. Certain active skills have less of a chance for this skill to activate on them.**

 **ID Create [Active] - Level 1/20**

 **The quintessential skill that's every grinder's wet dream. Allows you to create a reality based upon your surroundings where nothing but you and select individuals determined by you exist. Said realities can also be tweaked to spawn monsters to slay, or the reality can remain unaltered for a duel with no interruptions, or a good place to talk without anyone else listening. Note that sometimes the reality created may be completely different from your surroundings.**

 **Current dungeons:**

 **Empty**

 **Beowolf Apocalypse**

 **ID Escape [Active] - Level 1/20**

 **Allows you to escape from an Instant Dungeon. EXP pool is shared with ID Create - they will always have the same amount of EXP and the same level.**

 **Resolve [Passive] - Level 1/5**

Nice, nice. Good shit.

 **Well, it looks like t-th-t-th-t-that's all, folks! For now at least. Further tutorials will be provided as new mechanics appear.**

Looney Tunes, check that off the list.

 **You have exited the "Tutorial" Instant Dungeon.**

Done, and done. Now… where do I go from here?

...why is there a blue exclamation point next to that road, and how did I not notice said road before?

Whatever. Prior experience tells me to approach the mark.

 **Mach Speed Stage 1**

 **Patch**

" **Emerald Hill"**

 **Best Time: - - : - -**

 **Best Rank: -**

...what the hell? First RWBY, then Fire Emblem, then Xenoblade, then Punch-Out, and now Sonic?

Three questions.

One: Who the fuck came up with all this?

Two: What were they smoking?

Three: Where can I get some?

Actually, disregard that last one, 'cause drugz r bad, mmkay? Forget about the second one, too - I don't think I even want to know.

In any case, if I'm reading into this correctly, this could be either Genesis-style, Adventure-style, or Modern-style. Leaning a bit more towards Modern though, given the name "Mach Speed" and how often it's associated with the boost.

 **View "Mach Speed Stage" tutorial?**

Yes, thank you.

 **In Mach Speed stages, your DEX and AGI are buffed to obscene heights, but your VIT plummets straight down to 1 while your RES is completely ignored. You will be given most of the Blue Blur's recent techniques, including the Spin Jump, Boost, Quick Step, Homing Attack, Wall Jump, Drift, and Light Speed Dash. Most enemies will go down in one hit, but be on the lookout for exceptions to this rule. The main objective of these stages is to get to the goal at the end of the stage in the shortest time possible, collecting as many rings and destroying as many enemies as you can along the way, and looking as cool as you can while doing it. Once a stage is completed, you may return to the starting point of it to replay it at any time for a shorter time or a better rank. The rank you get determines the amount of EXP gained for finishing a stage. For example:**

 **S rank: Automatic level up**

 **A rank: 75% to next level**

 **B rank: 50% to next level**

 **C rank: 25% to next level**

 **However, if you decide to retry the stage, you will only get EXP if you get a better rank than any previous attempt. Getting an S rank invalidates the stage from experience gain. But we know you'll eventually come back and do them again just for the thrill ride.**

Okay. I already know how to play a boost stage from past experience and watching others, and considering that this is the first one, it shouldn't be too hard. Let's do this!

 **Play stage?**

 **Yes No**

' _Yes.'_

 **Loading…**

I have come to eat chili dogs and go fast. And I'm all out of chili dogs...

 **Loading complete.**

 **STAGE 1**

 **Patch**

 **Emerald Hill**

 **Objective: Explore Patch, and find the town's central square!**

Wow, this game is just a massive mix of anachronism. Subtitles from Forces, combined with the Adventure 2 pre-stage screen - complete with an objective box.

Not important right now, though.

 **Track Cue: Windmill Isle - Day (Sonic Unleashed)**

 **Ready…**

Oh, we're going with that theme, huh? Well, to rub it in, I think I'll do some pre-stage stretching, complete with the start line.

"Here we…"

" **GO!"**

Start slow, accelerate up to max speed.

Ring trail - which means the beginning of the infinite boost!

"WOOOO!"

Semi-sharp turn coming up - time to draw upon my inner Takumi and Kansei Dorifuto this bitch! Go on the outside, wait for the right moment, and…

 _ **SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!**_

"rrrrrrrrrrRRRRRAAAAAH!"

Wow, nailed it on the first try!

180 degree turn in a few seconds, but the arrow tells me that the game wants me to go straight… into the forest, then!

Oh, hey, Beowolves! H-oooh, that's gotta sting. Oh-ho-ho, he's gonna be feeling _that_ one in the morning.

 **SLAM! +1000**

Kinda hilarious how it took me over half a minute to take down one of these guys a short while ago, and now I'm just blazing through them like so many flimsy Badniks. Because who doesn't love Boost-to-win?

 **GAAAAAASP**

 ** _BOUNCE PAD_**

DEOWRUNNNG!

Ohh, Homing Attack trail fodder in the form of Nevermores!

One down! Two down! Three down! Four down!

 **Radical! +4000**

Suddenly rail. Grind time!

Huh… I expected it to be harder to keep my balance on these things, but apparently the game helps me in that regard. Which probably explains how I'm not losing speed while grinding on a rail that angles up a lot. Sonic physics make no sense, nothing new there.

And now there's three rails… complete with orange and rainbow rings. And is it me, or are those Nevermores readying their flechette feathers?

Oh… it's just like those portions with the flying green laser beam robots.

Nothing I haven't handled before.

Jump… left, hit the boost ring! Woot!

Go right, wait for the knifestorm to end…

Go right again, dodge the flechette laser…

Left again.

They're going two at a time now.

Left…

Oh, shit! Right twice!

Mama miaaaaaaa-!

Whew! Made it!

CRAP, LEFT TWICE!

WAAAAACK!

Holy Jesus, that was close!

Oh. Is that a corkscrew leading to a loop? Hoo boy, brace yourself-!

WHOAAAAAAOH!

Woo, what a thrill ride! Looks like it's going back down to the forest floor, though.

Oh, boy! Quick-step section!

The trick to these is to follow the ring trails!

Is that a tree headed straight for me at who-knows-how-many-miles per hour?

NyaaaaaaRIGHT!

Left!

Left!

Right!

Short hop! (Fast fall! L-Cancel! Wait, this isn't Melee!)

Left!

Right!

Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Left right right left left right up up down down left right left right B A start!

 **Cheat Code denied!**

Little too close for comfort, but at least I'm out of the forest.

'Cheat Code denied?' Wait, did I unintentionally recite the Konami Code? Actually, no, that's not important right now.

Trick ramp at the edge of a cliff, coming up!

Hup!

3 trick positions…

One…

 **Good!**

Two…

 _ **Great!**_

Three!

 **AWESOME! +5000**

Take that, Chuggaa! I didn't just "press A" this time!

Upper route boyz!

Wuh-oh, multiple tight turns ahead! I know what that means!

ON-FOOT INERTIA DRIFT!

" _N… Nani?!"_

Start on outside, hug curve, end on outside, switch directions, rinse and repeat until turns stop!

Oh. I don't think I can jump up that cliff with strength alone…

But there is a hook on top of it, so that means an arena!

Oh… three Ursai. Joy.

Well, no problem! Just homing attack 'em all 'till they drop!

One-two-three hit combo! Four-five-six, seven-eight-nine hit combo!

 **9 HITS**

 **Tight! +9000**

Grab the hook-WHOA, geez! I like going fast, but that felt like my arm was going to get dislocated! Take it easy, will ya?

Mrrh.

BOOST SECTION!

"GOOOOO!"

WOO-HOO-HOO-HOOOOO!

Another upper pathway! Jump!

Woo!

QuickTime launcher! Jump… forward! Double K.O.!

 **OK! +1000**

Launch ramp to quicktime jump pad combo!

Jump… there!

 **Nice!**

And… there!

 **Good!**

Finally… back to the ground… stick the landing and keep running!

 **Great! +3000**

More boosting!

Hold up, was that the Xiao-Long residence I just buzzed? I wonder if anyone's home…

Wait, I can't think about that now! There's more Beowolves to boost through!

The way that they get knocked back when I blast into them is hilarious.

 **SLAM! +1000**

Oof… Summer's grave. Best not to dwell on that.

Another, this time on a cliff!

With Nevermores! And another rail at the end!

Too close for missiles! Switch to hedgehogs!

Double kill! TRIPLE KILL! _ULTRA KILL!_ **RAMPAGE!**

 **Jammin'! +5000**

I wonder if I should start calling myself the "Radical Train"... nah, that's a cheap joke.

I am riding on a rail though, so I guess that makes me a monorail?

Oh wait, there's another. And the one I'm riding ends pretty soon. So… jump right.

Rainbow ring coming up… jump! Yeah!

Grinding in a circle… good thing I'm not getting dizzy.

Yet another **_BOUNCE PAD!_**

BOOOOOST!

"HYEAH!"

That looks like the main road, up ahead!

If I follow this… yep! Patch Town, at 12 o'clock!

And there's the goal ring!

 **Track Cue: Results Screen (Sonic Forces)**

How did I do?

 **Time: 2:44**

 **Enemies: 38**

 **Rings: 246**

 **Bonus: 29,000**

 **Untouchable: 30,000**

 **Rank: S**

Beautiful!

 **S rank! +150 EXP**

 **Level up!**

 **VIT: 15 + 5**

 **STR: 15 + 5**

 **INT: 14 + 4**

 **DEX: 15 + 5**

 **AGI: 15 + 5**

 **RES: 8 + 3**

 **LUK: 7 + 2**

 **CHR: 12 + 2**

 **+5 Stat points**

 **Learned "Imbue!"**

 **Level Up at: 250 EXP**

 **Stage Rewards:**

" **Modern Classic"**

" **Silent Strong-Arm"**

Wow. Amazing! So not only do I get experience based on my rank, I also get items by just completing the stage!

Why didn't the tutorial tell me that?

Ah, worry about that later. I now have confirmation that my stat growths upon level up are fixed, and probably won't change.

What good shit did I get?

 **Imbue [Active] - Level 1/10**

 **Cost: 45 MP**

 **A simple healing spell that can be used on anything that can be healed. Restores INT x 2 points worth of HP/AP.**

So it's pretty much "Light Heal" or "Cure," but under a different moniker. 'A rose by any other name is just as sweet,' I suppose. What are the items I got?

 **Ranged Weapons**

 **Modern Classic (Summermeadow EMP-4)**

 **A 9mm self-defense handgun modeled after the fourth edition of Earth's Springfield Enhanced Micro-Pistol, with a 4-inch barrel and carrying 10 bullets per mag. Reliable and easy to maintain and practice with, having low recoil to boot. Practically the only downside is the relatively low potential for damage.**

 **Deals 40 damage per shot using standard dust ammunition.**

Woot! I have a ranged weapon now!

 **Headgear**

 **Silent Strong-Arm**

 **A pair of sunglasses favored by Rude, partner of Reno and prominent member of the Turks. Manufactured by the Shin-Ra Electric Power Company, these badass shades have been extensively modified with all sorts of gadgets fitting of the person who wears them the most.**

 **Wearer cannot be affected by the "Blind" status effect**

 **Bio and facial recognition allows wearer to mark individuals and track them via the minimap**

 **Comes equipped with a flashlight as well as a camera and microphone for recording**

 **Can switch to thermal and ultraviolet vision**

 **If this item is destroyed at any time, a duplicate will appear inside the wearer's most convenient pocket (preferably one inside the shirt). If there is no pocket, the wearer can simply reach behind their back, and a duplicate will appear.**

Whoaaa-ho-ho-ho! Did I just get a bona-fide pair of spy-shades? And they're modeled after Rude's too, so bonus points! I think I'll go ahead and equip those…

 **Ranged Weapon "Modern Classic" equipped**

 **Headgear "Silent Strong-Arm" equipped**

There we go!

 **Would you look at that - you finally got yourself a gun! You know what that means?**

Uh… I get to shoot shit?

 **Well, that too, but it also means I get to introduce you to one of the more unique mechanics of this game! I call it the "Bullet Points" system!**

"Bullet Points?"

 **Let me explain. You see, I decided to be nice and let you have unlimited standard ammo. I mean, you don't see any BLADEs paying for bullets in NLA, do you?**

Come to think of it, yeah. It's like all ammo is provided free of charge, and they just pull mags out of nowhere when reloading…

 **But then came the problem of elemental ammunition. You being the Gamer and all, I knew it wouldn't be long until you got your intelligence to the point where you could exploit the loophole in the system that would allow you to have infinite amounts of fire or ice or electrical or who-knows-what bullets. To prevent you from achieving that game-breaking bug, I came up with the idea of "Bullet Points" - a system where all standard ammunition is free, but elemental ammo has a price.**

Yeah, that's reasonable. And I totally would have done that. I do fancy myself as a cheating bastard - gotta counteract the even more bullshit-pulling computer somehow, right? And I have no shame in admitting that I have abused save-states to grind in the Arena in the earlier Fire Emblem games whenever I played on an emulator.

 **So here's how the system works: I already told you that standard ammunition costs nothing. See, when you reach certain level benchmarks, you unlock a new type of elemental ammunition. Here's a freebie: once you hit level 5, you'll unlock Fire ammunition, which costs one BP for every shot you fire. Oh, and before I forget: you cannot increase the BP meter simply by leveling up - you'll have to scour the world for materials to build an expansion mag for the meter, then build more for a bigger meter. Once you hit the higher levels, you'll unlock more ammo types, and you'll eventually get the real good stuff - but keep in mind that to use said real good stuff for prolonged periods of time, you'll have to get crackin' on those expansion mags. Also, another thing: certain ranged skills also cost BP to use, so keep an eye out for that. Oh, and remember this: just as there are HP and Aura restoring skills and items, so too are there BP restoring skills and items.**

Huh. What would an item like that be? Maybe just an ordinary rifle magazine? Meh, probably.

But I don't have time to dwell on that. I'm about to enter my first hub-type area!

 **Landmark Discovered**

 **Patch Town Main Street**

 **+50 EXP**

 **Track Cue: Clock Town, First Day (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D)**

Clock Town? Why that one? I mean, it's good, but I don't think the moon has any plans to come crashing down on the planet in 72 hours, being shattered and all. Speaking of which, what time is it, anyway?

Huh, only 8:05 in the morning. Bright and early. I suppose that's to be expected, given that I have to get up at 7 A.M. every weekday just to get myself ready to go to school.

What's the minimap say? And where's the tavern, or the inn, or whatever the place you go to get a drink and bed at's called? Oh, there it is.

Because apparently all the side quests come from taverns slash inns. Why? Hell if I know. I wasn't alive during the first half of the second millennium.

And while I'm at it, I might as well see if I can grab some alcohol and net myself a poison resistance skill. Gamer's Mind did say that it negates all status effects that attack the brain, and consuming too much alcohol at a time generally does result in a loss of brain cells (or so I've heard), so that should make logical sense. Although, that brings up the question of how Qrow does it…

Right, Qrow. He should be training up Ruby sometime between today and the next two years, right? Which probably means he'll be around Patch a lot.

Man, it'd be hilarious if I ran into him today in the tavern-

Wait. Shit.

Oooooh crap, I totally just tempted fate, didn't I?

Fuck. Uhhh, RNGoddess? Anna? If you're listening… could you please not screw me over this one time? Liek, pls?

Hold on a minute. That logo looks familiar…

'The Barrelhaven Tavern?'

Oh, don't tell me… who's the owner?

 **Lucien Dowes**

 **Shake, Rattle and Roll**

 **Marshall**

 **Level 87**

Called it. The guy's a dead ringer for Lucius. Oh man, it's been so long since I last read anything _Bone_ -related. White hair, wrinkles… plus the fact that his name doesn't resemble a color, so he's gotta be at least 80 years old. And yet he still looks like a freaking giant. How the hell did he get his arms that big, anyway? Aura?

I'm just gonna take these off…

 **Headgear "Silent Strong-Arm" unequipped.**

I mean, really, who wears sunglasses inside a building? Or at night, for that matter? It's just weird. Not to mention counter-productive.

Here's hoping that this tavern doesn't use a barter system.

Actually, never mind, they don't. Phew.

Wait a second, does this mean that Thorn and Gran'ma Ben live here, too?! Oh, hell, that's a can of worms I don't want to open… and that's not counting all of the villains that The Valley's held over its history.

Considering what happened to Phoney Bone the first time he entered this joint, I don't think it would be in my best interests to march straight to the counter and yell "BARTENDER! BRING ME A BEER!" I'd probably end up washing dishes. Then again, I might get a Skill for it… nah, that'd be way too situational. Actually, that reminds me, how much money do I have right now?

' _Status.'_

Now, where- ah, there it is.

 **Lien: 60**

Huh. Right - I got 10 from killing the Beowolf, and 50 from completing the tutorial. Considering the prices of everything here, from what I can tell, it's surprisingly similar to American dollar rates. Go figure, huh? Looks like living in California my entire life has paid off, in a weird sort of way.

Although, considering the rates in mainstream RPGs, this might as well be zero. I mean, the price of a single potion in FFVII is like 50-100 Gil, and they're literally only useful until you get a Restore materia. Which you get not even 10 minutes into the game. Although, to be fair, you can't actually equip and use it until later when you get the forced 'equipping materia for dummies' tutorial. Anyway, point is, from a game standpoint, I'm broke. And to fix that, I have to do stuff and kill shit. To do that, I have to find Remnant's equivalent to a bounty board. Question is, where the hell is it?

 **?**

"Hey there, kiddo. You looking for something?"

Oh, you have _got_ to be _fucking kidding me._

 **Qrow Branwen**

 **Dusty Old Crow**

 **Vanguard**

 **Level ?**

Why, Anna? Why must you treat my grand adventure as nothing more than a game for your own amusement? Why have you forsaken me? Why - wait, shit, the "game" excuse is now rendered invalid because my life is literally a video game, isn't it? I'll have to come up with a new complaint-

 **Qrow**

"Hello? Anyone in there?"

Ah, hell! Wing it!

"Not at this moment, no, unfortunately. You'll have to leave a message after the beep."

I can't believe I just said that.

 **Qrow**

"Oh. Well, I'm waiting. When's the beep?"

Um, okay, 'kay 'kay 'kay, ah, make a phone joke! No, wait, don't say phone, those don't exist here, umm… just don't mention a calling apparatus besides scroll, and you'll be fine!

"Hold on, someone just came in… yeah, looks like they're picking up. They'll be on the line in three, two, one, now. Hello."

How in the hell did I come up with all that on the spot? The self I know would only be able to pull that off after a spark of inspiration and several minutes of careful deliberation. Is this the work of my Charm stat?

 **Qrow**

"Hello, yourself. I've been trying to get you to answer for quite a few seconds. What gives?"

"Yeah, sorry. Got held up by a little something that caught my attention a little too much to just pull away from until it was taken care of. You know what I mean, right?"

 **Qrow**

"I hear that. So have you noticed that neither of us are holding scrolls? Or that we don't even know each other's names yet?"

"Ah, right, sorry. Zeiss Serven. Pleasure to make your acquaintance."

 **Qrow**

"Qrow Branwen. Nice to meet you too, kid. So would you mind answering my earlier question?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. You know a spot where I can take on odd jobs and the like for some quick cash or other rewards? I have a feeling it's in this building, I just don't know where."

 **Qrow**

"Well, if that's what you're looking for, sure. Request Bulletin's just over there. But, if you don't mind me asking, how'd you know where to check? You don't look like you're from around here. Tack on that you don't have a weapon, the fact that you seem pretty young, and… well, you can't blame an old crow for being curious, can you?

"Once you play enough RPGs, it becomes an ingrained habit to check the local tavern or inn of any new town for available side-quests. I figured there was at least some reason for that specific location to be chosen for request hubs, and apparently my "Truth in Television" hunch paid off. I will say that I didn't expect it to be true, though."

 **Qrow**

"Why didn't you just look it up?"

"Lived a bit of an isolated life. Never really had CCT access, but I did manage to snag some archaic consoles and games with a bit of subtle manipulation-"

 **Qrow**

"You begged, didn't you?"

"I prefer the term 'persuaded,' but moving on - I grabbed mostly strategy and role-playing, with some platformers and shooters for good measure, and went nuts. When you go through the motions, you eventually realize that there are certain trends that every game within a genre will follow to some extent. What we've been talking about was one of the more obvious ones."

 **Qrow**

"You're talking about this in past-tense. What happened?"

"I'll give you a clue: red, white, and black all over. Three guesses, and the first two don't count."

 **Qrow**

"Right, gotcha. You don't seem very bothered by it."

"Eh, I've never really been good at the whole 'emotions' thing. Always prided myself on being a man of logic and reason - heh, if I didn't have plans to waste the rest of my life away in front of a screen, I might've moved to Atlas to become a scientist. Made the pain of losing everyone and everything much easier to deal with, if you get what I'm saying. I just grabbed an armory-stock sword and some lien during the attack, and ran. Made it to Vale, decided I could use a bit of extra peace and quiet, grabbed a ticket to a ferry, and here we are."

 **Qrow**

"Sword and some lien? What happened to the sword?"

"Now, if you wanted to know that, we'd have to go someplace without prying eyes. And unless you want to get us a room - no thank you, by the way, I have literally no interest in a significant other, not to mention that even if I did, I fancy myself straight as a high-powered sniper's 50 yard bullet trajectory - or you want to go out into the dangerous woods - where I'd probably die, not easily mind you, but still, I dislike taking unnecessary risks - then I'd say you're shot on finding somewhere to talk privately. That's just my opinion, though, and I've only been here for a day or two. I'd advise you not to take my word on it, given that you likely know this happy little village far better than I do."

 **Qrow**

"Sheesh… wordy, aren't you? But to answer your unspoken question, I do know a couple of private safe spots that we can talk in."

"Take that out of context and see what happens."

 **Qrow**

"Okay, now that's just not right."

"Yes, yes, I'm a horrible person, told myself so a million times before."

 **Qrow**

"Wow. Self-esteem issues, much?"

"Oh, shut up, you. Let's just get moving."

 **Qrow**

"Whatever you say. Here, come with me."

 **Quest Alert!**

 **A Little Bird Told Me**

 **Via a strange twist of fate, you've introduced yourself to Drunkle Qrow and garnered his interest. Tell him about yourself while making sure that you don't say anything that will invite him to kill you!**

 **Objectives:**

 **-Inform Qrow about your abilities**

 **-Survive the undercover interrogation**

 **Rewards:**

 **+100 EXP**

 **+100 Lien**

 **+5 Bonus CHR**

 **+5 Bonus LUK**

 **+"Silver-Tongued" Skill**

 **+Raise Qrow's Support level to E**

 **Accept Deny**

I don't really have a choice, do I, game? Refusing him now probably wouldn't put him in a good mood, not to mention it would be flat-out weird considering what I've said so far. Besides, I get bonus stats from it, and given what I know of Qrow, it'd take a lot to push him over the edge. I'd say there's a pretty low chance of me walking away from here carrying my severed head under my shoulder. So what the hell? ' _Accept.'_

"Lead the way, then."

I wonder where he's taking me.

* * *

 **A/N: Are you confused by the writing style yet? Don't worry, you won't have to wait too long for that to change. My thought process back when I first decided to write this dumpster fire was "if I tell it entirely via the main character's thoughts, it'll stand out."**

 **Yeah, the idea sounds good on paper, but in practice, it's much more suited for a one-shot than a multichapter. Descriptions get wonky, and integrating certain details makes the thoughts less and less organic.** **Fun stuff, isn't it?**

 **By the way, if you've heard of Sonic Boom, you should know why all instances of _BOUNCE PAD_ are typed the way they are.**

 **Anyway, bye.**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	3. Til School Comes Along Just to End It

Oh, he just took me to the cabin.

 **Secret Area Discovered!**

 **Raven's Favorite Place**

 **+200 EXP**

 **Level Up!**

 **VIT: 20 + 5**

 **STR: 20 + 5**

 **INT: 18 + 4**

 **DEX: 20 + 5**

 **AGI: 20 + 5**

 **RES: 11 + 3**

 **LUK: 9 + 2**

 **CHR: 14 + 2**

 **+5 Stat points**

 **Learned "Twirl Slash"**

 **Level Up at: 350 EXP**

Lemme check that for a sec. _Skills._

 **Twirl Slash [Active] - Level 1/10**

 **Turn 360 degrees and strike an opponent using the momentum gained. Has a base power of STR x 1.4. Inflicts the "Break" status effect.**

There's "Turn Strike," then. The Talent Art that everyone forgets the existence of because of the Monado.

 **Qrow**

"Well, here we are. Doesn't look like much, I know, but this is one of the most private spots on the island. You could probably scream as loud as you could, and nobody'd hear you. Or at least nobody besides me and the nearby Grimm."

Y'know, without it being like night, this spot doesn't look as haunted. Not to mention the lack of Beowolves does wonders for its 'not-terrifying' feel.

Well, that's strange… normally, from an abandoned cabin, you would expect there to be at least 2 to 3 layers of dust coating everything. This one, however, looks well-kept. Sure, there's the odd spot of filth here and there, but it otherwise appears to be lived in. Someone's been pulling clean-up duty here. Question is - who? Is it Tai? Is it Qrow? Is it Raven herself? _The world may never know…_

Actually, wait. Why didn't I just create an empty I.D.? I can probably still do that now, actually. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll just grab him and - not give a pained scream because I'm not Piccolo, and won't get blasted before I finish that sentence.

"Well, this seems like a nice little spot. But I will say I'm not entirely convinced, so… mind if I reassure myself?"

 **Qrow**

"What exactly do you mean by 'reassuring' yourself?"

"This."

' _ID Create: Empty.'_

Whoa.

That's… um… wow.

That's actually kind of _really fucking terrifying_.

 **Qrow**

"Mind telling me what you just did, kid?"

"Oh, nothing much. I just created a pocket dimension where nothing exists except for you, me, and za warudo. No biggie. By the way, we can't leave here without my say-so, so prematurely killing me will just result in you never getting to see your loved ones again, if you have any. If you have misgivings, then you'll have to wait until after the interrogation, and then you can kill me once I take us out of here. Be warned, though - if you do that, a lot of people will die. Now let's get on with it, shall we?"

Ooh, recliner! Taking this!

 **Qrow**

"Ah, man, I wanted that spot."

"First come first served, bro. Besides, you get the couch. What's not to like about the couch?"

 **Qrow**

"Fair enough, I guess."

"So… I guess this is as good of a point to start as any."

 **Qrow**

"What point?"

' _Inventory.'_

 **Qrow**

"...oh. The sword you took."

"Yep. What I'm about to do may cause intense amounts of jealousy and envy."

' _Invite Qrow to the party.'_

 **Qrow**

"...well. That certainly explains your actions a lot better. You went to the tavern because you wanted to find side-quests to grind on."

"Just accept the invite, and we'll go from there. If you want, I'll vote-kick you off once we're done."

 **Qrow**

"Nah. Why would anyone pass up a chance like this? I mean, come on, this is like a golden opportunity to become one of the most broken people in the world."

 **Qrow Branwen has joined the party.**

"Yeah, about that… at this point, it'd probably take forever for you to level up even once. There's a bit of a double whammy, too - since you only joined my party just now, you've been living without stat points in favor of increased growth rates. So… sorry, but no instant overpoweredness for you."

 **Qrow**

"Oh, of course it wouldn't be that easy. Why would it?"

"Because whoever the system admin is, they love to screw with me. Maybe this is to make me feel better by letting me know that they love to screw with everyone else."

 _Observe._

 **Qrow Branwen**

 **Title: Dusty Old Crow**

 **Class: Vanguard**

 **Level: 115**

 **EXP: 673,000**

 **Level Up at: 2,800,000**

 **HP: 523**

 **AP: 15,280**

 **VIT: 764**

 **STR: 765**

 **INT: 523**

 **DEX: 764**

 **AGI: 765**

 **RES: 510**

 **LUK: 114**

 **CHR: 476**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **The brother of Raven Branwen, and one of the more prominent members of Ozpin's inner circle. Prefers information gathering and subterfuge, but will not hesitate to resort to force to solve problems if they require it. Fiercely guards his friends and family, but not to the point of being overprotective. Can often be found drinking at a bar both on and off the job. The fun-loving uncle of Yang and Ruby. Teaches part-time at Signal Academy.**

 **Notable Skills**

 **Semblance (Bad Luck Charm) [Active] [** _ **On**_ **/Off] [Stage MAX]**

 **Passively lowers the LUK stat of anybody within a 50-foot radius of the user. Causes random misfortunes for anybody within the radius, such as missing attacks, failing to activate skills, or receiving critical hits instead of normal attacks. Effect can be deactivated via soft commands, or checking the skills menu and tapping the desired effect.**

 **Formshift (Crow) [Active] [Stage 1]**

 **Allows the user to change their body into that of a crow. The full potential of this ability is yet to be unleashed.**

 **(Requires a certain event to advance stage.)**

 **Remnant Physiology [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Swaps HP and AP values. Multiplies AP by 2 and reduces HP by 90%.**

 **Sword Mastery [Passive] - Level 80/120**

 **Scythe Mastery [Passive] - Level MAX (120)**

 **Allows the user to wield scythes of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases damage the user deals with scythes by 1%. Scythe Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

 **Shotgun Mastery [Passive] - Level 100/120**

 **Allows the user to wield shotguns of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases accuracy for slug-type rounds, spread for buckshot-type rounds, and reload speed by 1%. Shotgun Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

'Remnant Physiology'... that explains quite a bit. What a clever girl you are, Gaia.

'Formshift'… oh, hell, is he gonna become Naesala 2.0 if he fully upgrades that?! I'd hope so. He sure as hell wasn't the most powerful Laguz Royal, but he could certainly come through when it counted.

Still not as amazing as Tibarn or Caineghis, though.

"Anyway, yeah. And you know what the weird thing is? This isn't even my actual semblance."

 **Qrow**

"Well, now that's just plain bullshit."

"I know, right? As if there was any need to make me even more game-breaking than I already am. And this isn't even counting the various other things I have at my disposal. Like you can probably guess because of the sword, I have my own inventory, and I can learn and upgrade skills. Oh, and I simply must say that your stats, at least from my standpoint, are _bad-ass_. Seriously, the lowest thing you have is your luck, and that's still over 100. Speaking of luck, by the way, think 'skills' and check out your semblance. What you find may surprise you."

 **Qrow**

"..."

No mistaking that smile. Damn, he looks like he's won the lottery.

 **Qrow**

"You know, if I wasn't the man I was, I'd kiss you."

"For the love of whatever gods are out there, _please_ don't. I'd like to avoid putting soap in my mouth as best as possible."

 **Qrow**

"I was kidding."

"Yes, I know, and I don't care. What I _can_ do, however, is a bro-hug."

 **Qrow**

"No thanks. That'd just look weird."

"Nobody else is around to judge."

 **Qrow**

"Still no."

"Aww."

Ruin my fun, why don't ya. I guess now would be a good time to tell him this.

"Hey, Qrow. There's something I plan to do sometime in the next two years."

 **Qrow**

"Oh, yeah? What?"

"Under the cover of darkness, I'm going to sneak into your sisters' bandit camp, slaughter everyone except her, and burn it to the ground. After that, I'm going to drag her back to this island, kicking and screaming if I have to."

 **Qrow**

"... _What._ "

"That reminds me: you're eventually gonna have to tell ol' Tai to expect a trussed-up Raven on his doorstep in the near future. Don't worry - I'll try my best to not do any lasting damage to her, well, except her pride, but that's besides the point. She won't be missing any limbs or anything like that. Her morals may be skewed and her outlook on the world isn't to my liking, but she's not a bad person at heart - she's just misguided. Of course, that probably won't stop Yang from decking her in the schnoz, but I digress."

 **Qrow**

"..."

Um…

"Uh, Remnant to Qrow? Did I accidentally break you?"

 **Qrow**

"No, you didn't. But now I have a hell of a lot more questions."

"Yeah, I figured. And while I'd love to tell you the truth, the fact remains that the truth itself is so far off the deep end that you'd think I was lying."

 **Qrow**

"Oh, yeah? I'll have you know that I've seen some pretty crazy shit in my time. Whatever the truth is probably pales in comparison to one of my experiences."

"Try this on for size, then. I'm actually a person from an entirely different world who was pulled into this one by a troll of a deity, and I woke up only earlier today. I haven't even spent a full day here."

 **Qrow**

"Say I believe you for a second - that doesn't explain the cover story you gave me. How exactly would you know about the Grimm or the CCTS if you'd only been here for a few hours?"

"Well, here's where it gets really insane: this world is actually the setting of an animated series back where I come from. Two of the main characters happen to be your nieces and you yourself are a supporting character - although if I remember correctly, you don't make an in-person appearance until the third season. Pretty much everyone who watches it thinks you're hilarious, by the way. Oh, quick note: said series will also kick off two years from now. You might want to double Ruby's regimen and convince Tai to do the same to Yang. Tell them it's for their own good if they complain."

 **Qrow**

"Oh, please - if anything, that's giving them what they want. I swear, some days I don't know whether or not they'll suffer some lethal disease due to exhaustion or just have a straight-up heart attack from what they put themselves through."

"You know, I expected your reaction to be a bit more excitable."

 **Qrow**

"Kid, at this point I've learned not to question it and just roll with the punches. If you know anything about me, you should know that shit like this might as well be my bread and butter."

"Amen to that. Speaking of knowing things about you, mind lending me your flask? I wanna see if I can nab an early poison resist skill. And before you say anything about underaged drinking, I have a skill that completely negates all mental damage because it makes me treat the world as if I'm behind a screen, so it's no skin off my back."

 **Qrow**

"Okay - seriously? Levels and stats, I can understand. Quests, I can tolerate. But _this?_ Buddy, do you even realize the sheer scale of bullshittery you can get away with by using this power? Oh, and here."

"Thanks. And no, I don't think I do, but what are friends for, right? One sec."

Holy shit, it's like Dr. Pepper on steroids! I think my throat's on fire!

"Dear - **huck** \- god, man! What the hell is _in_ this thing?"

 **Qrow**

"I'd… rather not say."

"I suddenly regret doing this."

 **Permanent debuff "Brain Damage" negated by Gamer's Mind**

 **Status effect "Influenced" inflicted**

 **Time until natural cure: 00:59:54**

 **Influenced**

 **Go home, dude, you're drunk. Lowers INT, AGI, DEX, and CHR, but boosts STR (however, the total HP/AP of the victim will not be lowered). Note that a high VIT stat combined with a high Poison Resistance level can negate and even reverse the debuffs.**

 **Skill "Poison Resist" created!**

 **Thought impairments removed by Gamer's Mind.**

 **Qrow**

"See, that's what happens when a normal minor drinks stuff like this."

"Well then, I guess I should count my blessings and remind myself that I'm not a fucking normie. Reeeeeee."

 **Qrow**

"That fact that you're still conscious, never mind that you're able to talk without slurring shouldn't totally stupefy me because of your broken skill, but it does. You can't just do that kind of shit and walk away unscathed."

"Dude, have you checked my status? I got hit with a debuff that lowers four of my stats and slightly buffs one in return."

 **[Poison Resist]'s level has increased by 1.**

 **Qrow**

"So then why aren't you acting dumber 'cause of the intelligence debuff?"

"You don't seem to understand - Gamer's Mind makes everything that tries to attack my brain it's bitch. Well, everything that impairs my mental capacity, and not something like, say, a bullet or a sword, or if we really wanted to get insane, a sniper-scythe. Which reminds me, has Ruby started designing and/or constructing Crescent Rose yet? I wanna see that bad boy in action with my own eyes."

 **Qrow**

"Let me think… well, the last time I saw her, I think she mentioned that she was brainstorming ideas on what to stuff inside the monster. And if you're wondering, the last time I saw her was pretty recently."

"Ah, okay. Once we get properly introduced, I'll see if me and her can get together and bounce ideas. Once I get my blueprinting and weapon designing skills up to a sufficient level, of course."

 **Qrow**

"Something tells me I should be expecting equipment that's the stuff of legends in the not-so-distant future."

"I wouldn't be surprised. I do consider myself a bit of a grinder. Which can be a good thing and a bad thing."

 **[Poison Resist]'s level has increased by 1.**

 **Qrow**

"Why a bad thing?"

"Being over-prepared and forming contingency plans usually takes up quite a bit of time, which can be less than favorable if you have a deadline."

 **Qrow**

"Right. Any other mind-shattering details?"

"Hang on, let me try something."

…

 **[All] Zeiss: Testing, one, two, three, testing.**

 **Qrow**

"Welp, there goes any reason of you actually needing a scroll."

"To be fair, the chat doesn't exactly pop up for people outside the party… but wait."

 _Gaia?_

 **Yes?**

 _Would it be possible to use the chat function to send messages to scrolls of people who are not in the party under a username?_

 **...well, shit. Turns out you actually can do that. Works the same way, too. Although it goes without saying that this will not work on people without scrolls.**

 _That's bullshit._

 **Yes it is. Now suck it up and admit that you're going to be a Gary Stu.**

 _That's kinda the end result of any Gamer story. The only problem is getting strong fast enough to undo all the bad things. Just because I can become a god given enough time doesn't mean I'll be able to speedrun the power-leveling segment fast enough to fix everything._

 **[Poison Resist]'s level has increased by 1.**

 **You have two full years to train yourself up. Most RPGs tend to take an average of about a week and a half of somewhat dedicated playtime to complete. You also have access to an unlimited supply of EXP, money, and items via the IDs. You see where this is going?**

 _...shit, you're right. Then again, I did set that myself, which means I only have myself to blame for becoming a game-breaker. Which also means that whatever conflict is coming up can be resolved easily by simply applying a small dose of me. ...saying that shouldn't be a bad thing, but it feels like it is. This whole thing feels more and more like a badly-written wish fulfillment story every moment._

 **Um, hello? Sucked into a new world by force, given a power that can potentially trump literally everything else in existence, and given a shit-ton of prep time to stop everything that goes wrong in said new world? What part of that doesn't scream 'wish fulfillment?'**

 _ **HOLD IT!**_ _Wait just a god damn minute. Are you trying to say that I'm actually the protagonist of a wish-fulfillment story being written right now by someone else? Is that it?_

 **...can I not answer that question? I'd like to keep Gamer's Mind from crashing because some idiot decided to overload it with too much Mind Screw, thank you very much.**

 _That all but confirms it. But given your answer, I think it might be best for me to shut up now._

 **Yes. Yes it would. By the way, you're spacing out in Qrow's point of view.**

Oh. Right.

"Ah, sorry. Got caught up in my head for a second there. Anyway, I think that might be it. Anything you want to say? Cause I don't know about you, but the lack of ambient noise is starting to grate on my nerves, y'know?"

 **Qrow**

"I think I'm good. My head can only take exploding a certain number of times before it stops growing back in one day."

"Great."

' _ID Escape.'_

Much better.

 **Quest Complete!**

 **A Little Bird Told Me**

 **Rewards Received:**

 **100 EXP**

 **100 Lien**

 **5 LUK**

 **5 CHR**

 **Learned "Silver-Tongued!"**

 **Qrow's Support Level has increased to Rank E.**

Checking that…

 **Silver-Tongued [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **You are well-versed in the art of negotiations, and are adept at turning agreements to your benefit.**

 **Grants +10 CHR when negotiating.**

So it's not really a skill, but more like a perk. I can accept that.

"Anyway, I'd ask you to sho me de wey to your nieces' pad, but that'd be ultimately unneeded due to the fact that it was marked on my minimap after I buzzed it when I was going fast earlier."

 **Qrow**

"Going fast?"

"Super Sonic style. The one true way to go fast."

 **Qrow**

"...I don't need to know, so I won't ask."

"Good call."

 **Qrow**

"Although, I think I'll escort you there. I don't have any missions lined up at the moment, so I'm pretty much stuck doing nothing until ol' Ozpin calls me in again. At least you'll make it less boring."

"Nice to know that I'm already so appreciated. Yep. Really feeling the love here."

 **Qrow**

"Stuff it and get moving."

"Yessir."

 **[Poison Resist]'s level has increased by 1.**

…

Here we are again.

 **Landmark Discovered**

 **Xiao-Log Cabin**

 **+50 EXP**

Aaaaaaand there's the obligatory 'GOD DAMN IT, BARB!'

Well, ain't this a right nice spot? A lil' log cabin smack in the middle of a clearing. Real homey vibe.

Donk-donk-dadonk-donk, donk donk!

Good knock.

 _ **WHUMP!**_

Oh.

No mistaking that blur of red. Apparently, riding hood likes to greet her uncle with a glomp hug right out the gate.

 **Ruby Rose**

 **Little Red Reaping Hood**

 **Celerian**

 **Level 10**

 **Ruby**

"Uncle Qroooow! You're back! Ohhh, I missed you so much!"

 **Qrow**

"Ruby, I've only been gone a day."

 **Ruby**

"A day too long!"

For some reason, I find this funny. Aaaand now I'm doing a poor job of covering up my snickers. Aaaand now they've noticed me.

Smooth, bro. Real smooth.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I think this is funny, but it just is! I mean, she just, like, glomped you the second she found out who you were, and now she's just latched onto your torso, and it's just-... it's f ***BEEP*** ing hilarious!"

This shit is gold.

 **?**

"Did somebody say 'Uncle Qrow?'"

 **Yang Xiao-Long**

 **Little Sun Dragon**

 **Journeyman**

 **Level 14**

Ohai, Yang.

 **Yang**

"Oh hey, dude! I thought you wouldn't be back for a while! What's the occasion?"

 **Qrow**

"The jerk over there, laughing at us."

" _I have no idea why I'm laughing, but I am!"_

Okay, okay, she dislodged herself. You don't need to laugh anymore. Calm down, man.

"Whoo… heh, sorry. Couldn't help myself."

 **Ruby**

"Who's this, Uncle Qrow?"

" _A-he-he-he-hem._ Hello there! My name is Zeiss Serven! 'Tis a pleasure to make your acquaintance!"

 **Yang**

"Yeah, nice to meet you too. I'm Yang. Yang Xiao-Long. But you can just call me Yang."

Hoo boy, that's a strong grip!

 **Ruby**

"Hi! My name's Ruby! Ruby Rose! It's really nice to meet you!"

Whoa-ho! Slow down, there! My shoulder socket can only take so much!

 **Qrow**

"So where's Tai?"

 **Yang**

"Oh, you know, Zwei and errands. We have the house to ourselves until he comes back. By my reckoning, he won't be home for another hour or so. Not counting Zwei, of course. You know how the little pupper is."

 **Qrow**

"Okay… I think that may make what's about to happen easier for everybody."

 **Ruby**

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We'll tell you once we're all inside. Something tells me you'll want to sit down for what's coming next."

 **Yang**

"Wow, like that _tooootally_ didn't sound suspicious. Nope. Not at all."

"Of course it didn't."

Hmmm… which room to pick…

"I'm having a little trouble here. Do you think we should do this in the living room, or the dining room?"

 **Yang**

"Living room, no contest. Having cushioned seats is always better."

 **Ruby**

"Seconded!"

"Living room it is, then."

I think I'll nab the couch this time. Or at least part of it. It is pretty big.

"But actually, before we begin, I'd like to have a bit of an icebreaker session with you two. That being said… why don't you tell me a little about yourselves?"

 **Ruby**

"Well… I'm thirteen years old, and I'll be going to Signal Academy in a few weeks to learn how to be a huntress! See, Yang's going to start her third year there along with me, 'cause she's fifteen, so that'll be nice!"

"An adorable little girl like you, training to slay the creatures of darkness… heh, that'll be the day. You got a weapon?"

 **Ruby**

"Not yet, no, but I'm in the design phase right now. I plan to make the coolest, most awesomest weapon there is!"

"Heh, nice. I'll be looking forward to that. How 'bout you, Yang?"

 **Yang**

"Well, like sis already said, I'm fifteen, so I'll be starting my third year at Signal pretty soon."

"You too, eh? Must run in the family then, if your uncle is anything to go by."

 **Yang**

"Hah, yeah, pretty much!"

"So what are you packing? If my eyes don't fail me, I think I see a few shotgun shells scattered around your outfit, so I'm guessing something close-range?"

 **Yang**

"Good guess. Yep, Ember Celica here was specially designed to smack around both Grimm and jerks who don't know when to quit."

"Yeesh. I'd hate to be on the business end of a hook from one of those gauntlets. Although, given your looks, I'd say that you've had more experience with group two than group one."

 **Yang**

"Uggggh, don't remind me. Seriously, they never learn. I think I once nearly knocked out the same guy three times in one day. Freakin' idiot just wouldn't take a hint."

"Did he ever get the serial number of the Bullhead that hit him?"

 **Yang**

"Now that you mention it, I don't think he did. But, I'm sure it's for the best - if he did, there's no telling whether or not he'd still be chasing after me."

"You catch his name?"

 **Ruby**

"I think I may have seen him. He was down in the dumps, so I psyched myself up, and walked over to ask him what was wrong. If I remember right, he spilled the beans and told me that his name was Brock, and what happened."

Well, that explains a lot. I wonder if he'll eventually meet someone with a 24/7 Poison Jab at the ready in case he gets a little too excited. Heh, Diamond & Pearl references, lol.

 **Yang**

"Wow, would you look at that! My little sister's breaking out of her shell!"

Heh. Wish I could noogie my old lil' bro like that with impunity.

 **Ruby**

"Yaaaaaaang! Stoooooop! Noooooo!"

Hold it. This is a golden opportunity.

"Wait. Tell me - did this happen during spring?"

 **Ruby**

"Uh… yeah, actually. Why?"

"Well, then… I guess you could say you were _blooming_ _from your rosebud_ , then."

 **Yang**

"..."

 **Ruby**

"..."

 **Qrow**

"..."

 **Yang**

" **-snerk-** "

 **Ruby**

"..."

 **Yang**

"Pff-ff-fff!"

 **Qrow**

"..."

 **Yang**

"PfffAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, man, that was GOLD! Up high!"

 _ **SLAP!**_

BOOYAH! Wait, no - WOOMY! No, that's not right - NGYES! There we go!

 **Ruby**

" _NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ They're multiplying! _Why?!_ Why must I be tortured like thiii-hi-hiiiis? I already have enough on my plate dealing with one terrible joker, but two of them?! I'll never be able to keep uuuup~!"

"Aww, c'mon, Ruby! You don't even know _Xiao-Long_ I'll be staying!"

 **Yang**

"HOLY SMOKES, YES! YEEEES! VICTORY! MWAAAA HA HA HA HAAAAA!"

 **Ruby**

"AAAAAAAGH, THE PAAAAIN! UNCLE QROW, HELP ME! I'M DYING OVER HERE!"

 **Yang**

"Of laughter, you mean!"

 **Qrow**

"Sorry, kiddo, but you're on your own. I don't think I want to get involved here."

"Oh-ho-ho, whassamatta, Qrow? Afraid we'll _Whiskey_ away to Pun City?"

 **Qrow**

"I am _so_ not drunk enough for this. (The hell's my flask…?)"

"Looking for this?"

 **Qrow**

"Now when did-oh, right. Never mind, just give it here."

 **Yang**

"Not until you admit that these are the most hilarious puns you've ever heard!"

Ohh, he's struggling. Is he gonna do it?

 **Qrow**

"...fine, I guess they were pretty good."

He did it.

"Hey, hear that? That's the sound of the last of Qrow's dignity and male pride evaporating."

 **Qrow**

"Whoa, there. Your ears must be hearing things, because I had to actually have those in the first place in order to lose them. Can I have my flask back now?"

"Sure, whatever. Here."

 **Qrow**

"Thank you."

 **Ruby**

"AAAAH! NO ALCOHOL IN THE HOUUUSE!"

 **Qrow**

"Whoa!"

 _ **SLAM!**_

Holy shit, she totally just sacked him!

 _ **SMASH!**_

Did that tiny flask just fly right out the _window?!_

"Okay, so is anyone going to comment on how improbable that was? That must've been like a one-in-a-thousand chance or something."

 **Yang**

"Never tell her the odds, I guess."

If I didn't know better, I'd swear the Heart of Gold was parked outside Remnant's orbit. But there's no way that's possible, right? I only read the first book, but I get the distinct impression that her crew's voyage never contained any time-skips or anything that would let them lounge around on a backwater rock like this...

 _ **High above the surface of the planet, enough that breathable air could not exist, but not so far as to escape the world's gravitational pull...**_

Arthur Dent sneezed.

Ford Prefect looked up from editing his essential guidebook for hitchhikers all across the galaxy to inquire on his friend's well-being. "Are you alright, Arthur?"

Arthur shook his head. "Yes, I'm fine. I don't feel like I'm coming down with anything. That sneeze came out of nowhere."

Ford put his hand up to his chin in thought. "That must mean someone is talking about you, then. It's the only explanation for a sneeze to be that sudden if you're not sick."

The Brit sighed at the absolute absurdity of such a thing. He knew he was nowhere near infamous enough to warrant being talked about like that. However, after experiencing the recent strange and frankly ludicrous turns his life had taken, Arthur could not find it within himself to argue with the alien.

Instead, he simply responded "if you say so." Soon after, the room sank back into silence.

 _ **At the Xiao-Log Cabin...**_

What the flying fuck is Qrow doing?

 **Qrow**

"She's dead… my flask is dead…"

Holy fucking shit, is he _crying?!_

 **Qrow**

"I shall be forever haunted by this day… the day my faithful companion left the mortal coil…"

 **Ruby**

"No regrets! She was an evil being who did evil things! She deserved it!"

 **Yang**

"Uhhhh… Uncle Qrow?"

 **Qrow**

"Leave me… let me grieve in peace…"

 **Yang**

"Well, okay… if that's what you want…"

Why is he going outside?

Meh, not important. We got way off task, though. I gotta turn this conversation back. Time to crank my bullshitting skills up to eleven...

"All right, all right, that's enough of that. Anyway, I think it's my turn to give my life story. See, at the moment I'm kind of on my own. I used to live in a slightly technologically-challenged place. CCTS access was limited and a bit of a valued commodity, and scrolls were in short supply, so they were all shunted off to the rich and wealthy. That left common folk like me to scrounge around at stores chock-full of outdated tech for anything entertainment-worthy."

Wow. I'm actually kinda impressing myself. Never underestimate a proficient Bard, I guess.

"Said tech included all manner of old game consoles - stuff from back before you could simply use your scroll as a controller, and when disc games were all the rage. I'm not ashamed to say I was hopelessly hooked. They may have been old, but they were from a time when game companies actually put heart into their projects, and didn't just release yearly cash cows for a quick and easy lien. You know, there's a simple reason why indie companies make it big these days, and that's the fact that they're from an age where these games were hot off the presses, and they scrutinized them as kids to understand why they were having as much fun as they did, and then put those lessons in practice while meshing them with modern tweaks and techniques to create something enjoyable for everyone in this day and age."

...uh, what was I talking about, again? Oh, right. Destruction of innocence.

"Getting off track, though. So, I'm in my hometown, playing my games, life is good, yeah? And you know what happens in the stories whenever a town gets like that, right?"

Telegraphed that wince.

"I won't lie, it was pretty gruesome. Would be bloody awesome - heh, _bloody,_ get it? - if it wasn't so heart-poundingly terrifying. I was lucky enough to get out with my life. Being the smart and logical person I fancy myself as, I was able to make it to the local blacksmith and grab a garden-variety sword to defend myself with, and somehow I got my hands on a fair amount of lien from dead bodies."

Predicted disapproving stare. Check that off the list...

"And don't give me that look - money doesn't exactly have any value to a corpse, does it? I'd have far more need of it than they ever would. So I took what I could carry and booked it outta there as fast as my legs could carry me. No idea how I pulled it off, but I made it to Vale. Eventually, I decided a little vacation was in order, and I had some cash left, so I bought a ferry ticket and made my way here. That's when I met the dusty old crow currently outside doing whatever at the Barrelhaven."

What _is_ he doing, anyway? And is that the faint sound of a shovel I hear…? Wait.

"One sec. The heck's…"

Oh.

Oh-ho-ho my god, is he actually digging a grave and _burying_ his flask?! Holy shit, he's even got a marked tombstone!

 **Here lies**

 **FLASKIE**

" **Always willing to wash away your sorrows."**

"Has anyone ever told you that your uncle is really, _really_ weird?"

 **Ruby**

"Hey! Uncle Qrow is not weird!"

 **Yang**

"Uh… sis? Remember your tenth birthday?"

 **Ruby**

"What do you-oh. Ohhhhh, right. Yeah, I… can't exactly argue with that, can I…"

Do I want to know?

...no, I don't think I do. The only people who deserve to know about Noodle Incidents are those who experience them firsthand.

 **Yang**

"Thought so. Anyway though, not to sound suspicious or anything, but I find it a little hard to believe you made it all the way to Vale on your own. I get the impression that your home was somewhere out in the sticks, and a place like that's usually pretty far from the capital city. How were you able to survive without a map or a reliable supply of food and water, or any kind of energy for that long?"

Well, here goes nothing…

"That's… actually a story in and of itself, so for the sake of sparing you an unnecessary speech, (god knows you'll get a lot of those in the future, no thanks to Port,) I'll get straight to the point."

 _Invite Yang and Ruby to the party._

 **Ruby**

"..."

 **Yang**

"...your gaming addiction suddenly makes a lot more sense now."

Huh, little red's not responding. Did she stop working?

"I know, right? I recommend you hit Yes, by the way. Once you hop on the power bus, there's no going back until you've completed the main story. Besides, you two are going to be huntresses, right? Might as well take what assurances you can. At least with this, you'll know when you're outclassed and have to run like h ***BEEP*** ll. Then again, you two look the type to run headfirst into danger without accounting for the massive chance of your own death if it's to save someone."

Oh, there she goes.

 **Ruby**

"Well, duh! Heroes always pull those kinds of things, and they always end up winning! Why shouldn't we?"

Oh, for...

"...that line of thinking is extremely liable to get you killed. I'll have you know that that only works an extremely small amount of the time, and stories of heroes pulling it off are just flukes. Nobody in this room is any sort of protagonist - every single person in this world has a health bar, and as I'm sure you know, health bars can all be reduced to zero in some way or another. You need to get it through your thick skulls that anyone can die. Your dad, mom, aunts and uncles, your best friend, your teammates, even your dog - they can all be taken from you with a single lucky shot."

Lots of telegraphed winces there. Especially at 'mom' and 'dog'.

 **Ruby**

"Noooo! Not Zwei!"

The fact that I'm giving them this speech while being aware of the fact that they _are_ protagonists is actually kinda hilarious.

"After all, I should know, right? I had to survive the destruction of my hometown, and practically everybody I ever knew at the hands of the Grimm. Something like that isn't exactly easy to cope with, but I've never really been good with emotions outside of those that give me giggles and I wasn't particularly close with anyone, so that made it a little better. You, on the other hand? You're sheltered and innocent. I think it's safe to say that your parents have tried their best to keep you away from the evils of the world for as long as possible."

I don't know whether I should be impressed or disturbed at the way I was able to transition from filthy lies to uncomfortable truths in the span of one dialogue box.

 **Ruby**

"Hey! I am _not_ sheltered! (Hey, sis, do you think I'm sheltered?)"

 **Yang**

"(Oh, yeah - Dad tried real hard to discourage you from becoming a huntress, remember? But he eventually realized that there was no stopping you, so he just accepted it and started trying to properly train you. No self-respecting parent wants their kid to know or experience all the horrors out in the real world.)"

 **Ruby**

"(Horrors? Like what?)"

"You ever see a man get impaled through the chest by a giant drill, and then die by said spinning drill, screaming like a banshee all the while? 'Cause I have. Not gonna lie, though - from my point of view, it was pretty f ***BEEP*** ing cool. Watching all the blood flying around, the look on the dude's face, the inhumanity of it all… rad sh ***BEEP*** t, yo."

Wait.

"-Oh. Um… promise I'm, ah, not a sociopath? Sorry. I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts sometimes. Uh… yeah, sorry."

Awkwaaaaard…

"A-ANYWAY! What say we get you accustomed to the system, yeah? I dunno 'bout you, but I think it's high time we lay off the heavy stuff."

 **Ruby**

"Y-Yeah, that… sounds good."

"So do you have any exposure to RPGs of any kind? Turn-based? Real-time? ATB system? MMO? FPS hybrid? C'mon, gimme the low-down."

 **Ruby**

"Well… dad doesn't really approve of MMOs. He says it's cause of all the bad apples you can find online. I have played some older ones though, so I do have a bit of experience with turn-based and ATB. Not sure what FPS hybrid means, but it sounds cool."

 **Yang**

"I've had some second-hand exposure from sis here, but I was always more of a fighting game fan. I played a lot of _Road Warrior_ before I started upping my regimen."

Road Warrior? Sounds like a thinly-veiled alternate version of Street Fighter. Whatever, though. I can work with this.

Actually, wait. Does this mean that Guile's theme still goes with everything here? No, no, stay on task.

"All right. That means you at least know the basics. Good. Now go ahead and accept the party invite."

 **Ruby**

"Right!"

 _ **Ruby Rose has joined the party.**_

 _ **Yang Xiao-Long has joined the party.**_

"Okay, you're in. Think 'Status' to check your character sheets while I attempt to determine your optimal builds. Oh, and if you want, you can test the chat by thinking 'All' and then whatever you want to say."

 **[All] Ruby: Like this?**

 **[All] Zeiss: Yeah, like that. Now check yourself before you wreck yourself.**

' _Observe.'_

 **Ruby Rose**

 **Title: Little Red Reaping Hood**

 **Class: Celerian**

 **Level: 10**

 **EXP: 550**

 **Level Up at: 1,300**

 **HP: 39**

 **AP: 920**

 **VIT: 46**

 **STR: 60**

 **INT: 39**

 **DEX: 92**

 **AGI: 94**

 **RES: 27 (+10)**

 **LUK: 55**

 **CHR: 64**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **The daughter of Summer Rose and Taiyang Xiao-Long, half-sister of Yang, and the last of the Silver-Eyed Warriors. A wide-eyed idealist and fairy-tale hero fan who plans to become a Huntress to help people around the world. Obsessed with weaponry in all its forms, and especially excited by Huntsman weapons. Has an unfortunate case of social awkwardness owing to genetic shyness from her mother and overprotectiveness from her other family members, and often finds it difficult to make friends despite her bright personality and general disposition.**

 **Notable Skills**

 **Semblance (Flowering Petals) [Active] [Dormant]**

 **When activated, dramatically increase movement speed in a single direction. Consumes 10 AP/sec. Has a 5-second cooldown. Currently locked and cannot be used.**

 **Scythe Mastery [Passive] - Level 20/100**

 **Sniper Rifle Mastery [Passive] - Level 20/100**

 **Allows the user to wield sniper rifles of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases accuracy and reload speed with sniper rifles by 1%, and Critical Hit chance by 0.5%. Sniper Rifle Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

 **Remnant Physiology [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Accessories**

 **Padded Jacket**

 **Raises RES by 10.**

' _Observe.'_

 **Yang Xiao-Long**

 **Title: Little Gold Dragon**

 **Class: Journeyman**

 **Level: 14**

 **EXP: 700**

 **Level Up at: 2,100**

 **HP: 50**

 **AP: 2,620**

 **VIT: 131**

 **STR: 132**

 **INT: 50**

 **DEX: 74**

 **AGI: 62**

 **RES: 37**

 **LUK: 57**

 **CHR: 106**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **The daughter of Taiyang Xiao-Long and the infamous Raven Branwen, half-sister and surrogate mother of Ruby, and unknowingly the heir to a merciless bandit tribe. A thrill-seeker with a thirst for both danger and the truth, who intends to find her birth mother for answers. Loves all kinds of humor, but gives special attention to puns and clever wordplay. Unfortunately inherited her mother's bullheaded attitude, and typically sees the best solution to a problem to be blasting straight through it guns blazing, which often results in unnecessary trouble and, more often than not, reckless endangerment of life.**

 **Notable Skills**

 **Semblance (Raging Counter) [Active] [Stage 1]**

 **When activated, deal bonus damage equal to ½ of missing AP if using a physical melee attack. Consumes 5 AP/sec.**

 **Unarmed Mastery [Passive] - Level 30/100**

 **Allows the user to wield their own body as a weapon with increased efficiency. Each level increases damage the user deals with unarmed-type attacks by 1%. Unarmed Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some gauntlet-type weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

 **Shotgun Mastery [Passive] - Level 30/100**

 **Remnant Physiology [Passive] - Level MAX**

Yup. About what I expected. The Accessories thing is a little surprising, though. Why didn't I get anything like that?

 **You do. It's just that theirs is a lot less complicated, because they have pre-set outfits.**

Oh. That makes sense.

Actually, no it doesn't, but I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now.

Hmm…

"All right, I think I've got my verdict. Ruby, you're pretty fast, and you're pretty freaking strong for someone with your build, but your stats suggest that you can't really take a punch. Tell me, is your combat outfit reinforced with protective materials that help out with that problem?"

 **Ruby**

"Yeah. That was the first thing I decided to put in. Dad would never let me hear the end of it otherwise."

"Okay, good. So, I see here that your Scythe and Sniper Rifle mastery levels are a fair bit higher than your other weapon levels. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're building yourself a combination of the two?"

 **Ruby**

"Yep! I'm still planning out everything else I want to stick inside Crescent Rose, but what I know for certain is that it'll be amazing!"

"Heh. You might have to show me your blueprints sometime."

 **Ruby**

"Wait, really?! You… want to help me make my baby a reality?!"

What in… did her eyes turn into stars just now?

"Well, why not? Two heads are better than one, after all. And even if my ideas are terrible, there's always grunt work to be done at the forge. What are friends for, anyway?"

Fitting that I say "grunt work," since that's all I was ever good at back when I was still a Boy Scout. Well, once a Star, always a Star, I guess.

 **Ruby**

"AAAAAAAH THANK YOU SO MUUUUCH! BEST DAY EVER!"

"Whoa-ho! The sentiment is appreciated, but lay off the pressure! If my eyes were closed, I'd swear your grip was a trash compactor!"

 **Ruby**

"Oh! Uh… ah… eh-heh… sorry. Went a little overboard there, didn't I…"

"Getting back to it, good. Now, all we have to do is train your unarmed level so that you won't be at a disadvantage when you're disarmed."

 **Ruby**

"Aw, _whaaaat?_ Come on! Once my weapon's finished, I'm never letting go of it!"

"Notice that I said 'when,' and not 'if.' Things aren't always going to go your way. At some point in your life, your weapon will inevitably find its way out of your hands, and when - not if, but _when_ \- that happens, you need to make sure that you can at least put up a decent fight before you're either brought down or you find your weapon again. Being able to throw a punch or kick worth a d ***BEEP*** n is the first step towards not dying when you're left with nothing but your fists and your wits. And besides, even if by some miracle you're never disarmed throughout your entire career, remember that a wise man once said, ' _better to have and not need, than to need and not have.'_ "

 **Ruby**

"Mmmmmf..."

"Oh, don't give me that. And now that you're in the party, whatever rate you were improving at before will be _nothing_ next to the ridiculous growth spurt you're about to have."

 **Ruby**

"Wait, growth spurt? Are you saying that I'll get taller?!"

Huh, good question.

"Well… I wouldn't bet on it, but keeping fit usually helps your body grow, right? Who's to say you won't gain a couple of inches from socking a bag of leather a couple hundred times every day?"

 **Ruby**

"Hah HA! You hear that, sis?! I'll be towering over you in no time!"

 **Yang**

"I wouldn't go that far, Rubes. I've got room to grow yet."

"All right, all right, break it up, you two. Anyway, on with the appraisal."

No accessories on Miss Heartbreaker here. Kinda disappointing, but I did catch her in casual wear, so ehh.

"So, Yang. From what your stats tell me, you're much more focused on offense than on defense. If you had better Resistance, I'd pin you as a tank without hesitation. But you don't, which actually makes quite a bit of sense, if your semblance's description is true. If I'm reading into this correctly, what you're supposed to do is draw your enemies' attention and their fire to you and then use that against them. So I guess you're a… pseudo-tank or something? Someone who acts like a tank, but isn't? I dunno. Anyway, that's pretty useful in short and sweet brawls, but not exactly favorable for marathon encounters. Say you're trying to defend a choke point from waves of enemies. Sure, you can blast through them like paper once your HP hits the red zone, but you're also much more likely to die once that happens. And if you do that early, well… I'd say my prayers. Point being - get smart, know when to efficiently utilize your strengths and cover your weaknesses, and generally just be more careful. You never know when you might need to avoid a surprise attack, after all."

Would've been better if I shouted 'DODGE!' but then I'd have to try and hit her. And if I did that, I would have gone full retard. You _never_ go full retard.

 **Yang**

"Okay, that doesn't sound too bad. So when do we start?"

"I'd say 'right now,' but I'd rather wait for your dad to come home and inform me of your schedules. I want to maximize efficiency for this."

 **Ruby**

"That makes sense."

"Speaking of which, didn't you say that he'd be back in about an hour?"

 **Yang**

"That's right."

Alright, lemme do a quick time-check here…

"Huh, it's only been five minutes since I got here. Feels like we've been talking for twice that."

Relativity, yo. Insert 'Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah, SCIENCE!' here.

"So I guess that means we've got some time to kill. Hmm…"

...I just realized I haven't used my gun yet. This is a golden opportunity!

"Got it. Hey, do you guys have a shooting range somewhere near here? Or at least something I can use for target practice? Maybe like… I dunno, empty beer bottles or rotten apples or soda cans or whatever?"

 **Yang**

"Signal's got a holo-target range, but it's a little far and they probably wouldn't let you use it since you're not a registered student. I do think we have some empty odds and ends around here that we missed during spring cleaning, though. You could try using those. Oh, fair warning, you might have to scrounge around a bit."

"Okay, perfect. Thanks."

 **Ruby**

"Don't mention it! We all have to grind every once in a while!"

See? Y'see that? This girl right here gets it! Oh yeah!

 _ **Later...**_

All right, time to check the haul.

Let's see here… Five empty beer bottles, some old wooden planks, six empty water bottles, four dirtied-beyond-cleaning glass jars, and five dusty, cracked ceramic plates. Not too bad. Now, all I need is something to set them on…

"Hey, do you have anything I could put these on? Like a table or something?"

 **Yang**

"Let me think… well, you're out of luck if a table was what you wanted, but I do know that we have a stepladder somewhere."

"That'll do."

 _ **Later again...**_

"Okay, I'm heading out. I'll ping you guys via the chat if anything out of the ordinary happens."

 **Ruby**

"Okay. Have fun!"

Oh my fucking god, Qrow's still digging.

 _ **Later once more...**_

Here we go! Now, if we just put these bottles on the rungs…

Perfect! That is grade A target practice material right there!

Okay, so I think… ten paces is an acceptable distance. Benefits of having long legs, I guess.

And… non-dominant hand goes here, if I remember correctly…

Ready… aim… fire!

 _ **POFF!**_

 _ **PASHK!**_

 **Skill 'Pistol Mastery' created!**

Hm. Off-center. Little to the left and higher than the invisible bullseye. If I adjust my aim accordingly...

 _ **Later (seriously, we're doing this again?)…**_

Holy _shit,_ that was terrifying. I knew Tai could be scary, but that was… wow. No words.

Wait, is that-

"AH-HAH HAAA HAH HAH HAH HAH!"

 _Qrow's still digging!_

"Holy scheisse, man! I knew you were alcoholic, but I'd never in a million years think you'd take a simple gag this far!"

...oh, crap. I may have just fucked up.

 **Qrow**

" **What did you just say, you little shit?"**

 _ **Wump-woomp-wup-wumm bowwwwrrrr!**_

 **OFFICIAL ZEISS FAIL COUNTER: 1**

Oh, look, I have my own fail counter. With The Price Is Right's fail horn. Joy.

PROTAGONIST EXIT, STAGE LEFT! GO, GO, GO!

 **Qrow**

" _ **I'LL TEACH YOU TO DISRESPECT FLASKIE'S MEMORY!"**_

 **Track Cue: Yakety Sax (Boots Randolph)**

 _FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFU-_

 _ **One Benny Hill chase scene later…**_

Okay… okay… I think he's gone.

I wonder how many bricks I shat out from that. Tai was good, but Qrow… god damn, the man is another level of scary entirely.

Honestly, I'm a little pissed at myself for forgetting I had the IDs. All I had to do was create an empty one to escape. Small wonder I didn't think of it sooner.

In any case… hm. I don't need to eat or sleep anymore, and I can't get fatigued. My power is pretty much every Goku's dream in the sense that I can keep training infinitely and get exponentially stronger because of it. No sleep or fatigue means I can keep going all day and all night without stopping.

To win at life, I need to exploit this for all it has to offer. Starting now.

Sword? There we go.

...something's missing. What could it be?

 **Track Cue: Minor Circuit (Punch-Out! Wii)**

Ah, right! A kick-ass training montage theme! Thanks, Gaia!

 **Don't mention it!**

Here we go!

* * *

 **A/N: If you're wondering why the dialogue looks like it was ripped from a script, that's intentional. Google Drive doesn't force you to double-space whenever you hit Enter/Return, so when I originally typed them, I intended for them to seem like dialogue boxes. If you'll recall, Zeiss himself lampshades the dialogue boxes in an offhand comment during the faux-backstory part of the scene with Yang and Ruby.**

 **(Edit: If this doesn't tickle your fancy, well... sorry, but this doesn't disappear until around chapter 12. But who knows - if you can slog your way through this, you may be rewarded. Or you may not. It's subjective, really.)**

 **Speaking of, the way I write characters might be seen as odd, but here we go.**

 **Whenever I'm thinking up dialogue, I always try my best to adhere to each character's established speech patterns. (As much as I would like to hear Lindsay Jones swearing up a storm in Ruby's voice, I know that's unacceptable in context.) My general rule of thumb is "if I can imagine this character's voice actor saying this line without it feeling out-of-place, then it's probably fine." This can still fall flat, such as if I'm writing for a character that doesn't exist within the show and doesn't have a VA, but that won't be coming into play until later. You won't have to worry about that for at least a few more chapters.**

 **Well, looks like that's everything on the cue card. So long for now!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	4. So the Annual Problem for Our Generation

_**POFF!**_

 _ **SMASH!**_

 **[Pistol Mastery]'s level has increased by 1.**

Oh yeah, baby! Dead-center! Now _that's_ what I like to see!

Check this…

 **Pistol Mastery [Passive] - Level 15/100**

 **Allows the user to wield pistols of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases accuracy and reload speed by 1%. Pistol Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

And it only took me… what, a week of on-and-off practice sessions lasting an hour or so to get to that point? Huh.

Why am I even doing this, anyway? The weapon I have in mind isn't gonna use a pistol. Why haven't I bought or found an assault rifle yet and started training with that? Ehh.

Kinda hard to believe I've been here for seven whole days. The first was a real rush, and then everything after that was… well, I guess everything that summer vacation - or whatever amounts to it here - is cracked up to be. Lazy days, sports, grinding, all that good stuff.

Might as well check my exploits thus far.

 **Quest Log**

 **Sort: Oldest-Newest**

 **Herbal Remedy (COMPLETE)**

 **A local old-school pharmacy has run into budget problems. Help them out by securing needed ingredients for their products. Any available Potions would also be appreciated.**

 **Objectives**

 **-Collect ingredients: 5/5**

 **-Bonus: Give Potions: 2/2**

 **Rewards**

 **100 EXP**

 **50 Lien**

 **Bonus Rewards**

" **Alchemy" Skill**

 **100 Lien**

 **Patchwork Punishment (COMPLETE)**

 **The Grimm are always multiplying, and won't stop for anything. Kill some Beowolves to assist in keeping the island's monster population to a minimum.**

 **Objectives**

 **-Kill Beowolves: 5/5**

 **Rewards**

 **200 EXP**

 **100 Lien**

Mad props to Qrow for helping me out with the Request Bulletin. I don't know where I'd be without it.

What's my sheet say, again…?

 **Zeiss Serven**

 **Title: Child Cynic**

 **Class: Drifter**

 **Level: 8**

 **EXP: 0**

 **Level Up at: 950**

 **HP: 450**

 **MP: 380**

 **BP: 100**

 **VIT: 45**

 **STR: 45**

 **INT: 38**

 **DEX: 45**

 **AGI: 45**

 **RES: 26**

 **LUK: 24**

 **CHR: 29**

 **Points: 35**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Lien: 600**

Took me 6 days to go up 4 levels, compared to how I got 3 in the first day. Granted, I did procrastinate a little, but thank god for the sisters reminding me to get off my ass and do shit on schedule. Who knows how much time I'd waste dicking around if they weren't here.

Let me see if I can remember everything… okay.

Holy shit, that talk with Tai was scary. I mean, I get that he already knows about the silver eyes thing and that his kids are destined for battle, and that he'd love to have any sort of insurance, but he could really stand to loosen up a little. Maybe it's because I'm a boy? I should probably tell him sometime about my stance on relationships. Namely, 'I have no interest in a girlfriend whatsoever, so that makes me an ideal matchmaker because I try my best not to romantically endear anyone to me without being a dick about it.' Actually, maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad idea if I changed my gender back when this whole thing started. It'd make shipping that much easier.

On second thought, it might not, if the copious amounts of White Rose and Bumblebee fanservice moments, not counting Nuts and Dolts have anything to say about it. Can't forget about the big gay dance, after all. Dedede'd have my head on a silver jet hammer if I did.

Arrrgh… what a mess. You know what, I think I'll shove those thoughts in the 'open in 2 years' folder. I don't _really_ need to deal with this at the moment.

While I'm on that, the two-years prep time is a huge advantage not just for training, but support building as well. It's perfect for pre-canon cast meetings. If I can build bridges with as many main characters as I can, that'll give me a pretty high-up spot to work from. Hell, I've already gotten into the Rose-Xiao-Long family's good graces. Doing the same thing with the Schnees, the Arcs, and all those other peeps would be amazing - particularly if they're with each family's cast representative.

I might as well rank them in order of difficulty.

Jaune is definitely the easiest. All I have to do is find out where he lives, and pay him a visit. Should be simple, considering the apparent popularity of his family name and that he's likely Valean. Pyrrha would also be relatively no-effort, since all she's looking for is a friend who doesn't treat her differently because of her status. However, that depends on whether or not I can find a time to talk to her, since she's a Mistral native. My best bet might be to wait for her to get a contract that has her doing something in Vale, and intercept her on the way.

Ren and Nora would be medium difficulty. All we know is that they were both forced to flee Kuroyuri at a very young age - between 6 and 10, if I had to guess. That means that there's at least a 7-year gap between their escape of the doomed village and their arrival at Beacon. Somewhere along the way, they learned how to fight, and made their way from Mistral to Vale. The biggest problem with these two would be pinpointing their position at any given time. They could be anywhere - traveling, staying somewhere, on a job, all kinds of places. Befriending them shouldn't be too hard once I find them.

Weiss and Blake would be the hardest. Weiss should be obvious - meeting her normally would require going to Atlas, and I'm not sure I could spare the effort for a plane ride, or bullhead or whatever. That's not counting the fact that talking to her and trying to become her friend would be like walking on eggshells since she doesn't take too nicely to 'commoners' like me. Wait, no, that's not it. She'd reject me because she'd think that I was after her money, because fuck you, irrationality. That's a major problem. I think the only way I might be able to convince her I'm genuine… is to save her from a White Fang operation, and even then it's not foolproof. Which, if I play my cards right… could result in recruiting Blake as well. That's another problem - little miss black cat likely won't become disillusioned with Adam for another year or so. I'll have to wait on that. Of course, I could try to influence her thinking early, but that might result in unforeseen consequences. Not to mention I might get Adam to sic himself on me, and I would like to keep that from happening until I find a way to hard-counter his Semblance. Something like a Smash Bros. style counter - al la Marth/Ike/Roy's down special - would work like a charm.

All this isn't even counting the possibility of meeting side characters as well. There's lots of possibilities - I could end up assisting Winter on one of her specialist ops. I could meet Penny on a test mission. I might run into Sun or one of his team members for whatever reason. There's way too many variables to construct a foolproof strategy that guarantees cooperation. Pretty much the only thing I can do is make a plan that anticipates failure and then wing it when something eventually does go wrong while hoping against hope that everything will work out. Which is really wishful thinking, but hey - praying to RNJesus hasn't _always_ screwed me over. I just hope that he's on my side this time.

Kinda sucks that I can't improve my luck separately by gambling. Would be real useful for last-second contingencies. Lousy goddamn stupid piss-poor luck growth...

And there I go, rambling again. God, I really need to find a better way to organize my thoughts… bleeeh.

What happened next… right. Somehow, Ruby and Yang managed to sucker Tai into paying room and board for me at a local hotel. Pretty sure it was the puppy-dog eyes. No idea why they'd go that far for someone they just met. Maybe it's 'cause of their eternally bleeding hearts? I dunno.

After that… was the herb quest.

 _ **Six days ago…**_

I was merrily making my way through the forest, having collected 3 of the 5 required ingredients. I had also come across an unlucky Beowolf that was slaughtered to spawn the second Potion I needed for the bonus reward.

WHEN SUDDENLY...

 **Ursa**

 **Level: 11**

 **HP: 1,550**

 **VIT: 155**

 **STR: 105**

 **INT: 0**

 **DEX: 43**

 **AGI: 44**

 **RES: 90**

 **LUK: 0**

 **CHR: 0**

 **Status: Healthy**

All color drained out of my face in record time.

 _Ohh, noooo…_

 _ **Present day...**_

Not really a hard job, by any means. Thank god I managed to dodge that Ursa, though. Beowolves I can take, but the me I was then would've been smashed flat. I'd probably have much more of a chance now, but I'm still not really confident that I'd get away without more than a scratch.

The day after… I think I spent that one with Ruby. I remember we pretty much just fooled around for a while with Yang tagging along, and then did some work on the future Crescent Rose.

 _ **Five days ago…**_

"Ruby, come on. How exactly do you plan on shoving a _rocket launcher_ into this thin frame?"

 **Ruby**

"By compacting it down, duh! Haven't you heard about all the advancements being made in mecha-shift technology? Building something as trivial as that would be child's play!"

"No. Even if you did somehow manage to fit it on without it becoming impractical, when are you ever going to find a good reason to use it? Most of the areas where Grimm spawn have lots of potential collateral damage for high-powered explosives. You wouldn't want to be the one paying the fee for a destroyed forest, hmm?"

 **Ruby**

"Oh, yeah… I guess it would be a little overkill…"

"Wow, ya think?"

 _ **Present day...**_

Gotta say, some of her ideas were so outlandish that I'm surprised she suggested them at all. Then again, she _is_ still young and innocent. (Pfft, like I have a leg to stand on. You're 15, for god's sake! No matter how much you deny it, you still have that spark of naïveté! Stop being a hypocrite!) And we also had a little spar, using practice weapons.

 _ **Five days ago…**_

My sturdy club-stick had practically no effect on the wooden gardening tool's momentum, letting it slam into my stomach.

" _Urgh-!"_

 **-61 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 56/300**

"Okay, alright, that's enough! I yield! Jeez…"

My opponent simply twirled her training scythe around before settling it on her shoulder.

 **Ruby**

"Well, serves you right for picking a fight with a girl 6 levels higher than you! What'd you think was gonna happen?"

"Well, probably survive past f ***BEEP*** ing _four hits,_ but whatever. That's my loss."

 **Ruby**

"Oh, don't feel too bad. I mean, you at least landed one attack before I owned you. That's something to be proud of, isn't it?"

"It could, but it'd be drowned out by the fact that I didn't even make it past the 30-second mark. Man, being a newbie always sucks…"

 **Ruby**

"We all know that feel."

 _ **Present day...**_

That match was… well, it certainly was an experience. I still don't get how she's able to swing the big-ass scythe around like it's made of paper. Oh, wait - Aura. Duh. Plus her Strength's freakishly high. I was a little concerned over the whole 'I'm an otherworlder, I might not have Aura' thing, but apparently the system was lying to me because it said that my HP _is_ my Aura. How that makes sense is completely foreign to me, but whatever. I suppose it passes for a Hand Wave. I'll never let her live down the fact that I kicked her ass in hand-to-hand, but given context, that's not much of an accomplishment.

 _ **Five days ago…**_

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

"...are you even trying?"

 **Ruby**

" _Shut up!"_

 _ **Present day...**_

Next up… shooting range and sword practice day. Nothing really noteworthy there, moving on.

Then the lazy day. We all just got together and flopped around the house.

 _ **Three days ago…**_

" _EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP!"_

 _ **WHAM!**_

 _ **Present day…**_

That was fun.

Then it was Yang's day. Boy howdy, the face she made when she found out I could drink alcohol at my age without any lasting effects was _priceless._

 _ **Two days ago…**_

 **Status effect "Influenced"'s duration has been increased to 0:30:00.**

 **Yang**

"Umm… not that I'm trying to stop you or anything, but shouldn't you at least be slurring your words right about now?"

 **[Posion Resistance]'s level has increased by 1.**

"Didn't you get the memo? The only thing drinking alcohol gets me is the 'Influenced' status effect and extra levels for Poison Resistance."

 **Yang**

"Wait. Hooooold on just a minute. Are you saying that… you could actually drink _Uncle Qrow_ under the freaking table if you wanted to?!"

"Yeah, duh. And the only thing I'd have to show for it would be a ridiculously long-lasting debuff that wouldn't even affect my mental processes."

 **Yang**

"..."

"Uh, Yang? You still in th-"

 **Yang**

" _ **WHAAAAA-"**_

 _ **Present day...**_

That was also the day I found out I could take screenshots, now that I think about it. Where were those again? Right, here.

"PFFEHEHEHEHEHEH!"

Never gets old!

Though she did break my nose for that during our match later in the day.

 _ **Two days ago…**_

 _ **KAPOW!**_

 **-161 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 139/300**

" _GAAAHH, MOTHERF_ _ ***BEEP***_ _ER!"_

 **Yang**

"That's what'cha get!"

 _ **Present day...**_

It healed in no time, but it still hurt like a bitch. However, I do admit that I probably did deserve that sucker-punch headshot. At least we're even now.

We argued a ton over who groaned the hardest during the pun-fest we got into. I stand by my decision that it was Qrow. Ruby's good, but her groans are lessened by the fact that she secretly loves the humor and just won't admit it to herself. Seeing as we were getting nowhere, the debate ended when we agreed to disagree. Oh, and Ruby had managed to go up a level by that point. Don't know how, but it probably involved a lot of training and Beowolves. Most likely at the same time.

The day after brought the kill quest. What a damned gold mine. I went up an entire level from that. And made enough cash to buy myself a scroll. I wonder if they have anything besides the standard model for sale. Maybe I could special-order something from Atlas? Eh, questions for later. Not like I really need one anyways, given everything the chat can do. Fucking bullshit OP Gamer powers. But… gah, I need Muh Internet. And I could use a good PR story if anyone starts asking questions.

Finally… today. Another day for sword and shooting practice. Which I just got done with.

I might check out the list to see how far I've come.

 **Skills**

 **Gamer's Body [Passive]**

 **Gamer's Mind [Passive]**

 **Observe [Active]**

 **Sword Mastery [Passive] - Level 25/100**

 **Fireball [Active] - Level 2/10**

 **Adept [Active] - Level 2/10**

 **ID Create [Active] - Level 1/20**

 **ID Escape [Active] - Level 1/20**

 **Resolve [Passive] - Level 1/5**

 **Imbue [Active] - Level 2/10**

 **Twirl Slash [Active] - Level 2/10**

 **Poison Resist [Passive] - Level 10/100**

 **Improves the user's resistance to poison of all kinds. Each level decreases damage taken and effectiveness of poison-related skills and status effects on the user by 1%.**

 **Silver-Tongued [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Pistol Mastery [Passive] - Level 15/100**

 **Alchemy [Active] - Level 2/40**

 **Allows the user to combine ingredients to create concoctions with various effects. Variety, quality and effectiveness increases with each level.**

 **Spin Cycle [Active] - Level 1/10**

 **Turns the user into a cyclone of steel, dealing 5 separate hits to any enemy caught in the area of effect. Each hit has a base power of STR x 0.2.**

 **Unarmed Mastery [Passive] - Level 10/100**

 **Thunderbolt [Active] - Level 1/10**

 **Cost: 45 MP**

 **Shoot a jagged stream of concentrated electricity from your hand. Has a base power of INT x 1.4. Critical chance is boosted by 10%. Has a 20% chance of causing the "Stun" status effect. Damage multiplied by 1.5 when used against mechanized opponents.**

 **Blacksmithing [Active] - Level 2/40**

 **Allows the user to create weapons and armor of all shapes and sizes. Variety, quality, and effectiveness increases with each level.**

 **Restore [Active] - Level ⅕**

 **Cost: 30 MP**

 **A helpful spell that removes a single debuff from the target.**

 **Guard Stance [Active] - Level 1/10**

 **Multiplies RES by 1.5 and provides a regenerative effect that restores 5% of the user's max HP every second in exchange for cutting their STR in half. Lasts for 30 seconds or until the user cancels the effect.**

Not too bad of a spread, all things considered. Though the fact that I haven't been using the IDs is… well, more than a little weird, considering how broken they are. Might wanna fix that in the future. Ah, well.

What to do with the rest of my day…

Hm. Maybe I should check the town shops. Always a good idea to see what everyone's got in stock. Never know if you might find a rare piece of equipment. Of course, that's going to happen to me at least once because the plot will demand it at some point, but the problem is finding out when.

I should also probably start thinking about upgrading my sword. Ol' Bronzie's been a reliable partner, but her damage output seriously leaves a lot to be desired. I'll probably have to be on the lookout for a smith or weapons shop or anywhere that might sell decent Iron-level or D-Rank blades. While I'm on that, a rifle couldn't hurt. Might as well start practicing for when I do get around to making my personal big stick. Or, well, it might stop being so 'personal' if anyone recognizes that it's really just Cloud's Ultima Weapon with an assault rifle shoved in the middle and given a red-and-purple paint job. But whatever. Won't change the fact that Durandal's gonna be legendary.

Hey… idea.

 **[All] Zeiss: Going on a little shopping trip to see if I can get anything useful. Anyone wanna come?**

 **[All] Qrow: Pass. Not my thing. Brothers help you if Yang latches on.**

 **[All] Ruby: Sure!**

 **[All] Yang: Meh, what the heck. Not like I have anything better to do.**

 **[All] Yang: And whaddaya mean by that, scarecrow?**

 **[All] Zeiss: Oh d*** it,** _ **please**_ **don't tell me you're one of** _ **those**_ **people…**

 **[All] Ruby: Hate to break it to ya, but the last time we went out on errands as a family, dad almost collapsed under the weight of all the clothes bags!**

 **[All] Zeiss: MOTHERF***ER!**

 **[All] Taiyang: Hey, hey, hey. Cool it with the swearing, buddy-boy. Just because you're censoring yourself doesn't mean you get off scot-free.**

 **[All] Zeiss: Lay off, man. I'm just trying to appropriately express my feelings. Go ruin someone else's fun.**

 **[All] Taiyang: Do I have to tell you about the 101 different ways I could snap you like a twig?**

 **[All] Zeiss: Gimme a couple years, and I'll be able to give you 1001 different ways I could crush you like a bug.**

 **[All] Taiyang: Won't matter if you die before then.**

 **[All] Zeiss: You wanna go? Let's take this outside then, you overgrown blonde snake! Oi'll bash ye f***in' 'ead in, sware on me mum!**

 **[All] Taiyang: I'd like to see you try, pixel-brain!**

 **[All] Qrow: Pipe down, you two. Let me drink in peace.**

 **[All] Yang: Do we really need to be hearing this?**

 **[All] Ruby: Quit it! Dad, no antagonizing Zeiss. Zeiss, don't encourage him. Now say sorry!**

Grrrmph…

 **[All] Zeiss: Fine. Sorry.**

 **[All] Taiyang: Sorry.**

 **[All] Ruby: See? That wasn't so hard, was it?**

 **[Whisper to Taiyang] Zeiss: Dick.**

 **[Whisper to Zeiss] Taiyang: Nerd.**

 **[All] Yang: You coming, big guy?**

 **[All] Taiyang: Nah. Someone's gotta watch the lil' pupper, after all.**

 **[All] Zeiss: All right. Meet me at Main Street in thirty minutes. I'll be waiting.**

* * *

 **Track Cue: Clock Town, First Day (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D)**

"Y'all ready?"

 **Ruby**

"Yup! Let's do this!"

 **Yang**

"Locked, loaded, and ready for action. Lead the way."

"Alright, then. Let's mosey. Heh heh."

 **Ruby**

"Ha ha! What a weird thing to say!"

"Hey, don't disrespect Kuroudo-kun unless you want to get Omnislashed."

 **Yang**

"What?"

"Inside joke, don't question it. Move out!"

 **Ruby**

"Yes, sir!"

First stop… hm. Gun shop… or armory. Gun shop… or armory…

Gun shop.

Alright… now to find a good entry-level rifle…

Eh? Is that… an AR-15?

' _Observe.'_

 **Citizen Pain (AtlaRite Model 18)**

 **A civilian model of a staple army assault rifle, featuring both three-round burst and semi-automatic firing modes and chambering 25 .223 caliber rounds per magazine. Based on Earth's ArmaLite Model 15, this sporting rifle is an excellent choice for beginners due to its ease of use, low recoil, good accuracy, and all around decent damage output.**

 **Requires a Rifle Mastery level of 1 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder has a Strength stat lower than 20.**

 **Deals 70 damage per shot using standard dust ammunition.**

 **Ignores 10% of target's RES.**

 **User can toggle between semi-automatic and burst fire.**

This… this I can work with.

Price tag?

 **CLEARANCE SALE - 50% OFF**

 **400L**

Oh, hell… that's two-thirds of my wallet gone. But I'd say it's worth it. Good thing for that sale, too, otherwise I'd be shit outta luck.

 **Shopkeeper**

"Thank you for your patronage. Come again."

The fact that someone as young as me can just waltz into a gun shop and buy a rifle like this without any sort of license says a lot about the state of the world. Back on Earth, I'd have to get a license, then go through several months' worth of paperwork plus extensive background checks to even put my hands on this thing. Good thing the law's so lenient here. That, or it's just Anti-Frustration Features at work.

 **Both, actually.**

Huh, okay. Great, then.

 **Ruby**

"Wow, nice choice! Looks like you've done your research - I've heard a lot about the AR-18. Sure, it's old, but that doesn't stop it from working like a charm!"

Of course she'd be the one to praise me. Anyway, next stop, the armory. Let's see if there's any good swords around here.

Hold it… why does this look so familiar…?

 **SOLDIER Second**

 **Might: 150**

 **A massive broadsword typically seen in the hands of genetically modified elite shock troopers of mega corporations. Requires a Herculean effort to swing with any sort of skill, but has a massive damage output to compensate.**

 **Requires a Sword Mastery level of 40 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder's Strength stat is lower than 120.**

 **Cannot be used if the wielder's Strength is lower than 90.**

...whoa. Jesus.

And Zack was twirling this thing around like it weighed as much as a feather even when he was just 2nd Class… and he did the same thing to the Buster Sword after reaching 1st Class… jeez. Shinra wasn't kidding when they said only the strong made it into SOLDIER. No wonder those guys were treated as monsters on the battlefield in canon.

Wait, Yang's Strength is at least 120… holy shit, she can actually pick this thing up without difficulty. She wouldn't be able to actually use it properly of course, due to the massive accuracy penalty inflicted by the lack of Sword Mastery… but still, _she can pick the damn thing up and swing it, no sweat._ That's not something just anyone can do.

...oh, man. Imagine a SOLDIER unlocking their Aura. Now _that's_ a terrifying thought.

Yeesh, I'm getting chills just thinking about it. I'm just gonna stop that train of thought there…

Besides, it's not like I can afford it.

 **LIMITED STOCK**

 **1,200L**

Bleh. I might be able to get it if I really wanted to, but I'm not going anywhere near that thing if I'm not qualified. Once my skills are up to the needed levels, I might come back and buy it if my melee weapon at that point is underperforming. But until then, no.

Back to roaming.

Now, if I was a high-performance low-ranked sword, where would I be…?

OwO, what's this?

 **Iron Blade**

 **Might: 50**

 **A bigger, longer, and uncut variant of the Iron Sword. Requires more strength to effectively use than its little brother and isn't as easy to hit with, but deals noticeably more damage. Favored by arena fighters.**

 **Requires a Sword Mastery level of 25 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder has a Strength stat lower than 40.**

 **Cannot be used if the wielder's Strength is lower than 20.**

Yes… yes, I believe this will do _nicely._

How much?

 **SEASONAL SALE - 25% OFF**

 **150L**

Well, isn't that convenient. Said every single bad isekai protagonist ever, heh.

Two sales in a row, though… is that coincidence, convenience, or divine intervention? _The World May Never Know._

Probably should have put a 'how many licks does it take' kind of set-up before the punchline, but ehh. Not like anyone else is gonna hear it anyway.

Well, except for the readers. And the author. Who is most likely another version of me. But fuck those guys.

 **Shopkeeper**

"Carrying that thing around like it's a stick… I swear, you kids get crazier every generation. But don't mind me. Enjoy your purchase."

"Thanks."

 **Yang**

"That looks pretty heavy. You're not weighing yourself down by carrying that little monster, are you?"

"Nah, the weight's hardly noticeable. I'd demonstrate, but I'm not completely confident in my ability to chuck it up and catch it by the handle when it comes back down. Not to mention we're in the middle of a street filled with people who could get seriously injured if I slip up."

 **Yang**

"Smart man. Now, c'mon. Momma wants some new threads."

"Well, you do you, but try to get me to pay for it and you die. Besides, I only have 50 lien left on me. I'd like to have at least a small safety net, thank you very much."

 **Yang**

"Whatever you say, mister funslayer."

And here I was, thinking Cherami Leigh was the only person who could make 'funslayer' sound good. Props to you, Dunkelman.

 **Ruby**

"Hey, Yang… can we go thrift shopping?"

 **Track Cue: Thrift Shop (Macklemore)**

Oh, fuck YES.

 _ **One music video montage later…**_

Don't question it. Don't question it. Don't question it. _Don't you dare fucking question it, damn it!_

 **Yang**

"What?"

Mouth, I swear, _if you open yourself-_

"Nothing, just… well, I come from a place where people with unlocked auras were once-in-a-lifetime sightings. Seeing someone like you carry all that weight without flinching or any struggling whatsoever is still a little hard for me to accept, you understand?"

 _ **FUCK.**_

"And that's not even counting how you're able to balance all those bags on top of each other without the whole tower going 'timber.' All my life, I was under the impression that physics didn't work that way. I guess I was wrong."

 _ **YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU MADE IT WORSE!**_

Okay, that's it. First chance I get, I'm buying Remnant's equivalent to duct tape. It's the only way I can reliably stop this traitorous body part from creating situations like these.

 **Ruby**

"…what?"

 **Yang**

"Uhhh…"

Wait, what? No facepunch? Why…

Actually, in hindsight, getting hit for saying something like that wouldn't really make much sense, would it? Thank god for realism. (For all the good it does most of the time in this unfair world.) If anything, I should be glad I didn't unintentionally insult her strength by saying that it was surprising she was carrying so much weight. Then again, she _is_ Yang, so… egh, what is _wrong_ with me today? I'm not usually this scatterbrained...

"...you know what, how about we pretend this exchange never happened."

 **Ruby**

"No objections."

 **Yang**

"Motion carried."

...hold on a second.

"Wait, Yang. Why are you even carrying all the bags by hand, anyway? Why not use the inventory?"

 **Yang**

"..."

 **Ruby**

"..."

 _ **Wump-woomp-wup-wumm bowwwwrrrr!**_

 **OFFICIAL ZEISS FAIL COUNTER: 2**

 **OFFICIAL YANG FAIL COUNTER: 1**

 **OFFICIAL RUBY FAIL COUNTER: 1**

Oh, neat. So it's not just me who has the fail counter.

"...holy sh ***BEEP*** t, we're all idiots. I can't believe we just up and forgot we had that. How did we manage to do that?"

 **Yang**

"...well, I feel incredibly stupid now. How 'bout you, sis?"

 **Ruby**

"More like a mix of shame and self-loathing."

"You know what? This is actually pretty hilarious, but for all the wrong reasons. And we should probably stay out of sight. I don't wanna give people too many hints on what I can do."

 **Ruby**

"Yeah, good idea. Come on, I know a spot that should be perfect for this kinda thing."

* * *

"Okay. On three, drop the towering pillar of bags."

 **Yang**

"Right."

"Here we go. One… two… three!"

 **Yang**

"Bombs away!"

 _ **Pliplipliplipliplipliplipliplipliplipliplink!**_

"Hah ha ha, success!"

 **Ruby**

"Wooooo!"

 **Yang**

"Oh, yeah! Now that's how you get it done!"

"But seriously… fourteen separate bags? How much cash did you spend?"

 **Yang**

"Eh, only around… 400 lien, I think? Yeah."

"Wow. You actually spent less than I did… I am unsure how to feel about this. I could have sworn cosmetics were supposed to cost more than actual weapons…"

My 1,200-plus hours of Team Fortress 2 playtime must be acting up again.

 **Ruby**

"What? How's that supposed to make sense?"

"I dunno, I just… ugh, whatever. Forget about it. Not important."

 **Ruby**

"Well, if you say so…"

"By the way, Ruby, did you buy anything? I saw you window shopping when I was getting my stuff, but did you get something when I wasn't looking?"

 **Ruby**

"Oh, nothing much. All I did was go to the bookstore and buy the latest issue of X-Ray and Vav. I've heard it's pretty amazing!"

"Oh. Cool."

So all the fan theories about miscellaneous stuff in this universe referencing other RT series were true… I mean, yeah, People Like Grapes is a thing here, but whether or not that was the only shout-out was up for debate until now. Cross that off the 'Misc. To-Do List.'

"All right. We good on everything? No more trips?"

 **Yang**

"I'm done."

 **Ruby**

"I'm fine."

"Okay, good. Time to head back, then."

Of course, now would actually be the perfect moment to go on a group quest, now that I think about it. I could try the IDs, but that would feel weird, and I'm not completely confident in our ability to remain unscathed.

...I swear, if we suddenly get a call for help out of nowhere-

 **Clover**

"Um, excuse me…"

Oh, don't tell me…

 **Clover**

"Are you huntsmen?"

You… you're kidding, right?

 **Yang**

"Well, technically we're still in-training, but we can hold our own pretty well, if that's what you're asking. Why?"

She's gonna say what I think she is, isn't she?

 **Clover**

"Please, save my mother! We were out picking flowers in the forest, a-and we got attacked by a Grimm! S-she told me to run away, so I did, and it, it chased after her, and I-I didn't know what to do, so I ran here, and I don't know if she's okay or if she's hurt or she's-"

 **Quest Alert!**

 **Flowerfield Fright**

 **Clover Greene and her mother Selena were attacked by a Grimm while picking flowers. After Selena lured it away using herself as bait, Clover fled and came to you for assistance. Rescue Selena and return her to Clover in one piece, and while you're at it, slay the evil beast that dared do them harm.**

 **Objectives**

 **-Find Selena**

 **-Kill the Grimm chasing Selena**

 **-Return to Clover**

 **Rewards**

 **-500 EXP**

 **-200 Lien**

 **-?**

 **-Raise Ruby's support level to E**

 **-Raise Yang's support level to E**

God damn it, Gaia, could you BE any more cliched?!

 **Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, what are you blaming me for? I'm not responsible for this!**

That's what you said the last three times!

… **point, but this is different! I swear, it wasn't me this time!**

Ohhh- gah, forget it, I'll deal with this later.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, calm down, it'll be fine. Where were you when you got attacked?"

 **Clover**

"I-it happened at Ram Field. The clearing w-with all the flowers."

"Okay, great. Could you point us there?"

 **Clover**

"U-um… I think if you keep running in that direction, you should be able to find it…"

"Thank you. You can rest easy now. We'll take care of everything else."

 **Ruby**

"Yeah! Don't you worry - we'll have your mom back safe and sound in no time!"

 **Yang**

"I know how it feels to lose a mother. I'm not about to let someone else go through that. Not when I can do something about it."

"Alright, then. Yang, Ruby, let's go."

 **Ruby**

"Right!"

* * *

"Okay. Yang, you still have Ember Celica with you, right?"

 **Yang**

"Duh. It's a part of my outfit, and I'm not about to forget about something as important as that."

Well, just to make sure…

 **Ember Celica**

 **Might: 70**

 **A pair of mecha-shifting gauntlets with built in shotguns. Manufactured by Yang with assistance from Ruby, these little guys pack a serious wallop whenever they are brandished by someone who knows how to use them properly. As this is a personal weapon, it grows in strength with its creator.**

 **Weapon damage scales with Yang's level.**

 **Deals 105 damage per shot using standard dust ammunition.**

 **When attacking at range, adds wielder's DEX to total damage.**

 **Allows the user to perform unique combat skills based on weapon parameters.**

"Good. Now, Ruby, since you don't have Crescent Rose yet, you'll have to use something different. Here, take these."

 **Iron Scythe**

 **Might: 35**

 **An ordinary gardening tool designed for reaping crops that can also be used for ending lives. Combat styles with this weapon and others of its family are highly unorthodox and unusual, resulting in a sort of high-risk-high-reward method of fighting that leaves little room for error.**

 **Requires a Scythe Mastery level of 20 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder's Strength stat is lower than 20.**

 **Westerner's Tagger (Chesterfield XPR)**

 **Revolutionary for its time, this bolt action rifle was considered to be one of Chesterfield's best products when it was first released to the public. Durable, rugged, and very high-performing, the XPR features a superior trigger system that sets it apart from the crowd.**

 **Requires a Sniper Rifle Mastery level of 20 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder's Strength stat is lower than 25.**

 **Deals 180 damage per shot using standard dust ammunition.**

 **Ignores 15% of target's RES.**

Monster drops can get really nonsensical at times. All I'm gonna say.

"Use the inventory menu to equip them both. If you need to switch between them, soft-command 'switch' and you'll swap weapons. Got it?"

 **Ruby**

"Yeah. Sounds simple enough."

"All right. We should be coming up on the target location right… now."

 **Landmark Discovered**

 **Ram Field**

 **+50 EXP**

...of course she's not here. Her daughter said that she took off running to distract the Grimm that came after her. We'll have to look for-

"AAAAHHHH!"

 _ **SMASH!**_

 **Objective complete: Find Selena**

Oooor that could happen. Good thing, too- I was _not_ looking forward to a search quest. What a dreadful way to eat up time.

Of course, that's not the worst of our problems.

 **Ursa**

 **Level: 11**

 **HP: 1,550**

 **VIT: 155**

 **STR: 105**

 **INT: 0**

 **DEX: 43**

 **AGI: 44**

 **RES: 90**

 **LUK: 0**

 **CHR: 0**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **A large, hulking beast of a Grimm, the Ursa is what you get when you sharpen a bear's claws, give it natural armor, and instruct it to kill all humans and pretty much everything else that moves. They pack a serious punch and really know how to take a beating, but are otherwise slow compared to other Grimm.**

And wouldn't you know it, he just happens to be the very same one that I narrowly escaped from back when I was doing the herb quest. Well, this is as good a time as any to settle the score. Even better - counting the damage boost from Sword Mastery, I only end up dealing around 30-35 damage per auto-attack. Joy.

How's the NPC doing?

 **Selena Greene**

 **Level: 13**

 **Class: Civilian**

 **HP: 46/70**

 **VIT: 7**

 **STR: 4 (-1)**

 **INT: 8 (-1)**

 **DEX: 7 (-1)**

 **AGI: 9 (-1)**

 **RES: 3**

 **LUK: 40**

 **CHR: 19**

 **Status: Fatigued**

 **Thracia veterans are not amused. Lowers STR, INT, DEX, and AGI.**

 **The mother of Clover Greene. Has played the role of Clover's sole caretaker ever since her husband Glaz disappeared after deciding he wasn't ready to take up the mantle of father. Despite this, she lives a happy and content life with her daughter.**

Well, at least she's not dead. But she will be in a second if we don't do something.

"Okay, battle plan. Ruby - I know from firsthand experience that you're stronger than you look, but I don't think the scythe I gave you is enough to effectively damage that Ursa. Yang will have better luck, but unless you're in a pinch, stick to your rifle and give us cover fire. Sound good?"

 **Ruby**

"Yeah. What about you?"

"We'll be up close and personal, of course. Yang, you're the only one of us who can do any noticeable damage to the big bad bear, and I have a few tricks up my sleeve that should be able to help out."

 **Yang**

"Got it. Let's go! HEY, CHUNKY! WHY DON'T YOU PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE?!"

 _ **SWIP!**_

 **[Provoke]**

 _ **FSSSS-PAK!**_

 **-1 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 1549/1550**

 **Status effect "Taunt" inflicted.**

 **Taunt**

 **U FOCKIN' WOT, M8?! Forces the victim to focus their attacks on the enemy who taunted them until the effect wears off. Note that AoE attacks can still hit other targets.**

...wow. She… actually just picked up a pebble and beaned him in the face with it. NGL, that's kinda hilarious. Frederick would be proud.

 **You have been targeted by: x1 Ursa (Level 11)**

 **ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

 **Track Cue: Battle! (Xenoblade Chronicles 2)**

Oh, boy. This is gonna be _fuuuuuun…_

 **Ruby**

"Hey! You, grown-up lady! Run! We'll take care of this!"

 **Selena**

"O-okay! Thank you so much!"

 **Ruby**

"You can thank us later! Go! Get to safety!"

 **[Gemini Bullet]**

 _ **PWAM! PWAM!**_

 **2 HITS**

 **-94 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 1,455/1,550**

There goes little red. Good on her. My turn!

' _Powerslash.'_

"HuuuUT!"

 **-105 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 1,350/1,550**

 **[Knockback Immunity] ignored.**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

Praise be to Anna, for she has blessed me with RNG fortune! I'll make use of this opening by chaining skills!

' _Sword Flurry.'_

"Ghn-HAAA!"

 _ **TINKTINKTINKTINKTINKTINKTINKTINK!**_

 **8 HITS**

 **NO DAMAGE!**

 **Status effect "Bleed" inflicted.**

 **Bleed**

 **Quickly, find a red shirt! Deals 2.5% of the victim's max HP as damage every 10 seconds until the user is severely healed, the effect wears off, or the effect is cured.**

...riiiiight. Sword Flurry lowers my strength to a little less than half. Probably should have thought about that before using it. Well, at least I made it bleed.

 **Status effect "Taunt" has worn off.**

-oooOOOH SHIT!

"Whoa!"

 **MISS!**

Oh, man that was clo-

"HOOF!"

 **-79 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 371/450**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

That was _sooo_ not pleasant. I swear, if it weren't for Gamer's Body, I'd probably be unwillingly vomiting right now.

 **Yang**

"You've done it now!"

 **[Hard Cross]**

 **-344 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 1,006/1,550**

 **Status effects "Break" and "Knockback" inflicted.**

 **Break**

 _ **Brawl's**_ **got nothing on this. Forces the victim to be susceptible to skills that inflict Topple for as long as the effect lasts.**

Wow. Hard to believe she's that powerful, yet only 3 levels above her sister and 6 above me. Granted, this thing is a garden variety Ursa - something Salem has been seen using as tank fodder alongside Beowolves. But still, for a starting area like this, it's almost as if she's sandbagging. I'm actually kinda jelly.

 **[Vulcan Combo]**

 **Yang**

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORA! ORAAAA!"

 **8 HITS**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-350 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 656/1,550**

Holy crap, she has literally zero chill! If this keeps up, I might as well start calling her Tibarn! Or… actually, I think I might call her 'JoJo' instead. No mistaking that battle cry.

 **Bleeding! -34 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 622/1,550**

 **[AP Round]**

 _ **KA-PLAM!**_

 **-119 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 503/1,550**

 **Status effect "Break" reapplied.**

There goes Ruby again. Nice of her to pull her weight.

Oh, boy. That's an _AnGeRy_ Ursa if I've ever seen one.

 _ **GROOAAAAR!**_

 **Status effect "Enraged" inflicted.**

 **Enraged**

 **REEEEEEEEEE! Boosts STR, DEX, and AGI by 50% while the victim is below half HP.**

Yeahhh...

' _Switch.'_

I think I'll stay back for a while and take pot-shots.

 _ **BUDUDUT! BUDUDUT!**_

 _ **TITITINK! TITINK!**_

 **MISS!**

 **5 HITS**

 **NO DAMAGE!**

"Damn it."

Even with the RES-pierce, it doesn't do shit. Figures. Oh, well.

 **Skill "Rifle Mastery" created!**

Fuck off.

' _Switch.'_

Might as well use Bullrush and then auto-attack it until it dies. Maybe I won't get K.O.-punched into oblivion.

' _Bullrush.'_

"Outta the way!"

 **-40 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 463/1,550**

Oh, look, Powerslash recharged. Better use that, then.

' _Powerslash.'_

"And another!"

 **-105 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 358/1,550**

 **Status effect "Knockback" resisted.**

 **Yang**

"Here's the kicker!"

 **[Flying Guillotine]**

 **-258 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 100/1,550**

Heh. Get it? 'Cause she pulled an axe kick n' she said 'kicker…' haaa.

 **Bleeding! -34 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 66/1,550**

 **Yang**

"Ruby! Finish him!"

 **Ruby**

"Gotcha!"

 **[Trick Shot]**

 _ **PLISHEW!**_

 **-137 HP**

 **Ursa HP: 0/1,550**

 **Ursa (Level 11) Slain!**

 **+800 EXP**

 **+100 Lien**

 **RUBY LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 50 + 4**

 **STR: 65 + 5**

 **INT: 42 + 3**

 **DEX: 101 + 9**

 **AGI: 103 + 9**

 **RES: 29 + 2**

 **LUK: 60 + 5**

 **CHR: 70 + 6**

 **YANG LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 131 + 9**

 **STR: 132 + 9**

 **INT: 50 + 3**

 **DEX: 74 + 5**

 **AGI: 62 + 4**

 **RES: 37 + 2**

 **LUK: 57 + 4**

 **CHR: 106 + 7**

 **Track Cue: Victory! Cloud (Super Smash Bros. 4)**

"Hmph. _Waruku omou na._ "

YESSS! _Totally_ nailed the Cloud impression! I even pulled off the sword spin and everything!

...I'm such a loser…

 **YOU WON!**

 **Battle Rewards:**

 **x1 Ursa Pelt**

 **x1 Bear Gloves**

 **Objective complete: Kill the Grimm chasing Selena**

Bear Gloves?

' _Observe.'_

 **Bear Gloves**

 **Might: 40**

 **The gloves your gloves could punch like if they stopped using Beowolf-padded paws and switched to Ursa hide. They feature a pair of razor-sharp knuckle claws that add massive amounts of cutting POWEEEEEEER! And an extra chance of Bleed on every attack.**

 **Requires an Unarmed Mastery level of 20 to use effectively.**

 **Will reduce Agility if the wielder's Strength stat is lower than 15.**

 **Has a 15% chance of causing Bleed on every hit.**

 **5% increased critical rate.**

Oh, wow. You're not even _trying_ to be subtle with these references, are you, Gaia?

 **Come on, let's be honest here. 'Subtle' is probably the last word that could possibly exist in Terry Crews' dictionary. Trying to stop him from being hammy beyond belief would be like trying to stop Bayonetta from breaking the meta.**

...true. But whatever. Yang doesn't really need these since she's got her personal weapon, and Ruby doesn't have an interest in unarmed combat - though I hope I've made progress on changing that opinion - so the only person who could really benefit from these is me. 'Course I'll have to train a bit more until I can actually use them without accuracy penalties, but hey. At least I have them. I'll take the pelt, too. I smell the potential for an armor set.

Actually, wait. Looking back… how long did that take? Bleed's supposed to take effect every ten seconds, but I only saw it go off twice. And I applied it only a few moments into the battle… my god, were we really only fighting that thing for around twenty-something seconds?! Holy shit, that's amazing!

...well, in truth, not really. We had a second-year Signal student on our side, not to mention a dormant Silver-Eyed Warrior prodigy and a guy with quite possibly one of the most broken abilities in the history of the multiverse. This should not surprise me, and yet… it still does. Funny.

It makes sense, I guess. I've still only been here a week, compared to the 15-odd years I spent on a planet where all this is impossible. If anything, I should still be in shock at witnessing my newfound capabilities, much less everyone else's. That's gotta be the work of Gamer's Mind, no doubt.

Quite a few people seem to glaze over just how awesome this skill really is - when it's not demonized to completely cut off its users' emotions. Complete immunity to mental status effects, which when combined with Gamer's Body, also removes the chances of things like concussions and brain damage happening because of certain circumstances, like a blow to the head. Not to mention the fact that it allows its user to make choices backed entirely by logic, reasoning, and evidence, with no influence courtesy of emotions whatsoever, which also has the helpful side-effect of completely nullifying any chances of decisions like revenge or foolhardy bravado or cowardly useless fleeing being made. With this skill, the user no longer has to worry about things like fear or anger clouding their judgement, and can instead focus all their attention on whether the best option is to fight or retreat, or something else entirely.

Sheesh… these crazy things are really something else.

 **+50 EXP for deliberating the nature of reality-bending skills.**

Oh, thanks.

But enough introspection.

"You guys okay?"

 **Ruby**

"Yep! Not a scratch!"

 **Yang**

"He might as well have been moving in slow-motion. He couldn't even touch me."

"Okay, good… that's good."

 **Ruby**

"Well, yeah, but what about you? You took a pretty nasty hit there. Are you sure you don't need to rest or anything?"

"I'll be fine. One of my broken skills only lets me feel pain for a fleeting moment before the injury's fixed and the damage is deducted from my HP count. All I need to do is wait for it to replenish itself and then I'll be perfectly ouch-free."

 **Yang**

"...if you say so. Anyway, we should probably find that girl's mom."

 **Ruby**

"Oh, yeah, right! I told her to run, so I think she's probably headed back to Patch Town. We should go, too."

"All right."

* * *

 **Selena**

"There is no conceivable way I can thank you enough for what you've done for me today…"

 **Ruby**

"Seriously, don't mention it! This is kind of our job - we train specifically to deal with situations like yours."

 **Selena**

"Even so… I would feel terrible if I didn't offer some form of compensation."

"Ruby, just let it go. It's abundantly clear that she's not going to back down until she gets what she wants, so I advise you to stop trying to stop her."

 **Ruby**

"But what if she needs it later?"

"Well, then we'll simply give it back when she needs it."

 **Ruby**

"Eeeehhnnn…"

"Oh, come now. Just don't oppose it and let her thank us properly."

 **Ruby**

"...well, if you say so."

"Good."

 **Clover**

"Heeeeeeey!"

 **Ruby**

"What?"

 **Clover**

"Mister huntsmaaaan! Miss huntresseeeees! I've got something for youuuu!"

 **Selena**

"That sounds like my little lucky Clover. Seems like she wants to thank you, too."

 **Yang**

"All right, then. Okay, you two. Let's hear what the lil' kiddie has to say."

 **Clover**

"I found you!"

"Looks like you did. What were you saying before?"

 **Clover**

"I said I had something for you. And this is it!"

 **Yang**

"Is that… a carving?"

 **Clover**

"Yup! I've been working on it for a while now, and I just finished it yesterday. I figured I should get you something special for saving my mom, and I thought of this. Do you like it?"

 **Ruby**

"Whoaaaaa… cool!"

' _Observe.'_

 **Legend Icon**

 **A carving of a historic sword-and-shield bearing huntsman made out of wood. Not professionally made and has many noticeable imperfections, but is infused with the passion of its creator. Grants a permanent +5 LUK when used by any character.**

"Huh. For someone as young as you, this actually looks really good. Amazing, even. Are you planning to become a sculpture artist someday?"

 **Clover**

"What? Oh, no, this is just a little hobby of mine. But I'm glad you think it looks great! I put a lot of heart into it."

"Well, I can certainly say it shows. Thanks. We'll treasure this."

 **Objective complete: Return to Clover**

 **Quest complete!**

 **Flowerfield Fright**

 **Rewards received:**

 **500 EXP**

 **200 Lien**

 **Legend Icon**

 **Ruby's support level has increased to Rank E**

 **Yang's support level has increased to Rank E**

 **LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 45 + 5**

 **STR: 45 + 5**

 **INT: 38 + 4**

 **DEX: 45 + 5**

 **AGI: 45 + 5**

 **RES: 26 + 3**

 **LUK: 24 + 2**

 **CHR: 29 + 2**

 **Points: 35 + 5**

 **Learned "Sixth Sense!"**

 **Level Up at: 1,100 EXP**

Check it, yo.

 **Sixth Sense [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **A good mercenary is always aware of his surroundings - even when he's not looking at them. Grants the user the ability to instinctively sense when an attack they can't see is coming their way, among other things, such as danger.**

 **Ruby**

"Well, I don't know about you, but I think we've had a pretty good day, y'know? I'm feeling beat, though. Who's up for a little R&R?"

 **Yang**

"Good idea, sis. I'm kinda tired myself, after all that shopping and butt-kicking. Yo, Zeiss, we're gonna head home. What about you?"

"I think I'll do that, too. I've got some stuff to do at my place, anyway."

 **Ruby**

"All right. Well, bye! See you soon!"

"Back 'atcha."

 **Clover**

"Byeeee! And thanks again!"

"Don't mention it. Take care of yourself."

 **Clover**

"Okay!"

* * *

Huh… you know, I don't think I ever did check exactly what support ranks do. Lemme just…

 **Support Ranks**

 **Support Ranks are proof of you and another character's bonds. The closer the relationship, the higher the rank. There are 5 regular support ranks - E, D, C, B, and A. There is also a rank S, which is reserved for special cases such as married couples and true lifelong companions. Going into battle accompanied by a character or multiple characters that you share a Support Rank with grants you and your partner(s) a boost to your stats. The stats boosted depend on the Affinity of both you and your partner. There are eight different Affinities: Anima, Fire, Dark, Thunder, Wind, Ice, Heaven, and Light. Each Affinity boosts one of the eight stats, (VIT, STR, INT, DEX, AGI, RES, LUK, and CHR respectively) while simultaneously providing bonuses to accuracy, evasion, and critical hit rate. How much these are boosted depends on the rank.**

 **E: 5% boost**

 **D: 7.5% boost**

 **C: 10% boost**

 **B: 12.5% boost**

 **A: 15% boost**

 **S: 20% boost**

...probably should have expected this, given all the Fire Emblem references.

But, hold it. How exactly does Anima work when all it does is increase your max HP? If I go into battle, will I have to restore my health to get it up to max, or do I automatically self-heal by the amount of bonus HP I get? And what about if I'm already damaged?

 **Option two. Have another Anti-Frustration Feature. You're welcome.**

Aww, thanks!

So this means… hm.

' _Supports.'_

 **Support log**

 **Affinity: Anima**

 **Ruby - Rank E - Affinity: Wind**

 **Yang - Rank E - Affinity: Fire**

 **Qrow - Rank E - Affinity: Dark**

Okay, math time.

If I go into battle with only Ruby, I get plus five percent to VIT and AGI, if I'm reading into this correctly. Lemme just pull up my sheet real quick…

' _Status.'_

 **Zeiss Serven**

 **Title: Child Cynic**

 **Class: Drifter**

 **Level: 9**

 **EXP: 400**

 **Level Up at: 1,100**

 **HP: 500**

 **MP: 420**

 **BP: 100**

 **VIT: 50**

 **STR: 50**

 **INT: 42**

 **DEX: 50**

 **AGI: 50**

 **RES: 29**

 **LUK: 26**

 **CHR: 31**

 **Points: 40**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Lien: 350**

I have 50 AGI and 50 VIT. 5% of 50 is 2.5, if I'm not mistaken. That brings up a different problem, though - when faced with point-fives, does the system round up or down?

 **It rounds up. We at least have the decency to follow proper math protocol, unlike that Shouzou Kaga bastard.**

Great, thanks. So that means plus three to both those stats, which gives me 30 more points of HP and lets me move slightly faster. Not really anything to write home about, but I think this has the potential to be a future game-changer. 15% may not look like much on paper, but in practice, it might just save my life someday. This also isn't counting other people I've supported, like Qrow and Yang. Not to mention what might happen if I end up supporting with another person who has the same Affinity as me. Even at base, that's still a 10% increase to a single stat - and at A Rank, that's a whopping 30% HP boost. Definitely not something that should be taken lightly.

I wonder what everyone else's Affinity is. Jaune's either Anima, Heaven, or Light - but if I had to pick one, I'd say Heaven, given how lucky he gets at times. Nora's definitely Thunder. Weiss is unquestionably Ice. I'm heavily leaning towards Dark for Blake. Ren's probably Wind, too. Or he could be Dark, either one's equally plausible. Pyrrha… she's a toughie. She could be Light, or Anima, or Fire, maybe Thunder… I dunno about her.

And… I can't help but think: how good is Light, really? The only practical applications I can see for Charm are all performed outside of combat, and support bonuses are only active when in combat. How exactly does it help?

 **Never underestimate what high morale can do in the face of overwhelming odds. Remember Saias and Reinhardt? Think of it like Leadership Stars.**

...oh, yeah.

Food for thought - if Jaune does turn out to be Light and he achieves a support rank with everybody in teams RWBY and JNPR, that means that they all get Charm bonuses, which means they can all inspire each other to feats of greatness even more amazing than normal. That could very well have the potential to be game-breaking.

And let it be known to the world that I shall try my damndest to make sure that he and Pyrrha get an S-Rank. Not doing so would be a disservice to canon. (Which in all honesty probably wouldn't be a very big deal, given how much of it I'll likely end up screwing over, unintentionally or no.) Plus, what with Pyrrha's stats, she'll become even more broken than she already is. Hell, I might as well start calling her 'discount Titania,' given that all she needs is a horse and about another decade, maybe a few years more of living to be a modern carbon copy of the legendary Gold Knight. (Save for the fact that she favors Lances over Axes, but that's neither here nor there.)

But wait, there's more - is there an upper limit to the number of supports that can be active at once? If I go into battle with two people that have the same affinity, are the bonuses stacked?

 **If that happens, you'll only get the bonuses from the character that you have a higher rank with. We did that to combat support oversaturation. So… sorry, but mimicking Critger isn't possible. At least, not in the conventional way. Given that you're The Gamer, there's a not-insignificant chance that you'll find a way to pull it off despite the restrictions. You dirty cheater, you.**

Hey, if you throw bullshit at me, it's only natural that I return the favor. I mean, it's not like you aren't a cheating bastard too, aren't you? Somewhere down the line, there's going to be an enemy or a situation or a quest that just so happens to break or even completely shatter the established rules and regulations for what is considered 'fair.' Because what kind of game would this be otherwise, right? A 'fun and balanced' adventure for everyone? Ahaha, _no._ I don't think so. The cold hard truth is, at some point, you're going to cheat. And when you do… well. I'll let you try to think up the worst thing you'd think I'd do. And then I'll do something at _least_ ten times worse. Because I'm a prick like that.

 **Were you trying to intimidate me just now?**

Maybe. Maybe not. But given how the text on that box appeared in a stilted and slower manner than the rest, I'll take that as a victory.

 **Quite the arrogant little shit, aren't you?**

Why, yes, thank you for the gracious compliment! I always strive to grief others to the best of my ability. I must say, I do _so_ love being such a massive troll.

In any case…

 **Legend Icon**

 **Use this item?**

' _Yes.'_

 **VIT: 50**

 **STR: 50**

 **INT: 42**

 **DEX: 50**

 **AGI: 50**

 **RES: 29**

 **LUK: 26 + 5**

 **CHR: 31**

 **Points: 40**

Okay. That should patch up my luck a little. Hopefully it'll pay off someday.

And now that that's taken care of… time for another all-nighter training montage!

* * *

 **A/N: That's a wrap. As you can see, quite a lot of features of the system are ripped from other game franchises and modified to work in a real-time setting. The Provoke skill is actually pulled from Xenoblade - those who have played it will likely recall a tutorial early in the game that explains the mechanics of luring enemies by pressing down on the d-pad to throw a rock at their heads. I just decided to give it the name of a Fire Emblem skill that works on the similar principle of taunting enemies to prioritize attacking you. Aren't I just gEnIuS?**

 **Lots of FFVII references here. To those of you who remember "let's mosey" and the subsequent chastisement of Cloud by Barret resulting in the switch to the not-as-hilarious "move out," I salute your memory.**

 **If you don't know who Critger is, that's fine. Look it up, and you'll find out why he's such an absolute legend.**

 **I'm really running out of things to say here...**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	5. Is Finding A Good Way to Spend It

**Ruby**

"So you're really leaving…"

"Yeah. I'm sure you understand - I can't stay in the Newbie Plains forever. Some day, I was gonna have to find a better place to grind at. And with your first day at Signal being tomorrow, I figured it might be best to go out into the wide world and see if I can recruit any more party members, considering you and Yang won't be available all the time anymore."

 **Ruby**

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Hey, don't be such a Debbie Downer. This is what you've been waiting for your whole life, right? Learning how to combat humanity's greatest enemy? Field experience is great and all, but you'll eventually hit a ceiling if you don't have the fundamentals to build on and improve. Everyone knows that. No matter how you look at it, school's gonna be great for you."

 **Ruby**

"I know, it's just… I wish you could be there with me, too. I've only known you for a couple weeks, but you're already one of my best friends. And… well, since we're being honest here, one of my only friends. It's gotten to the point where I'll really miss you when you're gone."

"Aww. Come here."

Hugs always make everything better. Except when they lead to you getting stabbed in the torso.

"It won't be that bad. I've already decided that I'll be coming back here every summer break. All you have to do is make it through 9 months of homework and you'll be prepared to see me again. Besides, I'm sure you'll get lots of new friends at Signal. I'd imagine someone with such a bright and cheery attitude like yours would be hard-pressed not to."

 **Ruby**

"Oh, stop it, you! We both know how hard it is for me to work up the courage to approach someone I don't know!"

"What if they have a really cool weapon?"

 **Ruby**

"...okay, I see your point. But I'm going to be in a class with a bunch of other first-years, and I'm willing to bet that some of them haven't even decided what weapon they want for themselves. Nobody my age will be carrying around anything good."

"Alright, alright. But seriously, I'm just saying that sometimes, all it takes is just walking up to someone and saying hello. After that, all you have to do is improvise, and I'm sure everything will work out just fine."

Man, that's such a parental thing to say. I almost feel old.

 **Ruby**

"Well, if you say so. Where are you running off to, anyway?"

"At the moment, Vale. From there… I don't know. I guess I'll just wing it and hope for the best."

 **Ruby**

"Wow. You'd think that the guy with an Intelligence stat of 66 would have a better plan than that, but I guess not."

"Hey! I'll have you know that the majority of my plans are perfectly serviceable!"

 **Ruby**

"You mean like that one with the Boarbatusk horde?"

"How was I supposed to know that their super sonic spin-dashes could knock down trees?!"

 **Ruby**

"Or that time with the scissors and the Alpha Beowolf?"

"...okay, yeah, in hindsight, that _was_ pretty stupid. Looking back, I don't know what the h ***BEEP*** ll I was doing, thinking that was a good idea."

Awkward silence…

"Soooo… yep. I've already said my goodbyes to everyone else. All I have left to do is board a bullhead to Vale."

 **Ruby**

"This is it, then. The last time I'll see you for at least nine months."

"Yeah. I'll miss you, you know. I'll miss everybody. Yang, Qrow… maybe even Taiyang."

 **Ruby**

"We'll miss you too, Zeiss. You've already made such a huge impact on both me and sis despite the fact that you haven't even been here that long. Without you, things just... won't be the same around here."

"Yeah, I guess they won't. But c'mon, Ruby, chin up! It's not like I'll be leaving forever. You'll be seeing me next summer, after all. And who knows - maybe you'll be seeing me at Beacon once you get there yourself!"

 **Ruby**

"Wait, you… want to go to Beacon Academy too?"

"Oh, right, I guess I never told you, huh. Well, in short, yeah. I mean, it's not like it'll be very difficult. All I have to do is level up enough times to pass the entrance exam, and bam! No combat school diploma required."

 **Ruby**

"Heh heh, right. Sometimes I forget just how insanely unfair your ability really is. Normal people can't just fight a bunch of monsters every day and then turn around and ace a test."

"No, they can't. Which is why I always take it upon myself to squeeze out every last advantage I can get from it. Being branded a literal Life Hacker is a small price to pay for all this power. Not to mention all the free randomly-generated stuff I get. One such advantage: I never have to worry about student loans. Take that, College debt!"

Funny how I'm making a joke like that while I'm still three years away from living that fresh hell.

 **Ruby**

"Oh! That reminds me - speaking of free stuff…"

 _ **A short time later…**_

 **Ruby**

"I wanted you to have this. I was going to give it to you sometime later, but since I won't be seeing you for a while, it's probably for the best that I give it to you now."

Is that… that's a gunblade, right? Doesn't look like any I've ever seen before, though...

' _Observe.'_

 **Crimson Violet**

 **Might: 90**

" **A rose by any other name…"**

 **A one-of-a-kind gunblade of completely unique shape and make. Lovingly crafted by Ruby Rose as a present for one of her dearest friends, this weapon is fitted with an assault rifle instead of a standardized pistol to cater to the intended user's ranged weapon preference. While it may seem unwieldy, clocking in at 4 feet 6 inches and a blade width of 5 inches, in the right hands this hybrid is capable of great things. As this weapon was manufactured for the use of one specific person, it is considered a personal weapon, and grows in strength with its intended wielder.**

 **Weapon damage scales with Zeiss's level.**

 **Deals 98 damage per shot using standard dust ammunition.**

 **When attacking at range, adds wielder's DEX to total damage.**

 **Ignores 20% of target's RES when attacking at range.**

What the… is that Borderlands-style flavor text? Uh…

Holy _shit._

"Wow. I, ah… don't know how to properly respond to this. Um…"

 **Ruby**

"Well, for starters, you could always just say 'thanks.'"

"Oh, right. Uh, thank… you. I…"

Help help I don't know what to do oh god I'm getting a present from Ruby what the hell am I supposed to say this is amazing fuck fuck system failure I can't handle this kind of appreciation _WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?!_

 **Ruby**

"Um, hello? Remnant to Zeiss? Are you in there?"

"-uh? Oh, sorry, I just… don't know what to say. Simply saying 'thank you' seems… I dunno, too little for something like this. I-I mean, honestly, what did I do to deserve this? Sure, you said I was one of your few friends, but I never thought it would lead to something like… well, this."

 **Ruby**

"Wow. You really know how to sell yourself short, don't you? You already know how much I love weapons. Something like this shouldn't be this mind-blowing to you. And, honestly, you're making this out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. Sure, I spent a lot of time and effort on this, but that was nothing compared to everything you've done for me. If anything, I should be the one thanking you."

Fuck, this scene is so cliche, but _god damn it, why can't I laugh at it?!_ Maybe it's just easier to poke fun at a situation like this if you haven't gone through it yourself?

"Really? Wow… uh, hey, you realize how much this played out like one of those stale scenes in an anime or comic book or something like that, right?"

 **Ruby**

"What? What do you mean… oh. Huh. Yeah, it kind of did, didn't it? Ah-heh-heh… haaaaa… wait. Does… does this mean I might become a love interest?!"

"Wait, _what?!_ No, nonono, of course not! No way!"

 _Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!_

 **Ruby**

"Why not? Doesn't this usually happen between the main hero and one of their-"

 _ **SWAP!**_

 **Ruby**

"-MMPH!"

" _SSSSHHHUT… IT…! I don't know if your dad's eavesdropping on us or not! Listen, just, can we_ _ **please**_ _not talk about this now? Or ever? I would like that very much right now!"_

Oh, god in heaven, _please, oh PLEASE_ tell me Tai didn't hear any of that!

…

…

"...okay… okay… I think we're good…"

 **Ruby**

"Sheesh, Zeiss. I know dad's not too fond of me or sis… y'know, _liking_ anyone, but you didn't need to go that far just to keep me quiet."

"Are you kidding, Ruby?! You of all people should know just how overprotective he can be! If he gets even the _slightest_ notion that we _might_ start dating, he'll rip my heart out and stomp it six feet under!"

Hold on, idea.

"Actually, wait. Just to make sure…"

' _ID Create: Empty.'_

"There."

 **Ruby**

"Oh, hey, isn't this that Instant Dungeon thingy you used on Uncle Qrow back when you first met him? Cool!"

"Yeah, it was. But more importantly, why did you just jump to the conclusion that having a troperrific conversation like that meant that we might become a couple later?"

 **Ruby**

"I dunno, it just… came to me out of nowhere, and then I remembered how many stories I've read had something happen like that at some point that lead to ships sailing. And I just thought 'hey, Zeiss and me might actually work out. I mean, he'll be visiting me every summer until I go to Beacon, and then he'll be there too, and he's nice, he likes weapons too, and there's a bunch of other stuff that I like about him,' sooo…"

"I… huh. You… kinda have a point, there. Wow. That's… I don't know how to feel about that."

Aw, _maaaan._ I guess I failed to stop the S.S. Zeiss's shipment of fuel from hitting the docks.

Oh well. Was probably bound to happen anyway, given how I've been acting.

 **Ruby**

"You don't know how to feel about a _lot_ of things, don't you?"

"Heh. No, I don't."

Um…

"...so are we done talking about the whole romance thing? I admit that these IDs are nice for training, but the lack of ambient noise really creeps me out. I don't see how anyone could be completely comfortable in here."

 **Ruby**

"Yeah, I think we're done. And you're right. The atmosphere here is giving me serious goosebumps. I think I might get a cold sweat going if we stay here any longer."

"Great."

' _ID Escape.'_

Phew. Much better.

"...you know, I can't help but feel like we're mutually stalling just to get in a last couple of minutes together before I go. Normally I'd probably object to that, but I'm not really feeling it right now, so I won't."

 **Ruby**

"...yeah. We're just a regular couple of dorks, aren't we?"

"We totally are. But the thing is, it works to your benefit, since it combos into your natural adorableness for quite a devastating effect. Me, on the other hand? I've got nothing. So I just end up looking like a fool most of the time."

Having a high Charm stat would be nice. But apparently the universe loves screwing me over, so both it and my Luck stat growths are 2 per level. Which… honestly makes more sense than it should, when you consider that I'm a guy pulled from the real world into a stylized motion picture world. Compared to practically every other main character and their bishounen/bishoujo/what-have-you faces, I have the looks of a street thug. At this point, the best I can hope for is not to get outclassed by extras or side characters. But even then, given my track record, I don't exactly have much hope.

The way I see it, my only possible saving graces are permanent stat-boosters, like that one Legend Icon I got a while back. If I manage to find enough that relate to Charm, I'll be able to boost it up to the point where I can catch up with the rest of the cast. Given how rare they typically are in their home series, though, I'll be hard pressed to find more than 3 within my two-year time frame.

 **Ruby**

"Whoa, hey, you're not a fool! ...well, most of the time, anyway."

"Wonderful. Not even you can deny it. That settles it, then. Looks like I'll remain a blockhead for the rest of my days."

Cue the _Peanuts_ -brand 'AAUGH!' Press F to pay respects.

"In all seriousness, though, I really need to get going. If I stay any longer, I'll lose the will to leave. And frankly, I think your dad's starting to get tired of paying room and board for a guy he hasn't even know for a year yet. Oh - while I'm on the topic of that, here's some advice…"

Science has proven that filling a listener's vision with your countenance makes them that much more inclined to hear you out. (Not really, but there must be some acceptable excuse out there that allows my face to get within two inches of hers.)

"Puppy-dog eyes may work now, that's an irrefutable truth. But someday, sooner or later, the ones you use them on the most _will_ develop a resistance to them, and perhaps even an immunity. If you want my opinion? Try to save the remaining uses for when you think you really need them. Otherwise you may find yourself in a tight spot."

 **Ruby**

"Uh… okay? That's… weirdly specific."

"Don't question it and try your best to just take it at face value, trust me. Who knows - it might save your life at some point."

 **Ruby**

"I… find that a little hard to believe, but if you say so, then I guess I'll take your word for it."

"Good girl."

…

"And… uh…"

God, this is awkward…

"For what it's worth… give my apologies to Crescent Rose for being unable to see her birth in person. I know it may not be worth much, but it'll be all I have to offer."

 **Ruby**

"Aw, Zeiss… thanks. I'll be sure to tell her that once she's ready. And hey - once next summer rolls around, you'll be able to see her in all her glory!"

"Heh. Yet another thing I'll be looking forward to."

Funny. I remember criticizing other characters for being unable to just say goodbye and needlessly drag the scene on. Yet when I'm shoved into the same situation myself, I can't help but blindly tumble into the very same pitfalls that I poked fun at a lifetime ago. I guess it really isn't as entertaining, being on the other side of the fourth wall.

"Sooooo… uh…"

 _Just fucking spit it out, self!_

"...bye."

 **Ruby**

"Yeah… bye."

 _ **CREEEEAK…**_

 _ **CLI-TOONK.**_

 **Ruby's support level has increased to Rank D.**

* * *

 **A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter this time. I could label this an omake, but that wouldn't feel right since this is where our main character gets his first personal weapon. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not his Beacon weapon will be a separate construction or just a heavily-modified version of this sword, but I'll figure something out eventually.**

 **In case you're wondering, I'm imagining the rifle's firing sound as being the same as Counter-Strike: Source's M4A1 without the silencer. I felt it fit in with all the other stock weapon sounds. (I'll admit that Gambol Shroud's pistol didn't sound right to me at first, but it's grown on me. Stormflower's also a little quiet.)**

 **I'm not sure if that "66 intelligence" quip is correct. If I remember correctly, Zeiss should be around level 15 here.**

 **...bah, I'll just leave it in there. If one of you readers feels you have the proper score, write a review and explain your calculations.**

 **Anyway, this marks the end of the introductory arc on Patch. The next chapter features everyone's favorite (now-destroyed) city!**

 **By the way, for anyone who knows what the last four chapter titles have been referencing, here's a little treat.**

 **"There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation,**

 **'Til school comes along just to end it,**

 **So the annual problem for our generation,**

 **Is finding a good way to spend it…**

 **LIKE MAYBE:**

 **Buildin' a rocket, or fighting a maiden,**

 **Or climbin' up the CCT tower.**

 **Discoverin' something that doesn't exist, (Hey!)**

 **Or givin' a monkey a shower!**

 **Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots,**

 **Or locating Ironwood's brain. (I think it's gone!)**

 **Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent,**

 **Or driving our teammates insane! (RUBY!)**

 **As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do**

 **Before school starts next fall! (C'mon, Zwei!)**

 **So stick with us, 'cause Ruby and Yang are gonna do it all!**

 ** _So stick with us, 'cause Ruby and Yang are gonna do it all!_**

 **(PROFESSOR OZPIIIIIIIIIIIN! RUBY AND YANG ARE DOING A TITLE SEQUENCE!)"**

 **And with that, I bid you adieu.**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	6. We're Off to See the Wizard

**Pilot**

"All right, we're back on the ground. Make sure to check that you have all your luggage with you when you step off. I'm getting a little tired of throwing things into the Lost & Found."

I haven't even known this guy for an hour yet and I already love him.

Actually, come to think of it, his Observe description says he's Atlesian. Could this be the guy who pilots the cargo bullhead that Weiss makes her getaway in?

Nah, no way. The odds of that happening are one-to-some-obscenely-high-number.

Anyway, joke's on you, sucker - I don't _have_ any luggage. Or, at least, not that you can see. It's all in my inventory.

It's less funny due to the other people who also don't have any luggage and are just visiting for a quick day trip, but shush. I want to have my moment.

 **Pilot**

"Hey, buddy. You gonna just stand there, or did I miss the apparent fact that you bought a round-trip ticket?"

Aaaaaaand it's gone.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

 **NEW AREA DISCOVERED!**

 **Vale**

 **Landmark Discovered!**

 **Bullhead Airport #5**

 **+100 EXP**

Jeez. I know I was prone to spacing out back on Earth, but it seems like it's gotten worse since I came to Remnant. Maybe it's because I have to really think a lot on how the mechanics of my power work and how I should handle going about different things.

But… wait. Haven't I gone on mental tangents like that while simultaneously participating in a battle?

...holy shit, how the fuck have I not gotten killed due to inattentiveness yet? Is the boost to my natural combat ability so ridiculous that it lets me fight completely on instinct and disconnects my thoughts from the combat so that I can rant inside my head?

If so, then dear _god_ have I been failing to give the system the credit it deserves.

Or it could be the work of my increased DEX stat. If interpretation of the stat's description lines up with the way it actually works, then it would probably seem like the world slows down whenever I'm in battle. Naturally, that would allow me more time to ruminate on the rules and regulations before I have to react to an attack or some such.

...it just occurred to me that I may be spending a little too much time on shit like this.

But, gahh, if I stop now, how am I going to come across the sudden revelations that allow me to break the game in my favor?

 **Just letting you know, I would prefer if you stopped. We would like to keep everything here fair and balanced, after all.**

Oi, shut up. That's bullshit and we both know it. You don't get a say in this.

 **Just letting you know.**

And thou shalt go completely ignored.

 **Dick.**

Don't care.

In any case, I should get my priorities straight.

What to do first…

I don't know if I'll be staying here or traveling to other places. That being said, finding a place to stay probably won't be very important. Besides, all I really need to do is find an out-of-the-way hotel and pay for a single night's stay if I really have to.

I think I'm good on gear for the moment. I doubt I'll be needing another weapon for a while, given how my present from Ruby is considered a personal weapon. I like my clothes the way they are, so no changes yet.

Hmm…

Well, I suppose I could just wander the city and see if I find anything interesting.

 **FIVE SECONDS LATER**

Oh, hey, another Mach Speed Stage marker. Probably shoulda figured that there'd be one for the city itself, given how massive it is. Kinda like Spagonia, but bigger, and more like New Los Angeles in the visual sense.

 **Mach Speed Stage 2**

 **Vale**

" **City Shimmy"**

 **Best Time: - - : - -**

 **Best Rank: -**

Oh, let me guess: the track for this one's gonna be Rooftop Run, isn't it?

 **Play stage?**

 **Yes No**

' _Yes.'_

 **Loading…**

I can only hope that the difficulty curve isn't too punishing. I never liked going from zero to one hundred in two seconds.

 **Loading complete.**

 **STAGE 2**

 **Vale**

 **City Shimmy**

 **Objective: Get a feel for the lay of the land in Vale!**

Hoo boy. Alright, let's do this.

 **Track Cue: Rooftop Run - Day (Sonic Unleashed)**

Called it. (Good thing I left out the specific version.)

 **Ready…**

"Here we…"

Three, two, one…

" **GO!"**

No real exploration areas yet, just gotta make my way through this narrow alleyway…

And BOOM!

"WOOOOO!"

...oof. Hope I don't have to pay compensation for property damage. That's a lot of broken stuff… hold on, I get points for that?

Well, no better time to call upon my inner arsonist.

Wait. What the - you're telling me that Atlesian Knights are the enemies this time instead of the Grimm? Are you _trying_ to get me arrested?!

 **SLAM! +1000**

Oop. Well, I hope the authorities don't catch wind of that.

Hey, I'm on a highway!

Oh, that means I have to quick-step because cars, right? Yeah.

Left… right… right…

Wait, does that car have a _**BOUNCE PAD**_ on its roof?

Lemme just homing-attack that… and now I'm grinding!

With loops and corkscrews and rings, oh my!

And it took me under the freeway, into an… industrial district of some kind?

Are those drones? Did Atlas build those under everyone's noses?

Well, doesn't matter now. All 4 of 'em are trashed.

 **Radical! +4000**

Oh, and look, I actually get to run on rooftops! And a… that's a factory, right? It should be.

 _ **KRROOOOOOOOMM!**_

Hold on, is that a freaking _missile_ coming out of that hole?

...I have to jump on, don't I? I mean, why else would a ramp be there? Alright...

WHOAAAAAAAA-is that a bullhead? Uh…

 _ **FsssssSSSSSHHHH-**_

...oooOOO _OOOOOH SHIT SHIT SHIT JUMP!_

 _ **KABLAM!**_

Okay, so the level wants me to homing attack the bullhead that _literally just shot the missile I was riding WITH ANOTHER MISSILE?!_ _ **SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT?! LEEROOOOOOOY JEEEEENKIIIIINS!**_

Wait… riding on rockets… hanging on to short-lived transports… what the hell, I thought this was Vale, not Speed Highway!

Okay, jump off… now!

Skydiving section! Wheeeee!

Looks like I'm headed into what appears to be a residential district. Hope I don't inconvenience anybody.

Normally I'd be amazed at how I survived a fall from a height that would cripple, if not outright kill a regular human, but since when have platformers ever consistently adhered to the laws of physics?

AK-130s here, too? Either the government is _really_ concerned with citizen safety, or the game is screwing with reality again. My money's on the latter.

 **SLAM! +1000**

Sending fodder enemies flying will never get old.

Plaza up ahead. Perfect spot for a lockdown.

Yup. Five of the things. Not a problem!

 **5 HITS**

 **AWESOME! +5000**

There's the hook…

Huh, doesn't hurt nearly as much if you're prepared for it. Neat.

More blatant boost-to-win straight paths!

U-turn in three seconds, and… drift!

"Hup!"

 _ **SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!**_

Nice, pulled it off without having to resort to the guardrail!

 _ **GA-SHANK!**_

Well, _there's_ a Spagonian staple! Say hello to the Falling Spike Ceiling of Doom!

 _ **SMASH!**_

HA! YOU'RE TOO SLOW!

Oooh, a wall-jumping section! That means I just have to keep a rhythm of… jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! And… jump! There we go!

Midair ring trail? Why-oh, right, Light Speed Dash.

WHOA-HO! Now _that_ felt weird!

Hey, another quick-time launcher! I think I'll go… up!

 **OK! +1000**

Heh ha, found the grind rail!

Aaaaand it's another Chaser section.

 _But now it has actual robots! WITH_ _ **REAL LAZORZ!**_

 _ **KAZZZZZZT!**_

"Whup!"

 _ **KAZZZZZZT!**_

 **MISS!**

 _ **KAZZZZZZT!**_

"Are you guys even trying?!"

 _ **KAZZZZZZT!**_

I swear, balanced gameplay design turns all robots into complete idiots. And everyone else, for that matter.

 _ **KAZZZZZZT!**_

"Ahaha, _no."_

 _ **KRROOOOOOOOMM!**_

Oh, god, _not another one!_

"NYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH-!"

And a second bullhead-!

 _ **BVZZZZZZZZT!**_

AGAIN?! _AND THIS TIME WITH A GOD DAMNED_ _ **GATLING GUN?! FUCK THIS GAME!**_

Oh, well. At least it's good practice for the eventual moment where I'll have to rip off City Escape. Because there's _no way_ this game would take so much inspiration from Sonic without including a nod to the iconic stage.

In any case, the ring trail's up ahead, so I need to jump… now.

Wait, am I air-dropping into Beacon? Were we really going that fast?

Well, whatever, because apparently I get to run up the side of the CCTS tower!

"HYEAH!"

Complete with a rainbow ring at the top - which means bonus points for midair styling!

Now it's four positions…

That's one!

 **Good!**

There's two!

 _ **Great!**_

Three, oh yeah!

 **AWESOME!**

And the finisher!

 **OUTSTANDING! +7000**

And _that_ is how you do it!

Now I'm on another rail. Going around, and around, and around… and then a _**BOUNCE PAD!**_

 _ **CRASH!**_

Ah, crap. Hope nobody was using that dorm room.

A ramp in that spot? Why does the game want me to break these windows?

 _ **SMASH!**_

More drones to chain attacks to!

A-one, a-two-hoo, a-three… a- _ **BOUNCE PAD!**_

 **Great! +3000**

So first I was running in a hallway, and now I'm running on Beacon's roof. Seems legit.

Now for another quicktime jump pad combo!

So first I go here…

 **Nice!**

Then here…

 **Good!**

And then here…

 **Great!**

Another? Okay.

 **Awesome!**

One more? Fine.

 **Super! +5000**

And it has led me to… a _**BOUNCE PAD**_ sequence!

Finished off with a mad dash up Ozpin's office tower…

Leading to the goal ring at the top!

 **Track Cue: Results Screen (Sonic Forces)**

Wonder how well I did this time.

 **Time: 3:29**

 **Enemies: 40**

 **Rings: 283**

 **Bonus: 27,000**

 **Untouchable: 30,000**

 **Rank: S**

 _Oohhh yeeeaaaahhhh…_

 **S rank! +2,200 EXP**

 **LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 80 + 5**

 **STR: 80 + 5**

 **INT: 66 + 4**

 **DEX: 80 + 5**

 **AGI: 80 + 5**

 **RES: 47 + 3**

 **LUK: 38 + 2**

 **CHR: 38 + 2**

 **Points: 70 + 5**

 **Learned "Perpetual Advantage!"**

 **Level Up at: 2,500**

 **Stage Rewards:**

" **Cotton Grips"**

" **Target Scouter"**

And up I go to sixteen. Check the skill…

 **Perpetual Advantage [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Veteran combatants are always able to turn any situation to their benefit. Grants different bonuses whenever the user enters battle.**

 **If battle is initiated by the user: STR and DEX x 1.2**

 **If battle is initiated by an enemy: AGI and RES x 1.2**

 **If battle is initiated by neither: STR, DEX, AGI, and RES x 1.1**

Oh, that's nice. If I had saves to work off of, that could become integral for pre-boss builds. Stuff like 'let it attack you for the speed boost' or 'attack it first for more damage and better accuracy.'

Wonder why that 'neither' option is there. Wait… maybe it's for duels? Because the battle is started by a third party instead of the fighters? Yeah, it probably is.

Here's muh loot.

 **Cotton Grips**

 **A spiffy pair of cuffed white gloves. Great for all manner of occasions, such as fancy parties, business deals, or assassinations.**

 **Prevents fingerprints from being laid.**

Hmm… not half bad. I'll definitely be finding uses for those in the future.

 **Target Scouter**

 **The lifeline of any fighter working under an Arcosian. Rumor has it that the Cornerian Army also offers them to high-ranking space pilots. Crushing it after witnessing an out-of-nowhere power-up is highly discouraged.**

 **Can gauge a rough estimate of an entity's HP, AP, STR, INT, DEX, AGI, and RES.**

 **Provides a 15% bonus to accuracy and critical rate when equipped while wielding a ranged weapon without a scope.**

Bitch, please. You can't stop me from breaking this thing like a cheap toy. Not like I would lose much anyway - half of its purpose is rendered moot thanks to Observe. The only reason I'd wear it would be the coolness factor and headshot help.

 **Landmark Discovered!**

 **Headmaster's Office**

 **+200 EXP**

I think it's been about a week since I last checked my page. Just gonna…

 **Zeiss Serven**

 **Title: Child Cynic**

 **Class: Drifter**

 **Level: 16**

 **EXP: 200**

 **Level Up at: 2,500**

 **HP: 850**

 **MP: 700**

 **BP: 100**

 **VIT: 85**

 **STR: 85**

 **INT: 70**

 **DEX: 85**

 **AGI: 85**

 **RES: 50**

 **LUK: 40**

 **CHR: 40**

 **Points: 75**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Lien: 2,500**

I should really figure out where I need to put my points, and soon. Since training only gives EXP and not stats, it's pointless to hold onto them. The problem is knowing which stat will be useful in the future, and whether or not I'll find any perma-stat-boosters. I don't want to put a bunch of points into RES and then find a bunch of Dracoshield knock-offs that could have done the job for me and let me spend my points on something like LUK or INT to round them out.

Argh… I hate having to make decisions like these.

Okay, you know what? I'll just use them up if I feel I have to if I want to do something or win a fight.

Or… I could use them as a stand-in for the classic 'sudden power-up during a losing battle that turns the tide' trope.

Both of those sound like pretty good ideas. Those be going on the backburner.

Howzabout muh mad skillz?

 **Skills**

 **Gamer's Body [Passive]**

 **Gamer's Mind [Passive]**

 **Observe [Active]**

 **Sword Mastery [Passive] - Level 33/100**

 **Fireball [Active] - Level 4/10**

 **Adept [Active] - Level 4/10**

 **ID Create [Active] - Level 4/20**

 **ID Escape [Active] - Level 4/20**

 **Resolve [Passive] - Level 2/5**

 **Imbue [Active] - Level 4/10**

 **Twirl Slash [Active] - Level 4/10**

 **Poison Resist [Passive] - Level 19/100**

 **Pistol Mastery [Passive] - Level 18/100**

 **Alchemy [Active] - Level 10/40**

 **Spin Cycle [Active] - Level 3/10**

 **Unarmed Mastery [Passive] - Level 15/100**

 **Thunderbolt [Active] - Level 3/10**

 **Blacksmithing [Active] - Level 10/40**

 **Restore [Active] - Level 2/5**

 **Guard Stance [Active] - Level 3/10**

 **Rifle Mastery [Passive] - Level 19/100**

 **Allows the user to wield rifles of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases accuracy and reload speed by 1%. Rifle Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

 **Sixth Sense [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Windblast [Active] - Level 2/10**

 **Cost: 35 MP**

 **Summon a forceful gust of air to blow your enemies away. Has a base power of INT x 1.3. Damage dealt multiplied by 2.5 when used against flying or launched opponents. Very accurate, rarely misses.**

 **Vantage [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Iron Will [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **The phrase 'give up' does not exist in the dictionaries of certain folk. Once per day, the user can survive a lethal hit and instead have their current HP reduced by half, while gaining a five-second period of mercy invincibility. If the user is already at 1 HP, the attack will miss instead. Cooldown period resets at midnight.**

 **Disable Counter [Active] - Level 1/5**

 **Adopt a defensive posture, then automatically dodge an enemy's attack and inflict Disarm on them. Has a base success rate of 60%. For every level your opponent has over you, the success rate decreases by 5%. For every level you have over your opponent, the success rate increases by 5%.**

 **Corrode [Active] - Level MAX**

 **Strike at an enemy's weapon and rot it away into nothingness. If weapon's Might stat is higher than enemy weapon's, deals damage to enemy weapon equal to the difference between user's weapon might and enemy's. If total damage dealt to enemy's weapon exceeds its might, the weapon will be destroyed. Certain weapons improve the effectiveness of this skill. Some weapons, like many Personal Weapons, are immune to this skill.**

 **Perpetual Advantage [Passive] - Level MAX**

Well, they ain't much, but they pay them bills.

 **?**

"Might I ask what exactly it is you're doing up there, young man?"

Wuh?

 **Ozpin**

 **Wonderful Wizard of Beacon**

 **Archsage**

 **Level ?**

Oh, lol, hi.

"While I'd love to answer that question, there's a slight problem - I don't really know, myself."

 **Ozpin**

"Hmm… quite the conundrum, I'd say."

"It is, isn't it? You'd think that someone who could climb the tallest building in Vale would know very well why he's standing on top of it. But, nope. Here I am, with no clue why I'm here or of what I want to do."

 **Ozpin**

"Fascinating. Would you mind if I gave you a reason in the form of answering questions?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

 **Ozpin**

"First off, how _did_ you get up here?"

"I ran."

 **Ozpin**

"You ran?"

"Really fast. Right up the side."

 **Ozpin**

"I see. Next question, then - how did I, or anyone else for that matter, not see you running up the side?"

"Let me reiterate: _really fast._ "

 **Ozpin**

"All right, then. Number three - if you were going so fast, how did you manage to land on the roof of my office without punching a hole straight through it due to how fast you were undoubtedly going after launching yourself upward over the side and coming back down?"

"Parachute."

 **Ozpin**

"Okay. And how did nobody notice the eye-catching image of you parachuting down to the top of this tower?"

"You'd be surprised at how seldom people tend to look up on a normal day."

 **Ozpin**

"True. On to five: where did the parachute go?"

"I 'unno. I slipped out of it as soon as I landed. Who knows where it is now."

 **Ozpin**

"Mm."

Silence…

 **Ozpin**

"Well, I've got nothing."

"Seems like it."

 **Ozpin**

"Care to come inside? I just had a new coffee machine installed. Simply divine, I must say."

"I don't drink coffee. And forgive me if I don't fully trust people who invite others into their home without even knowing their name."

 **Ozpin**

"Ah, right, excuse me. You may call me Ozpin. Of course, most usually refer to me as 'Headmaster Ozpin' or just 'Headmaster', but I'm not feeling very formal at the moment. Might I ask your name?"

"Zeiss Serven. A pleasure."

Hmm. Seems like a standard enough grip.

 **Ozpin**

"Make yourself at home. Regretfully, I have yet to restock my snack drawers, but the school kitchen is always happy to lend its services."

"Oh, no, I would hate to impose…"

 **Ozpin**

"Nonsense. I firmly believe that guests should always be treated with respect and a fine meal."

"Quite an odd philosophy. You come up with that yourself?"

 **Ozpin**

"No, actually. I picked it up from an old friend. Sadly, they're long gone by now, but not following in their footsteps in this manner would leave a bad taste in my mouth."

"Interesting…"

Huh. This chair's actually not as uncomfortable as I thought it'd be, despite not having a cushion. Weird.

 **Ozpin**

"Say, Mr. Serven, if I may… what is your age?"

"Fifteen years. And please, drop the 'mister' bit. Makes me feel like I'm an adult, and if there's one thing I'm not, it's that."

 **Ozpin**

"Hm. Any desire to become a huntsman?"

"Somewhat. Not really much else I feel like doing with my life."

 **Ozpin**

"Would you be interested in attending Beacon?"

"Well, one of my friends will most likely be coming here in two years, and I have no doubts that her sister will follow in another two years. So yeah, I'd say I have proper incentive."

 **Ozpin**

"Excellent. Are you attending a combat school of any kind at the moment?"

"Nope. As far as anyone's concerned, I'm a wandering orphan without a family. Too broke to even get a scroll, much less pay for schooling."

 **Ozpin**

"Ah… my condolences. But I must say, you don't exactly look the part. To my eye, your garb looks hot off the presses - something that only a privileged child would have access to."

"Saw right through me, eh? I guess you're not the headmaster for nothing. Yes, I do have quite a bit of money, but the other part of my description is true. I don't really have a home, or relatives to call my own. As far as I know, every single one of them is dead. But that won't stop me, no sir."

 **Ozpin**

"You don't seem to be lacking in conviction, I see. Will I be seeing you in a few years for the entrance exam offered to all hopefuls without combat school certificates?"

"If I'm not dead by then, and don't have anything better to do, then yeah, you will."

 **Ozpin**

"Fantastic."

…

Silenceeeeeeee…

"Well, as riveting as this conversation is, I'm afraid I can't stay here. Places to be, people to see, all that jazz. You understand?"

 **Ozpin**

"Of course. The elevator is just behind you."

"Oh, apologies, but I don't think I'd do well in something so… conventional. Besides, if the rumors are true, I could be stuck riding that thing for an hour or more before hitting the ground floor instead of doing something productive. Mind opening a window, please?"

 **Ozpin**

"...well, if you think it wise, I won't stop you. Go ahead."

"Thanks. See you around. Oh, and if you see Qrow, tell him I said hi, and that I'm doing fine."

 **Ozpin**

"...all right, will do."

Wheeeeeee!

Wait for it...

' _Windblast.'_

"ERUWINDO!"

That should negate enough fall damage to let me survive…

 _ **CRACK!**_

 **-600 HP**

 **HP: 250/850**

 _ **Wump-woomp-wup-wumm bowwwwrrrr!**_

 **OFFICIAL ZEISS FAIL COUNTER: 6**

 _ **OHHOLYMOTHEROFPAINSOMUCHPAINFUCKSHITGODDAMNITPAINSUFFERINGWHYAGONYDYING-**_

And it's gone.

 **Landmark Discovered!**

 **Beacon Outer Courtyard**

 **+100 EXP**

Oh, shut up.

Now…

' _Imbue.'_

 **+196 HP**

 **HP: 446/850**

' _PotionPotionPotionPotion.'_

 **+400 HP**

 **HP: 846/850**

There we go. Natural healing factor should take care of those last 4 points.

Time to head back to the city. I think I've had enough fun for one day.

* * *

 **A/N: These chapters are a little shorter than the first couple for a number of reasons, chief among them being that I wrote the first ones as a sort of continuous non-stop chapter rather than a series of shorter ones. Fair warning - I don't exactly get any better at this for a while. At the moment, I have about two larger chapters still in stock, and after that, it's back to the keyboard.**

 **Anyway... what do you think of the anonymous pilot? Could he really by _that_ pilot? I'll leave that for you to decide.**

 **And with that, Ozpin himself has finally appeared. To my understanding, much of the fandom's reaction to him in the early volumes pretty much amounted to "he's a complete troll, but he's also smart and nice about it," so I just took that and ran with it. (I wouldn't know, I only got into this series around the time Volume 4 was ending.) Trust me - he may seem ordinary now, but when he comes back into play at a later date, you'll see what I mean.**

 **Zeiss also now has an in with Beacon. (Well, not really, but the Headmaster knows he's in play, and has ties with Qrow, so it's a logical idea to put him in with the rest of the cannon fodder.)**

 **That seems to be everything. Bye, then!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	7. I Scream, You Scream, We All Fall Down

**Headgear "Silent Strong-Arm" unequipped.**

Another bust. That's to be expected, though.

 **Track Cue: New Los Angeles - Day (Xenoblade Chronicles X)**

Jeez. I know the setting _kinda_ fits, but isn't this a little… I dunno, over-the-top? I'm no expert, but I don't think rock really fits with simply walking downtown.

 **Oh, quit your whining! I'm doing the best I can, here! I'd like to see you come up with a good alternative!**

What about Alba Cavanich's theme?

 **Does this place look like a sand-coated wasteland to you?**

Fair point. How far away am I from the next shop?

 **About three blocks. Check your map for directions.**

...I'm sure you know that was kinda pointless, but… ehh, first amendment.

' **MURICA, FUCK YEAH!**

COMIN' AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKIN' DAY, YEAH!

Okay, enough of that. I gotta get back to Neo-hunting.

No idea why the hell I'm scoping out someone who could end my life in under five seconds if she wanted, but whatever. I'm within my rights to have a death wish.

* * *

 **Headgear 'Silent Strong-Arm" equipped.**

Let's see, here…

Hm? What's this, now?

 **Neopolitan**

 **Cream-Blooded Killer**

 **Thief**

 **Level 26**

Heh. The disguise is nice, I'll give her that. But nothing escapes the system. _Nothing._

' _Observe.'_

 **Neopolitan**

 **Title: Cream-Blooded Killer**

 **Class: Thief**

 **Level: 26**

 **EXP: 1,750**

 **Level Up at: 6,500**

 **HP: 96**

 **AP: 2,440**

 **VIT: 122**

 **STR: 122**

 **INT: 96**

 **DEX: 257**

 **AGI: 267**

 **RES: 90**

 **LUK: 107**

 **CHR: 163**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Not much is known about this deadly connoisseur of sweets. What is known, however, is that she is highly dangerous to anyone who opposes her. (And that she's in love with ice cream, but that's not really important.) Rumors concerning her abilities are commonplace around the lower tiers of the criminal underworld, but whether or not they hold any grains of truth is debatable. She has recently come to work under the eye of one Roman Torchwick, a promising up-and-coming professional thief of Vale. Crossing her is not recommended under any circumstances.**

 **Notable Skills**

 **Semblance (Looking Glass) [Active] [Stage 1]**

 **Allows the user to create illusions made out of a fragile glass-like material. The user and other individuals as decided by the user will be rendered invisible for as long as the illusion remains unbroken. The illusions can produce sound, but will deal no damage. Costs 5 AP/sec. Cost is doubled for every extra person included in the illusion.**

 **Sword Mastery [Passive] - Level 45**

 **Sadist [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Some prefer ending battles as quickly as possible, but to others, the screams of their enemies are music to their ears. 5% of the damage dealt of any attack on a sentient being is returned to the user as AP. WARNING: this skill may also cause the user to prolong battles to the point where they themselves may end up losing to unexpected developments.**

 **Remnant Physiology [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Equipment**

 **Dignified Needler**

 **Might: 130**

 **The envy of prim and proper ladies of war the world over, this umbrella packs a nasty hidden blade within the shaft that can be used for stabbing or somewhat limited slashing techniques. The blade can also be removed from the rest of the weapon if the wielder so desires. The umbrella itself is unusually durable, providing as much, if not more protection than a standard metal shield, enabling it to guard against all manner of attacks. Although it can be picked up and used by anyone, it has been in the possession of Neopolitan for so long that it has gained the rank of 'Personal Weapon', and with it, the ability to grow in strength with it's prime user.**

 **Weapon damage scales with Neopolitan's level.**

 **Modifies certain Sword Skills to better fit the weapon's fighting style.**

 **Allows the user to perform unique combat skills based on weapon parameters.**

Oh.

 _ **Ohhh.**_

Shit.

I mean, I was kinda expecting her to be promoted, but this is just… oh, _man._

It's almost like she was designed for PK-ing. Which makes sense, since, y'know, she's kind of the contract killer type, but I never expected her stats to be on this level.

What to do now…

Well, I haven't had me a good bowl in a while. Let's see what this joint has to offer.

Vanilla… maybe, if nothing else is good. Chocolate… ehh, it's fine for the first few spoonfuls, but any more than that and it starts getting too thick for me to handle. Chocolate chip… too standard. Mint… never really was a fan of that. Strawberry… well, it's not bad, but I prefer others. Ooh, cotton candy! That's going on the reserve list. Anything else look good?

Oh, what, they have cookie dough?! Hell yes!

Birthday cake, too?! Is this Remnant's version of Cold Stone? Have I died and gone to Ice Cream Heaven?! Gimme dat shit! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Oh lol, Neapolitan's on the menu. Should I make a scene ordering it to catch her attention?

…fuck it, I'll get all four. Hopefully the Gamer skills prevent taste bud exhaustion.

 **Employee**

"Hello there, sir. You decided what you want yet?"

"Yeah… yeah, I think I have. Buckle up, buddy, 'cause _boy_ do I have a doozy for you. I'll be taking the cotton candy, the cookie dough, the birthday cake, _and_ the neapolitan. **All in one bowl.** "

 **Employee**

"Whoa, there! You _sure_ you wanna do that? I've seen people conk out for less!"

"You haven't seen me before, then. Do it."

 **Employee**

"Well… if you're sure. 'Customer is always right', as the old saying goes. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"I'm pretty sure I'll be fine."

 **Skill [Sixth Sense] triggered.**

 **Big Sister is watching you.**

Wow. You butchered that reference harder than a cow.

 **That analogy stopped being relevant the year slaughterhouses were invented.**

I beg to differ.

 **Employee**

"Here you go, sir. Good luck - you're gonna need it."

"Thank you."

 **Mega Mash-up**

 **A bowl of ice cream with four scoops, all different flavors. Try at your own risk.**

 **Heals 1,000 HP.**

 **Reduces all active cooldown times by ¼.**

 **Inflicts status effect "Stuffed" for 2 hours.**

And now, for something completely insane.

I'mma plop down riiiiight… here.

"'Sup?"

 **Neo**

^w^

(Hi! Nice shades!)

Hail the almighty power of subtitles!

"Thanks, I worked hard for 'em. Wanna see somethin' even cooler?"

 **Neo**

OvO

(Sure!)

"Then get comfortable. Show starts in three, two, one, _now._ "

 _ **A short time later…**_

Well, whaddaya know - my hunch was right. Taste exhaustion has no effect on me.

But… argh, those pupper eyes… and my natural Boy Scout instinct is telling me to do it.

"All right, fine. Take it."

 **Neo**

:D

(Yaaaay! My favorite!)

(Not-so) coincidentally, the only scoop left's the neapolitan one. 10/10, would keikaku again.

 **+750 HP**

 **Cooldown times reduced by 3/16.**

 **Status effect "Stuffed" inflicted.**

 **Time until natural cure: 01:19:59**

 **Stuffed**

 **The absolute worst condition for an animal to be in. Prevents the victim from eating any food for as long as the effect lasts.**

 _Oog…_

 **Neo**

0^0

(You okay?)

"No, no, I'm fine, I just… think the sugar-induced adrenaline rush stopped my body from telling my brain that this was a really bad idea and I'm just now realizing how stupid it was to try and eat all of that in one sitting. Ooohhh…"

 **Neo**

T_T

(You don't look very fine to me.)

"On second thought, yeah, you're right. I don't think I'm fine at all. I feel like I need to go lay down somewhere."

 **Neo**

一_一

(Hmm…)

Ugh… note to self: avoid doing this in the future if at all possible.

 **Neo**

;)

(Ah, what the hell. Not like I have anything better to do at the moment. Follow me.)

"...alright. I trust you won't lead me astray."

 **Neo**

¬‿¬

(Oh, don't you worry. I'll take _reeeal good care_ of you…)

"Yeah, that doesn't exactly give me confidence that this won't end horribly for me."

 **Neo**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(Heh heh heh…)

"...I have made a terrible mistake…"

* * *

 **Secret Area Discovered!**

 **SDC Vale Emissary Roof**

 **+400 EXP**

Well, isn't this quite a view.

"So… mind telling me how you got us past all those high-security checkpoints without so much as being glanced at?"

 **Neo**

TvT

(Trade secret!)

"Yeah, guess that was a little too much to hope for. I suppose I'll just take what I can get. Which isn't a bad deal by any means, mind you. I feel like I can see Atlas from up here."

…

"Say… why'd you even bring me up here, anyway? I wouldn't exactly count giving you a scoop as asking you out or anything of the sort. So what possessed you to take a guy you met not five minutes ago to a place like this?"

 **Neo**

^_^;

(To be honest, I was bored out of my mind and running empty on interesting things to do. My… job, let's call it, either has me on the clock or running free. Tasks have been few and far between recently, despite hooking up with a new employer. You just so happened to give me a convenient excuse to go and do something silly.)

"I hear that. Me, I'm a wanderer. For the moment, at least. Walking the world, seeing the sights, fighting the battles, meeting the locals, all that fun stuff. I'm gonna be going to Beacon someday, that's a fact, but I'm two years short of the recommended applicant age, and I don't feel like enrolling in a combat school halfway to graduation - would make it feel hollow and incomplete. Besides, why do that when I can just ace an alternative entry exam anyway? 'S pointless. But that's then, and this is now. And right this second, the only thing tying me down is that I have to be back here before the 24-month deadline ends. So I figured, 'hey, I never really traveled outside my hometown much before it was burned to the ground, so why not take this chance to catch up on what I've been missing?' Probably the single best idea I ever had, though that's not much, given I've only been alive for a paltry 15 years. Anyway, that's my story. No idea why I blurted it out to someone I just met, but whatever."

 **Neo**

U_U

(That's another thing… you're one of the few people who can actually understand me.)

Ī_Ī

(But more than that, you pulled it off on what should be our first meeting. What I want to know is how you were able to do it, and something tells me I might have to work for my answer. Now, under normal circumstances, I'd go through standard procedure for my line of work's method of persuasion, but I have a feeling that wouldn't be as fun or last as long that way, and if you want to get technical, I'm not putting in time right now, so I'm not obligated in any way to do that.)

TvT

(So… I wanna do this the old fashioned way. How 'bout it?)

Hm… A, or Y… truth, or lie…

Nah, X to doubt instead.

"I'd love to, but… if I answered you completely truthfully, I know that there's a pretty high chance of more questions coming right after - questions that would have some… well, interesting answers that I would like to keep under wraps for as long as possible."

 **Neo**

:)

(You _do_ know that only makes me _more_ determined, right?)

"Yeah, I figured. But I'm not too worried."

 **Neo**

TwĪ

(Oh, really? Why?)

"Because I can do _this._ "

Aaaaand-

 _ **SNAP!**_

' _ID Create: Empty.'_

Cue the Switch advertisement. Heh. Now...

Casually walk over here, lean on the wall all suave-like…

Am I trying too hard?

...yeah, definitely. But hey, if you've got it, flaunt it. I always did have a flair for dramatic re-enactments anyway. Might as well put that to good use.

' _ID Escape.'_

"Neat little trick, huh?"

 **Neo**

(0_0)

(Well… that's a new one.)

"Oh, by the way, you can cut the disguise if you feel like it… Neopolitan."

 **Neo**

-w-

(Heh heh… two surprises within ten seconds of each other. Today's getting more and more interesting every second.)

There's the hair everyone knows and loves.

 **Neo**

TwT

(So, what's your angle?)

Of course she pulls that pose. Still haven't figured out how to lean on the blade without it sliding out from under me… eh, maybe I could take a page out of Saber's book and try using a sheath for extra weight displacement? Bah, not important.

"Believe it or not, nothing, to be honest. I felt like doing something impulsive, so I thought I'd introduce myself to Vale's scariest (and cutest) criminal contractor. Judging by how today went, I'd say it was a smashing success."

 **Neo**

^w^

(That it was. So how'd you see through my semblance?)

"Oh, that? These."

And now, for my next trick, I shall pull out a pair of sick shades from behind my back!

 **Headgear "Silent Strong-Arm" equipped.**

"Nifty little pair of specs I found online. Cost a lustrous lien, but I can now say they're worth their weight in dust. Bonus points for looking badass as hell, too."

Total lie, but she seems to be buying it. Operative word being ' _seems_ '. I don't know how good she is at putting on a mask…

"Oh, and don't you worry - far as I know, these little beauties aren't being rolled off an assembly line somewhere. You ask me, I'd say they would be common in places guarded by folks with a boss at least as rich as a councilman, likely richer. Kinda how grown-ups get grown-up toys. You stay where you are on the ladder right now, and you'll be fine."

Wait, what's she… oh. Right. Probably should've expected that.

Back into the inventory you go!

 **Headgear "Silent Strong-Arm" unequipped.**

"Ah-ah-ah! No touching! You must be at least this tall to wear!"

 **Neo**

:(

(Aww! No fair! I wanna look cool, too!)

"You have an _illusionary Semblance._ I'd assume that looking cool would be the least of your concerns."

 **Neo**

LwL;

(Ah… right. Touché.)

More awkward silence. Because everybody needs it, no matter how much they say otherwise.

"...so, you wanna do anything else? I like feeling higher up than everyone else as much as the next guy, but standing up here doing nothing but talking doesn't get the blood flowing as much as I'd like. And before you make a joke about the wording… don't."

 **Neo**

TwT

(And tell me - _how exactly_ could you stop me?)

"Well, I could always just blip away, leaving you with the crushing guilt of knowing that you denied yourself a great friend and potential contact all because you couldn't keep your little trap shut."

 **Neo**

UwU

(Mmm… you drive a pretty hard bargain… all right, I'll hold back. This time.)

"Thank you. Anyway, you got another place in mind?"

 **Neo**

一_一

(Let me think… well, we could try visiting my workspace, but I have a feeling that might not work out too well…)

|:/

(Strip club…? Nah, I went there yesterday and it got stale in record time…)

T_Ī

(Wait, what about Junior's…? Eh, why not? He makes a mean cocktail, and I think this might be the one time of day when he doesn't blast shitty dubstep. Yeah, he'll do nicely.)

:)

(C'mon, follow me.)

* * *

 **Landmark Discovered!**

 **Three Bears Club**

 **+100 EXP**

Because of course it had to be named that.

"A club, huh? Nice. I trust you have a way to get around the ID issue?"

 **Neo**

9_9

(Would I have taken you here if I didn't?)

"Right, stupid question. Carry on."

Something tells me that intimidation's the name of the game here.

Yep, called it. If that bouncer's undies aren't soiled, he'll have earned my respect.

 **Track Cue: Mos Eisley Cantina (Star Wars: A New Hope)**

AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my GOD, that fits so hilariously well!

Now, what to get…?

Hey, G, can I get a list of popular cocktails? I wanna look hip.

 **Well, all right, but don't blame me if you get in over your head.**

Thanks. Let's see, here…

Ooh, that looks nice.

"I'll take a Brandy Daisy."

Never tried it before, but eh. If it's shit, that's my own fault.

 **?**

"Pardon the interruption, buddy, but… aren't you a little young to be ordering a cocktail?"

Well, hello, mister black bear. I think you may be mistaking me for a blondie.

' _Observe.'_

 **Hei 'Junior' Xiong**

 **Title: String-Can Overseer**

 **Class: Ruffian**

 **Level: 18**

 **EXP: 2,350**

 **To Next Level: 2,900**

 **HP: 111**

 **AP: 2,340**

 **VIT: 117**

 **STR: 134**

 **INT: 111**

 **DEX: 59**

 **AGI: 78**

 **RES: 117**

 **LUK: 57**

 **CHR: 80**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **A man who's made a living off of buying and selling information. Well-known for having the low-down on practically everything that happens inside Vale, whether it be legitimate transactions or back-alley dealings. If it went down inside the walls, chances are he knows it happened and at least a few of the details, and is more than happy to tell a paying customer all about it. He purchased a bar a while back and transformed it into the 'Three Bears Club', turning it into an unassuming front for all dealings concerning him. While he does have quite a few henchmen in his employ, he can often be found expressing his extreme displeasure at their rather poor performance.**

 **Notable Skills**

 **Club Mastery [Passive] - Level 34**

 **Allows the user to wield clubs of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases damage the user deals with clubs by 1%. Club Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

 **Rocket Launcher Mastery [Passive] - Level 32**

 **Allows the user to wield rocket launchers of all shapes and sizes with increased efficiency. Each level increases accuracy and blast radius by 1%. Rocket Launcher Skills will be unlocked upon reaching certain levels of this skill. Note that some weapons may require a certain level or higher of this skill to use properly.**

 **Remnant Physiology [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Equipment**

 **Big Stick**

 **Might: 108**

 **Speak softly, carry this weapon, and you will go far. This bat-bazooka packs a ridiculous punch, at the cost of accuracy and ease of use. However, it's nature negates the need for precision, only requiring pure brute strength to be made the most of. Getting hit by this monster will cause staggering at the very least, and a Star K.O. at most. Although it can be picked up and used by anyone, it has been in the possession of Junior for so long that it has gained the rank of 'Personal Weapon', and with it, the ability to grow in strength with it's prime user.**

 **Weapon damage scales with Junior's level.**

 **Deals 144 damage using standard HE rockets.**

 **When attacking at range, adds wielder's DEX to damage dealt.**

 **Allows the user to perform unique combat skills based on weapon parameters.**

Damn. If I don't dodge-tank, he'll own me pretty fast. Not that it would be very hard. I'm two levels below him, and I still trump him in both dexterity and agility.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

 **Junior**

"So then why are you _here,_ and not out _there?_ "

"Because of her."

Got a problem? Throw a Tactical Neo at it. Guaranteed solution in thirty seconds or your money back.

 **Junior**

"Ah-oh. I… see. Um… I'll leave you to your business, then."

Huh. Is he… stealth speed-walking? He totally is.

"Shame. He seemed nice. Why'd you have to go and scare him away?"

 **Neo**

T~T

(Because he would be a condescending dick the entire time. I'll admit that Junior's good at what he does, but there's a reason why pretty much nobody comes here for reasons other than dancing or getting drunk. He's… not the best conversation partner, to put it lightly. People respect him for his work, but very few can stand him.)

"Doesn't exactly sound like a good reputation to have, does it?"

 **Neo**

1^1

(He couldn't give less shits about that even if he tried. He's the most profitable information broker this side of Vale, and he knows it. He also makes sure to rub that in every chance he gets. Put simply, he's an asshole who can get away with it.)

"Hm… I suppose I'll take your word for it. He does seem like that kinda guy, to tell the truth. His attire doesn't exactly help matters, either."

He cleans up nice, I'll admit that, but there's just something about him that screams 'douchebag' to everyone in a twenty-foot radius.

On another note… I don't see the Malachite sisters anywhere. Makes sense, given how young they looked in the Yellow trailer. I doubt Junior would go as far as to hire children as bouncers…

Actually, disregard that. He totally would, the bastard.

 **Bartender**

"Here you go."

Sweet, my order's here.

"Thanks."

Moment of truth.

 _ **Sssssssslrp!**_

Well, well… not bad. Not great, but not bad. I could see myself getting used to this.

 **Status effect "Influenced" negated by Skill [Poison Resistance].**

Huh. That's a new one.

"So, if I may ask… what exactly is it that you do whenever you're not… y'know… kicking ass and taking names?"

 **Neo**

=/

(To be honest, not a whole lot. I've only recently gotten the chance to live a life that's close to what passes for normal these days. The leisure experience is… somewhat of a new concept for me.)

1_1

(Back before I got to where I am now, I hardly knew the meanings of 'rest' and 'relaxation'. It was always one thing after another, and whether it was good or bad didn't mean shit. There was always something that needed doing. Breaks, even if they only lasted anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, were seen as gifts from the higher powers themselves. If you were caught trying to take an unscheduled pit stop of your own, well…)

O~O

(Let's just say it wasn't pretty and leave it at that.)

;¬_¬

(Anyway, the point is that I lived most of my life treating rest time as what basically amounts to a commodity of sorts. So when I eventually struck out on my own and made a name for myself here in Vale, then got enough money to keep myself afloat and then some… I found I had a lot more free time than I was used to.)

1w1

(I mean, don't get me wrong, I like having more chances to enjoy my trademark favorite food, not to mention that I don't go to sleep feeling like a walking corpse nearly as much anymore. It's just that… I don't know what else is really worth doing.)

-＿-

(I've tried, but… nothing's really worked out. Hell, even destroying smaller gangs loses its luster and starts getting monotonous after the first three or so times. Unfortunately, there are only so many ways you can kill someone with a glorified poker before you start repeating yourself. And I can't just murder everyone in public - my reputation would drop straight into the negatives. So all I can really do is wander around the city, hoping against hope that a new job will come in or something interesting will happen soon.)

Hel-looo, sense of kinship. Replace her early life with school, and that would be me in a nutshell.

"Well, damn if that isn't disheartening. But… thanks, I guess. You didn't have to tell me all that, but you did it anyway."

 **Neo**

TwT

(Buddy, I have to say that you're either the bravest or stupidest person I've ever met. No ordinary man would just knowingly sit next to me without express insurance that they'd still have their balls intact in five minutes. And you just waltzed in without giving a single damn, despite knowing that I could kick your ass to the moon and back without breaking a sweat. I felt that deserved something.)

"Huh. Nice to know. So, wait… does that mean that I won't be getting special treatment if I try that again?"

 **Neo**

ÒvÓ

(Yep. You test me again, and I will shove this needle so far up your ass that you'll be able to use it as a tongue replacement.)

"Really. Well… guess I'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen, then."

 **Neo**

TwĪ

(And how exactly will you do that?)

"By making sure that it gets shoved up _your_ ass first."

 **Neo**

ÒwÓ

(Oooh-hoo-hooo, tough guy, eh? We'll see about that.)

"All in due time, my dear Ice Screamer. All in due time."

Oh, my drink's gone already? That was fast. Convenient, though.

"Oh, one more thing - just so you know, my name's Zeiss Serven. Remember that."

 **Neo**

òwó

(Count on it. I'll be waiting for you, ya cocky little shit.)

 _ **A short time later (what is this, number… four? Five? I forget)...**_

Okay, seriously, I did _not_ expect that to work out the way it did. But I'm kinda happy with the result. After all, I didn't die. And any crash that you can walk away from is a good one.

So…

Now what?

Hmm…

Hey, off in the distance… is that… Mountain Glenn?

Yeah, looks like it. Decently sized, I'd say. Nowhere near the height of giants like Everest or something, but more like, say… St. Helens size. Yeah, that seems about right.

Failed colonies are always either creepy or depressing. Depends on the setting, and the state of the buildings, I'd say. The better and more well-kept it looks, the creepier. Mint condition equals max creepiness. But if it looks like it was nuked and left to deal with the fallout, then it's demotivating as hell. Nothing like a post-apocalyptic wasteland to make you feel empty inside.

But it's not what's on the surface that I'm really worried about. It's what's sitting beneath.

I'm gonna need to find a way to deal with that damned dragon. That problem could be solved if I got my own personal space station that every other Gamer gets for whatever reason, but I haven't seen hide nor hair of the interdimensional market, so until further notice, the Kill Sat Ion Cannon idea's shot.

I could try fighting it on foot, but… c'mon, the thing's at least the size of the CCT tower. Even with a huge sword, I doubt I'll be able to reach it consistently.

What to do…

 **Quest Alert!**

Oh, there we go!

 **Wargod's Vessel**

 **Mountain Glenn's infamous Grimm Dragon won't kill itself, and you have a sneaking suspicion that an on-foot assault won't be up-to-code in terms of destructive force. As such, you've decided to create a weapon worthy of taking on this mighty task. Find a way to build something capable of defeating the superboss!**

 **Objectives**

 **-Collect materials**

 **(Prototype Paladin Heart - 0/2)**

 **(Silver-Class Airship Core - 0/4)**

 **(Crude Grimm Mask - 0/12)**

 **(Knight Control Device - 0/8)**

 **(Advanced Core - 0/12)**

 **(Upgraded Lens - 0/16)**

 **(Schnee Sulfide - 0/2)**

 **-Find a suitable builder**

 **-OR-**

 **-Grind 'Crafting' to level 35**

 **-Collect 100,000 units of compatible ore**

 **-Construct the weapon**

 **Rewards**

 **-15,000 EXP**

 **-200,000 Lien**

 **-Ares 90**

...no way.

 _No way._

 _ **No fucking way.**_

Did I seriously just get the approval to build one of the _single most game-breaking mech suits in JRPG history?!_

Holy shit, _**I DID.**_

Oh-ho-ho-hoooo, man. This is gonna be _fuuuuuun._

Although… hm. There's still a bit of an issue with this plan.

Check the materials - I've never even heard that stuff like this existed. And I can only assume they'll be incredibly hard to come by.

Not to mention that doing it completely by myself is… well, _really_ unfeasible, if not outright impossible. If I want to finish it in two years or less, that is. I don't doubt that I could eventually work my way up to one hundred thousand units, but that would take… oh, man, _way_ too long to be considered even remotely practical.

Extracting the stuff - whatever it is - on my own would likely require 24/7/365 maintenance, meaning that I won't be able to spend time grinding and leveling up my skills. The only way I can reasonably get that much ore in the time frame I have is to either create my own company - which would take _way_ too much responsibility and planning - or hire someone else to do the job. If I can find the right builder with the proper sponsor, all my ore problems vanish in a puff of smoke.

Both these issues, however, revolve around a singular problem: Atlas. If I want to pull this off correctly, I need to personally oversee it. Trying to "phone it in," for lack of a better term, would be quite possibly the single worst course of action I can take. The materials all seem to be exclusive to Atlas, and while many business deals are made electronically in this day and age, something tells me that won't cut it in this instance.

So, this means that unless a miracle happens… I need to travel to the frozen north.

Oh well, I guess. My plan to mostly stay away from that political warzone of a kingdom was inevitably doomed to fail at some point, anyway. Might as well bite the bullet now and get it over with.

 _ **Sigh...**_

No, no, c'mon, Zeiss, get a hold of yourself! It's not the end of the world. You just have to find a bunch of ultra-rare materials, and then enlist the help of someone insane enough to invest in your idea in order to build a robot superweapon with the destructive capabilities of an interplanetary warship. It's not like you'll have to actually do any real heavy lifting. Hell, you probably won't even have to fight at all! It'll just be an interesting little fetch quest that'll earn you a serviceable hard-counter to the Disc Two Final Boss. Right?

Right…?

...oh, who am I kidding? This is gonna suuuuuuuck…

* * *

 **A/N: Heeeeeere's NEO! Gotta say, writing her was an... interesting experience. I wanted to find a way to capture her usual method of speaking while still incorporating Zeiss's ability to understand her via subtitles, so that paved the way for the introduction of the text faces and parentheses. And... well, that's something this site has a few problems with. I had to rework a few of them so that the format could accept them without difficulty. I'm not sure how well this is gonna end up working in the future - the human face is very expressive, and there's only so many things you can do to emulate that using text. Luckily for me, everyone's favorite Ice Cream Gal won't be appearing again for at least a while, so I won't have to worry about that for a good long time.**

 **Oh, and Junior's also here, but he's kind of a dick, so he won't be getting a spotlight.**

 **To everyone out there who owns an Ares 90 of their own - I salute you all. Getting mine was an ordeal and a half, especially the Miranium storage deal. Sure, it's not the be-all-end-all final word when certain Tyrants get into the mix, but I'll be damned if tire-skating around and ripping enemies to shreds with arm-mounted Gatling guns, energy flails, discus missiles, and frickin' laser beams isn't fun as hell.**

 **Oh, before I go, a little editorial on the subject of the "Brandy Daisy" bit (which is actually a real-life thing, look it up) - a beginner writer wouldn't see anything wrong with putting in a statement like that. An intermediate writer would recognize that something like that probably wouldn't exist in the 'verse's context, but wouldn't be bothered to change it without a convenient alternative on hand. But an advanced writer would go out of their way to figure out a different version of the statement that makes sense within context. Notice what I ended up doing? Yeah.**

 **Anyway, cue the Merrie Melodies outro, annnnd...**

 **"That's all, folks!"**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	8. Interlude - Grinder's Worst Nightmare

**[Chat Log - Session 13]**

 **[All] System: Party member "Ruby" has changed their username to "Gunblades 'N Roses".**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: What is uuuuup, my friend-os!**

 **[All] Zeiss: Oh my god.**

 **[All] Yang: Wha-?! I demand to know how you did that!**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Not telling youuuu!**

 **[All] Zeiss: You found the chat settings menu, didn't you?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Gack-!**

 **[All] Zeiss: Well, if one of us has already fallen in, I suppose she might as well drag the rest of us down with her.**

 **[All] System: Party leader "Zeiss" has changed their username to "SSJ Mercenary".**

 **[All] Yang: I'm completely lost here. What do I do?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Go to the settings menu, find the chat section, then press "change username."**

 **[All] Yang: Oh, okay.**

 **[All] Yang: Found it!**

 **[All] System: Party member "Yang" has changed their username to "Captain Dragon".**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: YANG, WHY?!**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: YESZ!**

 **[All] Taiyang: I come out of the shower to this?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Oh my f***ing god.**

 **[All] Qrow: Buddy, if I were you, I'd dig in and get comfortable. This might go on for a while.**

 **[All] Taiyang: Sigh… all right. Might as well go with it, since I'm here for the long run.**

 **[All] System: Party member "Taiyang" has changed their username to "Big Daddy".**

 **[All] Qrow: Well, then. Guess I don't have a choice.**

 **[All] System: Party member "Qrow" has changed their username to "Everyone's Favorite Drunkle".**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Yesssss… succumb to the horrors of the chat room…**

 **[All] Big Daddy: Quit acting like a B-list movie villain. You're horrible at it.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Wow. Rude, much?**

 **[All] Big Daddy: Doesn't make it any less true.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Yeah, honestly, that was kinda terrible. The line was cheesy and just plain bad.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Well, there goes my pride, flying right out the window. Thanks sooooooo much.**

 **[All] Big Daddy: You're welcome.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Anyway, what do the scouters say about your power levels?**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: I just went up to 16.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: I'm about halfway to 13.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Really? I hit 17 a few days ago. Did the experience nerf get to you guys too? No, wait, you're still in school...**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Hold on, are you trying to tell me that our EXP rates are being screwed with?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: I'm not sure, but I'm getting a lot less than I was when I was still on Patch. I have a theory that it's the work of an unseen admin.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Why would they want to do that?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Probably to stop up from becoming too broken too fast. Think about it: if we overlevel ourselves, that removes all the challenge from future fights unless the system skews the odds in the favor of our opposition. Luckily for us, they can't do that without resorting to outlandish methods that make no sense in context. That means that if we're allowed to grind without restriction, we deprive them of a source of entertainment - and everyone knows that the sole reason gods exist is to give us squishy mortals a hard time and laugh their a**es off as they watch us while we struggle. So instead, they opt to stop the problem from happening in the first place, and they do that by slowing down our rate of growth to the point where it becomes as slow as a standard human's.**

 **[All] Everyone's Favorite Drunkle: That doesn't sound so bad. Maybe now you'll experience what it feels like to actually earn your game-breaker authority.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: That may be your opinion, but remember: the only combat experience I had before I came to Patch was watching pixelated characters beat each other up. I haven't been training for however long your two prodigies have. The system's assistance helps, but implanted knowledge can only take me so far if I don't have the muscle memory to back it up.**

 **[All] Big Daddy: So what you're saying is that you know what you can do and how to do it, but you don't have the experience that should naturally come with it?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Exactly. Even if my Unarmed level was higher than Yang's, I'd probably still lose to her in a fight, since all I do to grind it is beat up on a stationary target. Sure, I occasionally take the chance to go ham on a wandering Grimm with nothing but my own two hands, but those opportunities are few and far between, and my opponent's not human. I know how to punch, kick, block, and counter properly, but simply knowing how to do it without ever actually having done it doesn't make me an expert by any means. Fortunately, there's a workaround.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: And what's that?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: My stats. Can anyone tell me why?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: I think I can. Every time you level up, your stats also go up. You automatically get stronger whenever you hit an EXP benchmark. That means that if you level up enough, experience ends up not mattering since you outmatch your enemy so much that you can just brute-force your way through whatever they throw at you.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Bingo. Even if you're the best swordsman in the world, all that prowess means nothing if your opponent's defenses are so ludicrous that you can't even scratch them. This also applies to my skills - my fighting style may lack experience, but I have a lot of moves that ignore that facet. Take my new Iron Will Skill, for instance - I don't need to do anything to actually trigger it, I just need to meet the conditions it has for activating. If I can just overpower my foes by simply flattening them with sheer stats and skill overuse, I can negate the fighting experience advantage that they have over me.**

 **[All] Everyone's Favorite Drunkle: All right, I'll admit that it sounds nice, but a philosophy like that's just asking to be beaten down. Riddle me this: what happens if you end up getting the tables turned on you?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Run. Duh. Remember when you were chasing me back during my first day here? How do you think I escaped you?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: ...it was the IDs, wasn't it? You created a pocket dimension, and hid inside.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Well, give the little reaper a prize! I know that school's all about teaching, but I didn't expect your IQ to jump that high! What kinda courses do they have at Signal?**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: I see you're doing well in Introductory Battle Tactics, sis. Good job!**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Well, knowing when to fight and when to run is one of the most important things to know for survival…**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Besides, if I'm against someone that can shut down my escape options, then I'm pretty sure I'm already screwed by then.**

 **[All] Bid Daddy: Yeah, if you're in a fight with someone or something that can block dimensional travel, then I wouldn't think you'd have a chance.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: So, now you see why the EXP reduction is such a big deal for me. Sure, I have around two years to catch up to you guys before Beacon rolls around, but that's still only two compared to the four-odd years that you have on me, not counting whatever combat prep you got from Tai and Qrow. If I can't match you in skill, I'll just have to make up for it with more power, but if I can't level up enough, I won't be able to measure up. You see the issue?**

 **[All] Everyone's Favorite Drunkle: Okay, I can see how that makes sense. But it doesn't mean I have to like it, or that you have to settle for it. You don't need to sleep, right? That automatically extends your timeframe by a pretty large amount, since the average person needs at least six hours of rest to function properly. At the very least, that's six hours extra for all 700 days - give or take - that you have until Initiation arrives. Plus, nobody just trains all day, every day. But you can, and you can capitalize really hard on that. So don't go saying that farming is the only thing you need to do to win this game of yours, because like it or not, you said so yourself - you need to prepare for every possible outcome. Or are you just a big hypocrite?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: No, I'm just a lazy little s*** who only ever gets things done because other people tell him to.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Not true. How many Grimm KOs did you rack up without anyone asking?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...a lot?**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Exactly. So don't go beating yourself up just because you like to take it easy. Ruby's all for the new training schedule, but she also knows when to take a step back and cool off. Isn't that right, sis?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Yeah! I love trying out all the cool things I can do after working on them a whole lot, but I also love just sitting on the cliffside and staring out at the ocean, or lying down and reading the newest comic or weapon magazine. Sometimes, you just need to slow down.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Heh. "Slow down," says the girl with the highest agility score of us kids.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Hey, it's not like I can change my class or pick where my stat points go! Not my fault that you're too slow!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Oh. My f***ing. GOD. You just HAD to say THAT.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: What?! What did I say?!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Nothing, nothing, just… inside joke. You wouldn't understand.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Okaaaaaay…?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Don't worry about it. In any case, I need to get back to shaping up. I'll be removing the chat from my HUD for a bit, so don't talk about me until I say I'm back.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Will do. Try to have as much fun as you can, okay? All work and no play makes Zeiss a dull boy, after all.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...you know what, I won't discuss how or why you've seen that movie since I haven't watched it myself. Bye.**

 **[All] Big Daddy: ...so what exactly was he talking about when he mentioned the first day chase?**

 **[All] Everyone's Favorite Drunkle: Oh, Tai, buddy, it's a riot.**

* * *

 **A/N: More of an omake this time, but it became a little too large for me to justify simply tacking it on to another chapter to myself. Reading this is completely optional and not required for regular enjoyment of the story, but it does provide a little bit of background, lets certain characters interact with each other, and this serves as a sort of introduction to the chat logs that will now be occasionally showcased at the end of a chapter. Sometimes there will be a focus on a small group of characters, while other times it will feature excerpts from general discussions containing messages from many different faces.**

 **Since these logs will have lots, if not all of the characters that appear changing their usernames, this may end up resulting in confusion when the chat inevitably shows up in the main story again. But hey, nobody ever said that there were any rules against typing other peoples' names into the chat - only that it's generally frowned upon by the greater community of MMO players.**

 **With that said, I hope you'll come to enjoy the little breathers these episodes provide.**

 **Out!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	9. Don't Step on the Flowers

I woke up feeling… different, somehow. Like something had changed - but not something that I could conventionally perceive.

Needless to say, the pop-up that greeted me explained a lot.

 **UPDATE ALERT!**

 **Ver. 1.1**

 **Changelog:**

 **-When engaging in combat, all enemies gain the 'Foe' status effect - RES is lowered to zero in exchange for increasing HP/AP by RES%. Weapon skills granted by Mastery skills are disabled in favor of personalized attacks. Damage boosts granted by Mastery skills are nullified.**

 **-Personal Weapons now grant their users unique mastery skills based around their usage. Conventional mastery skills can no longer be used with them, but they can grant bonus levels to the mastery skill of the personal weapon.**

 **-Personal Weapons with both melee and ranged properties now only count ½ of the wielder's DEX stat towards ranged damage.**

 **-Hitting an enemy in the head area at range with any weapon classed as a type of Sniper Rifle will display a 'HEADSHOT!' notification and multiply the total damage dealt by the attack by 1.5.**

 **-All items usable in combat now have individual cooldown times based on effects and magnitude. Further explanations of this feature can be found in the Guide.**

 **-Point of View changed to First Person Limited.**

 **-General bug fixes.**

 **-Small skill modifications and rebalances.**

As you might imagine, waking up to this bombshell didn't exactly make for a very laid-back morning.

Not that it actually made much of a difference - today was already a big day on its own.

I had managed to book a ticket to an express airship headed for Atlas about a week ago, and today was the day of departure. I had gone around Vale buying various odds and ends so as to not stick out too much. People would be prone to start asking questions if they saw me boarding a public craft without any luggage, after all.

I hadn't gone for anything too crazy - just a medium sized bag for a typical tourist on a family reunion or sightseeing trip. I filled it with random things taken from my inventory, but took care not to put anything that could be considered 'dangerous' inside, in case I ended up being searched. As for what that actually constituted, well… let's just say that in the event that some security guards did take a look at what I was apparently bringing along with me, I had a feeling that they'd consider me eccentric at best, and a loopy, airheaded dumbass at worst.

I also took the liberty of checking out the airport. All things considered, it looked pretty standard - big lobby, huge-ass lines, passport checks, customs area, baggage claim, not really too different from back home. There was an airstrip, despite the fact that most of the craft stationed there were VTOL-capable, with even the larger ships able to lift off from a complete standstill. Most likely for older models.

Anyway, yeah. Tl;dr, I had to jump through a lot of hoops to make sure that my Detection rating was as low as it could possibly go.

I even prodded around the criminal underworld to get a fake I.D. and a passport. The last thing I needed was to get arrested before I could do anything noteworthy. Sure, breaking out of prison would be child's play, what with my inventory and everything, but that would also end up as a black mark on my record if it was ever traced back to the actual me. Besides, I'd really rather not deal with all the hassle. Atlesian soldiers already go through more shit than their pay grade covers - I'd feel bad making them suffer more on top of everything else they go through. Hell, I'd swear they were heroic alternate universe versions of stormtroopers if the AK-200s didn't exist.

But that was enough derping around. I needed to motor if I wanted to get to my flight in a timely manner.

 _Let's see… if I leave now, I should get to the airport at… around 9:00. That gives me approximately... 2 hours to get through everything between the lobby and the airship. That should be enough time. I hope, at least. Can never be sure in places like these._

* * *

 **Pilot**

"We will be landing shortly. Please make sure that all waste is disposed of and both you and your belongings are properly secured. Thank you for flying with us at Egress Express, and we hope you enjoyed your trip."

 _Whoever came up with that name needs a raise and a punch in the face._

The trip itself wasn't really eventful, if I discounted the fact that I was a passenger in a freaking airship. A disaster the Hindenburg may have been, but I didn't doubt it was an amazing experience while it lasted.

But the landing itself… hoo, boy. They'd most likely finished Volume 6 by now, because I was _not_ expecting Atlas to be a literal _floating island._

 _Hey, Ironwood. Knuckles called, he says he wants Angel Island back._

Truth be told, I was starting to get a little antsy. I'd been going without any serious "plot twists," so to speak, ever since I met Neo. And when I considered that I was most likely the protagonist of this cookie-cutter story, it seemed only natural that I would attract trouble every weekend, if not every other day.

But for some reason, life had been relatively boring for a while now. All I'd been doing up to this point was regularly leaving the city to level-grind and loot enough cash to pay rent, and I'm sure you all know how stale that can get after the first few fights. It was made even worse due to the ultra-bizarro experience-scaling algorithm or whatever equation the system was using to calculate my EXP gains, which for some reason had lowered the rate from all the typical monsters down to an outright unfairly small point. That had ended up throwing a Buster Sword-sized monkey wrench into my power-leveling plans - finding any Grimm that I could reasonably beat close to Vale's borders took long enough as it was, but now they were almost pointless to hunt down because they offered so little EXP per kill.

The IDs were also affected - I once ran into an encounter that ended up giving me nothing but a single lousy experience point. No kidding.

Practically the one aspect that could be considered anywhere close to a saving grace was the battle tracks. At least they kept the fights somewhat interesting.

I also tried looking for active crime, but I didn't receive any quests for stopping illegal activities no matter how much I wanted them. The news occasionally stated that crime was actually at a low point in Vale for some reason, so that was sort of justified, but I was left scratching my head over why it was that way.

I eventually chalked it up to 'bullshit game mechanics' and shoved the subject into a proverbial file cabinet full of every other nonsensical occurrence involving the system that I had encountered since entering Remnant. As you may or may not expect, said file cabinet was filling up fast.

Despite all that, however, I managed to eke out enough effort to make it to level 18. That sweet, sweet sound of success made it… well, not really enough to be 'worth it,' but it did get points for trying. I also had quite a lot of free time to grind skills, and you can bet I did that a lot.

In any case, I left the airport without a fuss and found a cheap hotel relatively quickly, gaining some small experience bonuses for the landmark discoveries. As I made my way there, though, I noticed that there were an awful lot of signs reading 'no animal-kin are welcome here' or something along those lines. There was also a distinct lack of people with cat, dog and what-have-you features roaming around.

 _Wow, look at that - actual racism. Not just implied, told and not-shown discrimination, but actual, represented, bona-fide racism. Cut the dev team a check._

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I was kind of thankful for my decision to stay human and not become a Faunus. I was sure the extra perks would have been nice and all that, but the accompanying racism wouldn't be a walk in the park to deal with under any circumstances, despite how little was shown in the actual series. Not having to go through all the headaches that came with it would most likely do wonders for my sanity in the long run.

When I laid in my bed, the notification asking me if I wanted to sleep popped up for the -nth time. Pressing the yes button, my mind wandered to how easy it was for me to fall asleep now, compared to when I might as well have been an insomniac during my time on Earth.

 _Sometimes you just have to appreciate the little things…_

The instant I finished my sentence, I drifted off.

 _ **The next morning…**_

I needed a plan - that was a fact. I was now in Atlas, and it was time to begin the search for materials.

Problem was, of course, I had no idea where to start. I could make some educated guesses on where the materials were located based on their names, but I was completely lost on how to go about actually finding them, much less obtaining them. For all I knew, they could be locked away in a hidden top-secret underwater volcano weapons testing facility… IN SPACE.

References aside, the point was that I needed to find the location of the proverbial 'square one.' But after a small session of throwing ideas at the 'Gaia Approval' wall and seeing what stuck - which ended up being nothing - I got a little frustrated and decided to go for a walk.

Let me tell you: the temperature regulation feature of Gamer's Body was a fucking LIFESAVER here.

My typical outfit, while it did cover the majority of my body, was _not_ suited for the absurdly cold Atlesian weather in any sense of the word. Even worse, this was fall season - the time of year when it starts getting colder. And if that wasn't enough, the higher altitude made it nearly impossible for anyone else to stay warm without assistance of some kind. So… thank god or Oum or whatever that my body had a built-in heater.

While we're on the subject - I suppose I should talk about my outfit. I had recently taken to wearing a custom-made zip-up hoodie. It was primarily red, with purple accents scattered around various spots. It actually somewhat resembled Robin's Tactician cloak, now that I think about it, only without any of the gold trim or finery, and much less baggy. Moving down to my lower body, my pants were also mainly red, with purple lines running along the legs. Kinda like the program suits in the most recent TRON movie, but a little less futuristic-looking and none of the neon glow. My shoes followed the same trend, with a purple stripe running down the middle lengthwise and the rest being red.

I didn't have any fashion sense, but nobody really gave me any cues saying that what I was wearing was bad, so I assumed it looked fine.

Anyway, back to my little venture.

I quickly found out that Atlas's capital embodied the spirit of the nation somewhat - the general layout and feel was very orderly and organized, with most city blocks sticking to a certain design pattern with only a scant few alterations, despite being situated on an artificial mountain with a whole lot of San Francisco-style sloping roads. I supposed it was acceptable, given the place's reputation and track record.

The people were about what you'd expect. Mostly bundled up, and clothes focusing on a greyscale color scheme with _maybe_ some red and varying shades of blue. Anything deviating from that was a real rarity. There weren't as many huntsmen out as I expected, which made sense I guess, if you looked at it from a certain perspective. Atlas liked to have their military and huntsmen maintain an intimate relationship, so I assumed that most of their fighting forces were off at a distant boot camp somewhere.

But that was all just speculation. I didn't have any business with it specifically, so I left that topic alone.

Another thing I noticed was that droids were _everywhere._ Seriously, you couldn't go five minutes without seeing at least one bucket of bolts doing whatever. Whether it be serving as a crossing guard, a street sweeper, or a garbage bot, the damn things were practically a part of the city itself. No surprise there, at least - Atlas wasn't the most technologically advanced kingdom for nothing.

But I'm not telling you about this walk just to highlight the details of discount Midgar. Oh, no, this little stroll is important for a very different reason.

So, I was walking down 42nd Street, hands in my jacket pockets, hood up, totally minding my own business, when my minimap pinged me with the notification that a confrontation was happening in a nearby alleyway. Now, me being the grind-crazy maniac I am, I zipped over to the opening for some quick and easy EXP from what I assumed to be common thugs. But instead, I get greeted with a scene that wouldn't look out of place in a Film Noir kinda movie… or maybe a mobster flick.

 **Track Cue: The Clandestine Dark Suits (Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII)**

Two guys and a girl, all in spiffy-looking dark blue suits (you could easily mistake them for black, but they weren't), ties and dress pants plus shoes, complete with white undershirts were cornering another guy who looked like he had just spent six hours at a field-testing site and forgot to change out of his lab coat before leaving.

 **Reid**

 **Fox-Nose Contractor**

 **Drifter**

 **Lv. 19**

 **Rudger**

 **Prudent Pugilist**

 **Journeyman**

 **Lv. 20**

 **Crisset**

 **Agent Ninja**

 **Celerian**

 **Lv. 18**

Reid had wild-looking fiery red hair and was sporting goggles on his forehead, while Rudger had a dark brown flat-top and was seriously rocking a pair of aviators. Crisset displayed some auburn locks that went down to a little past her shoulders.

Checking the sudden BGM and their looks, I reasoned that anyone who had played a specific game or two would instantly know who these three agents were expies of.

 **Reid**

"Prof, c'mon, I'm beggin' ya, here - don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

 _A professor, eh? Seems I may have stumbled upon a corrupt business transaction._

 **Gewehr von Eisenberg**

 **Two Cooling Nozzles**

 **Civilian**

 **Lv. 3**

The dude looked to be somewhere in his forties, but could easily be mistaken for being older due to his chrome-colored hair. How it came to be as shiny as the actual alloy, I don't think I'll ever figure out. I had a feeling that his slightly overly-long name might have been an indicator that his family line was loaded.

(I would later find that out to be true, but that's not relevant until a little later, and even then it's really minor, not to mention for completely different reasons.)

 **Gewehr**

"So you're- you're just going to let them go ahead and do it?! Are you telling me you don't have a conscience?!"

 **Reid**

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but - look. I never said that what we're doin' is 'right.' But I've got a job to do, and without my paycheck, I'm nothin' but a hobo. Or worse."

The redhead flashed a knowing look to his fellows. Considering what they were based off of, I had a pretty good idea of what the exact words that were left unsaid were - "or in a body bag," to be specific. Leaving the Turks wasn't something one could just do with impunity - typically, the only way out of that division was through a casket. I had a sneaking suspicion that these guys would be subject to something similar if they ever tried to get out of whatever organization they were employed under.

 **Gewehr**

"Y-you know, you could always just… let me go and _not_ tell the executives that you found me? That's something you can do, right?"

 **Reid**

"Really, man? Come on, you and I both know yer pickin' at straws now. They've got eyes everywhere - in fact, I think we have a pair watchin' us right now. Even if we did let you go, they'd find ya anyway."

The discount Reno glanced around a bit, like he was looking for something. After a few seconds, he seemed to find it. Following his line of sight, I discovered that his hunch was correct - directly across the street was a door-bot, which was blankly staring at the altercation. And, hilariously enough, completely ignoring anyone that tried to get it to go back to doing its job. A little obvious for something I assumed was supposed to be discreet, but hey, nobody ever said that robots were flawless.

Then again, the people that did follow the robot's gaze quickly made themselves scarce and fled the scene… almost like they knew what was really going on.

 **Reid**

"See? There's one just right over there. Smile for the camera, buddy!"

It was actually kinda creepy, to be honest. I only hoped that whoever was watching the feed didn't think I was too suspicious. I had adopted a relaxed pose leaning on the wall behind the corner, watching the drama unfold from a respectable distance of about 15 feet or so, though I was still a little nervous. But if these three corporate employees were as dangerous as I suspected them to be, I wouldn't be surprised if they had already taken note of my presence and jotted me down as a potential complication to be dealt with if I got involved.

 **Gewehr**

"You don't get it! If you give them my access codes, that's tantamount to giving them more power than General Ironwood himself! And you know what will happen after that!"

 **Reid**

"Way I see it, doc, you're the one without a clue here. What _you_ don't seem to get is that I don't give two shits about who's payin' - only if they do, and if they do it well. Ya dig? Yer sob story ain't gonna work on the likes of me. Ya might've had better luck if you were in a video game or somethin', but… well, hate to break it to ya, but I'd say you're all outta options."

And wouldn't you know it…

 **Reid**

"Unless, of course, mister "Mysterious Observer" decided to come to yer rescue?"

He looked straight at me, right when I decided to peek into the alleyway.

 _Well, shit. Seems I was right - these guys are dangerous, if not only well-informed._

Seeing as I had no more reason to hide myself, I strolled into the dark corridor. I kept my hood on, since I didn't think showing the agents my real face would be a very good idea.

Reid actually seemed a little surprised at my actions.

 **Reid**

"Huh. Gotta say, you've got guts. Me personally, I was expectin' ya to get the hell outta dodge when I called ya out, but it guess you're a bit braver than the average bystander. So, how 'bout it? Feel like tryin' yer luck?"

The three suits' postures shifted almost unnoticeably. But the notification I received in the next instant did a pretty good job of dampening the mystique of the action.

 **You have been targeted by: Reid (Lv. 19), Rudger (Lv. 20), Crisset (Lv. 18)**

 **Status effect "Foe" inflicted on all opponents.**

 **Skill [Perpetual Advantage] triggered. AGI/RES multiplied by 1.2.**

 _Oh, boy. Ouch time. Uh, Gaia? Can I get a quick pause here? I need to ping a few Observes…_

 **...ordinarily no, but since you'd most likely get your ass beaten into the ground if you didn't, I'll throw you a bone just this once. Don't expect me to do this for you again.**

 _Yeah, yeah, whatever, be a tsundere. Do it!_

 **Watch that mouth.** _ **ZA WARUDO!**_

The world suddenly turned greyscale as everything ceased to move. I had no idea if I was on a time limit, so I made it snappy. Three Observes in as many seconds told me everything I needed to know for the upcoming fight.

Reid, being a Drifter, had a pretty balanced set of stats. Six of them were in their early 100s - STR, DEX, and AGI all at 121, 101 VIT and 104 INT, with his RES sitting at 81 and his LUK at a painful 59. I supposed it made a bit of sense, since he didn't seem to be a major character. His CHR also barely passed the hundred threshold at 102. His weapon of choice was apparently a collapsible rod with a taser at the end that ran on Lightning Dust, which only made the fact that he was a Reno expy obvious to a somewhat painful extent.

Rudger was… noticeably more min-maxed. His STR and VIT were both sitting at a high 148, which was a no-brainer given his body type and class. ( _Especially_ his body type. Dear god, the man was a fucking _mountain_.) His DEX and AGI were also past the one-hundred mark, at 126 and 106. His INT and CHR were in the mid-to-high 80s, clocking in at 87 and 84, and his RES and LUK were in the 60s, weighing in at a below-average 67 and 61. Like his title suggested, the only thing he had that could remotely count as a weapon was a pair of latex gloves, and those weren't renowned for increasing the stopping power of your fists. Admittedly, though, he did have some Fire, Lightning, and Ice Dust on him - apparently concealed in a snazzy-looking wrist cuff accessory, so I'd need to be careful about that.

In short: dead ringer for Rude, minus the fact that he had Barret's hair.

Reid and Rudger actually had a D-support with each other, which complicated things quite a bit. Rather predictably, their affinities were Fire and Ice respectively - which meant a 7.5% boost to both STR and RES for both of them. Although with the recent update, all that really meant was a small percentage boost to HP and physical power. Not rocket science or anything groundbreaking.

And then there was miss Third Wheel Crisset. Seriously, with how obviously gay Reno and Rude were for each other (and before you say anything, _yes,_ I know that Rude did have a girlfriend at one point, and _yes,_ I know that he explicitly states that he fancies Tifa when Reno asks him who he likes. Shut up and let me riff in peace), I wouldn't be surprised at all if I found out that Cissnei ended up third wheeling for them at some point. But that was Gaean business - Remnant had no place for such things. All told, she fit her class to a T. Her VIT, STR, and RES were the lowest of the trio, sitting at 78, 96, and 59 respectively, in exchange for trumping them in all other areas stat-wise. Her DEX and AGI were her highest stats, only 1 point apart, at 132 and 133. Perhaps unsurprisingly, her INT was at 117, noticeably higher than her male coworkers. Her LUK followed the same trend, but at a much more average-looking 74. Her weapon was, predictably, an oversized shuriken, though this one was also modified with dustcasting properties. It was actually classified as a Personal, to my surprise, and had been christened 'Agni.' No doubt a reference to her model's weapon being named Rekka, as both monikers referred to fire in some way.

I know it's starting to become a little redundant at this point, but… discount Cissnei. Or, well, not exactly 'discount,' but I don't really know how Dust compares with Materia, so… whatever.

Anyway… well. As for how they compared to me…

' _Status.'_

 **Zeiss Serven**

 **Title: Child Cynic**

 **Class: Drifter**

 **Level: 18**

 **EXP: 350**

 **Level Up at: 2,900**

 **HP: 950**

 **MP: 730**

 **BP: 120**

 **VIT: 95**

 **STR: 95**

 **INT: 73**

 **DEX: 95**

 **AGI: 95**

 **RES: 56**

 **LUK: 44**

 **CHR: 44**

 **Points: 85**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Lien: 4,350**

...yeah. Can you say 'outclassed?'

The good news, though, was that I still had 85 spare stat points to spend however I wanted. But the problem there was figuring out where to put them.

First, STR. Right now, my base melee damage with Crimson Violet clocked in at 203 per hit. Counting the 45% boost from my now-level 45 personal weapon mastery, it came to a total of about 294. Comparing that to Reid's HP count (technically AP, but who cares), I found that he actually wouldn't survive past 20 standard hits. Rudger, being the resident tank, could go past that limit, but not by much. And poor Crisset would go down in… 11 hits, give or take a few. In short, I suspected that the actual fight wouldn't last past… 2 minutes, likely less if it went at the speed I was thinking it would.

I considered putting some points into the area, but temporarily dropped the idea in favor of mulling over the speed and skill difference.

A point that I was really concerned about was the huge DEX and AGI lead they all had over me. Because while I did have a lot of stopping power, it wouldn't mean jack shit if I couldn't hit anything. And keeping them from hitting me always had to be one of my primary concerns, obviously.

While I was on that, I had a feeling that VIT and RES would also be a bit of an issue. Since I didn't have that broken 'Remnant Physiology' perk that fucking _doubled_ HP, my current count sat at an average 950. Coupled with my poor 56 RES, the term 'glass cannon' fit me uncomfortably well. And with all three of my opponents' total attack values meeting or breaking 150, without counting possible modifiers, despite the fact that their weapons were actually trash because they weren't Personals save for Crisset's… well, suffice to say that nobody here would last a prolonged assault.

Not to mention that my LUK and CHR were also lower than all of theirs, which… honestly irked me a little, and made me wary of what might happen considering possible misfortune. I didn't expect it to be Bad Luck Charm levels of mishaps, but even just a single trip over a crack in the floor could mean the difference between life or death, so I was understandably paranoid.

INT was rendered negligible since quite a few of my skills didn't require MP to be used, and those that did ran the risk of me being outed as having the ability to cast spells without Dust. I did consider the application of the cooldown resets, but reasoned that my Adept skill would do more than enough of that… _if_ it ended up triggering. Lots of my skills had relatively short wait times, anyway.

I also took a moment to comb over my current skills to see if any of them had any glaring advantages.

 **Skills**

 **Gamer's Body [Passive]**

 **Gamer's Mind [Passive]**

 **Observe [Active]**

 **Sword Mastery [Passive] - Level 45/100**

 **Fireball [Active] - Level 8/10**

 **Adept [Active] - Level 7/10**

 **ID Create [Active] - Level 9/20**

 **ID Escape [Active] - Level 9/20**

 **Resolve [Passive] - Level 3/5**

 **Imbue [Active] - Level 9/10**

 **Twirl Slash [Active] - Level 6/10**

 **Poison Resist [Passive] - Level 30/100**

 **Pistol Mastery [Passive] - Level 20/100**

 **Alchemy [Active] - Level 21/40**

 **Spin Cycle [Active] - Level 6/10**

 **Unarmed Mastery [Passive] - Level 30/100**

 **Thunderbolt [Active] - Level 7/10**

 **Blacksmithing [Active] - Level 23/40**

 **Restore [Active] - Level 3/5**

 **Guard Stance [Active] - Level 5/10**

 **Assault Rifle Mastery [Passive] - Level 40/100**

 **Sixth Sense [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Windblast [Active] - Level 6/10**

 **Vantage [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Iron Will [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Disable Counter [Active] - Level 2/5**

 **Corrode [Active] - Level MAX**

 **Perpetual Advantage [Passive] - Level MAX**

 **Motion Control [Passive] - Level 1/5**

 **Momentum is one of the largest components of any fight - and those with the ability to manipulate it to their advantage will often find themselves dominating the opposition. Every time the user dodges a melee strike, 50% of its damage value is added to the user's next melee attack.**

 **Crimson Violet Mastery [Passive] - Level 45/100**

Resolve would be a massive boon once it triggered, but that would only be once I was at or below 500 HP, so there was that inherent risk. Vantage was rendered useless since they had already targeted me.

Considering these guys were Turk knock-offs, I decided that it would probably be in my best interests if I mostly avoided casting anything that required MP to use. One or two skills could be explained away as some sort of semblance, but any more than that and they would get suspicious. Not to mention that I didn't think even that was a good idea either - keeping them completely in the dark could benefit me in the future if I could keep them guessing at what my full capabilities were.

In conclusion…

 _Mm… alright, how about this. 38 points into AGI, 37 to DEX, 5 to VIT, and 5 to RES._

I decided on enough of a boost to my evasion stats to bring them level to Crisset's, and small bumps to survival-related ones. My attack power was already high enough to be serviceable, and I didn't really think that the LUK difference was enough to affect the battle in any noticeable way. I didn't have any other party members, so CHR was useless at the moment.

 **Done. Oh, heads up - the game resumes in ten seconds. Nine. Eight.**

Thus the countdown to what would undoubtedly be my first real challenge began.

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter marks the end of the previous point of view, and ushers in the much more commonplace first-person variation. Expect descriptions to get much more varied now, but you can still expect this story to almost read like a visual novel of sorts. Except not really.**

 **Real talk for a second - if Zeiss was an actual character in the show, I'd say that his fighting style would be based mainly on the conservation of momentum. It'd kinda have to be, considering the size of the sword he uses. Which actually sort of incidentally fits with the Gamer motif - the more levels he gains, the more unstoppable he becomes. In fact, he already has a few skills that fit right in, especially Motion Control. I'm currently debating with myself on whether or not to give him a skill that gives him increasing buffs him the more damage he inflicts on a single opponent within a period of time. Kinda like DOTA 2's Troll Warlord, now that I think about it.**

 **This one's still kinda short compared to the earlier ones, but don't worry - the next chapter will be jam-packed with action. I'm still a little iffy whether or not I got all the numbers right for the upcoming fight, but I'm not too worried.**

 **3-13 Sniper has left the building!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	10. Sword Fights on Motorcycles!

**...two. One. Zero.** _ **Soshite, toki wa ugokidasu.**_ **Go get 'em, champ.**

 _...thanks. I'll try my best._

At the words of my quote-unquote 'guardian angel,' time decided to get off its lazy ass and start working properly again. The world suddenly regained color and resumed its normal speed as if nothing had happened.

I had also taken measures to finalize preparations for the upcoming fight.

 **Headgear "Target Scouter" equipped.**

I remembered that I had left Reid's earlier question unanswered. Deciding that it would be in bad taste for it to remain in that state, I moved to rectify that.

"Sure, I'll take you on. I've never been a fan of corrupt businesses, and despite looking like you just stepped off the set of _The Matrix_ , you don't actually seem all that strong. Not to mention that you give off a serious 'dick with a big mouth' vibe, and there are few things I enjoy more than shutting one of your kind up."

Believe it or not, he actually looked insulted at that. Or at least tried to - I could already tell he was a little too shameless to let a roast as cold as that get the better of him.

 **Reid**

"Ouch, man. Not gonna lie, that kinda stung. But lemme tell ya somethin' - me and my buddies here? We don't exactly tolerate bein' taken for fools. You just lost yer chance to get outta here without a fight. So if ya find us as more than yer able to handle, well… just remember that we gave ya fair warning. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?"

I pulled out Ruby's gift to me from behind my back at his words.

 **Weapon "Crimson Violet" equipped.**

"With pleasure."

 **ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

 **Track Cue: Combat (Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII)**

Reid and Crisset were still moving to grab their weapons when my first attack landed.

 **[Bullrush+]**

 **-479 HP**

 **Reid HP: 3,298/3,777**

 **Status effect "Blowdown" inflicted.**

 **Blowdown**

 **No relation whatsoever to sea shanties of any kind. Sends the victim flying off in the direction opposite of where the attack came from and cancels whatever skill they were using.**

 **-350 HP**

 **Crisset HP: 2,130/2,480**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

 **-350 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 4,742/5,092**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

Luckily for me, all three of them were caught in the charge's area of effect. Reid went flying back with a cry of surprised pain, while Rudger and Crisset were sent stumbling backwards with matching grunts. They recovered about as fast as I expected them to - which was pretty damn fast, mind you.

 **[Shoulder Check]**

Rudger dashed forward a little too fast for me to dodge, and we collided with his side out front.

 **-134 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 866/1,000**

 **Status effect "Break" inflicted.**

He immediately jumped back so Crisset could follow up.

 **[Snowball]**

While her weapon was flying towards me, I noticed that it appeared to be coated with a sheen of frosty whitish-blue, and looked slightly sharper. That didn't stop me from trying, and failing, to avoid it, disoriented as I was from the Break affliction.

 **-119 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 747/1,000**

By that point, Reid had landed back on the ground, and was looking for some sweet revenge.

 **[Cattle Prod]**

If the way the end of his rod was sparking was any indication, that attack had a very high chance of triggering Stun.

 **MISS!**

Thankfully, the only thing it hit was the concrete floor. I decided I needed some space, so I went with what had become one of my favorite crowd-control moves in recent weeks.

 **[Spray-n-Pray+]**

I pointed the business end of my sword towards my opponents, then held down the trigger on the rifle portion for a few hot seconds. A stream of death flew out, accompanied by the loud sound typical of the caliber. Since this was one of the few skills I had that didn't have a sizable focus on accuracy, I just had to make sure it went in the general direction of my foes. I did take care to avoid the poor professor, though - it wouldn't do anyone any favors to have him end up dead.

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **5 HITS**

 **-625 HP**

 **Reid HP: 2,673/3,777**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **6 HITS**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-1000 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 3,742/5,092**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **4 HITS**

 **-500 HP**

 **Crisset HP: 1,630/2,480**

With all the debris that kicked up, it was depressingly easy to lose track of one of them. I paid dearly for that when I was blindsided by Reid.

 **[Spy Brutality]**

A timely Sixth Sense trigger allowed me to escape the two leading staff swipes, but it was unable to do so for the dual kicks - one to the face, the other sweeping my legs - that left me on the floor.

 **MISS!**

 **MISS!**

 **2 HITS**

 **-104 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 643/1,000**

 **Status effect "Topple" inflicted.**

 **Topple**

 **DADDY SAKURAI, WHY?! Leaves the victim helpless on the ground for as long as the effect lasts and renders them vulnerable to Launch.**

As you'd expect, the other two capitalized hard on this golden opportunity.

 **[Blizzara]**

 **[Blazing Edge]**

I was hit with a one-two combo consisting of a giant icicle falling right on top of me followed up with a big flaming shuriken.

 **-40 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 603/1,000**

 **-130 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 473/1,000**

 **Skill [Resolve] triggered. STR multiplied by 1.25. DEX/AGI multiplied by 1.5.**

Funnily enough, the smaller object ended up hitting much harder than the huge stalactite. I chalked that up to Rudger's INT being the lowest of the three.

 **Status effect "Topple" has worn off.**

With the help of the Resolve boost, I jumped back to my feet just in time to avoid being whacked by Reid's rod again.

 **MISS!**

I return, I let rip with one of my current deadliest single-target moves.

 **[Sword Flurry+]**

Since he was still recovering from his whiff, and my newfound DEX buff, he was left unable to dodge any of the 8 blindingly fast stabs.

 **8 HITS**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-4,445 HP**

 **Reid HP: 0/3,777**

 **Status effect "Bleed" inflicted x2.**

That actually ended up taking him out completely. Though his aura only shattered after I delivered the finishing touch, so the Bleed trigger was rendered moot.

However, just because one of them attacked didn't mean the other two were idle.

 **[Bolt Toss]**

Agni made a flashy return, covered in bright yellow sparks.

 **-109 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 364/1,000**

I actually lucked out, considering I wasn't afflicted by the dreaded Stun effect. But the attack did end up leaving me in hitstun long enough for Rudger to deck me in the schnoz.

 **-86 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 278/1,000**

I inwardly grimaced. I may have taken out one, but if this fight dragged on too much, I would likely lose the rest of my HP if I restricted myself from healing. I didn't want to attract attention, so I would wait until Iron Will triggered to pull a last resort Imbue.

I needed to force Rudger off since he was at his best when he was up in my face, so I went with old reliable.

 **[Powerslash+]**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-934 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 2,808/5,092**

 **Status effect "Knockback" inflicted.**

With him stumbling back, I directed my attention to the resident ranged supporter.

 **[Primer Repeat+]**

Three bullets left the barrel of my rifle-gunsword. One missed, the other two didn't.

 **MISS!**

 **2 HITS**

 **-538 HP**

 **Crisset HP: 1,092/2,480**

And I threw in another skill for good measure. It wasn't exactly powerful, but it could do some decent damage and served as a way to snag a long-range melee hit.

 **[Blade Beam]**

The crescent arc of energy that flew at my female opponent was actually a nice shade of red. I suspected that it would shift to purple once I unlocked its upgrade, but that's neither here nor there.

Oh, and it was also decently fast. Not as fast as a bullet, but still pretty quick. If I had to guess, I'd say it timed in at around eighty, maybe ninety miles per hour. It had also gotten noticeably faster since I had obtained it, so that was something.

That said, you can probably guess that it was a direct hit.

 **-267 HP**

 **Crisset HP: 825/2,480**

In the heat of the moment, I briefly lost my visual of Rudger. As you'd expect, that came back to bite me.

 **[Thundara]**

While Sixth Sense did end up activating, it wasn't enough to avoid the stream of bright yellow electric energy that slammed into my side.

 **-31 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 247/1,000**

The attack itself didn't actually do all that much damage, but it did catch me off guard, and thus opened me up to more pain.

 **[Shoulder Check]**

Rudger once again smashed his left side into me.

 **-134 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 113/1,000**

 **Status effect "Break" inflicted.**

But it didn't end there. Instead of simply jumping back like he had last time, he actually grabbed me and threw me right in the direction of the resident ginger.

 **[Snowball]**

That led to Crisset delivering an Ice-infused uppercut swipe with her oversized shuriken, which blasted me up into the air.

 **-119 HP**

 **Skill [Iron Will] activated.**

 **Zeiss HP: 57/1,000**

 **Status effect "Invincibility" inflicted.**

 **Invincibility**

 **Side-effects may include: rainbow bioluminescence, flickering in and out of existence, and inability to receive medical shots. Renders the victim unable to lose HP for as long as the effect lasts.**

 **Status effect "Launch" forcibly inflicted.**

 **Launch**

 **What R. Kelly wishes he could be hit with. Leaves the victim suspended in mid-air and unable to move for as long as the effect lasts, and leaves them vulnerable to Smash.**

Believe it or not, Rudger _still_ wasn't finished with me yet. The next thing I knew, he was right up in the air next to me, with his fist cocked back.

By time I realized what was going to happen, I was torn between re-enacting the timeless Wombo Combo soundbite, and letting out a scream of pure unadulterated rage.

 **[Forward Aerial]**

Right before the move hit, I noticed that flames were engulfing his hand. I deduced that the madman had actually gone as far as to enhance it with a quick Fira cast.

It didn't actually do anything noteworthy, seeing as I was immune to losing HP, but that doesn't mean it didn't feel like every cell in my stomach was spontaneously combusting.

 **INVINCIBLE!**

 **-0 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 57/1,000**

 **Status effect "Smash" inflicted.**

 **Smash**

 **COME ON AND** _ **SLAM**_ **, AND WELCOME TO THE** _ **JAM**_ **! The victim is sent plummeting to the ground, suffering massive damage upon impact.**

Needless to say, hitting the ground at terminal velocity wasn't exactly my idea of a fun time.

 **INVINCIBLE!**

 **-0 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 57/1,000**

However, there was actually a bit of a silver lining.

Since I had barreled into the floor at such a high speed, it was only natural that a large cloud of dust would be formed.

 **Status effect "Invincibility" has worn off.**

And wouldn't you know it, said dust cloud was actually very helpful for obscuring the shine of healing spells and items.

 **[Imbue]**

 **-29 MP**

 **Zeiss MP: 701/730**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **+408 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 465/1,000**

 **[Hi-Potion]**

 **+500 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 965/1,000**

 **Skill [Resolve] deactivated.**

 _...not sure whether or not I should call that crit-heal overkill, but whatever. One way or another, these fuckers are screwed._

My brain absently noted that my hood had fallen off, revealing my head for my opponents to see, but I was a little preoccupied with the current situation.

The obscuring screen was beginning to fade away, so I cut the break short with another skill.

 **[Scope Shot+]**

The Target Scouter was invaluable for this one, as it let me land a perfect between-the-eyes headshot on Crisset from the remaining cover of the dust by using the "foe outline" feature as a reference point.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-904 HP**

 **Crisset HP: 0/2,480**

 **Status effect "Unconscious" inflicted.**

 **Unconscious**

" **Because killing would be an unforgivable sin, and we can't have that." - every single DC superhero. The victim is knocked out and unable to do anything for as long as the effect lasts.**

The concussive force of the bullet striking her in the face led her to perform an impressive-looking involuntary backflip and face-plant the ground a few feet away before her aura shattered. Agni was knocked out of her hands, and stabbed itself into the ground next to her after spinning around in the air for a short second.

Rudger was briefly left in shock at the sight of his other coworker being taken out in such an exaggerated manner, but quickly returned his eyes to my position, just in time to catch me running at him before delivering another brutal attack.

 **[Brave Sally]**

Bashing his face with the pommel of my weapon left him open to three more strikes, completing the four-hit combo.

 **4 HITS**

 **-900 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 1,908/5,092**

The favor was returned with a sucker punch to the gut.

 **-86 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 879/1,000**

The whirlwind of movement that followed could only be described as a "standard Monty Oum fight."

 **FEVER TRIGGERED!**

For the next fifteen or so seconds, my only thoughts were "block, dodge, counter, slash, block, use sword as swingpole for spinning kick, dodge, dodge, counter," not necessarily in that order. Resolve ended up activating again somewhere in the middle of everything.

 **FEVER END!**

 **5 HITS**

 **-1,575 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 333/5,092**

 **8 HITS**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-774 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 105/1,000**

By the time it was over, we were both on our last legs. Both of us could take two more hits from the other before hitting zero HP. If either of us got a critical, that would be it.

Then…

 **[Smith Light]**

 **[Sixth Sense] triggered.**

I jerked to the left, avoiding a sparking ball of concentrated lightning. Left unchecked, it continued on its path.

Right into Rudger.

 **-125 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 208/5,092**

That was when I saw my chance. So, like any good opportunist would, I dashed forward and took advantage of it.

A quick sliding trip that segued into an uppercut slash left him helpless in the air. But his aura still wasn't broken yet. I presumed that it would wait before I finished my combo, so I could rack up those sweet overkill style points.

 **-294 HP**

 **Rudger HP: 0/5,092**

 **Status effect "Launch" forcibly inflicted.**

When I leapt up after the brawler, I turned around and sighted my mark.

Locking onto a tired, battle-damaged Reid, I hefted Crimson Violet...

"Have fun getting your pay docked."

...and swung.

 _ **WHANG!**_

 **-294 HP**

 **Status effect "Smash" inflicted.**

The flat of the blade collided with my last opponent, sending him careening towards the red-haired corporate spy much too fast for him to dodge.

 _ **BOOOOOOOM!**_

 **Status effect "Unconscious" inflicted x2.**

Let me tell you, Ground Zero was definitely a sight to see.

I was left slightly amazed as to how Reid wasn't dead. I chalked it up to a tiny bit of his aura regenerating at the last second and keeping him from getting gibbed.

 **Reid (Lv. 19) Defeated!**

 **Rudger (Lv. 20) Defeated!**

 **Crisset (Lv. 18) Defeated!**

 **+3,000 EXP**

 **+1,500L**

 **LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 100 +5**

 **STR: 95 +5**

 **INT: 73 +4**

 **DEX: 132 +5**

 **AGI: 133 +5**

 **RES: 61 +3**

 **LUK: 44 +2**

 **CHR: 44 +2**

 **Track Cue: Victory! Cloud (Super Smash Bros. 4)**

 **YOU WON!**

 **Battle Rewards:**

 **x1 Glitch Hunter set**

Replacing my blade on my back and letting it disappear into my inventory, I checked the sole battle reward…

 **The Glitch Hunter**

 **A set of formal business clothes fit for a company executive. Features a dress shirt, pants, and shoes, complete with a button-up undershirt and a tie to complete the appearance. Probably not the best outfit for dodging bullets while keeping your feet planted, but damn if you won't look stylish while doing it.**

 _Ooh. If I end up infiltrating a fancy party with this, it now must be done under the alias of "Mister Anderson." I could do no less. Though I might have to grab whatever passes for a Deagle here if somebody gets uppity about getting their damn phone call._

 **Gewehr**

"Er… sir?"

 _Wha-oh, right. Heh, forgot he was there for a second._

"Yeah?"

 **Gewehr**

"Uh… thank you. If you hadn't showed up, I imagine they would have done something drastic. As much as I hate to admit it, at the moment I am still a bit of a VIP."

I turned to look back in the direction of the door-bot. I figured it had probably seen the whole fight.

That meant that whoever was watching the feed was more than likely freaking out and alerting their superiors about the unexpected turn the operation had taken.

Which, in turn, meant that speed would be key.

"Well, they might still end up doing so. C'mon. We need to get away from that glorified security camera over there before we do anything else."

 **Gewehr**

"Ah, right, sorry! Follow me!"

 **Quest Alert!**

 **Indy & Mutt 2.0**

 **You've just saved Professor Eisenberg from a trio of ill-intentioned agents. Unfortunately, whoever was behind all this also saw the outcome of the fight, and is now running contingency plans to salvage the operation. Follow Eisenberg's directions and prevent the mysterious orchestrator from getting those codes - because if there's one thing you're sure of, it's that letting a MacGuffin fall into the hands of a villain is never a good idea.**

 **Objectives:**

 **Follow Eisenberg.**

 **Rewards:**

 **-1,000 EXP**

 **-3,000 Lien**

We ran down to the end of the alleyway, stepping onto the sidewalk of 45th street.

"Okay, I think that's far enough. Now, I wanna help you out a little, but at the moment, I'm a little short on details. What exactly were those guys after? I heard you mention something about codes, but something tells me that's not the full story."

 **Gewehr**

"Apologies, but that's a bit of a lengthy tale, and we're short on time. I can tell you everything once we make sure that my family's safe."

My eyebrows raised themselves in surprise. Though I suppose that was to be expected, since Observing him hadn't really crossed my mind while I was preparing to fight the Turk expies, so I hadn't gotten the chance to read his bio yet.

"All right. Where we headed?"

He quickly rattled off an address. The speed at which he did so spoke of how ingrained in his mind it was.

 **Objectives Updated:**

 **Reach Eisenberg's home and secure his family.**

Cross-referencing it with the minimap, I discovered it was a bit distant. Too far to make getting there on-foot feasible.

"Hmm. Without a vehicle, it would take at least an hour of straight-up running to reach that point. I don't know about you, but that seems a little too long for my tastes."

Then I remembered something I won from a special ID a while ago.

"Hold on. I've got just the thing. C'mon, in here."

I ducked into another alleyway, the prof following close behind.

 **Vehicle "Grid Rider" removed from inventory.**

From behind my back, I pulled out a small, black rod about the length of my forearm, and jumped backward about ten meters.

"Stand clear. Things are about to get crazy."

 **Track Cue: The Game Has Changed (Daft Punk)**

With that, I began to run forward.

Once I got some momentum going, I jumped up in the air and assumed what could be called a superhero flying pose, then pulled the little rod apart.

The frame of my item's true form was created first - a good few inches longer than I was tall, sleek and futuristic.

Then came the inner workings - the engine, what passed for a gearbox, and other little machine guts.

After that, the outer frame and cover - pitch black, which somehow still managed to give off a metallic shine.

True to its source material, the purple-lined Light Cycle finished materializing right before I hit the ground with it. I quickly killed my forward motion, then glanced at Eisenberg's utterly dumbfounded expression.

"Well? Get on. We've got a lot of ground to cover."

 _ **Meanwhile, miles away...**_

 **?**

"Sir, we've got a problem. Smith operatives Electromag, Gauntlet, and Shuriken were taken down by an unknown vigilante. He's made off with the professor, and seems to be heading towards the Eisenberg residence."

 **?**

"Hm… that is indeed a problem. Tell me, what is being done to fix this?"

 **?**

"We already have employees both after the vigilante and on their way to the professor's home. If all goes well, we should have him within the hour, and if not, we'll still have his wife and daughter hostage. The girl may be a combat school student, but she won't be able to handle the sheer numbers we have at our disposal - not to mention that she won't know they're coming."

 **?**

"Good. See that this issue is solved properly, and that Eisenberg gives us those access codes."

 **?**

"Yes, sir!"

 _ **With the Protagonist…**_

As we sped down 34th street, I noticed that the roads were starting to become empty. That was both fortunate and unsettling - the less obstacles there were on the road, the faster we could go without risk of crashing, but in a city as big as this, there was bound to be at least a few cars driving around any given strip of asphalt at all times. If there weren't, that meant something was happening. And I didn't like the implications of that one bit.

 **Gewehr**

"...and if all else fails, fall back to the panic room and lock it. You and your mother should be safe in there. Good luck, daughter, and fight well. I love you."

 **?**

" _Thanks, dad. You too. See you soon."_

 _ **BEEP!**_

My passenger slipped his scroll back into one of his pockets.

"Your little girl a huntress?"

 **Gewehr**

"Not quite. At the moment, she's a third-year student at Compass Combat School. I'll admit that I didn't fully approve of her decision initially, but she can make quite the compelling argument when she wants to."

"Huh. Suppose that means we're the same age, then."

 **Gewehr**

"Wait, you-you're that young?! But… someone that age could never beat three Smiths at once, much less come out of it as well-off as you did!"

"Yeah, well, let's just say that my semblance is bullshit and leave it at that."

The conversation sank into silence.

About a minute later, Sixth Sense pinged again.

 **Looks like we have company. You've got what appears to be a reconnaissance bullhead tailing you, along with a few cars. There's also a bunch of guys on motorbikes. Something tells me we've got a minigame on our hands.**

I could already begin to hear the roaring of engines besides mine.

 _Huh. You thinking what I'm thinking?_

 **Way ahead of you.**

 **Track Cue: Crazy Motorcycle Chase (FINAL FANTASY VII)**

 **Bonus Objectives updated: Reach a score of 20,000 or higher at the conclusion of the chase.**

That was when I saw the bikers. They were coated in gray, and weren't actually carrying any weapons. I'd assume that to be counterproductive, but considering that they were trying not to kill the professor, it did end up making sense. Speaking of whom…

"Brace yourself, we've got incoming. Hold on tight and try your best not to fall off, otherwise we're both screwed."

 **Gewehr**

"I-I'll try."

Two bars appeared at the center of my vision, then quickly moved themselves to the upper left corner of the HUD. One filled itself up with red, and was marked with a heart icon. The other hosted purple, and was indicated with a little picture of a light trail of the same color being left by the back wheel of my cycle. My health bar was already full, and the light trail bar was slowly filling up.

I realized that I probably should have taken out my weapon by now. So, just like a certain blonde spiky-haired hero would, I pulled out my huge slab of metal and let it drag along on the road beside me, leaving behind sparks as it hit the asphalt - or whatever passed for it, anyway.

(I cringed at the possible damage that was being done, but resolved to ignore it on account of how badass it looked. Personal Weapons wouldn't break due to something as trivial and unimportant to the plot as this, anyway.)

 **THE RACE IS ON!**

 **GET READY…**

 **3!**

 **2!**

 **1!**

 **GO!**

Two of the bikes started things off by trying to flank me from the sides. I educated them on the folly of their decision with liberal application of sharpened metal and blunt force.

Another two tried the tactic again, only this time from the front and back. This was also a mistake they paid dearly for. A little ultra-super-late braking caused the bike behind me to actually flip end over end, and land right on top of the guy in front, as unbelievable as that may seem. I concluded that the Rule of Cool was still in full effect, as it should be. The fact that it shaved off a small sliver of my HP was irrelevant.

 _Right. Probably shouldn't do that with reckless abandon. I value this beauty a little too much to lose her to these punks._

Drifting around a corner, one tried to unbalance me by smacking into my back wheel, chipping off a bit of the covering in a flashy display that could almost be likened to shattering a piece of glowing glass. Surprisingly, the attempt was rendered fruitless, and instead caused him to spin out and crash. I figured that was likely due to my vehicle's larger frame, especially the huge wheels. But I did notice that my health bar had taken a not-insignificant hit, so I resolved to try and not let that happen again.

Seeing as we had a bit of a longer road ahead of us, I deemed it safe to take a few potshots at some of our pursuers. Lifting Crimson Violet, I took aim the best I could and squeezed off a couple rounds before returning my attention to the road. I would repeat the process every five seconds, taking out one or two at a time. After the fifth volley, they backed off a bit, likely realizing that they weren't getting very far by simply trying to ram me. But they couldn't exactly start blasting away either, or they might hit my passenger.

So, like any good determined pursuers, they tried a different tactic. Turning onto the next road revealed I had a new tail - a pair of humvee rip-offs with the standard Atlas paint job. Looking through the windshield, I could see that two goons were in each car, though that was just the two front seats. The guys in the passenger seats were carrying the standard-issue rifle for Atlesian Army Infantry. As you can no doubt guess, that did not mean good things for me.

The added stability offered by the safety of the windows let them blast away at my wheels with impunity and without fear or accidentally killing their objective. I tried shooting back, but my aim was a little too shaky for direct hits and only succeeded in providing suppressive fire, scaring them off for a moment before they poked their heads back out and resumed slowly taking apart my sweet ride.

I was still at a loss on what to do by the point that my health bar had been reduced to three quarters full. But I was soon offered a different solution. At that moment, the purple bar on my hud finally finished filling up, and began flashing.

 **LIGHT TRAIL READY.**

 **RIGHT TRIGGER TO DEPLOY.**

Wasting no time, I swerved left to the sidewalk gutter, flipped the switch, then turned right and swept the competition.

"Eat my 64-bit dust, you Shinra wannabes."

 _ **CHFF-FEEISHT!**_

The light show that followed still remains on my "Top 10 Coolest Moments in Remnant" list.

The entire lower halves of both the cars exploded into cubes, shattering upon contact with the ground. What remained of the windows and roof - as well as the men inside - was left to skid along and come to a stop.

I also ended up unintentionally taking out a few more bikes. They were derezzed entirely, leaving the riders to get sent flying forward, only to crash headfirst into the road.

 **Gewehr**

"Whoa… incredible…"

"Couldn't agree more... I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the most beautiful things I ever did see."

We were getting closer to our objective with each passing second. It wouldn't be long until we arrived our destination. Even if I didn't have the minimap, I'd probably still be able to tell thanks to how desperate our enemies were getting. They were coming faster and more often, in larger numbers. So much so that they managed to whittle down my health bar to around five-eighths full.

I still wasn't really concerned. I'd fought them all off so far, and at this rate, we'd be completely fine.

That sense of security was dashed on the rocks of the info I received next.

 **Uh-oh. Looks like they're congregating their forces at a chokepoint up ahead. Seems like they're preparing a huge roadblock. Going around risks the family's safety too much, but I'm kinda at a loss as to how you're gonna break through. Then again, I don't keep track of every item in your inventory or every single one of your skills, so… get crackin'.**

A counter appeared at the top of my vision, displaying how long I had left until I hit the mass of red dots on my map.

 _Shit. What now…?_

I racked my brain, thinking of all the various toys I had come to possess thus far.

 _None of my ranged skills are inherently explosive. Melee is too great of a risk, and standard pin grenades aren't reliable enough. Damn it… come on, you stupid intelligence stat, work with me here!_

My body was left on autopilot, absently lifting my rifle-gunsword on its own and slicing through another opposing motorcycle. That's when it hit me.

 _Wait… rifle-gunsword…_ _ **rifle**_ _..._

 _Mother of god, that's right! I still have_ _ **that**_ …

 _But… do I really want to use it? I'd lose a lot of respect from the readers…_

 _Fuck it. Who cares about those assholes, anyway? Heh heh… oh boy, this is gonna be awesome._

My decision set, I decided to speed up a little while mentally navigating through my inventory towards the item I desired.

 **Wait, wait, what? You want to use** _ **this?**_ **I mean, I can understand why, but… still, isn't that a bit of a dick move? What about your reputation?**

 _Right now, the only reputation I have that matters is the one with whatever corrupt branch of the Atlesian government sent these clowns after me. Excuse me for being a little hard-pressed to care about people that aren't actively trying to put me six feet under._

 **...all right. Don't say I didn't warn you.**

Down, down, down the counter ticked. Until…

 _Whoa… oh, jeez. You really weren't kidding when you said 'huge.'_

The entrance to the gated community that Eisenberg lived in was filled to the brim with all manner of vehicles. Cars, bikes, pickups... there was even a hulking 18-wheeler sitting at the back.

I returned Crimson Violet to my back, taking care not to cut my passenger.

 _Heh. Well, sucks to be them. Even the mightiest of foes are helpless against_ _ **this**_ _puppy._

I couldn't stop a malicious, bloodthirsty, and downright evil smile from stretching across my face when I pulled out the weapon that instilled fear and rage into the hearts of all who heard the sound of its discharge.

 **Weapon "Noob Tube" removed from inventory.**

The almighty M79 - better known as a "Thumper" - in my hand still looked as pristine and blemish-free as it did when I had first received it from a very special ID. I had always held off from using it, seeing it as a sort of gag to poke fun at how infamous it was in the series it was mainly identified with for being so unfairly broken. I was willing to bear with most everything I came across to get ahead in life, but as shocking as it may seem, even someone like me still had standards. That being said… well, there was a time and place for everything, and I couldn't really think of any other feasible options.

 _Mwehehehahaha… Shepherd never gave two shits about a silly thing like "danger close," so why should I?_

 **Gewehr**

"W-Wait, what are you doing?! You're not seriously-"

"Can it, prof. Trust me - you're not gonna want to miss this."

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

 _ **BTUK!**_

The world almost seemed to slow down as the small, unassuming-looking projectile arced its way towards the cars in front.

What happened next… oh, man. If you thought the light trail activation was awesome, well… _you ain't seen nothin' yet._

The instant the grenade hit, the largest chain reaction I had ever seen began without hesitation.

It started with the two in front. Which spread to the bikes next to them. Which in turn caused some of the bigger models to go up in flames, and so on and so forth… until the explosion reached the massive truck.

All I'm gonna say, is that there's no way something flammable wasn't being carried inside the container that the metal monster was hooked to.

I had no doubts that the resulting fireball was visible from outside the city.

And just so you know, this all happened in the span of a few seconds. The part of my brain that prided itself on logic was screaming "what the fuck" and "no way" over and over in utter confusion and disbelief as to how this could possibly happen, while the other parts were simply kicking back and enjoying the show.

(Well, one lone part was concerned with how this would affect the general public, as well as all the property damage, but it was shushed by the simple hand-wave of "government cover-up" and quickly tuned out.)

Then I remembered that we'd still have to drive through the flaming wreckage.

 _Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit-!_

Reloading as fast as I could, I imbued the next round with a bit of a gale and pulled the trigger.

 **-5 BP**

 **BP: 115/120**

 _ **BTUK!**_

 _ **BWOOF!**_

Exactly as I'd hoped, the blast blew away most of the flames, smoke and debris that had been flying around. We motored right on through, while the rest of the bikes that had been tailing us tried to squeeze through the opening. Some succeeded, others failed.

I also noticed that the plume of smoke that resulted from the explosion forced the bullhead that was following us to pull back. One less camera to worry about, I supposed.

It didn't look like I'd need the little devil again anytime soon, so back it went into the inventory. Our pursuers then proceeded to eat standard dust ammunition for the remainder of the trip. They pulled off when we were about a block away from our destination. The cessation of hostilities also triggered the end of the minigame.

 **FINISH!**

 **Enemies: 51 +5,100**

 **Derezz Bonus: +2,500**

 **Blockade Destroyed: +5,000**

 **HP Bonus: 60% x1.6**

 **Final Score: 20,160**

 **NEW HIGH SCORE!**

 _Huh. Does that mean I can replay this at my leisure?_

 **Technically, yes, but… you're gonna have to wait for that. For quite a while, in fact. You won't be getting your gameroom until you receive your Beacon dorm number.**

 _Ouch... actually, considering how far removed the Gold Saucer is from Midgar, I can see how that would make sense._

 **Bonus Objective complete: Reach a score of 20,000 or higher at the conclusion of the chase.**

Coming up on the location that the dear professor called home, I'm pretty sure I heard his heart catch in his throat. Not that I could blame him - even just the front lawn of the place looked like a no-man's-land. The ground leading up to the front door and the wall facing the road was completely torn up, pock-marked with hundreds of bullet holes. A number of troop transports were parked outside, doors left open and not a soul inside.

The lawn also happened to be populated by a bunch of unresponsive grunts. Looking closely, I could see that every single one had been hit with some kind of dart - tranquilizers, no doubt.

Eisenberg was already rushing towards the house. I joined him after I deconstructed my light cycle and replaced the handheld black rod inside my inventory.

The inner side of the place looked just as bad as the outer. Various trinkets and such were shattered, destroyed, and otherwise obliterated. Slash marks scarred the larger rooms and hallways. Flashbang shrapnel was scattered everywhere, and small blackened craters could be occasionally seen. The ceiling was somewhat obscured by a faint layer of gray, and there was a muted beeping sound echoing from one of the upper floors - a smoke alarm, most likely. Accordingly, many of the rooms were also drenched. A quick glance upward showcased the various safety sprinklers whose caps had been blown off by water pressure.

And, of course, I couldn't forget all the bodies. Many still sported tranq needles, but others smelled faintly of electrified flesh. I reasoned that the defender had probably ran out of darts at some point and most likely switched to some kind of shock baton, if the accompanying bruises were anything to go by.

Eventually, following the professor left me staring at a large, chrome-colored door. What looked like the barrel of a deactivated auto-defense turret poked out of the wall adjacent to the panic room entrance and was pointed diagonally down towards the floor.

 _Must've run out of ammo._

My escort banged on the door a few times. A small part sunk in and slid to the side, revealing a camera. Exactly one second later, the camera covered itself and the door emitted a loud hissing noise, accompanied by a ticking sound that reminded me of a bank vault door opening. After a moment, it began turning outward.

But apparently, the regulated rate wasn't enough for the professor's daughter.

 _ **WHAM!**_

A few steps to the left, and I would've had to take action in order to prevent my body from being flattened against the wall like a Saturday morning cartoon character. The gunmetal-gray-haired teen was in her father's arms before I even had a chance to blink.

 **?**

"DAD!"

 **Petra von Eisenberg**

 **Iron Girl**

 **Engineer**

 **Lv. 15**

She looked like she was on the verge of tears. No surprise there - if it weren't for Gamer's Mind, I'd probably be freaking out too if I had to fight an army with nothing but a glorified dart gun and a stun bat. Warriors-in-training we may be, but Solid Snakes we are not.

 **Petra**

"Oh, thank god you're okay! I know you said that you had a protector, but I couldn't stop thinking about how you could be shot or captured or tortured… a-and then those men arrived, and the shooting started, and I thought I was gonna die for a while, and i-it was just…"

 **Gewehr**

"Hey, hey hey, Petra, everything's okay, daddy's here. You're going to be fine. Everything's going to be all right. Nobody is dying. You did great, my sweet little Iron Girl…"

 **Petra**

"Awhhh, dad… you- _**-sniff-**_ you know how embarrassing that nickname is…"

 **?**

"Gewehr? Dear, is that you?"

From deeper inside the safe room walked out a woman who seemed to be a little younger than the professor.

 **Titania von Eisenberg**

 **Steel Trap**

 **Civilian**

 **Lv. 3**

 **Gewehr**

"Ah, Titania, come on! Join the family embrace!"

The mother didn't respond, moving immediately to entangle herself in the group hug.

I absently found myself comparing their hair colors. Gewehr's had that sheen that you'd normally only see on things like aluminum or bars of silver, and was really, really shiny for some reason. Petra was pretty much the opposite. She had a really dark hue, the kind you'd see on military firearms, like rifles. Titania was somewhere in the middle. Not as bright or shiny as Gewehr, but not as dark or dull as Petra, and I caught a few glimpses of green and purple streaks on hers. All told, they lived up to their names.

That being said… well, they were so caught up in enjoying the moment that I ended up awkwardly standing off to the side, staring at the admittedly heartwarming reunion.

 **Petra**

"Heh… the one time you're both home at once, and it's because we're being hunted down… is it wrong for me to wish that we could be like this forever?"

 _Oh, no. That's not a good indicator at all. You can't tell me this family doesn't have a serious problem after hearing a comment like that._

 **Gewehr**

"On some levels, yes, but… no on so many more. You're never in the wrong for wanting to spend time with your family."

 _Hmm… what could the issue be? Nothing seems wrong from the outside, but… well, she said "both at once," so that should mean that one of them is always gone… why?_

I then noticed something about Titania's outfit.

 _Wait… that's a lab coat, right? Gewehr's wearing one, too…_

 _Does that mean they're both professors?_

That train of thought was interrupted and left unfinished by my uncomfortable-ness tolerance meter hitting its breaking point.

"Ah… I don't want to ruin the moment, but… do you want me to… y'know… give you some privacy?"

All three snapped their gazes to me, and I knew that I had just failed that objective.

 _Damn it. There goes that source of warm fuzzies._

 **Objective complete: Reach Eisenberg's home and secure his family.**

 **Quest complete!**

 **Indy & Mutt 2.0**

 **Rewards received:**

 **1,000 EXP**

 **3,000 Lien**

 **Bonus Rewards:**

 **500 EXP**

 **1,500 Lien**

 **Intermediate Driver's Guide to Street Racing**

 _Not helping, game. The guide looks nice, though. My driving skill can always use a boost._

* * *

 **A/N: Everyone who's been gibbed by an M203, raise your hand. I'll admit that I've fallen prey to its siren song more than a few times, but I always justified it to myself by saying that I was only doing it for the Red Dot Sight (or whatever other attachment came after the grenade launcher). It still felt a little degrading, though.**

 **So how 'bout that fight scene, eh? As for why our lovable player character came out on top, despite being technically outmatched... well, there's a number of factors behind that. First up, well, what's the primary job of the Turks? If you know them, you'll know that it's not actually combat - their main profession is espionage. And who are Zeiss's opponents expies of? That match was three spies versus one dedicated warrior. Not to mention, the mechanics now actually give whoever's on the main character's side an inherent advantage thanks to the removal of the mastery skill damage buff that's now applied to enemies. And that's not even counting the massive skill advantage Zeiss has over them, even if it was somewhat self-limited.**

 **And we are now introduced to the Eisenberg family. My advice? Keep your eye on Petra - she's going to become very important sometime in the future. I've already dropped a couple of hints as to why. Leave a review if you think you've figured it out. Coming up with their names was a whole load of fun times, if you catch my meaning.**

 **If you're wondering how Zeiss pulled two Deus Ex-Machina items out of his ass in a row, well... like he said when he was describing the Noob Tube, they're actually rewards from what pretty much amount to 'Event IDs' in Phoenix Champion terms. You know, those rare occasions where an ID becomes influenced by an outside force and produces a special crossover quest?**

 **...all right, I'll come clean: it's blatant Author Appeal so I can have a quick on-hand excuse for stuff like Zeiss whipping out the Exalted Falchion and challenging Weiss to a rapier-only duel, or Ruby grabbing an Intervention and 360 no-scoping Cinder from across Beacon. Depending on how you look at it, it could also double as Fanservice of a sort, so there's that. Are you happy now that you have the truth?**

 **By the way - I was originally thinking of justifying the absence of Zeiss' driving skill from the last chapter's skill list showcase by saying that I was only displaying skills related to combat so as to not clutter it up and artificially increase the word count, but... well, 'A Scout is Honest,' so I suppose I'll give y'all the real reason why: it's because I was lazy and unwilling to write down any more descriptions at the time, plus I didn't want to deal with how I was going to decide what the skill itself would cover. I could make it all-purpose, giving him proficiency with all vehicles, or I could just limit it to land vehicles so as to not make it too broken. Normally I'd go with the land-only variation for balancing purposes, but then I realized: how am I going to justify him being able to perform some of the later minigames without coming up with a cop-out explanation for why he doesn't have any problems controlling his craft? I'm pretty sure that you need a license to pilot a Bullhead, or any kind of aircraft for that matter, and those usually come with age restrictions, so... problem. I mean, sure, he could always try the black market, but be honest - would you really trust stolen and therefore likely modified tech to work without a hitch 100% of the time? Plus, Zeiss tends to avoid the criminal underworld sort of on principle (but mostly because pretty much all of their prices are complete rip-offs), so it's not like he'd go there anyway.**

 **(Yes, he did communicate with them to get a fake ID, but that's one of the easier things to do, and doesn't cost as much. Likely because it's pretty low-risk.)**

 **In any case, this is the last chapter I had in storage. Looks like it's back to the ol' typewriter for me. Which brings me to another subject - I'm not a time management wizard or anything. I have a life outside this site, you know, non-existent as it may seem. I have classes to go to, homework to do, meetings to attend, service projects to help out with, campouts to cook for. With that being said, expect further updates to be extremely sporadic. I usually continue this thing when it's late at night on weekdays, and whenever I have inspiration on weekends. Hell, this chapter alone took me a few weeks to finish. Admittedly, I could probably speed up production if I had a few hour-long writing sessions every other day or so, but I'm terrible with self-motiviation, so don't get your hopes up. Point is, I'll update this story whenever I feel like it, which can and will likely take a while.**

 **Whoof. Man, look at that wall. I think this might be the longest Author's Note I've ever written.**

 **I'd ponder on whether that's a good thing or not, but I've already dragged this on long enough as is.**

 **So long, suckers!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	11. Gotta Get Into the Vault

"Okay, so… let me see if I've got this straight. You, with the assistance of the Atlesian Military's R&D branch, created what pretty much amounts to a turbolaser cannon that runs on human soul power. But the amount of soul power the cannon needs to fire even just one shot is almost disproportionately large, and you believe that the potential loss of life is in no way worth it. Yet the higher-ups in the military believe otherwise, and they're telling you to use it under threat of death to yourself and your family members. So, accordingly, you put the cannon on a pretty much unhackable lockdown protocol, which can only be removed using the codes you have kept away in your memory, and you ran off. The bigots found out, and sent those Smiths after you, and now they're pretty much hell-bent on getting those codes to fire that cannon without any regards to all the people that they'll drain to death in order to do that. Do I have all that right?"

The dear professor sighed from the driver's seat of our vehicle.

 **Gewehr**

"Yes, I… believe that covers all the basics. So I trust you understand the stakes here?"

I suppose I should explain how we got into this situation.

After the Eisenbergs finished their tearful reunion, the father ordered everyone to the garage, where we piled inside a nondescript four-seater hidden below the floor.

He explained that it was his "stealth car," for explicit usage whenever he was being tracked down by any hostile force. It was kitted out with a bunch of tech that allowed it to pass completely under every known form of radar, save for direct eyesight. It also automatically broadcast a signal that somehow set every camera within a fifty-foot radius on a footage loop that lasted until the camera left the signal's area of effect. I wouldn't understand how that worked until much later.

"Well, sure, but I just can't get over the fact that this seems like the plot of a bargain bin action movie. Like, seriously, how much were you paid to do this? Did you eventually end up seeing TV cameras in your lab or something?"

I had to admit, this could make a passable setup. We had a MacGuffin, a protagonist, some supporting characters, an evil faction, and lots and lots of high-tech weaponry. The setting was ripe for explosions of all kinds - hell, we'd just seen a huge one a short while ago. All it needed now was for the actors to do their scenes and a good title, and it would pull in revenue like nobody's business.

 **Gewehr**

"Er, yes, in… retrospect, it does seem very silly. But I cannot stress the reality of our situation enough."

"Yeah, yeah. Say… have they actually tried firing it yet?"

By this point, we had driven into a hidden tunnel leading into the underground of the floating city. I suspected that we were headed for some kind of safe house.

 **Gewehr**

"No. The instant I received the news of what their decision of the cannon's power source was, I initiated the lockdown. They never got the chance to test it."

 _What._

"...wait, wait, wait. You're saying that they sent all those men at you, contracted elite spies to interrogate you, not to mention attempted to capture your wife and daughter, all to get the release codes for a highly technological and expensive superweapon… and they _don't even know if it works?!"_

 **Gewehr**

"Now do you understand why I emphasized that the heads don't care? All they want to know is whether or not the weapon works, and works well - to them, ending the lives of who knows how many civilians just to kill a single large Grimm is an acceptable sacrifice. And may I remind you: even if the cannon ends up as a failed experiment, it will still use up a lot of power. Either way, a lot of people will die."

He had a point.

"Dear god… well, if I had any doubts that the dullards in charge of the army weren't completely corrupt, they're completely gone by now."

 **Gewehr**

"Actually, believe it or not, only a select few of them are bad apples. I'm sure if General Ironwood heard about this, he'd personally throw everyone responsible right off the edge of the city. But trust me - immoral monsters they may be, but if there's one thing they're not, it's stupid. Most of the trustworthy members of the army are all away on their own business, and the officials themselves have become swamped with paperwork for some inexplicable reason, so much so that any reports of this would likely slip right by. Information on the cannon itself is buried under a pile of secrecy the size of Mt. Glenn. Not even any of the other researchers who worked on the project were allowed to know its specifications."

 _Ironwood, eh…? I wonder..._

"Well, that seems a little counterproductive. Then again, I'm not a scientist, so what would I know about constructing doomsday lasers?"

The man was silent for a moment.

 **Gewehr**

"...in hindsight, the situation was very suspect. All the secrecy on what seemed like a standard assignment should have been a massive red flag, especially considering the nature of the weapon itself."

"How did you find out about the whole 'it runs on life energy' thing, anyway? I'd assume they'd also try and hide that from you."

 **Gewehr**

"One of the newer lab assistants was carrying around a stack of papers. One of them fell, and I picked it up before anyone else. It was a schematic for the team of builders that constructed the cannon, and it contained within it the information I needed to deduce its power source."

We stopped in front of a large metal garage door, with a panel next to it. The scientist got out, and performed a few scans, along with entering in a code. Upon the completion of this task, the door began to slide upwards. I voiced another question that had been bugging me once he got back in.

"Hey… why aren't they just using Dust to power this thing? It kinda seems like it would be a much better alternative."

 **Gewehr**

"Well, that was my original intention, but the higher-ups overrode that decision without my knowledge and had the cannon built with the aura source instead for experimental purposes. I knew that Atlas as a whole was beginning to become more interested in technology related to Aura in some way, but I never thought it had gone to this extent."

 _Huh… so I guess this plays a part in paving the way for the Aura transfusion machine displayed in Volume 3._

 _That also reminds me… has Penny been built yet? I'd assume so, but there's no way she could go two years without picking up at least_ _ **some**_ _social experience. With the way she was when she was first introduced, you'd think she was freaking born yesterday or something. But if she_ _ **has**_ _already been constructed… oh, man. I don't know if I want to think about the implications of that. There's sheltered, and then there's… whatever_ _ **that**_ _is._

"Well, if nothing else, I'd say the mad scientist stereotype exists for a reason."

 **Gewehr**

"I suppose it does."

Silence settled back in for a moment… before I turned to the car's other two occupants.

"...I'm can't be the only one feeling creeped out by the total lack of words from you girls, right?"

 **Petra**

"Well, I'm not sure about Mom, but you seemed like you had a good exposition dump going. I didn't want to ruin the moment."

 _Why do I feel like I just got dumped on?_

 **Titania**

"You just happened to ask all of the important questions that we were thinking of. Thus, we didn't really have much of a reason to speak."

"...well, I find that just a little hard to swallow, but whatever, it's not that important."

Right at that moment, the driver stopped the car.

 **Gewehr**

"Alright, everyone. Here we are."

We all climbed out and made our way to an **EXTRA THICC-** looking door. Another sequence of scans and a code later, and we walked through. After navigating through a hallway or two, we made it to a sort of lobby area.

A few doorways later, and we came to what looked like an underground war room. The professor motioned for us to take seats at the four corners of an oval-shaped table.

Once we did, he laid down the facts.

 **Gewehr**

"Okay. I'd say that we have about… four days at most before the pencil-pushers find out where I've disappeared to, likely less. Thanks to a certain big boom, all travel in and out of the island has been completely cut off for safety reasons. They won't reopen for at least a week, and forgive me if I'm not optimistic about our chances of surviving being hunted for three days straight at minimum. So… simply waiting it out and trying to escape are off the table."

Admittedly, the situation did look very grim from my perspective.

 **Petra**

"So, then what _can_ we do? ...wait, Dad, you're not seriously suggesting that we actually try to _stop_ them, are you? All on our own?"

Poor girl looked an evil laugh away from straight-up calling her old man insane.

 **Gewehr**

"I'm afraid it might be our only option, sweetie. Running is impossible, and hiding won't work forever. So the one thing we can try to do… is take the fight to them."

He made a good point. Unless we tried to steal an airship or bullhead (which would be completely ridiculous and not at all practical), we were, for all intents and purposes, stuck in the city of Atlas. It would only make sense that the government would know exactly where every single molecule of dirt was on here, so it likely wouldn't take very long for them to piece together where our little hidey-hole was.

The only problem with that logic was...

 **Titania**

"And how exactly do you think we'll go about that? Sure, you're one of the premier weapon designers of your generation, I'm the best software engineer this side of Vytal, our daughter is a prodigy with both and has enough combat training to hold her own fairly well, and Zeiss is powerful enough to beat three Smiths at once, but you're talking about going up against the _pride and joy of Atlas itself._ If we're caught, the last thing that'll be in their minds is letting us walk away with a slap on the wrist. We take even just one wrong step, and we'll all be sentenced for treason."

Yeah. It may have been a minority of the government that we had issues with, but until proven otherwise, the moment we revealed ourselves and our intentions, the entirety of the government would treat us as an enemy. After all, why would they believe otherwise? If the evil heads were smart like the old man said, they'd know the value of reputation and build good ones for themselves, so they could just sell the others a few lies like "they went rogue" and they'd be golden. The only way that wouldn't work would be if a good egg in a position with enough influence knew Gewehr personally and believed he wouldn't do something like this without provocation, causing him or her to order an investigation into his reasoning. And even then that wasn't a guarantee, since the investigation could be stealth-blocked by the evil heads or forced to turn up with nothing without causing anyone else to bat an eye.

 _Sheesh. The system's outdoing itself in trying to force this outcome. What are you going to have me do next, Gaia…?_

 **Gewehr**

"Well, my dear, I've actually got the beginnings of a plan in this little noggin of mine. It's just a rough outline at the moment, but the basic idea is that we find a way to break into the facility, destroy the cannon, then expose the whole thing to General Ironwood and the media to ensure that nothing of its kind can ever be built again."

 _...oh._

 _ **Oh.**_

 _Ohhhh… Gaia, you absolute madwoman. It's Framing Frame Day 3 on Loud all over again, only this time it's for a benevolent cause._

 _Wait a second… OH._

 _Is… is this your way of giving me my alternate solution to the Ares 90? All I have to do is finish this with a little extra loot, and I'll get my materials_ _ **and**_ _my manufacturer in one fell swoop?!_

I had very good reason to believe that what happened next said everything for her.

 **Quest Alert!**

 **Atlas Mugged**

 **Professor Gewehr von Eisenberg has assisted in constructing a large cannon that has the potential to decimate kaiju-class Grimm, but he isn't too pleased with its Aura power source consumption, and has decided to destroy it. Problem is, he's on the run from the people who commissioned him to do it, and he's not exactly secret agent material. As such, he's turned to you for assistance. He's got a plan, and you're going to do a lot of the heavy lifting. Luckily for you, this also gives you the chance to acquire some of the materials you've desperately been needing for your own doomsday weapon. All you have to do is break into a facility guarded by legions of robot soldiers, equipped with the most advanced security system on the planet, while being almost completely inexperienced in the ways of heisting. But don't worry, just remember the fundamentals: stay off the dance floor, always get the thermal drill, and above all else,** _ **DON'T ACT DUMB.**_

 **Objectives:**

 **-Wait for Gewehr to finish Pre-Planning**

 **-Enter the R &D facility**

 **-Render the cannon inoperable**

 **-Send proof of treachery to Ironwood or the media**

 **-Escape**

 **Bonus Objectives:**

 **-Steal all available resources for Ares 90 construction**

 **-Complete the heist in stealth**

 **Rewards:**

 **-Ares 90 manufacturer**

 **-2,500 EXP**

 **-5,000 Lien**

 **-Selected heist loadout**

I almost missed some of the conversation while I was wrapped up in the new quest. But I've said it once, and I'll say it again: hail the almighty power of subtitles.

 **Gewehr**

"Now, I'm sure this is obvious, but we need to be _very_ thorough here. Which means a few things. Whoever goes in there will also need to delete every single file on it, as well as every single piece of paper with information or references to it. Fortunately, the employees who oversee the physical file rooms are very organized, and likely have all the papers concerning the project in a single spot. Once we find that spot, it should be easy to get rid of them quickly. The problem is wiping its digital footprint off the net. Titania, honey, can I trust you to deal with that?"

If I didn't know better, I'd say she looked excited at the prospect.

 **Titania**

"Give me some time, and I should have a complete program ready to search out and delete everything related to the cannon."

 **Gewehr**

"Great. So, all that's left is to devise an entry plan, and… figure out who's going to be the one to actually execute it."

The daughter finally spoke up.

 **Petra**

"Let's get the obvious out of the way first - it's not going to be either of you. You don't have any combat training, nor are your auras unlocked. In the event that you're caught, you wouldn't be able to escape, and you're too high value of targets anyway. So that leaves either me, or Zeiss. And honestly, I think Zeiss might be the better candidate. I'm not the best at being stealthy, and while my weapon of choice is concealable, I'll still likely stick out."

I took this and ran with it.

"I can get behind that, actually. I may not have gone to any acting classes, but I can put on a pretty good mask, if I do say so myself. I can also be quiet when I desire to be. The weapon issue's also not much of a problem, due to my unique circumstances. But I should probably pick something other than my signature rifle-sword. I don't want anyone drawing conclusions. In any case, though, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best at this kind of thing, but considering our other options, I do seem to be the person that's the least ill-suited for something of this nature. Unless you have a contact that specializes in infiltration?"

 **Gewehr**

"No. I do get to meet military types, but not _that_ many. And besides, by this point I've probably already been branded a traitor. They wouldn't listen to me."

"Then yeah. Alright, is that everything?"

 **Gewehr**

"Yes. The only thing left to do is come up with how exactly you're going to pull all this off. That said, to start off…"

* * *

 **[Chat Logs - Session 21]**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: So how was practice today, sis?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Oh, man, it was amazing! I won all my matches!**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Really, now? Who were you up against this time?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Lupin, Blaize, and Cherren.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: The thief, hothead, and sweet girl?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Yeah. Really felt the burn!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: What's all this, then?**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Oh, nothing much. Just discussing how awesome my little baby sister is.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Yaaaaang, noooooo!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: So you've been doing some PvP?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: What's PvP?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Right, forgot you don't play MMOs. It's an acronym for "Player versus Player." Basically, it's a catch-all term for everything in RPG-type games and a few other genres that involves playing against other people instead of the computer. When it's just you vs. mobs or raid bosses and the like, it's PvE, or "Player versus Environment."**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Ohhhh, that makes sense. In that case, yeah. I'm doing pretty well, too! Last I checked, my win-loss ratio was 9 to 1.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Holy WOW. And how many matches have you had so far?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Exactly thirty, if I don't count the introductory fight against Uncle Qrow.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Right, he did say he was a teacher. But still, my GOD are you broken. Seriously, only three losses out of thirty? What, are they just throwing faceless mooks at you?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Zeiss, cut it out! You're starting to sound like Yang!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: S***, did I go too far with the compliments? Sorry. Should've remembered you hate that.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: No, no, keep going! With everything she does, I can guarantee you she deserves it!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Fine line between praise and a pedestal, Yang. If anything, you should be bragging about your superiority, since, y'know, you're the higher level.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Yeah, but that's ordinary because I'm the older sister. Sure, I was top tier back in my first-year days, but I wasn't SS-tier. I lost a fair few of my matches. But Ruby? She might as well be untouchable.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: What do you call my three losses, then?**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Luck.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: ...okay, that's fair. Anyway, what's been going on with you, Zeiss?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Weeeeellllll… that's a bit of a long story.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: So? We have time. Let's hear it.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: All right then. So you know how I was talking about going to Atlas a while ago?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Oh, yeah, you were saying something about gathering materials for some kinda huge quest?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Yeah. So I got here yesterday, found a hotel quick and decided to take a snooze. I woke up, went for a walk, and… something big happened.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: ...wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with the huge explosion that went off in Atlas's Old Money district a few hours ago? The news was all over that.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Uh… maybe?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Zeiiiiiiss… what did you do?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Well, I… kinda-sorta rescued the head of an Atlesian military project that was being developed by a corrupt portion of the government from a trio of corporate spies, then headed to his home to save his family from being taken hostage by corrupt employees while fighting off other corrupt employees on a motorcycle, who we took with us to a hidden underground bunker to get away from the corrupt government, and now we're devising a plan to stop the project from being completed before the corrupt government uses it, which will drain away the aura from and kill a bunch of civilians to power itself.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: So basically, living through the first thirty-or-so minutes of a bargain bin action movie. Oh, by the way, that explosion happened because I used a grenade launcher to get rid of a roadblock the bad guys set up to stop us. Still have no idea how that happened. Probably hit something flammable that the 18-wheeler was carrying.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Uh…**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Wow.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Yep, that's about the reaction I was expecting. Anyway, at the moment I'm chilling out in one of the guest rooms inside the bunker. The professor in question is still coming up with a plan to get me inside the facility where the product of the project is being kept, so I can destroy it, expose its existence to the non-corrupt parts of the government, then destroy the remaining evidence of its existence.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Wait, why would they pick you? You didn't exactly seem like the sneaky type when you were still hanging with us. No offense.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: None taken. And the reason for that is because out of everyone who can possibly do it at the moment, I'm the one with the least chances of failure. Our only other options are either the professor himself, his wife, or their daughter. Neither of the parents have their aura unlocked, and the daughter's only a third-year at Compass, so none of them are really suited for this kind of activity. I'm honestly not the best at stealth, but my bulls*** power gives me a temporary workaround for that if I train in it relentlessly during what little prep time I have.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Huh… hey, what's the name of the professor, anyway?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Gewehr von Eisenberg. Why do you ask?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Wait, WHAT?! As in, THE Gewehr von Eisenberg?! Atlas's most prestigious weapon developer, and one of the two heads behind the AK-130?! THAT Eisenberg?!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Wait, you're telling me that the guy I saved is pretty much the man responsible for the the world's premier peacekeeping android?! Holy s***, I met a celebrity and I didn't even know it!**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: THIS IS AMAZING! Oh, man, you HAVE to get me his autograph! Oh, oh, I have the perfect idea for that!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: And what's that?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: You have a scroll now, right?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Yeah, I bought a standard model while I was in Vale. Why?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Okay, perfect. I finished up the blueprints for Crescent Rose, so if I send you a picture, I think I may be able to get a custom-manufactured part with his signature on it!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Finally decided what you wanted in the old girl, eh? I guess I'll have to take a look myself.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Yeah, I actually put in the final touches a few minutes ago. Wait 'till you see me next summer!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Looking forward to it. Oh, by the way, you said "two heads" earlier. Just out of curiosity, who was the other one?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Gepetto Polendina. He's the head of Atlas's Autonomic Robotics Division. He's also a teacher at Atlas Academy. Rumor has it that he's been working with Auratechnology recently.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Polendina, huh… interesting. Well, I gotta go back to grinding. I'll need every advantage I can get before I go on this impossible mission. Aaaaand now I feel like Donn Cruise.**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: You did say you felt like you were living an action movie…**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: True. Bye for now.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'N Roses: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh…!**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Calm down there, Rubes. You know that you're only getting that autograph if Zeiss pulls this off, right? What if things don't go to plan?**

 **[All] Captain Dragon: Ruby? Ruby?!**

* * *

 **A/N: It's baaaaaack!**

 **Okay, yes, I know this is nothing compared to some other hiatuses you've likely seen (looking at _you,_ literalsin), but still. **

**Anyway, this is more of an exposition chapter, as lampshaded by Petra earlier. This is to offer explanations for why quite a few things that have gone down recently actually happened the way they did.**

 **Fun fact: I came up with pretty much all of this completely on the fly. I knew that Gewehr's codes would be protecting some kind of new technology, but I couldn't decide whether they should be Paladin prototypes or something else. Eventually, I came up with this idea. Oh, and you know that little bit of how this was all Gaia's doing? Well, I forgot to mention earlier that she was also responsible for plotting the route Zeiss took on his walk, which led to him encountering Gewehr in the first place. So yeah, this whole thing reeks of admin meddling.**

 **We also have another chat log, this time focusing more on the sisters and what they've been up to. We also find out a bit more about the world - specifically, who actually created the latest model of Atlesian Knight. The autograph bit may or may not come up again later, I haven't decided.**

 **PEACE OUT, MA BOIS!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	12. Fight Back the Police Assault

When I woke up on the big day, I was greeted by the notification that I had chosen to sleep for.

 **UPDATE ALERT!**

 **Ver. 1.1.1**

 **Changelog:**

 **-Fixed a glitch that would cause subtitles to display incorrectly.**

 **-Small tweaks to battle notification systems.**

 **-Fixed a glitch that prevented the "Shatter" status effect from being applied.**

 **-Fixed an issue that would cause flavor text on certain items to not show up.**

 **-Fixed an issue that prevented music-stop notifications from showing up.**

 **-Minor bug fixes.**

It was… not as exciting as I hoped.

 _I missed out on several hours of heist training for_ _ **this?!**_ _Damn it, Gaia, I want a refund!_

 **Pick your next words carefully, lest you make me go full Marcus Kincaid on your ass.**

 _On second thought, maybe this isn't so bad._

I'm brave, but I'm not _that_ brave. Going up against somebody used to Pandora would be like walking up to Hazel and practically asking him to beat the shit out of me.

But anyway, if my last comment didn't tip you off, I'd spent the last few days crunching on everything related to the task I would be undertaking today. Acting, lockpicking, drill setup and repairs ( _so_ not looking forward to living through Drill Repair Simulator 2), basic computer interfacing, body bag usage, ammo scavenging, basically everything a standard criminal would need to know to rob a Harvest & Trustee bank and get away with it.

The ol' prof showed me to a room that was pretty much every action hero's dream - it was full of nothing but guns, guns, guns. He told me to go ahead and knock myself out concerning my loadout, trusting me not to go with anything too insane. I could only oblige him.

* * *

 _ **Two days ago…**_

I was following Mr. Eisenberg down a few more winding hallways. He said that it would be a good idea for me to familiarize myself with the tools I would be using to get the job done, and I agreed.

We eventually came to a stop before a heavily reinforced-looking door. The fact that it was reinforced said a lot about the contents of what was behind it without actually giving away specifics.

"Here we are," he said, going through the motions to unlock it. "Behind this door lies a veritable armory of weapons. Old, new, famous, forgotten, you name it, there's a good chance it's there. Choose wisely, as you will only be able to take a select few with you. Be reasonable, and if something rubs you the wrong way, it might be best to simply find an alternative."

He finished the preparations, the barrier whirring through a series of movements to open itself before revealing the room inside. With his job done, the professor walked away, giving me an "I'll leave you to it" before turning a corner and disappearing from sight.

I hovered in my spot for around half a minute, looking at where he'd gone off to, before turning and walking inside.

And oh, what a room it was.

Now, if you've ever seen _The Matrix,_ then recall for a moment the armory scene. The infinite rack of weapons, stretching on and on forever and holding an endless supply of guns. This room evoked a lot of the same vibes, even without the white space aesthetic or the absurdly large selection. Rows upon rows of guns, grenades, armor, melee weapons, and a bunch of other neat toys filled the place to the brim, laid out in neat patterns that I found a serious appreciation for. I'm not ashamed to say that I spent the first full five minutes doing nothing but wandering around, staring at all my potential possessions, and trying my best not to drool.

And I would have continued to do so for the next five if I hadn't made a shocking discovery.

While I was walking down the rifle aisle, I spotted something that stopped me cold in my tracks.

"Wait a minute. Is that… no, it can't be… can it?"

One lone model was sitting on a display rack, obviously meant to draw attention. It looked heavily modified compared to others of its type sitting next to it - some of the more noticeable features were a changed barrel, stock, grip, magazine, and the addition of a dual laser sight and tactical flashlight setup, along with what appeared to be a bulky Red Dot Sight mounted on the upper rail.

But the thing about it that stood out the most was its striking Royale Blue paint job.

Which I found to be very suspiciously _familiar._

 _No way. Gaia, you didn't…_

 **Oh, yes, I did.**

I approached the rifle slowly, and observed it when I picked it up.

 **SWATsbane (CAR-4)**

" **Cash is king."**

 **Widely regarded as one of the most versatile assault rifles in the world, the CAR-4 is an incredibly popular weapon of choice for special forces, police, and soldiers alike. While the stock variation may seem average, its real power comes from its unbelievable customization potential, as practically every part of the gun can be modified in some way. This particular model has been in the possession of a certain heister for a very long time, and has seen many modifications over the years, eventually coming to possess nigh-impeccable stability at the cost of some slight degradation to its appearance. Because of this, it is also considered a personal weapon.**

 **Mag Capacity: 34**

 **Total Ammo: 150**

 **Rate of Fire: 600**

 **Damage: 61**

 **Accuracy: 68**

 **Stability: 100**

 **Concealment: 9**

 **Threat: 20**

 **Reload Speed: 3.4**

 **Modifications:**

 **Long Barrel**

 **Competitor's Compensator**

 **Auto Fire**

 **E.M.O. Foregrip**

 **LED Combo**

 **Pro Grip**

 **THRUST Lower Receiver**

 **Expert Mag**

 **Military Red Dot Sight**

 **War-Torn Stock**

 **Exotique Receiver**

 _My god… but wait. If_ _ **this**_ _is here, then that means…!_

I leapt away and raced off, scouring the rest of the room to confirm my theory, and lo and behold…

 _I can't believe it… they're all here!_

The madwoman had actually gone and done it.

She'd taken all of my weapons and gear from my old Payday 2 files… and _translated them into this armory._

Every. Single. One.

My first AMCAR and Chimano 88. My long-barreled Deagle. My old Interceptor .45. My mint-condition Tenochtitlan-painted 5/7 AP. My Chupacabra Little Friend 7.62 rifle. The Forked Repeater 1874 sniper. The Ancient Cobra submachine gun. Even my unmarked Chopper Krinkov. All of them, lovingly preserved and available for my selection.

 _This is just… wow._

 **You're welcome. It wasn't easy, but now you have everything you'll need to get out of this mess in one piece. Sure, there's still a good chance that you'll crash and burn, but at least now you can't say that I didn't give you a fair shot. Now, here's a breakdown of how you're gonna go about preparing for this...**

* * *

 _ **Present day...**_

I still found it a little hard to believe that Gaia would go through all that trouble for me. But she did, and thank god for that. Anyway, she gave me a bit of a mini-tutorial on what exactly I would do to properly equip myself.

The really cool thing here, however, was that she actually let me bend the rules a little. You see, usually when you play a heist, you pick a primary weapon, secondary weapon, melee weapon, armor, throwable, and deployable, while also selecting from a wide variety of skills, masks, and a perk deck. All that constitutes a profile, and you can only have one active during a heist. But in this case, the system actually allowed me to cheat, by giving me two usable profiles - one for stealth purposes, and the other for use if I got caught and had to go loud. Though I was still restricted to only one mask, but that was fine since that was simply cosmetic and didn't change anything gameplay-wise. I was leaning heavily towards taking my classic Golden Hockey Heat, but eventually opted for my pitch-black Alpha Force set instead.

I won't bore you with the minutiae of what I ended up picking, so here's the gist: my stealth kit featured my Glitch Hunter set along with the Cotton Grips as a stand-in for the "two-piece suit," a silenced Bernetti 9 pistol with a laser sight, a pair of throwaway Deagles, ("throwaway" in the sense that they would remain unused since they weren't modded with suppressors,) a stack of shuriken, a few ECM jammers, and a switchblade. The perk deck associated with it was the Burglar deck, giving boosts to lockpicking speed, movement, and pager answering. My assault kit brandished the Improved Combined Tactical Vest, my beloved Royale Blue CAR-4 rifle, a Ghurka-coated Signature .40 pistol, a couple of HE-FD grenades, two Doctor Bags, and a pair of electrified brass knuckles that acted like tasers. I went with the Gambler perk deck for this profile, granting me the ability to heal myself by picking up ammo packs from fallen enemies.

As was customary for any heister who had been in the profession for at least a year (read: been playing as a heister), all of my guns were heavily modified. The receivers, barrels, ammo storages, and stocks when applicable were all changed from their base appearances, and most of them were equipped with a laser sight, a tactical flashlight, or both. Of course, what use the lights would have were largely situational, but it never hurt to be prepared.

It also went without saying that the two profiles were mutually exclusive. If I ended up getting discovered and set off the alarm, I would lose access to everything that the stealth kit had in favor of the assault kit. This included skills and perk decks, too. The way I'd switch would be via a special bag item contained in my inventory that stored all my big guns, which would let me switch kits upon activation.

Needless to say, it was a massive boon, considering that I would only be getting one shot at this. Specializing for a complete stealth or loud run wouldn't really be very wise without the power to reset the map if something went wrong. With this, even if I screwed up and got discovered, I wouldn't be at a massive equipment disadvantage.

In any case, today was the day that we'd be enacting the plan. We hadn't been discovered yet, but the timetable Gewehr theorized said that we would be found likely before the next time the clock struck midnight. Thus, I was preparing to move out, and running through the plan we had devised over and over in my head, cementing every step in my memory.

Basically, it went a little like this: enter the building, find the security room, open the pathways to the cannon, the file room, and the server room, get to the cannon, render it unusable, find the file room, get rid of the files relating to the cannon, find the server room, upload the program Titania created to wipe out all the digital files on the cannon save for a select few, send those select few files directly to Ironwood, escape. Not necessarily in that order - each of the three main objectives could be completed in whatever order I desired, which I thought would actually give it a lot of replay value if it was a real level. The only ones that couldn't be done out of order were the first three and the getaway, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, I went off to go do some last-minute training. I had a bit of time left before our scheduled departure time, and I intended to squeeze in a last little bit of grinding before the job. But…

When I was walking by Petra's room, I was shown a subtitle that displayed this:

 _ **Sigh…**_

I stopped, transitioned to my idle animation, and stared at her door, left slightly ajar.

 _Should I be cursing Gaia right about now?_

Pondering that for a moment, I eventually went up and peered inside, revealing the daughter to be lying on her bed. Her back was to the floor, her eyes glued to the ceiling, and her legs dangling off the side.

 _...ahh, what the hell. Might as well do my duty as a Scout and cheer her up. Maybe make up for all the times I failed to do so in my last life. I'll probably fuck it up somehow, but hey, it's the thought that counts? Or something? I dunno._

I opened the door and stepped in.

The room itself wasn't anything special. None of us had really gotten the chance to do any personalizing, on account of the fact that they had left all their stuff at their house and because we were all hard at work preparing for the heist. All it really had to offer was a bed, a desk and chair combo, a dresser, and that was about it.

I made my way over to the desk, grabbed the chair, dragged it closer to the bed, and sat down.

We were both silent for a moment, neither of us really sure how we wanted to start the conversation.

After a minute, I decided that since I was the one who intruded, I might as well finish what I instigated.

"So… what's up?"

Not exactly the best kick-off in history, but I was confident that it at least passed inspection.

"...I don't know."

"You… wanna talk about it?"

She was silent for a moment.

"Not really, but… if the stories I've read have taught me anything, it's that if I do, I'll feel a lot better about it."

"Okay. So what's the deal?"

She lifted herself up, resting her elbows on her legs, and her chin in her hands.

"Well… you remember what I said back when we first met?"

"Yeah. Something about this being the one time both your parents were with you at once?"

"Uh-huh. I guess that's the best place to start. See…"

And then she told me everything. It took the better part of ten minutes for her to get all of it out, which was honestly pretty terrible.

The basic gist was that ever since she was born, both her parents had been focusing more and more on their work. They wanted only the best for her, but they also took care not to spoil her too much. Unfortunately, with the jobs they had, they could never fully commit to that. The best they could do was take turns and try to give their little Iron Girl as much love as they could. In a way, they succeeded, but definitely not as much as they would've liked.

They'd repeatedly expressed their desire to reduce their workload, but Atlas wasn't exactly very keen on letting two of their biggest contributors start slacking off because of a silly little thing like "family."

 _Sheesh. Commandant Steele must be getting impatient with finding that Vault. Heh._

 _...I swear, if there actually_ _ **is**_ _an expy of her in the government, I'm murderizing her as soon as possible, consequences be damned._

In any case, that led to poor Petra being a little… I'm not sure if "starved for affection" is the correct term for it. Maybe something a little more along the lines of "affection deficiency," since she still got some, just not as much as she should have.

The problem was made even worse because the school she went to was filled to the brim with classmates taught from birth to be extremely competitive due to Atlas's nature. Everyone else was convinced that the only reason she wanted to be friends with them was so she could obtain information, weaknesses, and blackmail material on them. Personally, I found that strange. I expected them to promote a sense of unity, since, y'know, they're the country with the reputation for integrating huntsmen into their army, but that wasn't important at the moment, and I never claimed to be all-knowing about sociology and other stuff like that.

Thus, we came to the current problem: her conflicting feelings about the current situation. Sure, she was none too happy about being hunted down and forced to stay in an uncomfortable room in a cold, uniform bunker, but this was also the first time she could remember where she really had the chance to bond with her parents, and she didn't want to let go of that opportunity so soon. Once this was all over with, either the status quo would reign supreme and she'd go back to being lonely, or she'd be stuck in prison, or worse.

 _Jesus… talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place._

"I just… I just want to be with mom and dad, no strings attached. None of this stupid political stuff forcing us together. Is that really so much to ask?"

She flopped back into her previous position, staring upwards with dead eyes.

"Huh… sh ***BEEP*** t, girl. That's rough."

The sheer hilarity of my censored curse snapped her head back up to focus on me in a severe case of mood whiplash.

"...what in the world was _that?_ "

"Oh, the bleep? Nothing you need to worry about. It's just something I developed to conserve the innocence of anyone I met who still had some. How it works is irrelevant."

She obviously believed otherwise, but smartly elected to drop the subject and let her head fall back down to the bed.

I figured that I might as well get on with what I came here for.

"Alright, here's my opinion on this little dilemma of yours. To reiterate: your parents' jobs leave them with practically no time for you, and your local school environment heavily discourages friendship, meaning you suffer from a lack of companionship and appreciation. Do I have that right so far?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Then here's what I think: you need a bit of a change in setting. A new environment, somewhere without the problems of this one. A place where you can make some real friends, have some good sense of camaraderie."

She lifted herself back up, this time leaning back and using her upper arms as supports.

"What do you mean?"

I could tell that she already had a bit of an idea of where this was going, but I decided to hammer it in anyway, since she asked.

"What I mean, Petra, is that as soon as the opportunity presents itself, you get the h ***BEEP*** ll out of Atlas. I don't care how, I don't care where, just get off this floating city. If you decide to stay in an environment like this, without any friends and deficient parental attention… well, I think it's safe to say that human nature will eventually force you to self-destruct, and that won't be pretty. What you need is a place where you can be given the proper care and affection that you need to function properly. You get that, and there's a significantly larger chance of you being happy."

"'Significantly larger?'"

"Look, I'm not a psychiatrist, okay? I never took any psychology courses before my home was overrun by Grimm, so I can't claim that my treatment is foolproof. But if you can't get the love you need here, then, well, why not try to find it somewhere else? Does that make sense?"

She sat back up and put her hand to her chin.

"...I have to admit, when you word it like that, yeah, it does kinda make sense."

"You see? I may not be able to fully empathize with you, but sometimes all it takes is an outsider's perspective for you to make a better choice. In fact… you're trying to become a huntress, right?"

"Yeah. Third year at Compass. Why?"

"Well… why not go to Beacon after you graduate? I have a few friends your age who'll be heading there after they finish their fourth year at combat school. In fact, I believe that if you met a certain younger sister of one of them, you'd hit it off instantly."

"Really…? You know, that actually doesn't sound half bad, now that I think about it. Besides, looking back, I don't think I ever really wanted to be a soldier anyway."

I thought for a moment that it was the classic 'doesn't follow orders' problem, but then a different one came to me.

"Boot camp?"

That elicited a laugh.

 _Seems I was right on the money._

"Boot camp, definitely. Even if Compass's environment is hostile, the rumor mill's still relevant. And with that comes various horror stories of what goes on at Atlas Academy."

"...I feel frightened to ask."

"Oh, believe me, _you should_. Some of the stuff that people say goes on inside that place is… not suitable for young ears, to put it lightly."

We were both chuckling at this point.

"Something tells me you've already been mentally scarred."

"Totally."

We spent the next few minutes just bouncing off each other like that, trying to make each other laugh. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

"Alright, alright, that's enough of that. I still have things to do, and you need some last few moments of togetherness before the status quo rears its ugly head."

I could tell that upset her, but she did a pretty good job of hiding it.

"Yeah… before everything goes back to normal."

All I could do was offer some last words of comfort before departing.

"It won't be so bad. You just have to last 'til graduation, and then you're home free."

"Home…"

"...anyway, I'm off to go stuff in some last-minute training. See you around. Wish me luck on the heist, maybe pray to whatever gods you have, hope one of 'em listens. If you're an atheist, well… I suppose you could just believe that the Random Number Generator doesn't screw me over. Bye."

However…

"Zeiss, wait."

Turning back, I saw that Petra had stood up and approached me.

"Yeah?"

She appeared to turn over what she wanted to say in her head, eventually settling on a method.

"...thanks. For listening to me vent about all that… and for cheering me up. If what you said was any indication, I really needed that."

I simply offered a smile.

"You're welcome. We future huntsmen have to stick together, after all."

And with that, I walked out and headed for my previous destination.

* * *

 _ **At the Xiao-Log Cabin…**_

"Today's the day…"

"Yep. Let's hope Zeiss makes it through."

 **Alert!**

"Huh?"

 **Spectator mode now available!**

 **Party leader Zeiss Serven is about to begin a heist!**

 **Would you like to activate spectator mode?**

 **Y | N**

"Well, well… what do we have here?"

* * *

 _ **With the protagonist...**_

When the crosswalk light signaled it was safe, I began making my way across the street.

A few moments later, I was standing in front of the building housing everything responsible for this mess.

 **Alert!**

 **You have entered a heist area.**

 **The heist [Gewehr: Atlas Mugged] has been initiated.**

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Stealth (PAYDAY 2)**

 **Difficulty: ️ ️ ️OVERKILL ️ ️ ️**

 **Casing mode has been activated. Mask on to start the heist.**

 _Here we go._

Before I sallied forth, however, Gewehr's voice crackled in my ear.

" _Okay. Zeiss, do you remember the plan?"_

"Yeah."

" _Good. So, first things first, find the ladder to the rooftop."_

 **Objective activated: Find the ladder**

With that clarified, I began walking around the campus.

The building itself had three visible floors, but that was just a cover for everything contained underground. It was about as big as… say, an average hospital. Not as big as a school or university, but not as small as a corporate building.

Right now, I was looking for the ladder that would lead me to the roof, since going through the front door was inadvisable due to all the security. Soon enough, I found it near the back-left side of the structure, guarded by a single security camera.

 _Huh. Only one? Bit of a pitfall. Have they gotten complacent, or are they just that arrogant that the place could never be infiltrated on account of its location?_

" _Okay, there it is. Now, get up to the roof."_

 **Objective updated: Reach the roof**

Cutting off my train of thought before I went off on another rant, I stepped close to the surveillance device and moved out of its field of vision. After doing so, I reached into my inventory and pulled out my mask, sliding it over my face.

With casing mode now removed, I was free to do what I wanted. So I did the logical thing and put the camera on a footage loop.

 _First try… looks like the training paid off. I'd better get moving - it won't last forever._

Quickly striding back to the ladder, I began climbing up.

It was a bit of a grind, but eventually, I made it to the top. Peeking over the edge, I saw that the roof was pretty much unguarded.

 _Wow. That's just… no words. Seriously, guys? Are you_ _ **trying**_ _to get yourselves robbed?_

" _Good. Go open the door with the code I gave you and get inside."_

 **Objective updated: Enter the facility**

Climbing over the safety fence, I leisurely walked up to the door and typed in a five-digit code on the keypad next to the knob. The light on top flashed green, and I pulled it open, revealing a flight of stairs.

After reaching the bottom, I was greeted with a couple of hallways.

" _You're in, perfect. Now, find that security door and get it open. If you don't want to use one of your ECMs, I suggest finding the Head of Security's office and swiping his keycard. And remember, watch out for cameras, wandering guards, and civilians. The last thing we need is for someone to raise the alarm right now."_

 **Objective updated: Find and open the security room door**

I decided to try going for the keycard. Luckily for me, the office wasn't very far.

However, it did also house the occasional guard, not to mention routine civilians. It took a bit of ninja-ing and exploitation of the detection system, but I was able to make it to the office. Unfortunately…

" _The keycard isn't there? Shoot. He must have picked it up when he went on patrol. I don't know when he'll come back next, so I think it might be best for you to cut your losses and just force the door open."_

I agreed with the professor. The guy could be anywhere right now, and we were on a bit of a time limit. I exited the room and made began to make my way to the security door.

When suddenly…

 **YOU'VE BEEN DETECTED!**

"Hey! You!"

 _Shit!_

I turned a corner, and came face-to-face with a guard.

Fortunately for me, his weapon was still holstered.

Mine wasn't.

 _ **PTEW-PTEW-PTEW!**_

"Ack-!"

He fell to the ground, three holes in his body. One on the torso, another on the chest, and the last on his head.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…_

Then, as was customary for any downed guard, the pager operator called.

" _Hey, is something happening down there?_ "

Quickly grabbing hold of the body, I dragged it over to a nearby supply closet.

 _Huh… that's convenient._

The pager guy was starting to get annoyed.

" _Come on, pick up the pager, you know the drill._ "

I picked the lock as fast as I could, and swung the door open right when the operator gave his last warning.

" _Look, I don't care whose dick you're sucking, pick up the damn pager or we'll send a team._ "

I silently cursed the fact that I wasn't allowed to laugh at that line as I dragged the guard's body into the supply closet and answered the man in the nick of time.

"Sorry, sorry, really sorry. Was fiddling with the pager and dropped it down the stairs. Won't happen again."

" _Oh, I see. Uh, just a second…_ "

I held my breath…

" _Alright, that checks out. Just make sure it doesn't happen again, 'kay?_ "

I let out a relieved sigh that somehow turned into an aggravated one halfway through.

 _I haven't even reached the security room yet, and I'm already down a pager. Fuckin' hell…_

Shaking away my self-hate, I shoved the dead guard into a body bag and tried my best not to make it stick out in the supply closet.

 _Thank god for the Burglar deck's bonus to lockpicking, though. If I'd been just a bit slower..._

Once that was done, I resumed dodging everything on the way to my current objective.

A minute or so later, I finally reached my destination, and not a moment too soon. Sticking an ECM jammer on top of the keypad (which I idly noted as bearing the brand of a company called MurLoc), the door swung open, revealing a guard standing in front of a wall of monitors.

 _ **PTEW!**_

The brand-new bullet in his brain ensured he was off to the afterlife before he even hit the floor.

It also ensured the reappearance of Pager Man.

" _Dispatch here. Is everything okay?_ "

I was much quicker on the draw this time.

"Yeah, just panicked when I spilled my coffee and accidentally knocked the pager off. You think I should switch to decaf?"

" _Ah, just a minute…_ "

 _ **Krschhhhhhh…**_

" _Okay, you're clean. And for the record, you probably should._ "

 _That's two pagers down. Two more, and the next time a guard sees me, the alarm's going off no matter what I do._

Just to be safe, I moved the body to a spot that was out of the field of view of anyone entering through the door.

I then received another message from my resident Mission Control.

" _Alright, now you need to access the system and open the way to the underground. It's a little complicated, so I'll walk you through it._ "

 **Objective updated: Get to the facility's underground level**

A streamlined series of instructions later, the door to the stairs leading to the first basement level of the building was unlocked.

" _Good job. Now you just have to get there. Should be a bit easier now since the cameras won't be watching your every move anymore._ "

And what a blessing that was. Not having to worry about setting off the alarm because I stepped into the view of a trollish computer with a lens was quite the load off my back.

A few minutes later, and I was descending down into the cellar without anyone the wiser.

 **Objective updated: Find the cannon**

 **Objective updated: Find the file room**

 **Objective updated: Find the server room**

" _Perfect, you're in the restricted area. Remember: burn the papers, delete the files, stop the cannon. You can tackle them in whichever order you want, but try to do it as fast as you can._ "

Checking the new objectives, I discerned that the file room was the closest, and decided to head there first.

While I was en route, however, I was given another surprise.

" _Oh, no… I'd heard they would be integrating AK-130s into the routine patrols, but I didn't think it would be happening this early! Stay away from those things at all costs - they've got built-in cameras broadcasting to an entirely different building, so even if you do take one out, the alarm will still go off. And honestly, do you really think you'd come out on top in a fight with a highly advanced military machine while using only a silenced pistol?_ "

I was inclined to agree with him. Sure, bullets could penetrate various metal alloys with ease (unlike what Hollywood would lead you to believe), but I wasn't too confident in my suppressed Bernetti's ability to pierce the material of an Atlesian Knight. Muzzle velocity could be a bitch like that sometimes.

Unfortunately, avoiding the AK-130 led to a different problem.

 **YOU'VE BEEN DETECTED!**

"What the-"

 _Damn it!_

 _ **PTEW-PTEW!**_

"Urgh-!"

 _Because OF FUCKING COURSE there had to be another guard right there._

And right on cue, you-know-who called.

" _Ughhh… alright, what is it this time?_ "

Thankfully, I had arrived at the file room door by that point, and the lock was significantly easier to pick than the supply closet for some inexplicable reason. Placating the irate surveyor was the next item on the list.

"Sorry, just got bumped by one of those mousy interns. Must've hit the pager on collision. I'll try not to let it happen again. And whaddaya mean 'this time?' Bad day or something?"

" _No, just… hold on a second._ "

I had to admit, the poor guy probably didn't deserve all the shit he went through, judging by the limited tone of voice the pager projected.

Of course, that didn't mean I wouldn't stop pinging him. Necessary evils and all that.

" _ **Sigh…**_ _You're fine. I've just been getting a lot of accidental calls today because of some really stupid shit. Fuck, payday can't get here any sooner._ "

I strained myself to the limit trying to hold back a guffaw at his unintentionally hilarious choice of words.

 _Oh, believe me, it'll be here_ _ **much**_ _faster than you think._

There was a larger chance of someone wandering into the file room than a supply closet, so I bagged the dead guard and inconspicuously shoved it between two out-of-the-way cabinets.

My objective marker changed again, and the voice in my ear came to life.

" _That's the file room, nice. Not so nice is the fact that I don't actually know where the cannon's specific files are, so you'll have to manually search the cabinets until you find what you're looking for._ "

 **Objective updated: Find the correct files**

Tiny interactable icons appeared on _every single cabinet in the room_ upon activation.

 _You've_ _ **gotta**_ _be shitting me…_

* * *

 _ **A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME THAT THE AUTHOR HAS CHOSEN NOT TO DISCLOSE LATER…**_

 **Objective updated: Burn the files**

 _Oh my_ _ **god, FINALLY!**_

The stack of papers that was now in my hands was about as big as a small school textbook. Needless to say, gathering them all without letting any slip off to drift to the floor was a bit of a pain.

But the feeling of absolute vindication I received from setting them aflame with a lighter I had stored in my inventory was _so utterly worth it._

And then a nameless asshole decided to get suspicious and ruin the moment.

The moment I heard the door behind me open, I spun around and used the momentum to flick a shuriken at where I assumed his center of mass would be.

Believe it or not, my aim was off, and the projectile barely missed his side.

"Whoa!"

However, it also held his attention long enough for me to bring up my trusty sidearm and pop a cap in his ass.

 _ **PTEW!**_

"Ghhk-!"

Quickly dashing out, I retrieved the tiny throwing star from where it had been embedded in the wall, then dragged the body into the file room.

Just in time for the pissed pager operator to call _again._

" _For fuck's s-are you_ _ **serious?!**_ _What the hell is it_ _ **this**_ _time?!_ "

Hooo, yeah. He sounded just about ready to snap and murder the nearest person in an insane rage.

"Whoa, hey, no need to shoot the messenger! I was just taking my snack outta my pocket and it somehow brought the pager out and made it fall! What's going on with you?"

" _Grrrrmph… ahh, just-just hang on. I need to…_ "

 _ **Krschhhhhhh…**_

" _Gahh, you're good, but you know what? I don't care if it's National Drop Shit Day or whatever. If I hear one more fucking pager go off, I'm sounding the god damn alarm._ "

 _Holy_ _ **wow…**_ _that's a man I wouldn't want to cross in the rec room._

I was out of body bags, so I elected simply to stash the corpse somewhere that let it stay as out of sight as possible.

With that finished, I left the file room. Scrutinizing the markers, I determined that the server room was the next closest objective, and began to make my way there.

I suppose this would be the best time to mention that over the course of time that I had been here, I had also been collecting the required materials for my soon-to-be discount Gundam. At that point, I had obtained 7 of the 12 Advanced Cores, 10 of the 16 Upgraded Lenses, and had gotten my hands on 1 of the 8 Knight Control Devices that I needed. I had yet to see any of the 4 Silver-Class Airship Cores, or either of the 2 Prototype Paladin Hearts.

I say this was the best time to mention that because while I was heading towards the server room, I stumbled upon a certain room.

Said room was the main area for weapons development, and lo and behold, it was _completely empty._

Every one of the things I needed to build my giant robot was tucked away in there, and I had the most golden opportunity I'd ever get to swipe them all right in front of me.

But, of course, I hesitated.

 _This seems… well, I'd be deluding myself if I said this didn't look like a painfully obvious trap. I mean, there's no way they'd all just leave at a certain point, right? Yeah, there's definitely something off about this. But… argh, all that loot is right in front of me, and I don't know how I'll be able to get it after all this. I'm not sure what Atlas's stance on me will be after this all blows over, but I can't risk losing this opening on the off-chance that they decide to lock this all away from Gewehr and I once they secure it again._

I would have deliberated a bit longer, but the appearance of another AK-130 made my decision for me. I quietly slipped into the room, and began my looting spree.

One power trip later, I had nicked everything this place had to offer with regards to my little pet project.

 **Bonus Objective complete: Steal all available resources for Ares 90 construction**

I didn't know if the Knight was still hanging around the door I entered through, so I went with a different one.

This door led me to a very… well, _special_ room. One even more important than the last one.

For you see, _this_ room contained something that arguably had as much value as a Skell.

The room itself was almost like the main exhibit of a museum. It was almost as if it was constantly trying to direct your attention to a single point of interest - the sole item sitting on a support in the middle of the room.

 **Hyperclock Gear**

 **An item created by some of Atlas's best and brightest minds, this strange little gizmo contains an unbelievable power. When it is used, it boosts the combat ability of the user to never-before-seen heights, increasing all parameters way past what is believed to be their limits. However, this comes with a steep price. The power required to make proper use of this boon typically far outweighs the maximum amount that the user possesses, and all tests so far have resulted in the user collapsing long before reaching what has been theorized to be the point where the boost wears itself out. In fact, the input required is so massive that even every machine tested with it couldn't handle the strain and ceased to function. Due to these reasons, Atlas has stored away the technology, and has begun to research a possible method to negate or at least lessen the energy costs before integrating it into anything else.**

 **-Grants the [Overdrive] Skill when used.**

 _Oh…_

 _Oh my…_

 _Oh my_ _ **fucking god…**_

This wasn't happening.

This wasn't happening.

 _This. Wasn't._ _ **Happening.**_

First the Ares 90, and now _**Overdrive?!**_ Fucking hell, this skill _alone_ had the potential to turn _every single boss left_ into a complete cakewalk! Why was this even _here_ if the admins wanted this game to have even a _slight_ modicum of balance?!

 _Wait, though. The item description really goes out of its way to emphasize how dangerous this thing is to use. The devs wouldn't just put this in here if it was as broken as its original appearance. There's definitely a drawback… it does mention that there's a major discrepancy between the energy required to maintain the overdrive and the maximum capacity of a typical test subject. Which means it's either cast from mana, hit points, Aura, or some other kind of innate power source possessed both by humans and machines. Judging by what it says happened to all the test subjects though, it seems like it's either HP or AP. And for whatever reason, the system treats those as both, so it's going to be hit points anyway. So… using it will probably come with extreme consequences to my well-being._

Despite this train of thought, I began to reach out to the object.

 _But… hell if it won't be badass!_

 _ **CLICK-CHUK!**_

Only to be cut off by the sound of a door opening.

I immediately whirled around and brandished my pistol towards the entrance…

...only to be stopped dead in my tracks by the realization of exactly _what_ I was pointing my weapon at.

 **YOU'VE BEEN DETECTED!**

" **INTRUDER. IDENTIFY YOURSELF.** "

 _Ohhhhh, noooo..._

* * *

 **A/N: Aaaaand CLIFFHANGER!**

 **Heh. Always wanted to do that. Anyway…**

 **Yeah, this is one huge Payday reference. This chapter covered backstory stuff and the 'stealth' portion of the heist. The next chapter will cover the 'loud' portion of the heist, as well as the escape sequence. The chapter after that… well, you'll have to wait (for my lazy ass to start writing again) and see.**

 **Speaking of backstory stuff, at first I wasn't planning on having Zeiss and Petra converse, but then I realized that what I had planned for the future was going to seem much more out of left field if I didn't give her more screen time and some motivation, so I wrote that scene. I'd like to say that it came out at least passable, but the absolute worst person to ask about the quality of stuff you make is yourself, so I'd like to hear your opinion.**

 **By the way - MurLoc is a parody of GenSec. GenSec's full name is Generic Security, and originally I called the knock-off NorLoc, short for Normal Lock, but then thought of the Murlocs and thought it would be a silly way to reference them if I named the company MurLoc.**

 **In any case, that's all for now. Get ready, 'cause the next chapter features action, drill repairing, hacking, and of course, refrainment from acting dumb! (And breaking the rules.)**

 **See you then!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	13. Somebody Get the Thermal Drill

Neither me nor the Atlesian Knight standing a few feet away, minigun-arms drawn and pointing in my direction, made a move for a few seconds.

Well, actually, that was a lie. In reality, I was slowly moving the hand I was holding my pistol with towards my body.

The Knight likely interpreted this as a sign of surrender, if what it said next was anything to go by.

" **PLACE THE WEAPON ON THE GROUND AND CLASP YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD.** "

Unbeknownst to it, I was actually planning on doing the opposite.

When my hand got close enough to my suit…

...I shoved the Bernetti inside and drew my Deagles as fast as I could, dropping to the floor in the process.

What happened next was a cacophony of gunshots as I riddled the AK-130 with .50-caliber pistol rounds, while it filled the wall behind me with much deadlier bullets.

As you might expect, that caught the attention of pretty much _everyone else_ in the building.

 **YOU'VE BEEN DETECTED!**

 _Uh, yeah,_ _ **no shit.**_

Scrambling to my feet, I swiped the Hyperclock Gear into my inventory and booked it for the server room, hoping to reach it before the extra security doors slammed in.

That ended up not working out so well.

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Control (PAYDAY 2)**

 **ALARM TRIPPED: POLICE DETECTED A CRIMINAL**

 **Bonus Objective failed: Complete the heist in stealth**

 _Damn it. Oh, well. I already used up my other ECM on the Gear room door, anyway. Guess it's time to bring out the Broke Dick Piece-of-Shit Drill, much as I hate to do so._

Gewehr actually remained remarkably cool-headed for having part of his plan go up in flames.

" _Well, there it is. No turning back now. Silver lining, though - now you can get rid of the cannon any way you want without repercussions instead of just cutting some of the wires. Something tells me you would probably have ended up doing away with it in a way that would make Miccool Bay proud, anyway. But for now, get moving. I'm sure you'll be facing your first assault wave soon enough._ "

I had to agree with that. I'd bought quite a few plastic explosives in Vale for a rainy day like this, just in case. I was happy I did, since now I had the chance to _properly_ use them.

In the timeless words of Jamie Hyneman: "When in doubt… C4."

I ended up encountering another Knight on the way to the server room, sending its head flying with a lucky shot to the neck servo. That was a hard confirm that yes, they were as vulnerable to headshots as any New York policeman.

At my earliest convenience, I ducked into a small side office and used the profile switch bag in my inventory, swapping out my stealth set for my assault set. All I'm gonna say on the matter is that I'm glad I didn't have to put on the ICTV by myself, 'cause that would've taken _forever_.

Another AK-130 popped up upon my exit, this time going down in a spray of assault rifle rounds.

When I finally reached the locked-down server room, I got a status report.

" _The first couple of bots just arrived. They're making their way to the stairway leading to the underground right now. Titania's working on tapping into their comm channels, so we'll be able to pinpoint assault arrival times fairly soon. For now, start drilling that door. You don't want to be here any longer than you have to._ "

 _Don't have to tell me twice. I just hope this damn thing doesn't break down more than usual…_

 **Objective updated: Get inside the server room**

Setting up the drill was a simple matter. I managed to get it up and running in 10 seconds, a new personal best.

 **DRILLING IN PROGRESS**

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 240 SECONDS**

 _Four minutes… I was expecting three, with a maxed-out drill. Guess those added security shutters are tougher than I thought._

"Stop it!"

I turned, coming face to face with one of the few remaining human guards left. Seeing as how he was armed with only a dinky pistol, I decided to have a little fun. I began to slowly tromp towards him.

 _ **POFF-PTING! POFF-PTING! POFF-PTING!**_

The small caliber and poor projectile speed were rendered completely ineffective by the Improved Combined Tactical Vest, the bullets flattening on impact and falling to the floor.

The poor guard got more and more desperate the closer I came, firing faster and with increasingly erratic aim, completely disregarding his weapon's uselessness in his panic. Until finally…

 _ **CHIK! CHIK-CHIK!**_

He ran out of ammo. And he didn't even register it

Inwardly sighing at his poor willpower, I slightly raised my hands and clenched them into fists.

 _ **ZreeeeeeEEEEEEEIIIIII…**_

They began to emit a high-pitched whine, signifying the charging of the electrical shock that the unfortunate guard was about to receive. Said man was still trying to somehow injure me by dry-firing his weapon, the attempts going about as well as you'd expect.

Once the electro-knuckles were cranked up to a sufficient output, I stuffed my left fist into his gut, leaving it there for three whole seconds to really let the discharge sink in. After that, I let loose with a brutal uppercut to the chin with my right hand, actually blowing him off his feet and making him collapse back-first on the ground. The guard twitched and convulsed for a hot minute, then fell limp.

 _Hope he's not dead. I've already got four others on my conscience - I'd rather not have another. But this isn't the time to force Gamer's Mind into play. I'll deal with all that "first kill" bullshit when I'm not in a do-or-die situation and I can have a breakdown in relative safety. And privacy._

I shook my head to clear it and refocus my thoughts. I realized that this corridor likely wouldn't do me many favors in a firefight, so I scouted around for a position that was more defensible.

I encountered the first few Knight-cops in the process. They were obviously older models, going by their scrappy appearance - joints in obvious need of repair, stiffer and more robotic movements, and especially the scratched-up paint jobs, not to mention their poor armaments. They didn't even have any built-in weapons, and were forced to rely on crappy hand-me-down law enforcement gear - around the quality of the equipment that the K.O.'d guard had been carrying.

Consequently, their efficiency - and their ability to stop me - was in no way up to code. They all dropped like flies before my Signature .40.

Once the first few bots were down, I heard a new voice in my ear.

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Anticipation (PAYDAY 2)**

" _This is Titania. I've cracked the code on their messages, and am now listening in on law enforcement chatter. From the sound of it, they're already preparing for the first assault. By my reckoning, it'll hit you in about 40 seconds, maybe less._ "

That statement preceded more bots arriving at my position, falling just as easily as the last few.

" _Thirty seconds._ "

A now-powerless exoskeleton dropped a Bronco .44. That was a relief, considering their stopping power.

" _Twenty seconds._ "

Another metal head was sent flying.

" _Ten._ "

I took a deep breath, and braced myself.

 _Okay… let's do this._

" _ **Here they come.**_ "

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Assault [Instrumental] (PAYDAY 2)**

 **/POLICE ASSAULT IN PROGRESS/**

I was then introduced to a much better-kept version of the Knight-cop. It still wasn't as recent as a model 130, but it was far more competent than the buckets of bolts I had been downing with single-tap headshots for the last minute. It was also much cleaner-looking, and better armed, with stock submachine guns, shotguns, and the occasional assault rifle being the main weapons of choice.

Fortunately for me, that was really the only thing they had going for them. Their chassis were only slightly more durable than the scrap-bots, and didn't have any extra head area protection, so at best, they'd survive two more shots from my sidearm before losing power, if I didn't pull a headshot.

Suddenly, Gewehr called back.

" _They disabled the drill! You've gotta restart it!_ "

In that moment, I was just about the farthest thing from "pleased" I can imagine.

I pulled out SWATsbane, letting rip on every machine in sight as I raced back to the server room door. Robot heads flew in every direction as rifle rounds disconnected them from their bodies.

Upon reaching the drill, I smacked it three times with the electro-knuckles, restarting it on the third try.

 _Man, I fucking LOVE Kickstarter Aced!_

I decided this was a good time to check the progress.

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 174 SECONDS**

Then I turned around and shot another Knight-cop in the visor, shattering it and sending the machine toppling to the floor, sparks dancing across the broken faceplate.

Titania pinged me again a second later.

" _Heads up - they've sent in a squad of Shield units!_ "

That was a little cause for alarm. Why? Simple. The typical way to take down a Shield was to have someone draw their attention, then have another player shoot them while their frontal riot shield exposed their sides and back. Problem was, I didn't have any companions with me.

Thankfully, Gewehr had actually prepared for this outcome, and given me a little tip on how to deal with them. See, one of the reasons that this particular shield model ended up on the 'to upgrade' list was because it had an unfixed bug within its system that caused it to not turn its shield towards anyone who wasn't facing it, completely trivializing the process of taking it down. All I had to do if I encountered one was turn around, walk backwards until I ended up behind the shield, then blast it.

Of course, there was still the problem of it teaming up with other lawforcers and using them to discourage me from turning my back on them, but I was confident in my armor's ability to handle whatever they could throw at me.

Plus, if things did end up getting too dicey, I could always just chuck a Dust 'nade at 'em.

 _ **PANG-PANG-PANG!**_

The sound of a special unit banging their shield against the floor snapped me into an alert state. I determined that it came from behind, and without turning around, I began moving in that direction while resisting the urge to (try to) moonwalk.

The instant I saw a person-sized slab of metal appear in my field of vision, I trained my rifle in its direction and fired. A second later, another Knight-cop bit the dust.

I then turned around, and was met with the sight of _three more_ shields. Accompanied by five more discount SWATters.

 _Oh, boy. This could get hairy…_

 _ **K-CHIK!**_

"HOT POTATO!"

 _ **BLAMM!**_

 _Heh. Not. Materials and name may change, but the effect's still the same. Doesn't matter if it's labeled High-Explosive or Fire-Dust. If I have to pull a pin, and it makes a big boom, then it's a grenade in my book._

But my troubles weren't over yet.

" _Watch out, a unit of Tasers just entered the building!_ "

 _Oh, wonderful. Now I can check "get electroshocked right in the nipple" off my bucket list._

 _Man, I don't think I've ever related to Chains as much as I have just now. Serial killer mercenary or not, there's a point where all the suffering he goes through stops being 'karma' and becomes 'disproportionate universal retribution.'_

 _Then again, one of his hobbies_ _ **is**_ _telling people to Eat Dat Dirt…_

 _ **ZreeeeeeEEEEEEEIIIIII…**_

I was broken out of my (third? Fourth? Fifth? Honestly, I've stopped counting at this point) tangent by the tell-tale sound of a Taser unit building up a charge.

Frantically scanning the immediate area, I caught sight of the perpetrator and locked it in my sights right when it fired its signature weapon.

Right into my left nipple.

 _ **Wump-woomp-wup-wumm-bowwwwrrrr!**_

 **OFFICIAL ZEISS FAIL COUNTER: 11**

 _FUCK OFF!_

I thanked whatever gods were out there that the spray of bullets I forced out of my personalized CAR-4 ended up sending the bastard's tin can of a head flying down the hall before it could zap me into bleedout. Coming this far only to get unfairly downed by a complete troll of a unit would make me rage harder than TFS Vegeta on Namek.

(Of course, that would pale in comparison to what I'd unleash if it was a Cloaker who ended up getting me instead. There'd _**really**_ be hell to pay if that came to pass.)

Just as soon as I'd broken out of my convulsions, I heard more high-pitched electrical whines from three different directions.

 _Oh, shit._

I spotted one Taser pretty quickly, and came up with an admittedly half-baked improvised plan to make this situation easier on myself. I dashed towards the dark-blue-and-yellow-coated robot and let loose a nasty left hook into its chest, the electro-knuckles causing it to short out for a brief moment - long enough for me to step behind it and use it as a metal shield. Just in time, too, since as soon as I ducked behind it, a bolt of electricity struck it dead-center instead of hitting me. The concentrated shock left it helpless, and allowed me to use it as cover to destroy the other two Tasers in the room before shooting it in the back.

 _Wow, that… actually worked, for some reason. Did someone turn on friendly fire while I wasn't looking?_

I shortly stored that train of thought into a bullet, sending it off to remove another Knight-cop's head from its chestpiece.

And then the drill broke. _Again._

 _ **Sigh…**_

 _Fuckin' hell…_

After taking the time to properly fix it and not bang on it like a neanderthal, I checked its progress again.

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 80 SECONDS**

 _Two thirds through. Come on, you bloody lightweights! I'm barely breakin' a sweat here!_

That mental bravado was promptly shut down by Titania.

" _A coordinated group of Shield and Taser units are closing in! Stay sharp!_ "

 _GOD DAMN IT, CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME HAVE MY CONFIDENCE FOR_ _ **ONE**_ _FUCKING SECOND?!_

But I wasn't allowed to wallow in my indignation at the system for much longer. Because after a few more lawforcers fell to the floor, I heard those easily-recognizable sounds.

 _ **PANG-PANG-PANG!**_

 _ **ZreeeeeeEEEEEEEIIIIIII…**_

Good news was, they apparently never got the idea to split up into two separate groups, and were all advancing on me from a single direction. Bad news was that they were still smart enough to put the Shields in front to create a wall, letting the Tasers fire their shock beams through the tiny gaps in the impenetrable defense. You'd have to be a pretty good shot to get a bullet through that small of a space.

Fortunately for me, I'd been practicing.

Three bursts of three rounds each left my rifle, crippling the three Tasers that had been hiding behind the metallic riot shields. While they were preoccupied, I ran up to the congregation, building up a charge of my own while shrugging off small arms fire from the Shields' machine-pistols, and planted my fist right into the center of one. My stupid plan actually ended up working, the conductivity of its namesake resulting in the shock stunning the Shield long enough for me to fit my weapon between the gap and take out his left compatriot.

With one third of the wall down, I entered through and finished off the Tasers and the shorting-out Shield, before turning my attention to the final special unit. Seeing as it was a machine and therefore emotionless, it just kept firing at me with its little auto-peashooter up until the point where I exploited its glitch and popped a cap in its head.

With the last wave of specials down, I continued on my regular Knight-cop slaughtering spree until the drill finally finished doing its job.

" _The drill's done! Get in there and upload that program!_ "

 **Objective updated: Insert the program into the mainframe**

He didn't have to tell me twice. Sprinting inside, I located the primary terminal fairly quickly, and pulled out a tiny flash drive.

Whipping out my Signature .40 and blasting another lawforcer in the visor, I stuck the unassuming little thing into the closest access port, and grabbed the mouse with my other hand.

I found and opened up the new file on the desktop and set it to run, taking occasional breaks to put some rounds into any bots that tried to stop me.

The instant the program started working, Gewehr gave me some good and bad news, signifying the end of the assault wave.

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Control (PAYDAY 2)**

" _Wow. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like that. Anyway, now that the program's in the system, they won't be able to do anything to stop it from getting those files. You don't even have to supervise it. So, now all that's left to do is hit the cannon. Much as I'm sure you'll dislike doing so, the added security will likely force you to use the drill again. Just hold out for a little longer, and you'll be fine._ "

 _No rest for the wicked, huh…_

Now that the assault wave was over, it was significantly easier to move around due to the halls not being congested with robots trying to gun me down. There were still a few of them here and there, along with the occasional special unit, but their division from each other made them easy pickings.

I reached the cannon doors in no time at all, and once again set up the unreliable drill.

 **Objective updated: Get inside the hangar**

 _Do better this time, you little shit._

 **DRILLING IN PROGRESS**

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 300 SECONDS**

Titania called back with a warning.

" _Oh, dear. Be careful, Zeiss - Atlesian law enforcement is stepping up its efforts to put you down. They're rolling in Heavy Response Units and Maximum Force Responders as we speak. Get ready to face some really heavy firepower._ "

In a few moments, I found out that she definitely wasn't wrong.

These new guys looked freshly-painted, with greys, reds, and blues all shiny and waxy. Their armaments were a step up - gone were the submachine guns and pump-action shotguns. Now, it was all just heavy assault rifles and semi-auto shotties, much more dangerous than what the previous wave had been carrying. And not only that, but their protection also received an upgrade. They were about three times harder to take down, needing triple the amount of bullets to forcibly shut off. They were still vulnerable to headshots, but the improved plating meant that they could take more than one hit to the face before falling.

That wasn't counting the fact that some of them now wore distinctive vests that were completely immune to bullets from the front, acting like pseudo-Shields. Only these were easier to kill, since their helmets didn't receive the same treatment, leaving them to still be vulnerable to headshots from all sides.

While I was in the middle of blasting a squad of these new fiercer opponents, the drill broke yet _again._

Only this time, one of my upgrades actually did its job and automatically restarted it.

 _HELL YES! KICKSTARTER ACTUALLY CAME THROUGH FOR ME AGAIN! PRAISE RNJESUS!_

My next five three-round bursts were all headshots.

I checked the progress during a brief lull in the fighting.

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 249 SECONDS**

I then received another status report from the resident hacker that did not signal fun times ahead.

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Anticipation (PAYDAY 2)**

" _Uh-oh. If I'm hearing this chatter correctly, they seem to be preparing themselves for another assault wave. I think they're calling in more special units as well. The ETA is thirty seconds. Brace yourself._ "

Another lone taser attempted to overload my nerves, but instead found himself on the receiving end of a rifle cartridge.

" _Twenty seconds._ "

I sprayed away at a group of Heavy Responders while backing up towards a Shield. My armor took several hits.

" _Ten._ "

The special unit collapsed in a heap, as did the others. More sparking robot heads hit the floor.

 _Bring it on._

" _ **Give 'em hell.**_ "

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Assault [Vocals] (PAYDAY 2)**

 **/POLICE ASSAULT IN PROGRESS/**

Three different squads of four Knight-cops moved in at once to kick things off with a bang.

Approximately two magazines later, they were all lying on the ground.

 _ **PANG-PANG-PANG!**_

More Shields appeared from one side, backup close behind.

Repeating the exploitation process caused one special unit to fall along with a good chunk of the help, with the others soon following suit.

 _ **ZreeeeeeEEEEEEEIIIIIII…**_

As soon as I heard that whine, I grabbed one of the discarded tower shields and turned to face the other direction. Since I wasn't made of highly conductive metal, the stream of electricity that hit my temporary protection wasn't nearly as debilitating as it had been for the last lawforcer who had suffered it. It still hurt like a bitch, though. Which was why I aimed through the tiny viewport in the middle of the huge slab of metal, and promptly kicked the thing directly at the offending Taser.

It couldn't dodge in time, resulting in the shield colliding with it head-on, and since the bot was still holding down the trigger on its namesake, it hilariously ended up shocking itself before going dark.

My brief moment of celebration for the badass improvised tactic was cut short by Titania.

" _Oh, shoot! I've just found out that they've sent in a group of Cloakers! Watch the vents, and check your corners!_ "

 _ **FUCK.**_ _Oh, man, this is gonna_ _ **suuuuuuck…**_

I heard a strange buzzing noise a few seconds after the notification, confirming the info.

 _Yup. No mistaking it - that's the sound of a Fisher-cop entering the area. Why do I feel like this is gonna give me nightmares…?_

I was pulled from my musings by the arrival of more standard HRUs and MFRs.

My armor had been serving me very well thus far, but with recent events, it had started to become a little less dominating. It was becoming more and more prone to breaking due to the increased firepower I was facing, leaving me to tank hits using my health bar instead. Thankfully the Gambler perk deck I'd chosen for the assault kit let me heal myself with dropped ammo packs, which littered the floor by now, but it had a cooldown (albeit only a short one of 3 seconds), and I was beginning to lose more health with each notable firefight.

After mopping the floor with the grunts, I began to hear a faint noise that sounded somewhat like high-pitched TV static, but a little more… modern, for lack of a better term.

Said noise put me extremely on edge, as I knew exactly what it meant.

 _The ninja-cops are getting closer… but where…?!_

I frantically whipped my head back and forth, skimming over everything in my vision for even just a tiny hint of black and green.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to spot it before I heard that warbling, hellish noise that made even the most hardened of heisters shit bricks.

 _ **WulululuLULULULU-**_

Without thinking, I about-faced and sprayed bullets everywhere.

In an amazing stroke of fortune, three of them ended up hitting the black-painted special unit directly in the night-vision visor right before its outstretched foot hit my face.

I staggered a few steps away from the now-powerless hunk of metal, clutching my chest and gasping.

 _H-holy… fucking… shit… that was_ _ **way**_ _too close for comfort… if I hadn't hit him before he jump-kicked me, that would've been it. I'd be stuck in bleedout, completely helpless, without any means of revival. My_ _ **god**_ _, am I a lucky bastard…_

I was broken out of my thoughts when I noticed that the faint staticky-noise wasn't gone.

 _Oh crap, that wasn't the only one!_

Thankfully, the remaining two Cloakers were not as difficult to pick out as the first had been. I chalked that up to the spartan white walls that Atlas apparently had a thing for. In any case, they went down fairly easily, owing to them trading away some of their protective armor in favor of mobility and to enable their insane acrobatics.

 _Pfeh. You call_ _ **that**_ _a difficulty tweak? I must not be playing a very hard game, then._

What Titania said next completely _shattered_ whatever feelings of security I may have still had by that point.

" _Brace yourself. You've got a mountain of a Bulldozer heading your way. Remember, keep as much distance as you can, and aim for the head area._ "

But by that point, I had pretty much run out of fucks to give.

 _You know what? Let's see the bastard try. A veritable army of professionally programmed and equipped robotic law enforcers couldn't stop me. What makes this clown any different from the legions of mooks and elites I've already slain?_

As I would soon learn, taunting Murphy like that was basically _asking_ to get screwed over.

How? Well, when Titania notified me of the Dozer's entrance, she forgot to mention that it didn't enter _alone_. Which, when you consider the situation, was actually a pretty idiotic assumption to make.

So, where I was expecting a single ordinary Black Dozer, I instead got an ordinary Black Dozer preceded by a wall of Shields, flanked by Tasers, backed up by another trio of Cloakers, and completely surrounded by regular Max Responders.

 _Ohhhh… it's different because it's backed up by_ _ **another**_ _legion of mooks and elites._

 _I see._

 _ **K-CHIK!**_

" **CRY, MOTHERFUCKERS!"**

 _ **BLAMM!**_

 _Ahh, sweet, sweet Fire Dust grenades. Where would I be without you?_

The idiotic Knight-cops had all stupidly decided to march in a very tight formation, resulting in my little potato masher effectively devastating them. The Shield Wall was blown towards me, the Tasers were rendered unrecognizable, and the Cloakers' visors were shattered, not to mention all the regular enemies who were ragdolled away from ground zero. The only unit not taken out by the blast was the Bulldozer itself, and even then, its faceplate had been blown off, with the glass covering on the helmet beneath it slightly cracked.

I brought up SWATsbane, aligned the laser pointer on the Dozer's face, and held down the trigger.

 _ **PASSHK!**_

You can probably guess that the tanky special unit lost the ability to function within three seconds after the sound of a glass head protector shattering rang out.

 _You say I'm trapped in a facility full of robots? False._ _ **They're**_ _all trapped in here with_ _ **me**_ _._

Following that, I got another alert.

" _They're activating medic units. Take them out as soon as you see them, or you'll get swarmed more than you'll be able to handle._ "

I was a little confused as to why they didn't do that sooner. I figured they'd pull that card as soon as they rolled out the heavier guys, but I guess they still weren't taking me that seriously then. But they sure as hell were now.

 _That's not a good sign. If I stay here too long, they might eventually resort to sending in huntsmen. I may be The Gamer, but I'm only level 19, and I'm still restricted to Payday weapons at the moment. If they decide to actually send in a specialist, I'm done for. Haaa… come on, drill, don't fail me now!_

The drill broke again as soon as those words crossed my mind.

 _...note to self: stop saying stupid things that invite Murphy to kick me in the dick._

Fixing the drill was still as simple as it ever was, and conveniently allowed me to check my timestamp.

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 154 SECONDS**

 _Two and a half minutes to go… halfway there. God, why am I feeling like I'm doing an Overdrill run…?_

Switching to my pistol, I put a few rounds into another enemy before it disappeared around the corner. A second later, a green outline appeared behind the wall.

 _Well, here they are. Back to work._

The same enemy came back, only to be downed by a few crack shots to the head. A primarily red-painted Knight-cop followed behind it, and suffered the same fate.

 _That's whatcha get for mashing E. Healing doesn't do squat if you get nuked._

Things basically continued on in this manner for a while. Teams of special units would be sent in, only to get nothing but bullets. Heavy Response Units and Maximum Force Responders would be cut down in droves, with their attempts to force me to the ground either completely negated by my ammo healing factor, or severely hampered by it. Whenever a Bulldozer came my way, it soon found itself missing its faceplate, glass protector, and eventually its ability to function entirely. Tasers and Cloakers alike tried to incapacitate me, but their distinctive sound cues proved to be their undoing. And in the event that I did get shocked, the perpetrator would immediately find themselves on the receiving end of a sporadic barrage from whichever gun I was using at the time.

Shields were bamboozled each and every time they appeared. I thanked my lucky stars that the bug was in their system, as they would have been very infuriating to take down otherwise. Hopefully, once this all blew over, Atlas would be galvanized to get their programmers on that bug and troubleshoot it. I reminded myself to ping any government official I could contact to tell them to get on that once my name was cleared.

After the drill broke for the third time, I checked its progress again post-restart.

 **ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 42 SECONDS**

 _Heh. 42._

And then came the "final boss" announcement.

" _ **THE CAPTAIN IS HERE! HE'S IN CHARGE OF THE OPERATION!**_ "

 **DEFEAT CAPTAIN TO END ASSAULT**

 _Oh,_ _ **COME ON**_ _!_

" _Oh, my lord… they actually brought in Captain Waters himself. I think this might be the best use of your last grenade. If that doesn't force him to retreat, well… I'm not sure how you'll be able to get past that shield of his with your current armaments. Just give him an explosion, and if he holds his ground, improvise. You do seem to be adept at that._ "

 _..._ _ **fuck**_ _._

If you've experienced the meat shield that is Captain Winters before, you can probably understand why this would be such a problem.

I was cooped up defending the drill, and waiting to get inside the cannon room in the basement floor. Waters, if he behaved like his FBI counterpart, would likely stay camping at the front of the building until he was taken down. Between me and him were countless ordinary HRUs and MFRs, not to mention all kinds of special units still en-route to my position.

Now, if Waters was just a buffed-up Shield and nothing else, it wouldn't be an issue. But the real conundrum here came from the fact that he would provide buffs to every enemy unit in the area as long as he was on the scene. I wasn't sure how the "advanced pathfinding" would work, but I disregarded that in favor of brooding on the progressively stacking defense buffs and the increased spawn rates. (Of course, from a realistic standpoint, none of those made any sense considering Waters was commanding robots instead of ordinary humans, but moving on.)

If I moved now, I'd only have to deal with steady increases. If I moved later, I'd have to deal with enemies with a flat 50% damage reduction to everything I threw at them.

Quite the problem, you understand.

Except not really. Going now wouldn't really be worth it. The buff only took 40 seconds to reach maximum efficiency, and by that point the drill would be done and I'd be wasting valuable time that I could be spending blowing the cannon up.

I figured I'd deal with it during the escape sequence.

About forty seconds later, the drill stopped, and I swung open the door to the underground hangar.

 **Objective updated: Place the explosives on the cannon**

The cannon itself was… how can I accurately describe it?

I suppose the best I can do would be saying that it looked like something that wouldn't be out of place in a futuristic planetary defense system.

It was also, as you'd probably expect, pretty frickin' big. About as large as, maybe slightly bigger than a regular bullhead.

 _Y'know, it actually kinda looks like it could be mounted on a really huge mech… nah, what am I saying? There's no_ _ **way**_ _the military would splurge on such a ridiculous and obviously impractical thing._

 _...would they?_

" _I believe we should count our blessings that they weren't able to extort the codes out of me before you showed up. If you tried to blow it up while it was charging or charged, there would be a fairly large chance of a chain reaction occurring that would, at worst, wipe out the entirety of the city of Atlas, or even cause the island to crash. But this isn't the time for what-ifs. You said you brought explosives, so now is the time to use them._ "

 _With pleasure._

I got to work pronto.

Of course, nothing was ever easy, as I found myself constantly harassed by Knight-cops steadily streaming into the hangar through the door I left open.

It took a bit of doing, and a lot of breaks to take care of an errant special unit, but I was able to plant enough charges to make sure the cannon would be nothing more than a pile of scrap after I hit the detonator.

" _Is that all of them? Good. Oh, but I would suggest getting to a safe distance before you push the button. Without the aura battery charged, the resulting explosion won't cost nearly as much in collateral damage than it would if it was, but it will still be a very,_ _ **very**_ _big boom. In fact, I'd exit the basement entirely just to be safe._ "

 **Objective updated: Leave the underground floor**

 _ **Sigh…**_

 _Wonderful. Now I have to go back up._

Truth be told, I was starting to get a little burned out. It almost felt like everything was starting to become a chore. Run here, run there, drill this door, shoot these cops before they overwhelm you, exploit those Shields before they become a nuisance, kill them Tasers before they zap you, headshot the Cloakers over there before they drop-kick you, take out that Bulldozer before it Roado Rolla Da-s you, fix the drill, rinse, repeat until escape.

So this time I decided to just sprint through the bullets instead of taking the time to blast anything that shot at me. And it worked. Surprisingly well, for some reason. I ended up taking far less hits than I expected.

 _Maybe their aiming subroutines aren't very accurate? Or did the assembly line workers just insert "ImpStmtprMksmnshpAcdmy .exe" or something stupid like that and call it a day?_

 **Objective updated: Destroy the cannon**

Once I ascended the stairway to the ground floor, I took cover in another convenient nearby supply closet and pulled out the detonator.

I extended the antenna, flicked the "arm" switch, lifted the not-plastic button protector, waited a second or two for dramatic effect, then slammed my fist down on the big red button.

The result?

 _ **BOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

About what you'd expect.

" _Holy…! I think you just rustled the jimmies of everyone within a five mile radius! Maybe even the entire island!_ "

 **Objective updated: Wait for escape route**

" _Okay. Now that that's done, we can focus on getting you out of there ASAP. We're working on it right now, but I'd still say you have about… maybe three minutes before it arrives. Hold your ground until then._

 _All right. Three more minutes. Wonder if I can take out Waters… fuck it, let's do this._

I made my way up to the second floor, fighting tooth and nail to keep my hit points from going down to zero. At one point, I had to resort to deploying a doctor bag and using it to patch myself up. Once I did, I found a window overlooking the front of the building.

And there was Captain Waters, surrounded by his squad of Phalanx units.

 _Yup. Still as stationary as ever._

I took out my last grenade.

 _Let's see how they fare against this little thing._

 _ **K-CHIK!**_

I pulled the pin, cooked it for a second, then tossed it.

 _ **BLAMM!**_

" _Graaagh!_ "

My timing was near perfect, with the explosive going off right in front of Waters' shield. The blast threw all eight of the elite Shields to the ground.

The Phalanx units in the front were all shut down, while the ones in the back were barely able to get back up. Waters himself was blown back and collided with an ACPD car, seemingly knocked unconscious. Medics surrounded him, and began to carry him off, probably to the nearest infirmary.

That signified the end of the wave.

 **Track Cue: Break the Rules - Control (PAYDAY 2)**

" _Well, I'll be… you actually forced him off. I guess those grenades packed more punch than I thought. I suppose the rest of your time here will be relatively easy. However short that will be._ "

Wouldn't you know it, he was right. I stopped losing as much health, and wasting as much ammo. Most importantly, the hallways weren't as clogged with walking tin cans.

After a little while more of the same-old-same-old, I got another message.

" _Your escape method's almost here. Head up to the roof. Trust me, you're going to love this._ "

Considering this was coming from someone who may or may not have been a mad scientist, what with his field of study and all, that statement put me a little on edge. But since I really didn't have any better ideas, I followed his orders and made my way to the roof.

When I did, well… I wasn't sure whether to be amazed, or rage at this sudden sense of intense irony I felt.

Because of all the ways I could have gotten out of this situation, my benefactor had, for some stupid reason, decided to go the route that involved _jacking me a bullhead_.

 **Objective updated: Escape!**

The thing hovered in the air as close as it could get to the ledge of the building, and the side door hissed open. I heard a voice shouting from inside… and was more than a little surprised to find out it was Petra's.

" _C'mon, get in! Hurry! They're bringing out anti-air countermeasures as we speak! If you want to leave, we need to go NOW!_ "

The fact that it sounded like she was speaking through a radio did nothing to diminish the galvanizing effect it had on me, as I quickly ran to the edge and hopped inside.

 **Track Cut**

Walking into the cockpit, I suddenly understood the vocal interference, as there wasn't anyone sitting in either of the pilot seats.

" _Okay, let's get you outta here! Don't worry about piloting - Mom managed to crack the firewall on this one and get me in. I don't know a lot about flying this thing, but I did brush up on the owner's manual, so I'd like to think that I know enough to keep us from crashing! Besides, Dad told me to just treat it like a video game, and so far, I've been doing just fine!_ "

"And how _exactly_ are you flying this thing?! Did you hook it up to a keyboard and mouse or something?! Wait, please don't tell me I'm living a flight simulator!"

" _They had a remote cockpit in here. I'll tell you all about it once you're safe! Stop worrying, and just hang on!_ "

So I did. I unequipped my armor, stored my leftover equipment in my inventory, took off my mask, and replaced my attire with my usual one. I then sat down in the pilot seat, buckled myself in, and braced myself for the no-doubt bumpy ride ahead of me.

I received a notification while I tried to get comfortable.

 **Quest Complete!**

 **Atlas Mugged**

 **Rewards received:**

 **Ares 90 manufacturer**

 **2,500 EXP**

 **5,000 Lien**

 **SWATsbane**

 **Poster Soldier**

 **Scrap Slayers**

 **Ghost's Primary**

 **Bonus Rewards:**

 **2,500 Lien**

 **All stolen Ares 90 materials**

 **LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 105 +5**

 **STR: 100 +5**

 **INT: 77 +4**

 **DEX: 137 +5**

 **AGI: 138 +5**

 **RES: 64 +3**

 **LUK: 46 +2**

 **CHR: 46 +2**

 **+5 stat points**

 **Learned "Sol!"**

 _Hah ha, finally! The signature skill of the Mercenary line!_

 _...does that make them all vampires?_

 **Sol [Active] (Level ⅕)**

 **Strike with the radiant brilliance of the sun, and regenerate health based on the damage dealt. Multiplies the damage dealt by a regular strike by 2, and heals the user equal to 50% of the health lost by the opponent the skill is used on if the attack hits.**

 _Hm… I'm assuming that at max level, it deals triple damage and restores 100% of the damage dealt. Not bad… not bad at all._

Once we actually started moving, I began to wonder about something else.

"Where are we going? I can't exactly think of anywhere close by that I could use to hide from Atlas…"

" _I'm not trying to get you to a hiding place, I'm just trying to get you far away enough so that you can stall for the program. Once General Ironwood finds out about the truth of the matter, he'll drop everything and order a retreat. You just have to avoid getting caught or dying until he gets the files the program will send to him. Once he does, you're home free._ "

"Wow… I think it just hit me how insane this whole plan really sounds."

" _You say that like it wasn't totally unbelievable before. Breaking into the main R &D facility of a militaristic kingdom, burning and deleting their files, blowing up their property, with the only means of escape being a hacked bullhead with an untrained pilot and the hope that the leader will call a retreat once he finds out that we're doing this for the greater good? You were right, you know. It really __**does**_ _sound like the plot of an action movie._ "

"Yeah. I guess all I can really do now is pray to whoever's listening that this flick has a happy ending."

" _Oh, quit your depressing monologue. You're gonna be fine._ "

"You _do_ know what the definition of 'monologue' is, right?"

" _Shut up and let me focus!_ "

Unfortunately, our conversation was brought to an end by something that _really_ got me sweating.

 _ **VREEP! VREEP! VREEP!**_

 **LOCK-ON ATTEMPT DETECTED.**

"...that's not good, is it?"

" _WOW, YOU THINK?!_ "

I checked the rear camera monitor, and saw that we were being tailed by a trio of other bullheads.

" _Ohh, this is bad… we do have countermeasures, but I can't remember which button fires them, and even then, they're only one-use. I think you might have to bail!_ "

At her words, I unbuckled the seat belt and exited the cockpit.

And found myself staring at another blue exclamation mark.

 **Mach Speed Stage 3**

 **Atlas**

" **Streetway Sprint"**

 **Best Time: - - : - -**

 **Best Rank: -**

 **WARNING! EXPIRES IN: 0:18**

 _Huh. I guess the City Escape rip-off decided to arrive sooner than anticipated._

 _ **VREE-VREE-VREE-VREE-VREE!**_

 **LOCK-ON DETECTED.**

" _Oh, shoot! They've got a bead on me!_ "

 _Well. Looks like I don't have a choice._

 **Play stage?**

 **Yes | No**

 _Yes._

 **Grab a board first.**

 **Loading…**

 _I can do that._

I opened the cargo door, pulled out a bladed tool from my inventory, and sawed away at the outer layer of the craft.

" _Uh, Zeiss? What are you doing?_ "

"You told me to bail. So I'm bailing."

 _ **KRRRRR-RANG!**_

" _Wait, wait, you're WHAT?!_ "

 _ **BEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBE-**_

 **MISSILE LAUNCH DETECTED.**

"Oh, relax, Iron Girl, I'll be fine. See ya later!"

I fell out the door a few seconds before the missile hit.

 _ **BOOOOOM!**_

The bullhead went up in flames, but was actually still in relatively one piece, and continued to glide off. While doing involuntary aileron rolls ( _not_ barrel rolls, as much as I would like to say otherwise).

Meanwhile, I continued to drop towards the ground. Using that time, I fashioned impromptu straps to hold my feet to the sheet of metal I intended to use as a board using various materials I had in my inventory.

 _Can't believe I ended up actually using those Beowulf Furs for this… what a Chekhov's Gun, am I right?_

 **Loading complete.**

 **Stage 03**

 **Atlas**

 **Streetway Sprint**

 **Objective: Evade the Atlesian authorities!**

 _Wait a minute, what about fall damage-? No, wait, Sonic defies physics. Fall damage doesn't exist for him._

 **Track Cue: Escape From the City (Sonic Adventure 2)**

 _Oooof course._

I maneuvered myself to a standing position, and hit the ground board-first. As I predicted, my legs didn't break.

Maybe because the tilted road I landed on simply transferred the direction of my momentum without trying to stop it?

Well, whatever. I was really moving now, so I focused my attention on not colliding with any obstacles in the way.

" _ATTENTION, ALL UNITS. TARGET SEEN HEADING SOUTH. BLOCK ALL MAJOR ROADS AND CAPTURE THE TARGET._ "

 _So apparently the system can now tap into police communications. Go figure._

Screeching around a corner, I saw an orange-white striped ramp up ahead.

 _These stages really like to abuse the suspension of disbelief, eh? Guess that's what happens when you let 'em alter reality in favor of "good and enjoyable gameplay."_

I jumped at the lip of the ramp, gaining almost a full five seconds of air time and collecting a bunch of rings in the process. I also did a few system-assisted acrobatics for those extra juicy bonus points.

 **AWESOME! +10,000**

 _I don't know if I'll ever get used to the feeling of relying on the system for movement. It feels natural, but… it also doesn't. Almost wrong, in a sense. Hopefully I'll be able to grow out of that once I get more experience. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to to that before Beacon._

I encountered a few attempts at roadblocks when encountering turns and crossroads, but those were swiftly jumped over or smashed through.

 _Really glad these don't actually affect the real world. I'd likely be paying millions in collateral damage clean-up if they did… and go into debt._

 _Still have no idea how the mechanics behind these things interact with reality. What does everyone else see while I'm making my way to the goal ring?_

 _...meh, I suppose I'll ask someone later._

A few more ramp jumps, shortcuts, and a metric fuck-ton of rings later, I spotted a boost ramp ahead, leading to what looked like a rich man's park.

 _Seems it's time to say goodbye, faithful metalboard. It was fun while it lasted._

But when I actually flew off the ramp, I instead took the improvised streetboard off my feet and stuffed it into my inventory before I hit the ground.

 _Nah. That's a souvenir for later. And if I ever need it again. Which I probably will._

Looking around the park while picking up speed, I saw several bullheads air-drop AK-130s in various different areas. The ones directly in my linear path were blown away by liberal application of the boost, and occasionally with a homing attack. Rings were still everywhere, as per the norm. Many were picked up.

Some platforming sequences, a lot of carnage, and loads of public property damage later, I blew through the park gates and rail-ground down some stairways. You can also be sure that a copious amount of _**BOUNCE PAD**_ s were hit on the way.

I was met with some more resistance at the bottom of the stairways. Nothing a few super sonic spin jumps couldn't take care of. God _damn_ , that name is so cringeworthy, but it's got that '90s flair that you just can't help but love…

Anyway, this led to a relatively long stretch of flat ground to run along on. Which provided a convenient excuse for Atlas' version of the Chaser section.

The three bullheads from before flew in front of me, turned around, and twisted their engines to fly backwards while pointing towards me. Looking at what popped out of their lower fronts, I quickly deduced what was about to happen.

 _Oh, boy. Another quickstep section. But this time, it's with aircraft-mounted chainguns! Wheeee._

It was just like every other section of its kind. Wait until one fired, quickstep to a different lane. Wait until another fired, then move to another lane. Repeat until they begin firing two at a time, then alter strategy so it becomes "move to the one lane not being ripped apart by bullets," and then continue repeating.

Except this one was unique in its own way, since this time I got to boost-bash AK-130s into the bullheads while they were firing at me. Hitting one enough times would cause it to lose control and crash-land, leaving its lane danger-free. I figured that was kinda imbalanced, but rolled with it since it did make things easier.

The section ended when I hit another boost ramp, going back to the streets, only this time without a board.

 _Here's where my latent Initial D instincts come to the forefront! ...heh, I wish._

There were dash pads that assisted with turns anyway, and led to more trick ramps. So… moot point.

A few boatloads of acrobatic bonus points later, the starting point of the level's final stretch came into sight.

 _I'm both anticipating and dreading the arrival of what'll be taking the place of the G.U.N. Truck…_

When I crested that peak, and looked behind me, I saw something startlingly familiar.

 **Track Cue: Mad Convoy Race (Sonic Adventure 2)**

 _What the hell-? No, that's…! That makes no sense! I_ _ **saw**_ _that thing get blown to pieces with my own eyes back during the light cycle chase! How did they fix it so fast?!_

For you see, what had crashed in on my tail and was now doing everything in its power to turn me into a road omelette was the very same 18-wheeler that was sitting at the back of the blockade that I had nuked using the Noob Tube just a few days ago. I had no idea how they could have pieced it back together in such a short time, but I was a little preoccupied with trying not to get flattened at the moment to worry about such things.

Thanks to the fact that my camera angle never changed, I was able to see the correct times to jump in order to maximize bonus points. I didn't really need to see how close the truck was getting since I was already going as fast as I could, and if that wasn't enough, I was two-dimensional anyway.

So, I simply continued to do as I had been doing: run like hell, boost when possible, hit the ramps, make sure not to miss the boost pads, you know. Just Sonic things.

And then the truck brought out the saws.

 _Oh, we Generations now? What, is it gonna whip out the rocket boosters next?_

I had to rely solely on pop-up warnings to escape being shredded into meat chunks. Basically, it was another Chaser section, only this time the enemy was completely land-based and there was no way to stop it.

Right, left, right, left twice, right again, left again, right twice, cha-cha now y'all.

My earlier theory was proven correct the next time I encountered a _**BOUNCE PAD**_ , and was launched onto the side of a wall of buildings. The massive 18-wheeler hopped into the air using what I assumed to be incredibly juiced-up springy suspension, then unfolded giant jet engines from the back of its trailer and continued to give chase.

 _That violates the laws of physics on so many different levels, but who the hell cares?! Rule of Cool forever!_

I consistently checked behind me to gauge the distance, and was pleased to see that there was about a 20-25-yard difference between me and the truck.

Then the flames escaping the rocket boosters turned bright blue, and it began closing the gap at a rapid pace.

 _OOOOO_ _ **OOOOOH SHIIIIIIIIIIII-**_

It got to the point where its bumper was just barely nudging my back-

 _ **KABOOOM!**_

-and then it promptly crashed into the side of another building.

The space was just wide enough to allow me to squeeze through, spitting me out the other side to arrive in a small space with an archway leading forward, containing the goal ring.

 **Track Cue: Results Screen (Sonic Forces)**

 _Hoo boy, what a thrill ride. I kinda feel like I got decades-early access to the Sonic Adventure VR Experience. Which is badass._

 _Kinda disappointed I didn't get the SA2 victory theme, though. Would be much more fitting, considering this was practically a copy-paste of City Escape._

 **Time: 2:59**

 **Enemies: 31**

 **Rings: 276**

 **Bonus: 123,000**

 **Untouchable: 30,000**

 **Rank: S**

 _I can't whistle to save my life, so I'll just say the rest._

"That was _cool!_ "

 _ **Wow,**_ _the cheese levels are off the charts. Gaia, remind me to never do something like that again._

 **Duly noted.**

 _Thanks._

 **S-Rank! +3,250 EXP**

 **LEVEL UP!**

 **VIT: 110 +5**

 **STR: 105 +5**

 **INT: 81 +4**

 **DEX: 142 +5**

 **AGI: 143 +5**

 **RES: 67 +3**

 **LUK: 48 +2**

 **CHR: 48 +2**

 **+5 stat points**

 _Still climbin' the ranks. I'm eligible for promotion now, right? Gonna have to figure out how to do that soon._

 **Stage Rewards:**

 **"Mesh of Honor"**

 **"Rail Grinders"**

Oh, woooooow.

 **Mesh of Honor**

 **A grey-and-red trucker cap awarded to those who survive a run-in with the B.L.D. Armed Urban Troop Transport, more commonly known as the "Blade Truck." Features the B.L.D. emblem front and center, circled by buzz-saws and standing in front of two crossed rockets.**

 **Rail Grinders**

 **A pair of red and white 'soap shoes,' with green and gold highlights. Their design supposedly allows them to easily perform their namesake. It's said that a famous celebrity once wore these for a little adventure because of a brand deal.**

 **Track Cut**

With the adrenaline rush now over, I stepped through the archway and came to a city square.

A suspiciously empty city square.

I heard the roar of a bullhead engine coming closer, and spotted another one of the buggers. I prepared to make a run for it, but looking closer, I saw that it hadn't deployed any weapons yet.

 _That's odd… I'd expect that chaingun it surely has packed inside it to be out and spinning right about now. Why isn't it?_

The aircraft came closer, and began slowing. Once it was hovering over the center of the city square, I saw its cargo doors open.

A second later, a figure dropped out.

 _ **KRRSCHHHH!**_

The impact they made when they hit the ground in a classic superhero landing ( _aw, dude, don't do that, it's terrible on the knees… but what the hell, it's still awesome_ ) was forceful enough to crack the material under their feet, and kicked up enough dust to obscure their details, leaving me with only a silhouette to go off of. A second later, they rose to a standing position.

I decided that showy display deserved a golf clap.

"Quite the entrance, future opponent. The ground cracking and the dust cloud were good cinematic touches. I give it a 9 out of 10."

"Why, thank you, registered criminal! You have very impressive feats to your own name, too! Unfortunately, none of those feats are allowed by Atlesian law, so I must now apprehend you! My sincerest apologies!"

I was caught off-guard at the cheery response, but my jaw almost hit the floor when I recognized who the voice belonged to. By that point, the dust cloud was starting to fade.

"Oh, my, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? Sal-u-tations, future prison inmate! My name is Penny Polendina, and as you already know, I am here to arrest you!"

The obstructive cloud was gone by now, revealing the smiling and waving visage of my would-be jailer, as well as the words floating above her head.

 **Penny Polendina**

 **Super Fighting Robot**

 **Tanker**

 **Lv. 23**

 _Oh..._

Quest Alert!

 **Rock 'Em Sock 'Em**

 **You destroyed the cannon and escaped the facility, but there's one last obstacle standing between you and ultimate victory: Remnant's resident Pinocchio. This probably isn't a battle you can win, but then again, you're not trying to win…**

 **Objective:**

 **-Survive**

 **Rewards:**

 **-4,000 EXP**

 **-3,000 Lien**

... ** _fuck._**

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry, I couldn't resist giving her that title. It was just too good an opportunity to pass up!**

 **Quick note - for those of you concerned about the spectators' reactions to these events, don't you worry. Those will be addressed next chapter. I can't guarantee they'll be pretty, but they will happen, and they will be shown.**

 **Believe it or not, I think I might have unintentionally slightly foreshadowed Penny's appearance during the last chat log, when Gepetto was mentioned to be working with Auratech. I also included some references to canon here and there during the bullhead escape and the cannon hangar bits.**

 **Before I forget, how did the music cues work out for you guys? Payday usually switches to Anticipation tracks exactly thirty seconds before an assault wave arrives, which can actually act as a spoiler if Bain is late in announcing it. Let me know if the timing was executed well, or if it wasn't.**

 **With that out of the way... will Zeiss survive this encounter with everyone's favorite Real Girl? Will General Ironwood act as predicted and call off the assault? And what will happen when Zeiss eventually re-enters the group chat? Find out in the next chapter, featuring puppet swords, lasers, air support, and the epic climax to this story arc, on SOFT RESET!**

 **(Apologies, I've always wanted to do that, too.)**

 **'Till next time.**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	14. Cause It's PAYDAY!

**Quick word of warning - the first few paragraphs contain spoilers up to chapter 30 of Ryuugi's "The Games We Play." If you haven't read it, I highly suggest you do so.**

 **Also - I've made a couple of important edits to the end of the last chapter. For anyone returning, you should go check them out before reading this one.**

* * *

 _Gaia?_

 **Yes?**

 _I'm going to ask you a single question, and I'd_ _ **really**_ _appreciate it if you gave me an honest answer._

 **...all right, shoot.**

 _Did you give me this entire questline just so you could have an excuse to rip off The Games We Play?_

 **What?**

 _I mean, come on, I can't be the only one noticing the similarities between this mess and the White Whale arc. Main character gets recruited by group, group sends him on a mission to steal property of Atlas, mission goes sideways, main character makes off with whatever they're trying to steal, things continue to escalate, and eventually everything culminates into a fight with Penny here. The signs are all there. So tell me, miss "Mother Earth," did you do this on purpose, or am I just hallucinating connections?_

 **Uh… well, I suppose the best way I could put it would be that I originally didn't include her in the grand plan for this deal, but then I saw Ruby's comment about Gepetto getting into Auratech, which interested me enough to do some investigating. I found out that Penny had been recently built and was in need of a field test, so I decided to pull a few strings and get her involved. I figured you also needed a reality check in the form of a good old curb-stomping. Thinking about it now, it does actually seem pretty similar to that White Whale ordeal, doesn't it? Only this mission won't cause you to accidentally awaken an ancient Grimm dragon and consequently get marooned on an island in the middle of the ocean. Could be w-**

 _ **STOP!**_ _STOP IT RIGHT THERE! DO_ _ **NOT**_ _FINISH THAT SENTENCE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD! UNDER_ _ **NO**_ _CIRCUMSTANCES WILL YOU SAY_ _ **ANYTHING**_ _ALONG THOSE LINES,_ _ **EVER**_ _!_

 **Whoa, jeez, calm down! I'm just saying that it could be-**

 _WHAT THE_ _ **FUCK**_ _DID I JUST SAY, DAMN IT?! IF YOU SAY SHIT LIKE THAT, YOU_ _ **WILL**_ _REGRET IT SOONER RATHER THAN LATER! MURPHY'S JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY SOMETHING THAT WILL LET HIM SCREW YOU OVER! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD, DO_ _ **NOT**_ _GIVE HIM A REASON!_

 **Alright, alright, okay! Fine! Sheesh, talk about paranoid…**

 _It's not paranoia if I've experienced it - twice. I'm just trying to help you!_

 **Yeah, sure, whatever you say, pal.**

In other news, the fighting hadn't started yet. At the moment, I was simply analyzing my new enemy.

At the moment, she looked quite different from her canon counterpart. She still had her classic ginger hair and pink bow, only the hair was shorter and straighter than the curly locks displayed in her future appearance. The bow also rested neatly on top of her head, instead of hanging off to one side.

Her clothes were altered, too. Her sleeves stopped before the elbow, not before the wrist. Gone were her stockings, replaced by a pair of overalls fitted with black-colored shorts instead of a skirt, leaving her lower legs exposed. All told, her color scheme and its placement was pretty much the same, just with differing implementations.

Practically the only parts of her appearance that hadn't changed were her emerald eyes, shoes, collar, and weapon backpack.

But I wasn't just checking her on the surface. I'd also shot off an Observe as soon as I could, and was met with pretty threatening results.

Right off the bat, she was a Tanker - a base class, one tier above my trainee. With that came the stat bonuses expected of one, which automatically gave her a noticeable advantage over me. There was also the fact that she was two levels higher than me, further widening the power gap between us.

Her stats themselves were most definitely not to be dismissed. The only stat she had that was below 100 was her luck, and even that was sitting at a comfortable 96. She had one of the highest intelligence counts I had seen thus far, at a whopping 182. That was followed close behind by her amazing resistance, weighing in at 162. Hot on its heels was vitality, only two points behind at a robust 160, giving her a base health bar total of 3,200 to be later increased by the unique effects of 'Foe.' Her next highest parameter was charm, surprisingly enough, boasting a point count of 142. After that was dexterity, staying at a middling 133. Then strength, at only 123, somewhat less than what I had been expecting for an unbelievably expensive battle-bot. Finally, her agility, at a slightly sluggish compared to me but in no way slow 110.

Compared to _my_ stats…

 **Zeiss Seven**

 **Title: Child Cynic**

 **Class: Drifter**

 **Level: 21**

 **EXP: 0**

 **Level Up at: 4,100**

 **HP: 1,150**

 **MP: 850**

 **BP: 120**

 **VIT: 115**

 **STR: 110**

 **INT: 85**

 **DEX: 147**

 **AGI: 148**

 **RES: 70**

 **LUK: 50**

 **CHR: 50**

 **Points: 15**

 **Status: Healthy**

 **Lien: 16,350**

...yeah. "Oof" didn't even _begin t_ o cover it. The only areas I had the advantage in were dexterity and agility, and while those were two of the really important combat stats, the difference wasn't wide enough to provide me with an adequate safety net. Of course, once I hit Resolve range it would be a different story, but that was playing with fire and to be avoided until necessary.

Thankfully, her weapons - christened "Toybreakers" by the system - only had a Might stat of 69 (I resisted the urge to make an obligatory 69 joke), which ensured that she wouldn't be doing outright oppressive amounts of damage. Only enough to constantly keep me on the back foot and wary of whatever direction the next strike may come from. The system also notified me that due to the fact that having ten swords allowed her to attack a lot faster than the average foe, her standard attack damage would only add half her strength stat to the weapons' power before subtracting my resistance for the final number.

When I checked her skills, things became even worse due to _this_ little guy.

 **Steel Skin [Passive] (Level MAX)**

 **You're made of iron, and it shows. All damage taken from physical sources is reduced by 40%. Grants immunity to Blowdown.**

If nothing else, it really helped sell the idea that the system was going to do everything in its power to make sure that there was no possible way to win this confrontation. This was a war of attrition - the admins made sure that defeating Penny was something night-impossible in order to force the quote-unquote 'victory conditions' to become 'don't run out of HP before Ironwood or someone else calls her off.'

The rest of her enemy-exclusive skills weren't helping, either. Most of them were multi-hits, which while occasionally less damaging due to the target's extra chances of dodging the individual attacks, were also more dangerous owing to their ability to trigger multiple critical hits.

Doing the math revealed that pretty much all of them would deal over 200 damage _at least_ if they hit, practically a whole sixth of my total HP.

 _Well, that will simply not do. Gaia?_

 **Putting your points where your mouth is, eh?**

 _Oh, yeah. Ten to RES, two to AGI, three to DEX._

 **Roger that.**

I prayed that the admittedly small boost would make a difference, and closed out the windows.

But there was still something bothering me.

"Hey, uh, do you mind if I ask a few questions before we begin?"

Penny appeared to process that for a moment, and compiled an output.

"I would not. Ask away!"

I scanned her from head to toe.

"Did you… jump out of your skin this morning or something? 'Cause, y'know, your limbs are… looking kinda robotic. Are you a cyborg?"

Yeah.

Her face was as peach-colored as ever, still sporting those adorable little freckles.

Everywhere else… not so much. Everywhere that would have skin showing on a normal human was instead brandishing shiny Atlas-white metal. It actually looked kinda badass - I found myself subconsciously branding her a 'battle angel,' though I had no idea why.

"No, I did not jump out of my skin, and I am not a cyborg."

 _...right. Gotta be direct with her. Can't use euphemisms or exaggerations, or she'll take them literally and we'll get nowhere._

"Okay… better question: why are you _not_ wearing artificial skin?"

She answered that one quickly.

"The synth-skin for my body has not been finished as of now."

That was better.

"Okay, that makes sense. But… wait. If you're not a cyborg, but you have metal limbs, then… what exactly _are_ you? If you don't mind me asking, that is. And if it's not classified."

She booted that around for a moment.

"I believe the term used by Atlesian officials to describe me is 'combat gynoid.' If the archives do not lie, then I am the first recorded artificial being in history with the capability of generating its own Aura."

I pretended not to know this information, for obvious reasons.

"Huh… well, isn't that neat. You're telling me that I get to fight the first robot in history to have an Aura of its own? Wow. I'm… actually kinda honored."

Penny decided to go a little further.

"Not only that, but you also have the honor of being the subject of my very first field test. My internal cameras are recording all of this right now."

"Whoa… Wait, does... does this mean I might get my name put into a history book detailing the next great robotics revolution?! Holy sh _ ***BEEP***_ t, that would be amazing!"

That actually made her laugh, for some reason.

"I do not know if the historians would find my first real test important enough to be worth mentioning, but I suppose that I will hope that they shall. For both our sakes."

"Well, that's awfully nice of you."

She was positively beaming at that statement.

"Thank you! My father did program me to be polite to everyone, so I am happy to see that he has done a good job!"

 _Awwww…_

There was silence for a moment.

"So, uh… I think that's everything I wanted to know. Should, ah… are we supposed to actually fight now?"

I heard the sound of her backpack opening, and her signature ten swords removed themselves, split up, and spread out in their normal formation.

"I believe we are! Prepare yourself!"

 **You have been targeted by: Penny (Lv. 23)**

 **Status effect "Foe" inflicted.**

 **Skill [Perpetual Advantage] triggered. AGI/RES multiplied by 1.2.**

I sighed, reached behind me, and pulled out Crimson Violet from my inventory, letting it drop and smash into the floor material at my side. I also made sure my hood was off, and placed my scouter over my right eye.

"I get the feeling that I'm about to get my _***BEEP***_ ss kicked, but what the heck. If I'm going down, I'll make sure that it's in a blaze of glory. Oh, and for the record, my name is Zeiss Serven. Now…"

 **ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

 **Track Cue: no3=NO. EX01 (Xenoblade Chronicles X)**

" _Let's get down to business._ "

 **[Bullrush+]**

My superior agility quickly proved its usefulness for the first of many times, blowing me towards Penny a little too quickly for her to block.

" **Blowdown" resisted.**

" **Knockback" inflicted.**

Her metallic composition prevented her from being sent flying back, instead forcing her backward a couple steps. Of course, since her puppet-swords weren't garden-variety weapons, she could still use them even in a disadvantageous position (or at least as long as the strings weren't cut). I suffered two slashes, dodging and blocking many more while backing off a bit.

 **[Primer Repeat+]**

In the process of maneuvering my huge slab of metal to stop the onslaught, I squeezed off three shots. My aim was understandably hampered, causing two shots to miss. But the third one...

 **CRITICAL!**

Smacked her right in the forehead, snapping her head back and causing the barrage of swords to briefly stop. Seeing the obvious opening, I charged ahead.

 **[Brave Sally]**

A pommel strike to the head preceded three more slashes, with the final one hitting harder than expected.

 **CRITICAL!**

Unfortunately, my finishing position left me open for a sock to the gut, which stunned me long enough for Penny to land a punch square in my face.

" **Knockback" inflicted.**

The force behind it sent me reeling backwards, leaving enough room for her to use her first combat skill of the fight.

 **[Pinwheel Blade]**

She maneuvered her swords into a shape reminiscent of a shuriken, then sent it spinning towards me. I suffered ten separate instances of damage, with one hit dealing double the hurt.

 **CRITICAL!**

In an effort not to suffer more punishment, I smacked away the swords and dashed towards the gynoid, letting rip when I got close enough.

 **[Powerslash+]**

Now it was her turn again to stumble back, letting me wail on her more. I didn't use any combat skills, but I think that the five heavy hits I delivered in quick succession spoke for themselves. Especially the second and fourth.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

In return, she let loose with a flurry of slashes, forcing me to back off in order to have a chance at blocking or avoiding all of them. I was unsuccessful, receiving six separate cuts on various parts of my body. The final one hurt the most.

 **CRITICAL!**

She pressed the advantage when my guard was broken, triggering another combat skill.

 **[Puppet Dance]**

She split her weapons into two groups of five, sending them towards me and slashing away four times with a series of fluid movements. While it seemed like I was hit twenty separate times, my HP was only reduced after one group of swords completed its assault.

 **[Resolve] triggered. STR/DEX/AGI increased.**

 _Ohhh-ho-ho, you're gonna get it now._

It was time to bring out the big guns.

 **[Sword Flurry+]**

With my massively increased agility - about 2.5 times her score - it was almost easy to slip inside her guard and deliver the 8 dangerously powerful stabs. Three of them left more of a mark than the others.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 _What, no bleed procs? Rnjesus, what the hell?!_

My boosted dexterity allowed my mind to stop and think about that for a second without leaving myself open.

… _then again, she doesn't exactly_ _ **have**_ _blood in her body..._

Returning my focus to the beatdown I was laying down, I also gave her a taste of my newest skill for good measure.

 **[Sol]**

A blinding yellow-orange aura coated Crimson Violet, burning bright like the sun as I brought it down on my mechanized opponent.

 **+263 HP**

 **[Resolve] deactivated.**

The system didn't display a Knockback infliction, but it sure seemed like Penny had received one. I decided not to press my advantage - I didn't want to risk losing too much health.

Unfortunately, it seemed like my wishes were completely ignored.

 **WARNING!**

 **LIMIT BREAK INCOMING!**

 _What the hell - when did this become Final Fantasy?! I don't remember seeing anything like_ _ **this**_ _in any of the last updates! Gaia?!_

 **Now's not the time, dumbass! If you know what's good for you, heal! And make it snappy!**

The advice was justified by what Penny did next. She lifted one of her arms to her ear, and made as if she was speaking into a communicator.

"This is Copper Zero-One! Requesting a bombing run on my position, grid AC four-six-eight-eight-three-seven, danger close, over!"

At her words, I spotted the bullhead that had carried her here begin to move towards us.

 _Oh,_ _ **shit**_ _._

 **[Imbue]**

 **[Potion]**

I healed as much as I could afford. I didn't want to risk the cooldown for anything higher-grade than a potion screwing me over, so I simply used one that I had in stock. With my reserves shored up, I braced for the inevitable.

 **[Judgement Day]**

Two rocket pods emerged from the sides of the aircraft, pointed directly at the city square that served as our battleground. Once it got close enough, it fired everything it had.

The next thing I knew, everything around me was exploding. While I tried my best to avoid as much damage possible, I still suffered 8 separate hits.

 **-544**

 **[Resolve] triggered.**

 _Jesus Fucking Christ, that erased nearly_ _ **half**_ _of my health bar! What's she gonna do next, whip out her signature Shoop Da Whoop move?!_

But that wasn't all.

 **[Recharge Subroutine]**

Some of the metal bits on her arms and legs opened up, releasing plumes of steam while her aura visibly shimmered.

 **+7,077**

 _...did she just erase all my hard work in an instant?_

 **Fear the power of boss-exclusive skills, sucker.**

 _YOU CHEATING_ _**BITCHES!**_

 **Pot, meet kettle. He says you're black.**

In my seething impotent rage, I didn't notice Penny's next move before it was too late.

Two groups of three swords were planted an equal distance away from me to set up her hardest-hitting regular combat skill.

 **[Slingshot Special]**

What sounded like a whip cracking broke me out of my tirade. But by the time I turned my attention back to the fight, all I could see were the soles of the combat robot's shoes rocketing towards me much too fast to even consider dodging.

" **Blowdown" inflicted.**

As you can probably guess, that sent me flying off to bounce on the ground a couple times and slide to a stop a fair distance away.

And yet, even after delivering the most damaging drop-kick I'd ever seen, my opponent _still_ wasn't done. She dashed over to me faster than I expected, grabbed me and pulled me up, then wrapped some of her swords' puppet strings around various parts of my body. I began to get even more of a bad feeling than I already was.

 **[String-a-Ding]**

 _ **Fuck.**_

Once she finished tying me up, she turned on her heel and threw me away. Half a second later, she tugged hard on the strings restraining me, pulling my unfortunate self right back to her.

I correctly guessed at what was coming a moment before I saw the fist heading right for my face.

 _ **PA-KAFF!**_

I was certain that the sound of the impact could be heard from a city block away, at the very least. The hardest decking my schnoz had ever gotten laid me out flat on the ground, the puppet strings removed before impact.

 _Owwwww…_

I rolled over, facing my chest to the ground, and started the arduous process of picking myself up after being utterly trashed. Penny was content to let me get up without interference. Eventually, I got to my feet and stood back up to my full 6-foot height.

"Are you prepared to surrender yourself to the authorities?"

I blinked, then gave a surprised and slightly disbelieving chuckle.

"I think your optics might need a tune-up. Can't you see that I'm still holding my weapon? My hands aren't going up in the air until you take it away from them, and even then, you might have to work for that a little more."

I grasped my gunsword with both hands, hefting it up at my side.

Penny, as expected, wasn't fazed in the slightest.

"I can assure you that my optics are not in need of repair. Though, I can see that you are still willing to continue your resistance. I must warn you that if you keep to this course of action, you may suffer serious injury."

Oh, if only she knew that was the least of my concerns. Literally, considering Gamer's Body.

"Oh, really? Prove it."

She just gave the android equivalent of a sigh and a shake of the head.

"Very well, then. Please do not blame me if you end up regretting your choice."

 _Was that… did she just sass me? Dear god, give daddy Polendina a freakin' medal for excellence! This is groundbreaking programming right here!_

We resumed our combat stances, while I activated one of the few buff skills I had.

 **[Guard Stance]**

This one had actually been changed by one of the updates, now simply reducing incoming damage by a percentage instead of increasing my RES. The health regeneration was also nerfed, now only restoring 2.5% of my maximum every second at level 1 instead of 5%, though I suspected that it would regain that upon reaching level 10. It still had a full duration of thirty seconds and still reduced my strength by half. As it was now, at level 5, every hit that I suffered for half a minute would have its power reduced by 60%, and I would heal for 2.7% of my max HP every second, in return for cutting my strength by 40%.

An instant later, we charged at each other.

 **FEVER TRIGGERED!**

I fought much more defensively this time, wary of whatever my enemy might pull out of her silicon bag of tricks next. My 180 boosted agility and 150 dexterity helped a lot here, allowing me to maneuver my four-foot-six sword much faster than you would expect. Very few of Penny's ridiculously high number of attacks actually slipped past my guard, with the majority of them being dodged, blocked, deflected, or parried.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

That said, some still made it through, as I would occasionally lose track of one of the swords, which was somewhat hard not to do as there were ten of them, all moving at high speeds. Sometimes the gynoid would even mix in some hand-to-hand, landing the odd punch or kick here and there. I would only strike when an opening was presented, and didn't try to force anything that might result in further damage to myself.

 **CRITICAL!**

As you might expect, the exchange took us all over the square. Bits and pieces of what I assumed to be cobblestone or concrete or some similar material were flung up whenever one of our weapons struck the ground, or sufficient force was applied from our feet.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **[Resolve] deactivated.**

Some of the buildings that fenced the place also ended up scarred, whether from a missed swing from one of our weapons, a shot fired from my sword's rifle that didn't quite hit its mark, or one of us being thrown into them.

 _Hope the police evacuated everyone in the immediate area before our showdown started. Enough people have died today. I don't want needless civilian blood on my hands._

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

All told, the square looked like a right proper war zone.

Once the Guard Stance wore off, I decided it was time to slow down, and forced my opponent to do so.

 **[Scope Shot+]**

Tapping my scouter, I locked on, took aim, and pulled the trigger.

 _ **POOM!**_

The bullet struck her head in the middle of a dash, scrambling her focus and making her crash to the ground.

 **FEVER END!**

She quickly pushed herself back up and used a new combat skill.

 **[Macross Massacre]**

This time, the metallic bits on her visible limbs opened up to reveal pods of miniature rockets, which were subsequently launched at me.

The missiles were actually directed to impact over a wide area, leaving me with almost no room to dodge whatsoever. Five were direct hits, while the rest were narrowly avoided.

I retaliated with an AoE skill of my own.

 **[Spray-n-Pray+]**

In a ridiculous display of RNG shenanigans, only five of the ten shots actually hit Penny, yet every single one of those five shots…

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 _...what kind of divine fuckery is this?! What the hell are the odds of that happening?!_

I capped it off by using the recoil to propel my sword into position for my next trick.

 **[Blade Beam]**

My gynoid enemy was a little too slow on the draw to stop the purple arc of energy from cutting into her a fair bit deeper than I had expected.

 **CRITICAL!**

When the dust cleared, we took a bit of a breather.

Which was advantageous for Penny, since I assumed that she didn't need to breathe. (Which makes no sense in hindsight, since her built-in lie detector makes her hiccup, and you need a diaphragm to hiccup, which requires lungs to be of any use.) Anway, she took that time to deliver one more message.

"This is your final warning, mister Serven. If you do not lay down your weapon, I cannot guarantee that you will survive what happens next."

That tipped me off to the idea that she might still have another trump card, but I didn't let it show.

"I'm willing to take my chances. After all, I've gotten this far. Would just be a shame if I stopped now, when I'm almost at the finish line. And call me Zeiss, if it's not too much trouble. Adulthood's a myth, and I'd like to feel young while I can."

Her expression shifted to 'resigned' at my insistence to keep fighting.

"Understood. Then please, try your best not to die, Zeiss."

 **WARNING!**

 **LIMIT BREAK INCOMING!**

 _Shit, not_ _ **again**_ _!_

 **[Imbue]**

 **[Hi-Potion]**

I wasn't taking any chances this time, restoring my health pool to the max.

When I saw Penny's swords begin to circle around in front of her, pointing towards me, I knew I made the correct choice.

 **[Soul Beam]**

When a green light appeared in the center of the sphere of blades, I also knew I was screwed.

 _Oooohhhhh,_ _ **noooooooo**_ …

I subconsciously knew that there was no chance of dodging this. It was a continuous laser - even if I tried to avoid it, she'd just maneuver it around and end up hitting me at some point. So I figured that the best I could do was brace for impact and prepare myself to tank an attack that would slice right through bullheads in a few years.

 _ **WreeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIII-**_

 _Gaia? Sometimes I_ _ **really fucking hate you.**_

 **Noted. NOW PERISH.**

 _YOU LOUSY_ _ **GOD DAMN STUPID PIECE OF**_ _-_

 _ **BZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRTT!**_

The bright green beam of pure energy slammed into me with what felt like the force of a hundred airships.

Needless to say, it hurt.

A _lot._

Especially the latter half of the attack.

 **[Resolve] triggered.**

It felt just like when I had been Forward Aerial'd by Rudger's flaming fist a few days ago, only cranked up to eleven, then multiplied to the power of infinity.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

 **CRITICAL!**

Not fun.

Not fun at all.

When it finally ended, I was on my last legs.

 **-1,100 HP**

 **Zeiss HP: 50/1,150**

 **(Track Cut)**

My attire had been torn to shreds by the attack. The hoodie was in tatters, revealing the purple shirt underneath, which was also heavily damaged. A few sections of the pants were completely gone. Thankfully, my shoes were unscathed.

I was left lying on my back, with only a small sliver of HP left and next to no motivation to get back up again. Amazingly, I had managed to not let go of Crimson Violet - my right hand was still clutching the handle in a white-knuckled death grip.

I figured that if I could shoot off another Sol, I might be able to work out a little more time. So I tried to slowly stand back up, lifting my upper body as I did so…

...only to be stopped by the sudden appearance of a black and green sword pointed at my throat.

"Please, for the sake of your well-being, do not resist any further."

I blinked at the instrument of death… then sighed and let my head drop back down.

 _...damn it all. Guess that's game over, then. At least I tried my best. Hope the girls won't be too mad at me._

"All right, all right, fine… you win. I know when I'm beaten."

I finally let go of my weapon.

Penny slowly began to walk toward my broken form. But right before she got to me, she stopped and raised her hand back up to her ear.

After the person on the other end stopped talking, she responded.

"Understood, sir. I will be sure to bring him in."

She turned her attention back to me.

"Well, Zeiss, it seems that General Ironwood would like to have words with you. I suppose congratulations are in order for your successful prolonging of your avoidance of prison."

 **Quest Complete!**

 **Rock 'Em Sock 'Em**

 **Rewards received:**

 **4,000 EXP**

 **3,000 Lien**

It took a second for my brain to process that, and when it did, I felt a wave of relief and satisfaction wash over me.

"Freakin' _finally_ … took you long enough, ya stupid metal snail."

The gynoid moved her swords to her back, then collected and collapsed them, replacing them inside her weapon backpack. She then directed the hovering bullhead to land in the middle of the square, and started towards it, then looked back to me.

"Please, follow me."

I stared at her for a short minute.

"Ah… sure. But, uh…"

The pain was gone by now, but I still mentally felt like a walking corpse.

"...could you help me up? You did kinda do a real number on me…"

She gave me a blank look for a few seconds, then responded.

"...roger that."

* * *

Some hours later, I was sitting back in the Eisenberg home.

Penny had taken me into her support bullhead and transported me to a meeting with General Ironwood, accompanied by Gewehr and the rest of the family. We discussed how everything had gone down the way it did, with no small amount of political jargon and bullshit that I really didn't care much for. I still listened, in case I had to deal with situations like this in the future.

I kind of ended up in a bit of a grey area, for a number of reasons. On one hand, I had saved who-knew-how-many people from having their souls drained out of them in order to power a superweapon of dubious functionality, but on the other hand, I had also killed a few people in cold blood and stolen a bunch of top-secret Atlesian tech (though they were still stumped on how I'd managed to hide it so well), not to mention destroyed hundreds of police androids and seriously injured a high-ranking officer.

Admittedly, there were a few other ways we could have tried to resolve this whole thing in a slightly more peaceful manner, but what was done was done. We'd made our bed, and now we'd have to sleep in it.

It ended up working out a little like this: in return for keeping all of the stuff I swiped from the facility, I would have to pay a percentage of the damages that I inflicted. Which… ended up being a pretty hefty sum. A lot more than I had on hand, actually. To work around that, we devised a plan. I would end up doing some work for the Atlesian government on the side whenever I traveled to an area with available jobs, and I would send a portion of the payment received from them to the government to pay off my debt. If, at any time, I refused to take on a job, I would have to provide a sufficient reason why, or face arrest. I figured it was actually a pretty good deal, all things considered. I'd still probably get the full amount of the rewards from quest triggers anyway.

Regarding the murders… that was understandably more of a touchy subject. I decided to have some techies investigate the profiles of the four security guards I'd killed, and… well, it was a bit of a consolation, but it didn't lessen the impact. The men had all been hired from a company called MurLoc, which I recalled from the electronic keycard locks that had been present on some of the doors inside the facility. MurLoc was actually owned by a puppet CEO that was completely within the pocket of one of the heads that had orchestrated the entire cannon mess, and the guys they'd sent to patrol the R&D facility were all former criminals who had been bailed out of prison when nobody was looking. They were there both to ensure the safety of the people working on the cannon, and the secrecy of the project.

How nobody had noticed that they weren't exactly trustworthy, I'll never know.

Maybe because they offed everyone who did and were really good at covering their tracks.

In any case, I was kind of extraordinarily lucky that the men I killed weren't just upstanding security guards doing their best at their job. I suspected that Gaia had a hand in that, and when I asked, her answer was this.

 **Because I like to think of myself as a good entity at heart - or whatever I have that passes for one - I decided to give you a solitary 'get out of jail free' card. But this will be my first and only warning: next time, think before you pull the trigger. If you do this again, there** _ **will**_ **be consequences. Remember that.**

And… well, that admittedly scared me a little. I didn't exactly have a spotless track record back on Earth, or at least, I liked to think I didn't. I never really trusted myself to do the right thing, whether that be because of apathy, discouragement of getting involved, or just laziness. Compiling all that together resulted in a healthy amount of fear concerning the fact that I might end up disregarding that advice some time in the future, at the exact moment that I should, by all accounts, do the exact opposite.

And that was disregarding all the red 'Foreshadowing' flags that it was raising.

In the end, though, everything ended up working out… all right, from a certain point of view.

Surprisingly enough, the old Prof ended up inviting me back to his place for a bit of a debriefing, which ended up being more of a 'we actually pulled it off' celebration. Or, not really a 'celebration,' per se, but more like an acknowledgement that we all made it out alive and well, and that everything went mostly smoothly.

Speaking of his place, the government hadn't wasted any time in bringing up the ravaged residence back up to code. I was seriously impressed at how fast they had managed to repair all the damage that had been done due to the failed kidnapping of Petra. The walls had been replaced, the lawn was refilled… hell, it even looked like they had gone through the trouble of sweeping it and doing some house cleaning.

Anyway, at the moment, I was sitting alone in one of the guest bedrooms, perusing the various menus of the system, when I came upon the chat again.

 _Oh, that's right - I should probably let everyone know I'm fine._

What happened next… well, I'll let you see for yourself.

* * *

[Chat **Logs - Session 22]**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Hey, everyone. I pulled it off. Somehow.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Though now I'm kind of a contractor for Atlesian government-sanctioned jobs, and if I refuse any, I get the slammer. I'm also pretty deep in debt since I have to pay for a bunch of the damages I caused.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: But at least the cannon's gone, and any physical traces of it having ever existed have been erased. Or at least what couldn't be salvaged and repurposed for more benign goals.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Soooo… not quite the flawless victory I was hoping for, but it's still a victory. And at this point, I'll take what I can get.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Uh… hello?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: Zeiss… why?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...could you elaborate?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: Why did you kill those people?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...ah. Well…**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: I suppose I'll find out how you know about that sooner or later, so… just give me a second to gather my thoughts.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...all right, here we go.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: I'll be the first to admit that I don't actually have a 'good' reason for shooting those people. Remember how I told you that I used to play a lot of games before I became an orphan? Well, I was no stranger to first-person shooters. I know that believing that a video game can desensitize you to violence is ridiculous, but… I don't think my head was ever screwed on completely straight, even before I got this weird power.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: And when I did… well, you already know how that story goes. I believe that the quote-unquote 'culprit' here is my Gamer's Mind Skill. The one that supposedly allows me to always make clear, logical decisions, without fear of my emotional state hampering my judgement. If I didn't have that, I may have hesitated to pull the trigger the first time.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: But you know what the scary thing is? It's not that it gave me the ability to pull the trigger. It's the fact that when I was faced with that first guard, my mind defaulted to the 'kill him' solution. Not the 'punch him' solution, not the 'knock him out' solution, the 'kill him' solution. And you know why? It's because at the time, I subconsciously determined it to be the most logical option. If I shot him, I wouldn't have to worry about him potentially waking up and sounding the alarm later, or somehow overpowering me in hand-to-hand. If I killed him, that was a 100% guarantee that he would never become a complication again.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: And if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that that kind of thinking paves the way towards the dark side. In fact, the idea that I might not have hesitated to kill that first guard even without Gamer's Mind by itself should be a massive red flag for my mental state. If my old self could have pulled the trigger completely on my own, then… what happens when I have an ability that lets me disconnect my emotions from my actions entirely? If I remove the one thing stopping me from potentially becoming a full-on murderer?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: What… what happens if someone somehow gives me a good enough reason to kill you? Or Yang? Or Tai, or Qrow, or h**l, ANYONE I even remotely give two s**ts about? Furthermore, if I do end up pulling the trigger without any reservations, does that mean that I never actually cared about you in the first place?**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: I don't know. I just don't know. And now that I think about it… if I had the chance to go back and do it all over again, I can't say that I wouldn't take the exact same course of actions, and I haven't the slightest idea why I believe that. Is it because I've always been a coward on some level? That I always prefer the easy way out? That I don't have the courage or the incentive to try harder? I'm not sure, and I don't think I ever will be.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: But you know what's funny? I'm not even sure if I actually believe everything I just said. For god's sake, half the time I don't even know if what comes out of my mouth is true or just a bare-faced lie. Am I really sure that I wouldn't have hesitated if I didn't have Gamer's Mind, or am I just deluding myself into believing that I'm a heartless freak? Or is this all just a big front and I'm just being a regular old superpowered teenager going through one h**l of an identity crisis? I mean, I've always known that my thought processes weren't exactly normal, but it's impossible for me to figure out what's actually abnormal about me.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: And you wanna know something else? I'm pretty sure that I'm subconsciously trying to phrase all this to get you to feel sorry for me when you really shouldn't. Seriously, I ended the lives of four different people in cold blood today. Even if they were hired criminals and may or may not have had it coming, that's still a major offense to life in general. I'm honestly kind of surprised that Atlas ended up overlooking it somewhat.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...actually, you know what, I'm going to cut it off here. Sooo, TLDR, I only killed them because it was convenient, and that's not good. Feel free to hate me, disappointed in me, whatever you want to do. I won't stop you, or say that I don't deserve it.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: Zeiss…**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: Okay. I won't say that what you did today wasn't wrong. But I also won't condemn you for it. If you've thought about this and found out that it wasn't the right thing to do, that's reason enough for me to believe that you can still change.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Uh… Wow. You're… being very mature about this.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: This isn't something to be childish about. I've read about the kind of assignments that huntsmen are sent on. Not all of them deal with Grimm. Sometimes, people forfeit their right to live, and have to be put down. I don't think my mom or dad were any stranger to that, and I know that if I become a huntsman someday, I'll have to do things like that, too.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: But, Zeiss, you need to understand - killing people the way you did? That's just not right. You didn't even give that one in the security room a chance to fight back. You just opened the door and shot him before he even knew you were there. You even knew that it probably wasn't a good idea, and you did it anyway. This isn't the kind of thing you can just not care about. Remember, "with great power comes great responsibility," and the power to take lives is the greatest one out of all of them. You have to treat that power with the respect it deserves, because if you don't... you're no better than the people you're putting down.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: But… the fact that you know that what you did was wrong tells a lot about you. It means you have the capacity to change. All you need to do is commit to being a better person. If you put your mind to it, I think you'll be able to do a lot more than what you think you can. All you really need to do is try.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...I want to argue that there are a lot of things wrong with that, but honestly, I'm too tired to care. So… alright. If you really believe that I can be a better person with nothing more than a little elbow grease, I guess I owe it to you to at least give it a shot.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: That's all I'm asking for.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...you know what, Ruby? Thanks. For listening to me rant about all that, I mean. I don't think I've ever said that to anyone else, not even my parents. I'll admit, it actually feels kinda nice to get that off my chest. I don't know why I didn't do that before. Maybe it was some misguided sense of pride, or unwillingness to involve other people in my affairs that obviously meant nothing to them. But anyway, thank you. For… everything.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: I'm just doing my duty as a friend.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Right… as a friend.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: ...so do you still want me to get you that autographed part for Crescent Rose?**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: You can do that tomorrow. Get some rest. You've earned it.**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Yeah, I guess I have. I did get my **s kicked by a superpowered robot a few hours earlier, after all.**

 **[All] Gunblades 'n Roses: Wait, you WHAT?!**

 **[All] SSJ Mercenary: Oh, s**t, I forgot that's supposed to be classified. Sorry!**

* * *

We continued to chat for a little after that. Yang eventually joined in, and we had the same talk I had with the reaper in red. She was a little harder to win over, but in the end, she said that she trusted Ruby's judgement. If she said I wasn't a lost cause, then she would believe it.

She also said that I got off easy this time, but if I pulled another stunt like this and broke Ruby's trust, I'd have to answer to her. I was more than happy to accept those terms.

It took a while for the waterworks to stop completely. I really couldn't believe that Ruby, of all people, had decided to stick by me and support me, even after witnessing what I had done. But… for what seemed like the first time in my life, I felt like I actually mattered.

Of course, being myself, I immediately used that as an excuse to kick myself for taking my parents for granted.

In all seriousness though, she was right. If I kept treating this thing like a game and everyone that wasn't a main character as an NPC, bad things would happen. Today's events really hammered that in. I realized that, up until now, I hadn't really been taking anything as seriously as I should have. Like actually training, for instance. One of the few reasons I got as much done on Patch as I did was because the sisters were around to pester me into actually putting in the hours. Without a constant source of encouragement, I would stagnate.

And now that I thought about it, I had a lot of sources for encouragement. For one, Qrow. If he was level freaking 115, then how strong would Raven be? Hell, I couldn't even _see_ Ozpin's level, and Maiden Cinder practically stomped him without breaking a sweat in canon, however ridiculous that actually was. Compared to the shit I'd eventually be going up against, right now I was seriously underpowered. I doubted I'd get any more important quests like these for a while, and I didn't think the admins would stop the EXP limitations, but that didn't mean I couldn't grind my skills.

 _Yeah… yeah, that's what I'll do._

 _Look out, you damn crapsack shithole of a world. Zeiss Serven's about to show you what a little bit of the right motivation can do to someone._

And so I got comfortable in my quarters and prepared to go to sleep, bearing a brand new, completely unfamiliar sense of resolve.

 _...man, remind me never to speak about myself in the third person again. I love being hammy as much as the next guy, but that was a little too over-the-top._

 **Right.**

* * *

 **A/N: Hooo man, what a doozy that was.**

 **So, how did you all like the new battle notifications? Good? Bad? Should I remove the crit notices? Tell me your opinion.**

 **Anyway... I'm not really sure if I'm happy with the way that last conversation turned out. Like I say in my profile, I'm not a psychologist, so I don't actually know what the real Ruby's reaction to this would be. The animated series never really has any of the characters go through a 'first kill' bit of character development since nobody is ever explicitly shown to die at the hands of one of the MCs - which actually doesn't make a lot of sense when considering their actions at various points where they fight human mooks (Junior's, The Breach, Raven's Bandits). It's never shown if they have aura or not, and even then, I'm pretty sure a lot of White Fang members were blown off the train to die by the approaching horde of Grimm. But it's not my place to discuss the inconsistencies of the source material (well, actually it kind of is, but I need to stop before I rant too much).**

 **That said, how do you think I did? Should I have had Yang join in? Was Ruby a little too forgiving? Should she have been a little more childish? How can I improve this? If you have anything to say, type up a review and let me know your feelings on the matter.**

 **Thank you, and good day!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	15. Take Me Dancing Tonight

**Remind me why you're doing this?**

I rolled my eyes after checking myself in the mirror. I had to say, I actually looked somewhat presentable in the Glitch Hunter set if I combed my hair.

 _Because I'm impulsive and I've never been to an actual fancy party before. Plus, one does not simply say 'no' to the Schnee Dust Company. Or to the Atlesian Army, for that matter._

I removed my spy-sunglasses from my inventory and slipped them on, admiring the way they completed the look.

 **I just don't know why they'd want you of all people as a security guard. Y'know, considering your track record with them. You don't even have any proper training.**

I stepped up to the window of my rented room, gazing out into the Atlesian city-scape.

 _Well, in theory, it's a simple job. Patrol your assigned area, keep a keen eye out for any suspicious individuals, escort out the undesirables, and stop anyone from bringing harm to the party-goers. Not exactly rocket science._

I walked back to the room's desk, pulling out a tranquilizer gun I had bought after the recent incident.

 **True, but the saying 'easier said than done' still stands. Just because you know what you have to do doesn't mean you can actually do it.**

With my Blacksmithing skill now at level 25, it was relatively easy to efficiently take apart the non-lethal weapon.

 _Gaia, I have Observe and a minimap. And I'm pretty sure I'm strong enough to take on the majority of people that could decide to crash the party. I'd say I'm fairly well-equipped for the job._

I performed a standard maintenance session on the gun, using a cleaning kit that I had gotten for a pretty great deal.

 **...alright, you have a point. I still don't understand why you actually seem somewhat enthusiastic about this.**

I put the weapon back together and loaded it.

 _The Eisenbergs told me they'd be going. This is one of the few times they've all gotten a chance to be together for a while. Plus, it's sponsored by the SDC, and if I know anything about Jacques, it's that he'd never pass up a chance to boost his approval rating with the elite. I'd bet money that he's ordered Weiss to sing for everyone. Who knows, something could happen and we might get a chance to talk._

I swiveled around in my seat, and quickly squeezed off three darts. They landed in a tight group, all within the bullseye of the target I'd taped up on the opposite wall.

 **Good luck actually talking to her, though. She didn't get the moniker of 'Ice Queen' for nothing.**

I retrieved the darts from the target and loaded them back in.

 _I know, but there's no harm in trying._

I spun the tranquilizer around the trigger a little, then stuck it in a holster tucked away under my suit coat.

 **...wait a minute. Your decision wouldn't happen to have been influenced by the reports of Atlas's White Fang branch supposedly increasing their activity, would it?**

I smiled.

 _Honestly, a little, but not really. I mean, sure, logic would dictate that this branch would have to be much more competent than Adam's dumbass lackeys just to stay under Atlas's radar, but come on, it's the frickin'_ _ **White Fang**_ _. Practically 90% of their members are auraless cannon fodder, and the remaining ten percent are significantly bogged down by outside and inside factors, if canon is to be believed. But seriously, after Volume 5, I find it extremely hard to think of them as anything other than a joke. Especially after what they did to Adam himself. For fuck's sake, one hammerblow from his not-actually-ex-girlfriend, and his resolve is shattered? He got nerfed harder than freaking Greninja, and that's saying something._

I walked over to the door leading outside my room.

 _So no, the White Fang activity wasn't really responsible for my decision. I'm relatively sure that even if I don't show, the regular security will still kick their asses if they try anything. But if they do, I'll be more than happy to show them the door… and give 'em the boot._

I stopped, frowning.

 _That doesn't mean I don't agree with their opinions, though. I'm also sure that at least half of the attendees will be complete douchebags. If I somehow go the entire night without getting any shade thrown at me for one inane reason or another, I'll join the army._

 **Really?**

 _Hell no._

 **Damn it.**

I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

 _I'll see if I can't discreetly mess with some of the bad apples. Do I have any bugs in my inventory or similarly disgusting things?_

Locking my room behind me, I began to make my way to the building's exit.

 **Check back in ten minutes or so. Your inventory's like the upstairs attic of a thousand-year-old mansion. I really need to work on that sorting feature…**

 _Yeah, that'd be much appreciated. Still don't know why you didn't include that as a day one feature._

 **I'd like to see you try to build a system as complex as this in two weeks. When you're doing all-nighters for overtime and running on fumes of the gods' equivalent to coffee and sheer willpower, you tend to forget a few of the minor details and cut some corners. Honestly, you should be extremely thankful that this didn't turn out like Abridged Kayaba's SAO.**

That little bit of backstory actually contained a lot of implications as to what Gaia's past was like. I thought that a lot of details in there were very interesting, but deigned not to comment on it.

Even so… wow. "Fucking Bethesda" indeed.

 _Well, when you put it that way…_

I fell silent when I walked through the door leading outside.

* * *

A short ride later, I arrived at my destination. It kinda looked like those ballrooms you'd always see in movies, the ones that all the rich kids host the climactic parties of the narrative at. Only this one was magnified about two times over. Seriously, the place was huge. I felt like an ant, craning my neck up and up just to find the top.

 _Sheesh… talk about imposing. Makes me wonder if the guy that built this was compensating for something._

Shaking my thoughts away, I dismounted my light cycle and deconstructed it back into its rod form, replacing it inside my inventory. Once that was done, I began the journey up the stairs to the front door.

I was stopped by the guy acting as the bouncer. I displayed a little identification and reason for attendance. In return, he handed me a map.

"Head up to the room marked here for your briefing, and make it snappy. The next shift starts soon."

"Thanks."

With that done, I stepped inside.

Lemme tell you - say what you will about Atlas, but _damn_ if they didn't know their stuff when it came to interior decorating. I'm not even gonna try describing it, since I already know that I won't be able to properly capture it. Like, _wow_.

But this wasn't the time to get distracted by amazing visuals. I had a job to do.

When I arrived at the designated room, I was greeted by what I guessed to be my superior.

 **Tsei-se**

 **Smith Curator**

 **Archer**

 **Level 22**

Straight black hair going down to his shoulders? Check. Slanted eyes? Check. Tilak on the forehead? Check. Emotionless expression? Check. Snazzy almost-black blue suit with a pistol tucked away inside? Hard double-check.

Yup, he was a Tseng expy, all right.

"Hello, sir. Zeiss Serven, reporting in for my security shift?"

His stone-faced visage didn't budge.

"I don't recall hiring a child."

 _Oof. Underestimating much?_

That deserved a bit of snark.

"If you have a problem with my age, sir, I would recommend bringing it up with the people who offered me this job. You know, the ones paying you? With all due respect, I suggest that you keep your comments about my supposed lack of capability to yourself until after seeing me in action, thank you very much."

My retort caused his eyes to narrow ever so slightly. But...

"...very well. I trust that your employers know what they're doing."

With that cleared up, he proceeded to brief me on my task, and provided me with some credentials to use as proof of my position as a security guard. He also gave me a complementary taser in the event that somebody "overstayed their welcome," as he put it. I tucked it away next to my tranq pistol.

The instructions given, and the next shift starting in just a minute, I quickly made my way over to my designated area, passing a great many guests on the way.

I didn't really bother paying attention to their names. As far as I was concerned, in the context of my story, they were background characters and bore no relevance to the plot. They might as well have been Volume One-style shadows.

Compounding that was the fact that most of their titles were really generic, and I think I saw a few being used for more than one person.

 _Jeez. Rub their mediocrity in my face some more, why don't ya._

When I reached my area, I psyched myself up for what would no doubt be an incredibly uneventful job. Ironic, considering how much of an "event" this party was.

 _I guess my only hope of salvation from unbearable boredom is some familiar faces. C'moooon, Petra… don't leave me hanging now._

"Yo, kid! The hell're you doin' here?!"

Oh, boy. There was no mistaking that voice.

I turned around, and was met with a familiar mane of wild red hair and a pair of goggles sitting on a forehead.

 **Reid**

 **Fox-Nose Contractor**

 **Drifter**

 **Lv. 20**

He still wore the same outfit as the last time I saw him, with the only difference in his appearance that I could see was his apparent lack of weapon.

"What the - I should be asking _you_ that! What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

Honestly, I should have expected this the minute I saw that the Smith Chief would be my superior tonight. But that still didn't stop me from being shocked at Reid's presence here.

"I'm keepin' the peace, yo! And ya didn't gimme an answer!"

I had to give him credit - his expressions were pretty on-point. He did a good job of looking naturally frazzled.

"Same reason as you, man. For whatever reason, the government decided that this would be the first job I'd take to start paying off my debt. No idea why, considering my human kill count consists entirely of security guards, but I'm not complaining. From my point of view, keeping watch over all these corporate snobs for a few hours is nothing more than easy money. Honestly, the only thing I could possibly complain about would be boredom."

He snorted.

"Don't let 'em hear ya call 'em that. Trust me, I did that once, and I had ta sit through the guy blowin' his top plus the riot act ol' Tsei read me after he found out. Not my finest moment, I'll tell ya that much."

I decided to get the pleasantries out of the way.

"Mmm. So, the professor I rescued told me that you and your two buddies were apparently part of some organization called the Smiths. I looked 'em up, but I didn't end up finding much. Would you terribly mind enlightening me on what exactly you are?"

Reid looked away for a moment, apparently weighing his options, then turned back.

"...all right, guess it wouldn't hurt to tell ya since we're on the same team now. Plus ya did also kinda kick my ass. Anyway, on the surface, we Smiths're a buncha guys hired ta gather information all around the world and get it back here ta Atlas. We get government protection since they're the ones fundin' us, so that's cool. We're also independent contractors-fer-hire if the price's right. But that's not _all_ we do."

His stance shifted, and his face became just a little bit darker.

"We're also responsible fer a lot more morally grey things - like ensurin' employee loyalty, spyin', espionage, 'n recruitment, along with a few others. Basically, if a spy can do it, so do we. Oh, and ya didn't hear it from me, but we do kinda-sorta act as assassins on occasion."

I began to get suspicious.

"Wait a minute… this feels like you're divulging company secrets. You're not gonna try and off me as soon as possible, are you?"

He snorted again.

"Nah, man. This is all stuff ya can learn with a bit 'a snoopin' around. What we do in the shadows ain't exactly a secret if ya know who ta ask. Much's we hate ta admit it, the nature 'f our line 'a work attracts a lotta attention, an' not alluvit's good."

I thought on that.

"So what you're saying is that you can't stop the media from taking notice of a… let's say 'political assassination,' is that right? Regardless of the victim's standing with the public."

He nodded.

"Bingo. No matter how much a guy's hated by the people, they'll still ask a buncha questions when he kicks the bucket ahead 'a schedule. If not 'why,' then 'how,' or 'who.' And lemme tell ya - some 'a those dudes can be dedicated ta the weirdest 'a things. Like figurin' out that two murders 'a completely unrelated people had the exact same method a' death, requirin' very specific items, and connectin' that with a buncha other suspicious stuff that happened ta have us behind it. Seriously, it's like all those guys literally have nothin' better ta do other than speculate 'n uncover conspiracies."

It was my turn to snort.

"Well, put enough neckbeards in front of enough computers, and I think you'll find that some pretty crazy shit can result from it. I bet that someone somewhere has done something at least a few degrees more insane than that. You'd be surprised at what a few nerds can do with a bit of time, CCT access, and some noodle implements."

His reaction confirmed that he was unfamiliar with tropes.

"Noodle implements?"

I waved that off.

"Basic everyday materials, y'know, spoons, toothpicks, can openers, stuff like that. Don't worry about it. Anyway, I don't see your pals anywhere. You draw the short straw on this assignment or something?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Naw. Our contractors decided ta shell out a helluva lotta cash fer this gig. You'd think that with the absurdly high pay they're offerin' that we'd be on guard duty fer a convoy drivin' through dangerous territory, but nope. All we really gotta do here's stand around, look like we mean business, then get shitfaced once our shift's over. Speakin' 'a Rudger 'n Crissie, the big guy's over near the entrance. Ya know, if he weren't a Smith, I could see 'im workin' as a bouncer, no doubt. Little miss ginger's over by the VIP area, lucky cat. Don't know how, but I suspect that she's gotta way 'f ensurin' that she's always the one hobnobbin' with the royalty. Then again, that's prob'ly fer the better. I've honestly lost count 'a all the blue-bloods I've pissed off by now, an' between you 'n me, Rudger ain't exactly the friendliest guy in the world."

I swept my eyes over the crowd, and turned them back to my conversation partner when he finished speaking.

"You know, I'm actually pretty surprised that a guy like you's still got his job. Literally everything about you screams 'young delinquent,' and I'd expect someone like that to be lurking around slums or back alleys, not upper-crust parties. Not to mention the fact that you've apparently screwed up a lot by your own admission. How do your superiors put up with you?"

He smirked, then leaned in a little.

"Well, kid, lemme tell ya 'bout a lil' somethin' that I've learned from experience. It don't matter if yer the world's biggest douchebag, so long as yer top dog at what ya do."

He pointed to himself.

"Case 'n point - I pretty much make it my mission ta make the lives 'f everyone 'round me absolute hell whenever they're in earshot. But my bosses haven't kicked me out yet, 'cause if they did, they'd lose one 'a their best men, an' that's one 'a the few things they can't afford ta do. Ya also hafta understand, though… don't overdo it, or else they might decide that yer not worth the trouble 'n cut ya loose anyway. Ya need a good sense 'a perception ta do what I do well - watchin' a pro at work's like watchin' a guy ride a unicycle over a tightrope while jugglin' and simultaneously confessin' his love ta his crush without soundin' awkward as all get-out. One wrong move sends him tumblin' down into the void 'f unemployment. But I'll be damned if it ain't downright inspirin'."

I took some time to digest those words of wisdom, which was cut down a bit by the fact that I had read most of it before. It seemed to me like Reid had just nailed the 'Bunny-Ears Lawyer' trope explanation almost to a T, while having absolutely no idea of what the term itself was, or what it entailed. I saw now how fitting it was that his title was obviously based off of that phenomenon's name.

And he was right - the way I saw it, big businesses didn't care about you as an individual with a personality and eccentricities. What they did care about was your results. So if you were a constant high deliverer, they'd keep you on the payroll, no questions asked. Even if you made a habit of constantly doing ridiculous and baffling things, like, say, wearing a pair of bunny ears to your workplace.

Then, all of a sudden…

"Reid! What in the world are you doing?! Get back to your post!"

I turned toward the source of this new voice, and was met with a head of short blonde hair attached to a body clothed in the usual Smith garb.

 **Solena**

 **Loose-Lipped Recruit**

 **Drifter**

 **Level 16**

 _Aaaand there's Elena. Gang's all here._

Although he recognized the new arrival, it was obvious that the redhead gave absolutely zero shits.

"That right, Solena? Well, why aren't ya at _yer_ post?"

She bristled, clearly annoyed at Reid's flippant attitude towards the assignment.

"I can't believe you, you lazy ass! Why can't you ever be professional about these kinds of things?! You can't even be bothered to wear your uniform properly, for god's sake!"

She wasn't wrong, actually. Reid's dress shirt was unbuttoned and untucked, leaving a trench of white down the middle of his upper body. The man looked down at his state of dress, then shrugged.

"Can I really help it if I look good wearin' it like this? I bet yer just jealous that yer sis's still restrictin' ya from takin' the more dangerous missions, an' I just happen ta be here fer ya ta take yer rage out on."

Solena actually stomped her foot in indignation.

"Crisset has nothing to do with this! The only problem here is you and your complete lack of respect for your station! Why, you couldn't do that even when we were on that assignment in-!"

When it sounded like she was about to reveal something she shouldn't, Reid quickly cut her off.

"Whoa, there, spitfire. Keep that talkativeness in check, would ya? We do have a listener."

"Ack-!"

Eyes widening, her hands shot up to cover her mouth upon being called out and realizing that she was about to blab. She turned off to the side, a light blush of embarrassment on her face, berating herself all the while.

"Idiot…! Stupid…! Loose lips sink ships, you moron…!"

Somehow growing a shadow of a conscience within the span of ten seconds, Reid relented.

"Alright, alright, none 'a that. Don't worry, I'll get back ta my spot soon enough. Now why don't ya run along back ta yers?"

She spared a moment to glare at the laid-back Smith, conveying that this was far from over, before striding back the way she came.

Concluding that that was the end of that, Reid turned back to me when I asked him a customary question.

"Who was that?"

He glanced back at the crowd.

"Our newest member, goes by the name 'a Solena. She's the lil' siblin' 'f the girl ya stomped back when we first met. She's got potential, I'll admit, but she's also gotta habit 'a runnin' that mouth 'a hers right at the worst possible moment. Whether or not she'll get a grip on that remains ta be seen."

He then checked his wristwatch, and began to step away.

"Alright, I better get back ta doin' my job, or else she might just explode. Be seein' ya!"

"Okay. Bye!"

We gave each other a quick two-fingered salute before I lost him in the mass of guests.

 _Ah, well. Back to sentry duty it is._

For the next fifteen or so minutes, I kept a silent vigil over the crowd. I would receive strange looks from the partygoers every so often, which I determined to be because of my apparent youth. Some of the more jerkish ones approached and asked me why a child was playing at being a security guard, to which I replied with curt assertations of my ability and thinly-veiled demands to GTFO. I was sure that kind of behavior wasn't going to earn me any points with them, but I didn't really come here to make friends. (Unless you count Weiss, but that was more of a bonus than a requirement.)

Thankfully, before my hyperactivity made me do something I might regret, I was saved by a very familiar face.

"Zeiss! There you are!"

I turned to the source of the voice, and was met with the visage of the only Atlesian friend I had that was my age.

 **Petra von Eisenberg**

 **Iron Girl**

 **Engineer**

 **Level 16**

"Well, look who it is! Where have you been for the past twenty minutes? I mean, come on, what am I, chopped liver?"

She huffed.

"Looking for you! I swear, you're like a freaking ghost sometimes! If I had known that crunching on stealth training for only three whole days would give me those kinds of skills, I would have volunteered for the cannon job myself!"

I chuckled and patted her shoulder a couple times.

"Well, we can't all be masters of the disappearing arts. Sometimes you just have to stand back and let the professionals handle things."

She lightly socked me on the arm for that.

"Jerk. And you're being a hypocrite. You do remember that you got caught, right?"

I held up both my hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay, touché. Still, it's great to see you, Petra. Gotta say, you rock that look. Not that I know anything about fashion, of course, but still, friends gonna friend."

Her attire consisted of a sleeveless dress that matched the color of her hair and went down to her knees, paired with silver pumps, and…

"...wait a minute, are those… _revolver earrings_?"

She chuckled.

"Yep. As much as I wanted to do otherwise, guests are apparently forbidden from bringing weapons of their own. 'Leave protection to security,' they said. So, I thought I'd show my appreciation for the craft in a different way. I actually made 'em myself a few months ago, but despite my best efforts, I couldn't find a way to make them actually shoot anything. Which in hindsight _was_ kind of a waste of time - even if I did get them to work that way, the caliber would be _way_ too small to actually do anything noteworthy. At best, it'd have about as much effectiveness as a spitball."

I let out a somewhat disbelieving laugh at the absurdity of such an endeavor.

"Wow. That… honestly sounds ridiculous, but still, imagine if you _had_ gotten them to work. That would be hilarious."

This time, she snorted.

"I suppose it would. You don't look too bad yourself, you know. I see you actually found a way to comb your hair so that it stays down."

I reached up to brush the aforementioned follicles.

"Yeah, that took longer than I care to admit. I eventually found out that the only method that stuck was brushing the front to the right, the sides to the back, and the back downward. No idea why it had to be that specific combination, but whatever. Speaking of which, it seems like you had no such luck."

At my words, one of her hands raised up in a futile effort to tame her strands. Unlike mine, she sported a natural spiky windswept look with the front spines curving to point off to the left, leaving a few short ones dangerously close to obstructing her eyesight. I had to admit, it was one of the more interesting hairstyles I had seen in my time here.

"Nope. Not without artificial means anyway, but I'm not really into that stuff, so I just try to make it work. Poorly. Unless I break out a can of Whippity-Do, these guys refuse to stay down."

It was clear that she wasn't opposed towards it, but I concluded that a little extra reassurance wouldn't hurt.

"Well, the way I see it, you're turning heads whether or not your hair decides to listen to you. Where'd the dress come from, anyway?"

Petra gave herself as much of a once-over as she could.

"Oh, this thing? My closet. I figured that showing up in a lab coat and cargo pants would be in bad taste, so I dug in and found this lying around. I'm drawing a bit of a blank as to how I got it, but my leading theory was that I bought it a while ago for some reason and eventually forgot about it due to lack of usage. Why it still fits me, I have no clue, but I don't fancy myself as a girl to look gift horses in their mouth, so I won't question it. I have to say, though, you look like you stepped right out of a spy movie or something. The outfit really... _suits_ you."

She pointed dual finger guns at me upon firing the pun, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. I stared at her with an expression that screamed 'supremely unamused.'

"Petra, come _on._ I've seen _reruns_ with more originality than that. Seriously, I could have seen that coming a mile away even _without_ my eyeballs. If you're gonna spout crap like that, you could at least _try_ to do it right. I mean, I like puns as much as the next guy, but _that_ was just… no."

The grin slid off her visage in an instant, replaced by a frown accompanied with averted eyes as a hand unconsciously rose up to the back of her neck.

"Yeah, that was really terrible. Remind me to never do that kind of thing again."

I let out a fond sigh at her admission of failure.

"I don't think I need to. That kind of experience speaks for itself."

Right after that, we were both hit with a silence spell, neither of us talking for an awkward moment.

"So, uh… anything else you wanna talk about?"

More silence.

"... _wow_ , we're terrible at this."

We shared a laugh over our total ineptitude in the basic social skill of making small-talk.

 _I guess even a Charm stat of 52 isn't enough to break a lifetime of aversion to socializing. Makes sense, considering I'm still about 24 natural levels away from getting it up to just frickin' 100._

"Seems like we decided to trade our people skills for other things. I got a deal on a lifetime of digital enjoyment, while you picked prodigious computer and weapon design skills. We're not so different after all - the only big separation between us is that you got the set that actually let you make something of yourself, whereas I just decided to waste away, locked in my own room. Not literally, of course, but you get the point."

Petra gave me this look.

"You know, I have a feeling that if it existed, you'd hold the world record for 'most times a person has naturally insulted themselves in 24 hours.' And… that's not healthy. Like, at all. Are you _sure_ you don't need a therapist or something?"

I acknowledged that with a helpless shrug.

"Tried that once, nothing really happened. I'm also extremely averse to anything that messes with my mind, so that puts me at odds with medication that works like that. Heh, imagine that. A depressed man who refuses his pills because he's uncomfortable with his thought patterns, and if he did take them, he'd still feel down, because to him, being happy feels wrong. A Catch-22 if there ever was one. Sad excuse for a human being, isn't he?"

The little revelation made the gray-haired girl's eyes go wide.

"Waitwaitwait - Zeiss, you… are you saying you have _depression_?"

I stuck out my hands in a 'stop' gesture.

"Whoa, no no no! I didn't say that! ...well, actually yeah, I kinda did, but! It's only a minor case, or so I've come to believe. Plus a… bit of autism, possibly, but-but still! You won't be seeing me trying to commit suicide or anything like that in the near future, unless something that massively rocks my worldview just so happens to show up. Even if I had the means, I don't think I'll ever have the guts to actually go through with it."

I didn't feel like that was a lie, but… there was still that lingering sense of doubt.

 _Given the right circumstances… would I still chicken out? Or would I really cut my own life short?_

 _...I still don't know…_

"Trust me, the only thing that came from that is my pessimism, which I discovered is actually not that bad of a perspective to have. Think about it this way - if your expectations remain at the bottom of the barrel, then you're either always right, or pleasantly surprised. There's nowhere else to go but up. And, possibly as a result of that, my sarcastic personality came into being to compliment it. And then in speculative spite of that, I developed my habit of trolling others. Although that really hasn't gotten a chance to shine through in a while… hopefully, I'll get to end that tonight."

I gathered that Petra was still reeling somewhat from this little info bombshell, but she made the effort to latch onto that last bit.

"What do you mean, 'end that tonight?' You're not going to try and do something stupid, are you?"

I was unable to stop a mischievous smirk from showing.

"No, I'm just going to, ah… let's say 'mess with' some of the people here that have been disrespecting me due to their suspicions of my incompetence as a security guard. Nothing too ridiculous, of course, just a little bit of... harmless pranking, if you will. Heh heh heh…"

Her eyelids fell down to half-mast when an unintentional evil laugh slipped out of my mouth.

"Yeah, that does _not_ give me any confidence whatsoever that this will end well for anyone involved. Are you _sure_ you know what you're signing up for?"

I shrugged again, only this time my posture said 'whatever.'

"Eh, not really, but honestly, I'm kinda past the point of caring by now. I understand that some people enjoy rubbing their status in others' faces, but holy _wow_ are some of the jerkasses here in _serious_ need of an attitude adjustment. I won't give out anything specific - I'd like to think I respect their privacy enough to do that - but a few of those guys can get _really_ creative with their insults when they feel like it. Believe me, the results are… not pretty, and that's putting it lightly."

Petra threw her arms up, yielding to my motivations.

"All right, I gave my token resistance. If you still feel like making a mess of things, go right ahead - I won't stop you. Just don't say I didn't warn you if you wind up screwing yourself over."

I turned my gaze back to the crowd, mentally projecting crosshairs over the few people in sight that I had figuratively 'marked for death' after they had pissed me off at my post.

"Rest assured, your concerns have been heard and acknowledged. That said, they will also be completely ignored. Oh, but don't worry your pretty little head off yet - I'd like to finish my shift before I stir up any trouble. Less chance of my paycheck being kept from me in the event that I'm caught if I wait until I'm off the clock."

She brought her palm up to her face, letting an exasperated sigh escape her as she did so.

"That's the best I'm going to get from you, isn't it? Ughhh… well, I guess a delay until I can get to a safe distance is a fair amount of mercy. Plus we get more time to talk, even if we do suck at that."

I put my hand up to my chin, rubbing it with my curled-up pointer finger just like a certain porcupine-headed ("Hey!") lawyer would.

"Actually, I've been thinking about that - in theory, small talk isn't actually that hard. You just need to find some inane topic to share your thoughts on, give a conversation starter, and the rest just happens naturally, or at least it should. And, well, I mean, we're both pretty smart, so I'd say that our ability to find things to talk about should be more than adequate. So, logic dictates that by all accounts except experience, we should actually be quite adept at this."

That made her think on the concept.

"Huh… that actually kinda makes sense. In a weird sort of way."

I decided to try and demonstrate.

"Like this: so what exactly got you into your hobbies? You know, weapon design and coding and all that?"

The casual ease at which I did so inspired her to put forth the effort to return the favor.

"Oh, that? Well, it mostly came from when my dad used to come home back when he still worked on projects small enough to allow that. I think I was… I dunno, four or five around that time, maybe? I would climb up and look over his shoulder to watch what he was working on. Sometimes it was infantry equipment, like rifles and pistols, other times it was heavy-duty stuff like Bullhead cannons and rockets."

As she spoke, she slowly began to ease into it more and more.

"But what really got me excited was all the experimental tech he got to work on, even if they ended up never seeing the light of day. I don't think I'll ever forget the time I found out that he got to try his hand on an honest-to-god _laser gun_. Sure, it was eventually deemed unfeasible, unneeded due to Dust, and canceled, but still - _a frickin'_ _ **laser gun**_. You couldn't tell my old self that that _wasn't_ crazy awesome."

 _Huh… but Penny had a laser… was that Aura or Dust powered? I couldn't really tell..._

"So, naturally, I wanted to do stuff like that for myself. I started reading up on whatever material dad could find the time to provide for me, and luckily I was smart enough to find more sources on my own by the point that Atlas really started cracking down on his schedule. Turns out I apparently have just as much of a head for weapons as he does, so I picked up on a lot of stuff really fast. I created my first original design when I was just nine years old. Of course, I look back on it now and cringe _really_ hard at how bad it is, but it worked, and I still have it locked away somewhere. In fact, right now I'm working on a little experimental something of my own. I'm still testing and fine-tuning them, but when they're done… well, let's just say that the heads of any small fry Grimm that cross me might as well be bottles at a shooting gallery."

 _That_ caught my interest.

"Now that sounds juicy. Would you be willing to drop a hint on those?"

Her eyes narrowed, and a smile stretched across her face.

"Hmmm… I'd prefer to keep it a surprise, but I suppose I could give you a clue. Magnetism and polarity is heavily involved in their function."

I did a quick brainstorm on that, running through a bunch of possible outcomes in my head before settling on what I determined to be the most likely result.

"Oh, don't tell me… railgun?"

Her lips splitting to turn the smile into a toothy variant told me everything I needed to know.

Then something else came to mind. I recalled in an earlier conversation about weapon preferences that she was speccing into dual revolvers and tonfa blades. Combining this information led to… oh boy.

"Wait… no freaking way. _**Revolver**_ _railguns_?!"

I didn't think it was possible for her smile to get any wider, but it did. I could almost see the bloodthirsty aura leaking out of her, as well as the classic **[MENACING]** kanji scattered about. I felt a drop of sweat roll down my head.

 _Oookay, that's quite enough of that. Subject change!_

"Alright, so that explains your love of weapon design, but what about the computer side of things?"

Thankfully, my plan worked. Her smile became normal again, and my nerves stopped screaming at me to get the hell away as fast as possible.

"Believe it or not, it's pretty much the exact same story, only it was my mom who was the one responsible. I was a pretty curious kid, or so my parents like to say. I preferred to silently observe whatever they happened to be working on, and eventually came to get a rudimentary understanding of it, leaving me to find ways to learn more. I just kept going from there, and now I'm an apprentice tech wizard. Of course, I'm nowhere near mom's level, but I like to tell myself that I'm catching up every day."

It seemed like she remembered something in that moment.

"Oh! By the way, did I ever tell you that I'm actually working on a game of my own?"

I blinked.

"Say what?"

She quickly reaffirmed her claim.

"Yeah! I mean, you didn't honestly expect me to get where I am without reading a couple manuals on game design, right?"

She did have a point.

"Really, huh? What've you got in mind?"

The spark in her eye appeared once more.

"I figured I might try to do something new, so I brainstormed a bunch of ideas and came up with an idea that basically amounts to 'what if I made an RPG that's all about collecting better gear, but turned it into a first-person shooter and replaced the gear with random procedurally-generated guns?' So I went online and found a way to get a copy of the Intangible Engine and started typing away. At the moment, I've got a bunch of concept sketches of the kind of weapons I want to create and some ideas for how they'll function, and I've managed to get a really, really basic Alpha up and running, but I don't have anything besides that. I figured I'd make a passable prototype and come up with lore and story and all that after I made sure the stuff worked."

It was impossible to miss just how similar her idea was to a certain cult classic of a game that defined the 'looter-shooter' genre. I knew right then and there that I would not miss my chance to help make this a reality.

"That so… tell me, then. How many times has a misplaced semicolon made you feel like tearing your hair out?"

Her expression suddenly turned into something resembling a thousand-yard stare, and gained a slightly haunted air.

" _Please_ don't remind me. I'm much better at checking now that I'm older, but those little guys gave me _nightmares_ when I was just starting out."

Before she fully registered what my statement meant, I pushed forward.

"Well, here's an evil little programming prank - grab a coworker's code, pick any semicolon, or more than one if you're feeling particularly malicious, then replace it with an Old Mistrali question mark. Step away, wait for them to pull it up, then watch them slowly lose their mind while they try to find what's causing the syntax error. It's hilarious."

The implications behind my dialogue finally hit her.

"Hold it, you code too?!"

I brought up my hand in a noncommittal gesture.

"Ehh, a little on the side before my hometown got axed. I haven't given it much thought since, but I think it might be time to refresh my memory a little. I was never all that amazing at it, but I'd like to think my skill is relatively passable. You don't mind if I take a bit of the workload off your shoulders, do you?"

She got pretty excited.

"Not at all! There's a lot of things that still need work, and even if you're not all that good at coding, you can still help out with the plot and other stuff like that. And the best part is that we can take all the time we want, because we're completely independent and don't have any deadlines except the ones we enforce on ourselves! I mean, I've never worked for a triple-A company before, but once you surf the CCT enough, you get a general understanding of how bad of a practice crunching is."

I couldn't really argue with that, especially since I had come from a world that housed abominations like Sonic '06 and the old E.T. game that kicked off the crash of '83. Real nasty shit. Not to say that watching '06 fall apart isn't funny as hell ("IT'S NO USE! TAAAAKE THIS"), but the fact that a game that poorly made was shipped out by a company like Sega is serious cause for alarm.

"Yeah, but I think you might want to give me some if you want me to get anything done. If you don't, I'll just keep blowing it off until you put your foot down and force me to do it, 'cause I'm lazy like that."

She rolled her eyes.

"Of course you will. Anyway, I think that's enough about me, so how about you? Got anything you want to share?"

The request caught me on the back foot, leaving me scrambling for an answer.

"Uuuuhhhhh…"

I fumbled for a while, Petra's expression becoming more and more deadpan as the seconds ticked on. Eventually, I did find a subject within the purview of sports, of all things.

"Well… I do actually golf. Granted, I kinda suck at it, but I still know how to properly swing a club. The most you'll ever see out of me is a par, and I can count the number of times I've gotten one of those legitimately on one hand. My average is around double bogey, and if I'm lucky, just bogey. But it's not uncommon for me to hit triple or above."

Her eyebrows shot up at this new information.

"Golf? Really? I expected something… I dunno, different."

I made a sheepish gesture in response.

"Well, after I opted out of baseball, my mom was pretty insistent that I play at least one sport. After bouncing around for a while, I settled on golf, for the sole reason that it had the least risk of injury. Believe it or not, before the attack, I was actually pretty cowardly. So I got a bag of clubs, found a tutor, and the rest is history."

She frowned and narrowed her eyes.

"You know, you seem to be able to bring up the destruction of your home and the death of everyone you ever knew pretty offhandedly. I mean, you did just say that you kinda-sorta maybe have depression, and that you may be a bit screwed in the head, but… ehh, something still doesn't seem right. Are you sure you're okay?"

I chuckled - which probably didn't help matters, but I did it anyway.

"Honestly? No. Not in the slightest. But then again, I don't think anyone is every truly okay. All we ever do is pretend we are, when inside we're just scrambling to process every new thing that's thrown our way and frantically trying to adapt to every situation we encounter. I firmly believe that the phrase 'fake it 'till you make it' applies to everyone at all times. Some just can't help showing more symptoms of that than others."

I got a flat look in return.

"Well, that's depressing, but then again, I guess that's par for the course with you."

All of a sudden, her expression shifted into something different.

"But… really, Zeiss, if you ever feel like you need to talk with someone, just call me. You were there for me when I needed a pick-me-up, and I'm going to return the favor. I mean it."

I blinked and hesitated.

"Huh… well, that went from zero to heavy in no time flat."

I quickly backpedaled when I saw annoyance begin to creep onto her face.

"In all seriousness, though… thanks. I'll admit, I hardly ever talked about any of my bigger problems back home. It was always just surface-level stuff. Y'know, school issues, physical problems, stuff you'd expect to get resolved in a week at most. I mostly brushed off the deeper stuff since it probably wasn't actually so big as to warrant any real effort - remember, I was never actually diagnosed with any mental disorders."

More and more began to spill out, but strangely, I found it impossible to stop.

"So I always kept my core issues locked away inside, not even bringing them up with my parents in anything but a joking manner. I just laughed everything off, saying it didn't matter, while telling myself over and over that I didn't need to butt into other people's lives with my problems. After all, they had enough on their plate already - they didn't need me barging in and piling on even more meaningless bullsh ***BEEP*** t."

I noticed Petra's lack of reaction towards the censoring. It made sense, as she'd been getting used to it for a fair amount of time by now.

"Looking back… it's kinda obvious that I was subtly telling myself that I didn't matter. That I was expendable. Replaceable. Just another face in the crowd. But I think that changed after I survived the attack. I think that the fact that out of everyone there, a bunch of people who were no doubt better than me, that I was the one to get out safely kinda impacted my worldview. If I had survived, while all those others didn't, then was I really as faceless as I told myself I was? Back then I wasn't sure if it was that or just pure luck, but… after recent events, I'm starting to believe that there was a reason I made it out of that nightmare with my life."

Funny how things turn out like that. Finally getting a victory that means something can do a lot for a person's psyche.

"I mean, come on - how many people could have done what I did and gotten away with it? Well, probably more than I expect, but my point is that I _did that_. I changed the freakin' world. You guys pitched in a lot, sure, but still - I stood up to _Atlas_ and walked away in one piece. That's not something any old faceless bystander can do."

It finally hit me, what I was doing at the moment, and I stopped.

"Ah-wow, uh… that veered off-topic fast."

I awkwardly tried to recover, lifting a hand to tug on my shirt collar.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, is… well, I have my fair share of issues. I've started to work through them, but… if you really want to take on the role of listener, then be warned, 'cause I've got a lot of baggage. Are you certain that you want to do this?"

That was probably a good way to word it, if the fire in her eyes was any indication.

"Absolutely. After all, it's only fair. I pretty much told you my life's story that day and dumped all _my_ baggage on you, so the least I could do would be to take on yours in return."

I smiled at the conviction, and held out my hand as an idea struck me.

"Then I suppose we are in agreement, Miss Eisenberg."

Immediately understanding the meaning behind it, she took it and gave it a firm shake.

"You've got yourself a deal, Mister Serven."

We held that position for a few moments, then broke away chuckling.

"Wow, I can't believe we just did that. What were you thinking, dude? That was so cheesy, I could swear the moon crashed into the planet!"

I laughed a little harder at the cheese quip - I'd have to remember that one.

"I have no idea, but it was probably stupid. Scratch that, it was definitely stupid. I don't know what would make me think that was a good course of action."

We calmed down in short order.

"All right, I think that's enough socializing for now. I'm gonna go check out what my parents are doing. With any luck, I'll meet a big name that I can score some points with. Always nice to have connections, and all that."

"Okay. Have fun! I'll ping you after I'm off the clock so you'll know where not to be when the shrieking starts - and the best place to be if you want a front-row seat."

She turned, and began walking off, waving as she did so.

"Sounds great, thanks! Bye!"

"Bye."

Soon, she was indistinguishable from the rest of all the other faces.

I directed my attention back to surveying the crowd, sweeping over their titles once again, and occasionally shooting off a bored Observe at random to check whatever bios I could find. Most of them were pretty cookie-cutter, interchangeable rich person stories. X was born into Y family, inherited all their wealth and is now being trained for Z job. The only things that could be considered interesting were the relationship aspects as well as all the corporate intrigue, but even those lost their luster once I saw enough of them. X got into an affair with Y, which attracted the wrath of Z, who is now sending saboteurs to mess with X's business, blah, blah, blah. It was almost as if Atlesian high society was one big competition to see who had the most cliché backstory.

There were standouts, of course, but none of them are worthy of being recorded here. I'd apologize, but I don't want to take up too much of your time by spouting useless info. (Whaddaya mean, I've done that a lot before?! Shut up!)

Eventually, I slogged through enough lifeless time to make it to the twenty-minutes-left mark. Once I did, a voice crackled over the speakers.

" **A message to all our esteemed guests. Weiss Schnee, current heiress to the venerable Schnee Dust Company, will be performing in person at the dining hall stage in twenty minutes. We invite you all to attend and enjoy some good old-fashioned classical music. Thank you.** "

' _Venerable,' he says. Hah. What a riot. If it wasn't responsible for basically the entirety of the world economy's well-being, I'd tear it down as soon as I could._

I decided it wouldn't hurt to do one last patrol before waiting out the rest of my time and then going off to see the concert. With that choice made, I began to once again roam the halls in a predetermined route, checking for anything out of the ordinary. Finding that nothing seemed to look out of place, I started to walk back to my post…

...until I saw a solitary red dot on my minimap.

 _What the hell…?_

I checked in its direction, and found nothing that seemed like a potential enemy.

The dot was still there… then I remembered to look up.

And right there, outside the skylight, was a shape that wasn't supposed to be there.

 _Oh,_ _ **please**_ _don't tell me..._

Focusing my sight, I made out his tag.

 **Parid Kaol**

 **Righteous Ranger**

 **Archer**

 **Lv. 22**

 _...my god, they're not seriously..._

He was wearing a cloak that covered almost all of him, and from what I could see, he was wearing a White Fang mask stylized like that of a Nevermore. His weapon of choice appeared to be a bow of some kind.

The reason I say 'appeared' was because I became distracted by the sudden influx of red dots everywhere, and realized what was happening.

 _..._ _ **fuck**_ _. They actually went ahead and decided to attack tonight. Just my luck._

The next pop-up didn't help matters.

 **Quest Alert!**

 **Stealing From the Rich**

 **The White Fang's Atlesian Branch has made the decision to strike at the party you're currently providing security for, and have already infiltrated the location. Be warned, as they have their sights set on a variety of high-value targets, and you can bet they won't be pulling their punches. You'll have to move fast if you want to prevent anyone from dying tonight, not to mention that there's a performance you don't want to be late to, so get a move on.**

 **Objective:**

 **-Repel the White Fang**

 **Bonus Objectives:**

 **-Defeat Parid**

 **-Do not let any guests die**

 **-Do not kill any White Fang Infiltrators**

 **-Complete the quest within 18 minutes**

 **Rewards:**

 **-1,500 EXP**

 **-10,000 Lien**

 **Bonus Rewards:**

 **-Hero's Bow**

 **-15,000 Lien**

 **-White Fang Mask**

 **-Support progress increase with Weiss**

 _God damn it… why can't these things ever be easy?_

* * *

 **A/N: Jesus, this got a lot bigger than I anticipated. I originally planned for this to be a single chapter, but then it ran away from me and I realized that I'd have to split it into two if I didn't want to frontload you guys.**

 **Anyway… a few surprisingly heavy topics are discussed here. I will neither confirm nor deny what Zeiss says to be true about my own self. Aside from that, I had a pretty good time writing all the dialogue. And I bet you thought the Smiths were just one-off characters, didn't ya? Nah, I have an idea or two concerning Zeiss's involvement with them in the future.**

 **This was also a way to give Petra more screentime in a way that made sense. If some of you find that suspicious, tell me why you think I'm giving what seems to be a side character so much time in the spotlight in a review. I don't doubt that some of you have already figured it out, but if you want to stay quiet, that's fine.**

 **Bonus points if you figure out which storybook figure Parid's based off of. Personally, I'd say it's easy to figure out, but I'll let you all be the judge of that.**

 **I was debating for pretty much the entire writing process of this chapter whether or not to actually have the White Fang stage an attack. There were a lot of reasons that could explain why they wouldn't show up, but there were also a lot that could explain why they would. Eventually, I decided that they probably should try their luck, since I'd already invoked Chekhov's Gun by mentioning them at the beginning of the chapter, as well as Murphy's Law by Zeiss asserting that they probably wouldn't risk an assault.**

 **Honestly, I'm just as much in the dark as you all are as to what's gonna happen next. I have no idea how to actually handle the attack at the moment, but I'm sure I'll find a way to properly write it out.**

 **See y'all next time!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	16. You'll Never See it Coming

Like any guard worth his salt should do in the event of potential hostilities, I pulled out my provided radio and sent out an alert as soon as I realized what was going to happen.

"Two-five here, reporting in. I have eyes on what appears to be a White Fang member on top of the center skylight, and I have reason to believe he's not alone. I think we're about to be attacked, if we aren't already."

I got a response from a voice that I recognized as Tsei-se's in no time.

" _Can you confirm that he's a Fang?_ "

A logical question, as I didn't say I was certain.

"Well, sir, he's wearing a cloak, carrying a bow, and there's no mistaking the Grimm mask. Yes, I can confirm he's a Fang."

" _Roger. We'll notify everyone to prepare for combat. Remember, protect the guests above all else. This is going to get messy._ "

"Yes, sir."

With the warning sent, I replaced my radio and grabbed the attention of everyone in the general area.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE, I'M GONNA NEED YOU ALL TO MOVE TO THE DINING HALL IN A CALM AND ORDERLY FASHION!"

Unsurprisingly, quite a few of them weren't partial to that.

"Who do you think you are, ordering us around like that?!"

"Have you any idea to whom you are speaking?!"

More red dots were converging on Parid's position. Sparing a glance upward, I saw more Fangs begin to crowd around him on the skylight - and if my eyes didn't deceive me, they were about to break in.

I turned back to the crowd.

"IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY, THEN LOOK UP AND YOU'LL GET YOUR ANSWER! NOW _MOVE IT!_ "

A few seconds after I finished my sentence, the sound of a bunch of windows shattering all at once rang out, and a moment later, hundreds of small glass shards assaulted a gaggle of overly finely-dressed men and women.

I looked up again, and bore witness to a mass of enemies in the process of rappelling onto the dance floor. They all looked generic, and that was reinforced by their tags.

 **White Fang Infiltrator**

 **Sneak**

 **Lv. 12**

 **White Fang Fighter**

 **Drifter**

 **Lv. 12**

There were variations for each of the nine class lines, all with different names and stat spreads. Their levels were all locked at 12. But their one big weakness?

Not a single one of them had an unlocked Aura.

Which meant that when they hit the ground, my tranq pistol was already in my hand, dropping them as fast as I could pull the trigger.

 **You have targeted: White Fang Infiltrator (Lv. 12)**

 **Status effect "Foe" inflicted.**

 **Skill [Perpetual Advantage] triggered. STR/DEX multiplied by 1.2.**

 **ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

 **Track Cue: Targets! (Super Smash Bros. Melee)**

 _...really? ...you couldn't pick something a little more… I dunno… fitting?_

 **Okay, how about this?**

 **Track Cue: Battle! (Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna - The Golden Country)**

… _meeh, still not Really Feeling It._

 **Oh, shut up.**

It took only one dart for every grunt, each mark slumping to the ground only a few seconds after being hit. All of my targets were given the expected Sleep effect, with this brand lasting for about an hour, give or take ten or so minutes. As a bit of a consolation, I still received EXP for each neutralization, but it wasn't much since I only got 10 points for every mook I sent off to dreamland.

More security guards were rushing to the epicenter, drawing mainly non-lethal weapons and taking aim. Others were hanging back and herding the civvies to safety. I couldn't see anyone I knew… yet. But I was sure that they were dealing with other breach points.

Luckily, by the point the Fangs shoved down enough numbers to give them time to actually fire their weapons, most of the guests were gone. Those of us who had Aura were quick to shield those who didn't, keeping the death count at zero. I tried using some of the surroundings as cover, but that idea was mostly abandoned after I took a bullet to the arm when I ducked behind an overturned refreshment table.

 _Right, this isn't Hollywood. 1-inch thick slabs of wood aren't going to do shit against assault rifle rounds._

Thankfully, not all of the landscape was prone to piercing. There were quite a few pillars around, made of what I assumed to be marble. I figured they might be able to block a few shots, if nothing else. In a way, I was right - but only if the bullet hit dead-center. If it was a grazing shot that hit the edge, the bullet would still go right on through, which didn't do me any favors.

More Fangs were quickly approaching, now from different directions. I took that as an indication that they had broken through the outer lines, and took out my radio again.

"Two-five here. I believe the outer defense ring has been compromised - we're getting swarmed here. Permission to pull back to a more defensible position?"

" _Granted. Unfortunately, law enforcement has been delayed, and the army's too far away to be of any help. We will be receiving reinforcements in 15 minutes, at the least. If we can hold out until then, we win regardless, but it would also be preferable if we cleaned this up sooner rather than later._ "

"Understood, sir. I'll see what I can do."

I reloaded my weapon while the Smith Curator relayed the message to pull back to everyone else, then broke for an arched entry leading to one of the building's many hallways, switching my channel to an area broadcast.

"Head for the halls! We'll clog 'em at the choke points! Go, go, go!"

Yet, even among my comrades, there was some discontent.

" _You really think you can boss us around, kid?!_ "

I growled and prepared to retort, but was beaten to the punch by _Reid,_ of all people.

" _Damn it, Dagger, now's not the time fer yer bitchin'! Just do it!_ "

I determined that the unexpected, but welcome surprise would stamp out any dissent and stored the radio again. Shortly after, I reached the hallway's main exit, and was quickly joined by a few friendlies. Already, I was beginning to see a few Fang grunts barreling towards us, weapons primed and ready.

 _...I feel a rallying cry coming on. Eh, why not? My charm stat's low, but it's not zero._

"Alright, normally I wouldn't say this at the risk of sounding racist, but I think these idiots deserve it for choosing to mess with us despite all the obvious warnings."

The hand holding my weapon thrust diagonally to the heavens.

"LET'S PUT THESE DOGS DOWN!"

I was answered by a resounding cheer from my allies.

 _Well, whaddaya know - it actually worked._

Unfortunately, despite the extra motivation, we still found ourselves being pushed back over the course of the next few minutes. Though there was the silver lining that nobody had died so far. Quality-wise, we outranked them. They were all locked at level twelve, whereas our worst few were at level fifteen, and that was only like one or two guys. On the other hand… they just.

 _Kept._

 _ **Coming.**_

I found myself wondering just how many mooks had been drafted into the assault. I quickly lost interest in counting my hits after I broke twenty (and that had been back when they were still rappelling in), but with how much pressure we were against, not to mention all the fodder that was being sent at the other groups, the sheer amount of numbers they were able to throw at us made me begin to think that this whole debacle was being influenced somehow. By what, or who, I had no idea, but I was damn sure that there was no way they could have possibly had this many shock troops at their disposal without outside help.

To add even more weight, there was still the matter of Parid, who I assumed was the commander of this little operation. I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since the skylight shattered, and I was starting to get antsy for when he'd finally reveal himself. After all, while I did have a minimap, there was no way for me to tell which of the countless red dots was him.

Speaking of the minimap, I soon saw a dark grey dot make its way towards my position during a short break in the assault. When it came into view, I turned around to see who it was, and…

"What the- Petra?! The h ***BEEP*** ll are you-"

"Helping, what else?! And I'm gonna be doing it with my fists, if none of you have anything I can use!"

I already knew that it would be a waste of breath to tell her to leave, and I probably couldn't be bothered to try anyway. So, I did a bit of quick thinking, until I looked down at my uniform and recognized the other loaned item I had received from my temporary boss. I took it out of its harness and presented it to the combat school student.

"Okay, what about this baton? It's not a tonfa, but the principle's the same, isn't it? Besides, none of these guys have Aura, and I don't think now would be a very good time for you to experience your first kill."

She studied it for a moment, then nodded and took the blunt weapon.

"Yeah, this should do just fine." She then scowled as she glanced down at her dress. "Of course, it'd be great if I had some kinda gun right now, but this thing doesn't have any places to store ammo in."

I processed that, then pulled out my borrowed taser.

"Alright then, go ahead and use this too. I have my tranq-er right here, and I'm competent at hand-to-hand anyway. If I keep these, I'll likely just end up not using them. I'm sure you'll do right by them."

She took the device in her right hand, switching the baton to her left.

"Thanks, Zeiss. I'll be sure to put these to good use."

I flashed her a thumbs-up.

"I know you will. Now get out there and kick some ass! I believe the group down the corridor over there's in need of some assistance. Why don't you go show 'em how a Compass student gets the job done?"

She was already moving when I finished speaking.

"Right! See ya!"

While she left, I pulled out my radio again.

"This is Two-Five. Be advised, we have a huntress-in-training coming in on our side. If you see a girl in a dark grey dress with a baton and a taser, help her out and try to make sure she doesn't get in over her head. She dies, and it comes out of our paychecks."

" _Roger._ "

The battle continued without any fanfare. More and more unresponsive faunus bodies began to pile up in the hallways, and I began to get pretty damn suspicious.

 _Going by how many are down right here, and the number of defense groups we have… Jesus fucking Christ, we must've taken out at least 200, 250 of em' by now! Where the hell are they all coming from?_

Eventually, we were pushed back to our last line of defense, that being the big set of double doors leading to the dining hall, behind which laid all the relocated guests. We were down to five minutes until reinforcements arrived, and as much as I'd like to say otherwise, things were starting to look bleak. Quite a few of our own men had been put out of commission by this point, which should be expected of us, as we weren't perfect. The enemy forces still showed no signs of stopping their advance, which I found a little unfair and tiring, but I wasn't allowed to brood on those thoughts with all the shooting still going on.

We were all pretty worn down. Petra had a little over 40% of her Aura still intact, and most of my allies were running on empty. Thankfully, with a little stealth-healing, I had been able to stay well within a safe range of 70-80% for the most part, so I was still able to occasionally charge into melee range and lay waste to a few groups with my newly-achieved level 35 in Unarmed Mastery, plus liberal application of the Grievous Harm With A Body trope.

(If you don't know what that means, think like how Hulk lays out Loki in the first Avengers movie, only with more enemies around for him to slam Loki into. If you don't know what _that_ means, then I have several concerns with your taste in pop-culture, and it just means that I used the body of a grunt as a bludgeoning weapon against other grunts. It's actually pretty hilarious to watch - you should try doing it yourself if you ever get the chance.)

Then, when the time hit four minutes thirty seconds, I took a look at my minimap.

And saw a single red dot suddenly blip into existence in a small side room that opened into the dining hall.

Said side room also had three other occupants.

Two green dots, which designated generic allies…

...and one icy blue, almost white dot. I'm sure you can take a guess as to who that signifies.

 **Track Cue: Hurry! (FINAL FANTASY VII)**

 _Oooohhhh,_ _ **SHIT!**_

Unfortunately, pinned as I was, I couldn't get to their location without showcasing my abilities.

But luckily, before the two green dots were turned transparent-grey by the new red dot, part of a message got out before being silenced.

" _One-seven here, we have an intruder in the VIP room! I repeat, we have an intruder in the-_ "

 _ **KRRSSCHHHH!**_

It abruptly cut off, signaling nothing but bad times ahead in the immediate future of a certain heiress.

Seizing the opportunity for an excuse, I turned to Tsei-se, who had been forced to step out onto the front lines and assume the role of field commander.

"Sorry, sir, but the VIP needs help! Dock my pay if you want, but I can't risk her life!"

I began to run even before finishing my first sentence. I didn't hear him respond, as I sucked myself into an ID to avoid paying for even more property damage than I'd already caused.

 **CONFLICT RESOLVED**

 **Escaped - No Rewards Gained**

 _Still kinda pissed that you restricted these for the cannon, though I can see why you did so. Honestly, it kinda feels better this way - I_ _ **earned**_ _that win, I didn't just cheese the hell out of it like I probably would have if I'd gotten that chance. Penny, though… not quite over that yet. I mean, I knew I needed an asskicking to put me in my place, but_ _ **that**_ _was just…_

I took the extra downtime to heal myself back to full. I had a feeling I'd need every hit point I had for what was about to go down.

 **Oh, quit your bitching. You just want to blame me for the fact that you totally forgot they existed and only remembered after I suggested that you train in one a few days after the mess was over. And this was even right after you were pulled into one for the Mach Speed Stage! I mean, come on, really? I should sin you for that! In fact…**

 _ **DING!**_

 **Story Sin Counter: 1**

 **And let's not forget…**

 _ **Wump-woomp-wup-wumm-bowwwwrrrr!**_

 **OFFICIAL ZEISS FAIL COUNTER: 13**

 _Damn it, Gaia, I thought I told you not to let the readers know about that!_

I bulldozed right through the dining hall doors in my little reality marble, motoring for the side room.

 **You didn't honestly think that they'd forget about one of the staple skills of the niche, and not notice your suspect lack of use of it? They wanted answers, so I figured I might as well throw them a bone.**

Dodging tables was getting tedious, so I simply decided to begin table-hopping.

 _There's a difference between throwing them a bone and just chucking a whole damn skeleton at 'em. And don't I remember you saying that the fourth wall was something to be avoided?_

 **That was because you thought that you were being written by another version of you. I had no idea if whether or not understanding the implications of that would do to your psyche what the NerveGear does to brains, so I usually steered you away from that topic on the off-chance that your mind might spontaneously combust.**

 _...that's bullshit, but what the hell, I believe it._

 **Good boy, Giorno. Now do your damn job.**

I began to close in on the side-room's location.

 _Say… Weiss is technically a guest, right? Doesn't that mean she's unarmed?_

 **True, but we also don't know if she's unlocked her semblance yet. If she has, she may be able to defend herself slightly, but if she doesn't…**

 _Well, either way, she's gonna need a weapon. Do I have anything that might suit her?_

 **Maybe, let me see…**

Thankfully, she found one right as I was preparing to smash through the last door standing in my path.

 **How about this?**

I gave it a cursory glance right before I performed standard breach procedures (read: crashed right through the door like The Heavy, or Timmy's Dad without a battering ram, or knocking beforehand).

 _Yeah, that should work. Hope Marth managed to grab the Starsphere, otherwise he'll be up shit creek without a paddle once he fights Medeus._

 **Meh, if all else fails, he can always just call up Master Radd Quetz, give him the Mercurius and tell him to go ham.**

 _True. After all, he_ _ **is**_ _simply amazing._

With that, I popped out of the ID, and was greeted with the sight of one rapierless Weiss Schnee squaring up against the resident White Fang Commander, who currently had a sparking energy arrow nocked on an ethereal bowstring and pointed right at the heiress's face. Flanking her were two dead guards, both of which were full of smoking, cauterized holes.

I wasn't about to let another person get shot, so I quickly pulled out a small Fire Dust crystal to mask my next action.

 **You have targeted: Parid Kaol (Lv. 22)**

 **Status effect "Miniboss" inflicted.**

 **[Vantage] triggered. "Flinch" inflicted.**

 **Flinch**

 **Discount Stun, without any of the particle effects and a fraction of the duration. Prevents the victim from moving for as long as the effect lasts or until the victim takes damage.**

In hindsight, it was a major 'I'm a dumbass' moment when I figured out that all I needed to dissolve any suspicion about my magical abilities was to make sure to always have decoy Dust crystals on hand. Why I hadn't thought of that sooner, I doubt I'll ever figure out.

 **[Fireball]**

I chucked the little red sphere at the guy's head, my boosted 186 DEX score and the extra momentum from my running speed ensuring a deadly direct hit. The sudden impact jostled his aim and caused him to loose the arrow in a knee-jerk reaction, with Weiss's own instincts moving her head just enough to ensure that the projectile narrowly avoided grazing her cheek.

" **Burn" inflicted.**

 **Burn**

 **They don't teach Stop, Drop and Roll like they used to. Victims take 0.5% of their max health as damage every second for 20 seconds or until the fire is put out. Wind-element skills that target victims are granted a bonus damage multiplier of 1.5.**

While Parid's cloak began to catch fire, I lashed out with a brutal roundhouse kick while he was still off-guard, knocking him a fair distance away.

With the immediate danger taken care of for the moment, I dashed to the heiress's side and pulled out the weapon I'd selected for her.

" **Pseudo-Falchion" removed from inventory.**

From within my dress shirt, I removed an ornate-looking sword with a curving, forked copper-colored crossguard that had a blue oval gem embedded in the center. The same copper hue carried on past the brown grip, extending to the pommel, which sported an orange gem. The blade itself, while double-edged, was noticeably thin, only slightly larger than about twice the width of the grip, and had a prominent tip. It was also ever-so-slightly tinted blue.

I held the weapon up to my designated charge. "Here. Questions later, fight for your life now."

She appeared to still be understandably shaken after being held at arrowpoint, but she didn't let that deter her from taking the sword in her left hand with a nod and an "all right."

I had actually gotten this way back when I was still on Patch, from a special I.D. that ended up forcing me into a tactician role, and tasked me with re-enacting the first chapter of Shadow Dragon (or technically Dark Dragon and the Blade of Light, but that's semantics) using RWBY characters. All you need to know is that it involved pirates, interesting maneuvers, and a rage-inducing 1% crit.

In a minor fit of paranoia, I checked the weapon again.

 **Pseudo-Falchion**

 **Might: 100**

" **The forces of evil are in serious trouble!"**

 **A replica of a sword created for the sole purpose of slaying dragons. Because it is forged from the fang of a weakened reincarnation of the model's original material supplier, it is not as powerful as the real Falchion. Its sleek design lends its preferred style of usage to be more like that of a rapier rather than a standard sword.**

 **Weapon might is doubled when calculating damage against draconic foes.**

 **Lowers accuracy if user's Sword Mastery level is below 80.**

 **Lowers AGI if user's STR is less than 100.**

 **Cannot be used if user's STR is less than 50.**

 **Weapon weight and Sword Mastery accuracy penalties are nullified if user bears royal blood.**

Said paranoia at the potential restrictions had me asking "does it feel usable?"

To answer, she gave it a few test swings, gracefully maneuvering the weapon in quick, short arcs with ease. She even twirled it around for a suitably flashy finish, blatantly showing off at that point. "I believe this should make a fine substitute, thank you," she responded when she was done rubbing her skill in my face.

I let out a relieved breath. "Okay, great. Now get ready, he doesn't look too happy."

While Parid recovered and removed his fast-burning cloak, curing the Burn effect in the process, I took the time to Observe them both and take out my own weapon of choice for this engagement. Collateral damage was still a big concern, so I obviously couldn't use my BFS if I didn't want to completely wreck the environment.

" **Steel Knuckles" removed from inventory.**

These guys really weren't all that special. I'd gotten them at a local shop when I was out looking for new equipment to use as backups in case I was ever put into a situation where I either lost Crimson Violet, or it would be impractical to use it. When I saw that my Unarmed level had gotten high enough to wield these things without suffering from an accuracy debuff, I snatched them right up. The fact that they were on sale was just icing on the cake, as the Lien rewards from the quests covering the recent incident were quite generous to make up for the noticeably lacking EXP portions.

Of course, immediately after I'd finished that shopping trip, I forced myself into shoveling almost all of my remaining money into the massive, gaping hole in the planet (and my self-esteem) that was my debt.

 **Steel Knuckles**

 **Might: 60**

 **A simple pair of knuckle dusters forged out of steel. They don't hit as hard as their bigger gauntlet brothers, but they are lighter and easier to use.**

 **Lowers accuracy if user's Unarmed Mastery level is below 35.**

 **Lowers AGI if user's STR is below 60.**

I then checked out our opposition's weapon. Honestly speaking, the bow looked like something straight outta the future, or a weapons laboratory. For starters, it was coated in the standard-issue spartan white that Atlas was so fond of. Small black grooves denoting interlocking parts lined the frame, with the occasional strip of gray transparent material here and there, and the red insignia of the White Fang emblazoned right above the handle. The back was thick, and contained a trench running from the grip to the ends of both limbs - the purpose of which was found in the weapon's description.

 **Kingslayer**

 **Might: 66 (Melee), 88 (Ranged)**

 **An experimental bow developed by Atlesian scientists that was stolen and repurposed by the White Fang. It uses a type of rechargeable dust to generate a bowstring that automatically creates arrows whenever it is pulled back by the user. It can also be used as a melee weapon, as it can use the dust to form energy blades on the outside of the bow. In addition, adding a second dust crystal can change the elemental effect of the weapon, from creating fire and wind arrows to generating ice and electro-blades. Beware, however - if the primary dust battery is depleted, the weapon becomes effectively useless. Parid Kaol's personal weapon.**

 **Weapon damage scales with Parid's level.**

 _Oh, wonderful. A Maliwan-brand Fujin Yolo. I guess I should start calling him Takumi, and I might as well blame him for everything, too._

Ice-blue eyes flicked over to look at me. "You do have a plan, don't you?"

I glanced at her, then back at our opponent. "Something tells me his close-combat skills are much weaker than his ranged abilities. My advice, get up in his face, and do whatever you can to stay there. Keep him on the back foot, and don't let him put any distance between you, or he'll turn you into a pincushion."

It was the best I could come up with using what info I had. Of the five personal attack skills he'd gained upon being hit with the Miniboss effect (which, if you're wondering, had the exact same effect as Foe, only it multiplied their total HP by 1.5), only one was melee-focused, while the other four were ranged-exclusive. Of course, it was still a pretty good damage-dealer, but it also still had a cooldown, and we could exploit that if we stayed inside his guard and prevented him from getting the distance required for those ranged skills.

Anyway, I think you've gone long enough without my company's stat screens. So without further ado…

 **Weiss Schnee**

 **Title: Ice Princess**

 **Class: Celerian**

 **Level: 18**

 **HP: 1,560**

 **VIT: 78**

 **STR: 80**

 **INT: 135**

 **DEX: 133**

 **AGI: 133**

 **RES: 59**

 **LUK: 93**

 **CHR: 76**

 **Status: Healthy**

About what I was expecting, really. Fast, accurate, average striking power that was significantly boosted by her new weapon, and bad endurance. Unfortunately, the page listed her semblance as 'locked,' which meant that the ensuing fight would be that much harder.

Her Sword Mastery level was sitting at 35 - conveniently, the exact same number as my Unarmed Mastery level. I was a little tempted to call bullshit on that, but it did make a bit more sense when I considered that she had likely been taught by the best tutors money could buy. It was still a little bullshit in terms of how high its level was, though. As for our opponent…

 **Parid Kaol**

 **Title: Righteous Ranger**

 **Class: Archer**

 **Level: 22**

 **HP: 7,495/7,856**

 **VIT: 129**

 **STR: 155**

 **INT: 85**

 **DEX: 181**

 **AGI: 180**

 **RES: 103 [Nullified]**

 **LUK: 67**

 **CHR: 93**

 **Status: Healthy**

Egh. Well, if nothing else, he'd be a bitch to take down. That agility score was also definitely going to be a pain to deal with, especially in terms of keeping him locked in melee. Him being faster than us would make it that much harder to keep him from getting us in his weapon's effective range. But even if we did, that 155 strength would still prove to be a serious danger if we got careless. And like with Penny, his class was a tier above us, widening the stat gap even further. In short, he was not a foe to be taken lightly.

I suppose this would also be a good time to mention his appearance, now that the cloak was gone. He sported bright green hair in a pointed windswept style, kinda like what you'd see on certain types of birds, say, a Robin for instance. He wore a modified version of the standard White Fang outfit, still keeping the reds and the whites of the uniform's regular color scheme, but also adding in some greens here and there, wherever tasteful. The Nevermore mask on his face evoked the image of an old Plague Doctor mask somewhat, with the protruding nose and the circular reflective glass-covered eyeholes, though the nose was much smaller, only extending out around two or so inches from his face, not a foot.

I turned back to my ally. "Prepare yourself. This is gonna get very dangerous, very fast. Remember, don't give him an inch, or he'll take a yard. Ready?"

She may or may not have gulped - I couldn't tell - but she nodded anyway, and lifted the Pseudo-Falchion. "Yes."

With her approval, I returned my attention to our enemy, dropping into a battle stance of my own. "All right, then. Let's go educate him on the folly of committing to this fruitless assault."

 **ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

 **Track Cue: Last Surprise (Persona 5)**

In a rare reversal, Parid was the one to make the opening move, drawing and firing in an instant.

 **[Rogue Arrow]**

The glowing gray projectile slammed into my chest before I could even attempt to dodge, sending me back a step from the sheer force and cleaving away more than a sixth of my total HP pool.

 **-240 HP**

However, an undeterred Weiss took the opening and ran with it, flying towards him point-first.

 **[Linear Lunge]**

The strike landed, leading to a short bout between them that I assumed would give me a chance to flank him. Unfortunately, he rolled high enough to block my attack of opportunity, while also catching my companion's sword using the energy blade on the other end of his weapon.

But then again… that was only _one_ of my fists.

 **[Hard Cross+]**

My other arm swooped under Kingslayer, nailing him right in the gut.

" **Break" inflicted.**

The hit broke his guard, leaving him open for another skill.

 **[Lumberfell]**

I immediately followed up with a sweep kick, yanking his legs out from under him and sending him tumbling to the floor. Even better, this skill actually gained bonus damage if it was chained with Hard Cross, dishing out even more pain than normal.

" **Topple" inflicted.**

For my next trick, I took inspiration from what the Smiths had pulled on me back during their fight. I grabbed Parid by the legs, then swung him around and tossed him at Weiss in a truncated airplane throw, calling out "send him flying!"

 **ASSIST STRIKE TRIGGERED!**

She wasted no time in doing so, swinging the Pseudo-Falchion in a backhanded underhand slash.

 **[Upward Tilt]**

Even if Parid had managed to block the sword, he still wouldn't have been able to escape being sent flying.

" **Launch" inflicted.**

But she wasn't done yet.

 **[Peck Blitz]**

Her weapon became a blur as she executed the rapier variant of the Sword Flurry skill, landing the expected 8 stabs in little more than two seconds. And lo and behold, RNJesus finally decided to bless us with a Bleed trigger!

" **Bleed" inflicted.**

Hot on her heels, I made to complete the Driver Combo and give the Commander a taste of some good old-fashioned teamwork.

 **[Flying Guillotine]**

I leapt up after the juggling victim, somersaulting in the process in order to drive the back of my heel down into his chest.

" **Smash" inflicted.**

Needless to say, he hit the ground pretty soon after that.

 **-1,571 HP**

But even after all that… my mind was screaming that it wasn't enough.

So I decided to give him one last 'fuck you' before backing off.

While still in midair, I twisted my body around and began to drop towards the man below me. My arm became coated in a shining yellow hue, and right before impact, I couldn't resist shouting two words that would most definitely elicit an extremely polarizing response from my audience.

" **PEOPLE'S ELBOW!** "

 **[Sol]**

The sheer amount of Cutscene Power my action carried caused a cloud of dust to appear around the epicenter.

 **+267 HP**

I biggity-bounced outta the opaque plume a moment later, landing next to Weiss as she scrutinized ground zero.

Without taking her eyes off her target, she inquired about the state of affairs. "Is he incapacitated?"

I narrowed my eyes before responding. "...I don't think so. It's never that easy. Keep your guard up until further notice."

And sure enough, not long after, Parid spoke to us for the first time.

" _ **Fuck**_ _your people's elbow._ "

 **[Snare Tether]**

 _What the- that wasn't in his skill list!_

All of a sudden, from out of the dust cloud came a black energy arrow that emitted a purple glow, landing between us.

 _Huh, doesn't that color mea-SHIT!_

We reacted too late, and were caught in the resultant singularity field when the projectile imploded.

Weiss and I were violently tugged towards the spot on the floor that the arrow had pierced, and collided with one another, rooted in place. Accordingly, we were left completely helpless against the ensuing chain of skills.

 **[Quiver Feeder]**

Five more sparking gray projectiles flew out and hit the both of us. I suffered three hits, while the Ice Princess only received two.

 **[Double Nock]**

Parid extended the combo with another two arrows, one for both of us.

And to finally cap it all off, came one last arrow, this one a blazing red-orange hue with a yellow glow.

 **[Burst Shot]**

It didn't take a genius to figure out that we were about to suffer quite the explosive attack. Moments later, we were hit with just that, in the form of a blinding nova.

 **-130 HP**

 **-154 HP**

" **Burn" inflicted.**

 **[Resolve] triggered.**

The blast canceled out the singularity effect, sending us flying off in opposite directions. We recovered as fast as our current bodily limitations would permit us to, which for me was pretty damn fast, owing to the stat boost from Resolve. That same quickness also allowed me to dodge the next salvo of arrows that was sent my way, narrowly avoiding every single one.

His fixation on me and resultant disregard for Weiss let her take him by surprise with what was currently her only ranged attack, launching a shining projectile from her weapon by thrusting it in his direction.

(Did I mention that all this was happening while we were **on fire?** )

 **[Energy Needle]**

The ethereal spike stabbed him in the midsection, causing his Aura to shimmer, a sign that I interpreted as meaning that it was about to break.

Seeing an opportunity, I dashed towards Parid, only for him to jump out of my range and towards Weiss, triggering another combat skill as he did so.

 **[Twinblade Swing]**

The out-of-left-field nature of his action to willingly enter melee range caught both me and my partner off guard, letting him land three consecutive spinning slashes on the heiress, knocking her away.

As you might be able to imagine, that didn't really endear him to me. Thus, I reacted in a perfectly appropriate manner.

"Hey, buddy…"

 **[Vulcan Combo]**

Said reaction basically amounted to 'beat the shit out of him.'

"THAT WASN'T VERY CASH MONEY OF YOU!"

Seven left-handed jabs made contact on his natural shield, one hitting harder than expected.

 **CRITICAL!**

What came after was probably the single most savage right cross I'd ever thrown.

 **CRITICAL!**

 **-1,262 HP**

The sheer amount of force it carried was enough to send him flying back.

Directly towards a certain princess, who by this point was visibly pissed off.

I decided to give her a little extra incentive - could never be too careful.

" **FINISH HIM!** "

Upon hearing those words, a smirk with an oh-so-slightly bloodthirsty edge to it appeared on her expression.

" _With_ _ **pleasure.**_ "

 **[Powerthrust+]**

Parid attempted to block, but the power behind the stab and his momentum in the opposite direction smashed it right through his guard, piercing him and obliterating the last vestiges of his Aura.

 **Parid HP: 0/7,856**

" **Shatter" inflicted.**

 **Shatter**

 **Please don't do this to the meta. Seriously. The victim's Aura reserves are depleted, leaving them vulnerable to bodily harm for as long as the effect lasts.**

He was sent flying back over to me, but I figured he'd had enough already, so I moved back over to Weiss and let him hit the floor, signaling the end of the fight. Coincidentally, the Burn effect wore out right then.

Yeah. To emphasize that again: that all just happened WHILE WE WERE LITERALLY _COATED IN BRIGHT RED FLAMES_. If that isn't 'Up to Eleven,' then I don't know what is.

(How Weiss managed to deal with it without issue, I'll never know.)

 **Parid Kaol (Lv. 22) defeated!**

 **+2,000 EXP**

 **+4,000 Lien**

 **Bonus Objective complete: Defeat Parid**

 **Track Cue: Victory! Cloud (Super Smash Bros. 4)**

 **YOU WON!**

 **Battle Rewards:**

 **X1 Lawful Extremist set**

I checked the new threads after confiscating the downed commander's weapon, shoving it into my suit and subsequently inside my inventory.

 **The Lawful Extremist**

 **A standard-issue uniform given to all newly-recruited White Fang members. Perfect for marking those designated as cannon fodder, but beware of the rare badass this outfit may hide. For some odd reason however, this set is missing the mask.**

 _Heh… nice. Once I get the mask after completing the quest, I'll have everything a guy could need to infiltrate the Fangs. I think Mistral may just be my next stop after I'm done with Atlas. Or maybe I could pay a visit to Vale's branch instead…? Eh, I'll decide once I pin down Blake's location._

 **Track Cut**

Finalizing that thought, I pulled out a set of cable ties I had left over from my recent heist and went about binding Parid after instructing Weiss to hold him down. With a little application of the Real Super Power of Teamwork, he was wrapped up in no time. Idly checking the clock, I noticed that we still had two minutes left until reinforcements arrived.

Now that the big threat was taken down, I pulled out my radio again. "Two-Five, reporting in. VIP has been secured, repeat, VIP has been secured."

The boss's response came quickly. " _Excellent work. We've managed to neutralize the remainder of the White Fang's forces out here as well. And with that, I believe it's safe to say that the assault is over. We'll be moving to clean-up operations soon. Well done._ "

Right on cue…

 **Bonus Objective complete: Do not let any guests die**

 **Bonus Objective complete: Do not kill any White Fang Infiltrators**

 **Bonus Objective complete: Complete the quest within 18 minutes**

 **Quest Complete!**

 **Stealing From the Rich**

 **Rewards received:**

 **1,500 EXP**

 **10,000 Lien**

 **Bonus Rewards:**

 **Hero's Bow**

 **15,000 Lien**

 **White Fang Mask**

 **Support progress increase with Weiss**

I pushed aside checking those in favor of replying back. "Thanks, sir. Been a pleasure working with you. Hope to see you within the next thirty minutes for my paycheck, 'cause hell if I don't feel like I deserve it. Over and out."

The 'click' of the radio going silent was soon drowned out by the breath I let out after I replaced it inside my suit. "Whoof. Thank god that's over."

"Excuse me…" Whereupon I found my attention drawn to Weiss, who was holding the Pseudo-Falchion towards me, handle-first. "I would like to thank you for your assistance. Had you not arrived when you did, I doubt I would have been able to put up much resistance, loathe as I am to admit as such. You may have your weapon back now."

I gave her a blank stare for a moment as I processed that, then took the sword from her…

...and promptly reciprocated the gesture, holding it out for her to take. "Nah, you can keep it. As it stands right now, I can't exactly use this thing properly. But you can, and I think I'd feel better if I knew it was in the hands of someone who could make much better use of it. Either way, though, in my eyes, you've sure as hell earned it. And besides, even if you do end up stashing it away, you have to admit that it would make a great memento. You know… a reminder of your feats, or a representation of everything that you've achieved on your own merits. How's that sound?"

I absently noted that my digital censor didn't trigger when I said 'hell.' But I was stopped from dwelling on that when the unthinkable happened next.

Weiss Schnee, heiress of the Schnee Dust Company, daughter of _Jackass_ Schnee, future Ice Queen of Beacon Academy, and the world of Remnant's most famous tsundere… graced me with a _smile_ as she took back the blade.

A small one, sure, but still, a _real, honest-to-god smile._

I almost missed her reply while I was caught up in the rush that came with knowing that I coaxed a smile out of one of the series' coldest characters. "That sounds just fine to me, mister…?"

Thankfully, I caught myself before I had the chance to look like an idiot, and held out my hand. "Zeiss Serven. But please, just call me Zeiss. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, miss…?"

She clasped my hand in her own, giving it a suitably formal and clearly practiced shake, fitting of her upbringing. Hard and firm, but not overly so - just enough to leave an impression. "Weiss Schnee. And the pleasure is all mine."

Once we got all the other pleasantries out of the way, I inquired about something that had been on my mind after checking my watch. "Say, what about your scheduled performance for tonight? I mean, sure, I imagine it'll have to be delayed, but I think everyone in the dining hall right now could really use something to take their minds off recent events, don't you think?"

She made to respond, but was interrupted by Parid mumbling something unintelligible. (Literally, his subtitles read 'unintelligible.') Annoyed, I strode over and gave him a boot to the head. "Shuddup, dumbass. You lost the right to join in on the conversations of intelligent folk the moment you decided that staging an assault on an event that had this much security was a good idea."

Seriously, I could understand that this party's attendance list was basically a veritable who's who of the White Fang's highest-value targets, but the argument fell to pieces when the joint security force of the Smiths, standard Atlas personnel, and hired freelancers came into play. No matter how you looked at it, that did not result in good odds for anything the Fang could muster.

Anyway, with the clowns shooed out, I turned back to Weiss. "Apologies. You were about to say?"

She cleared her throat. "Yes, thank you. While there is no denying that recent events may have… impeded the performance, I do not think that is an adequate excuse to cancel it outright. I believe that if we simply take some time to recover, the show can still go on. I would say that I can be onstage in… about an hour, at the very least."

Now that dedication was definitely something I could approve of. "Great to hear. I suppose I should probably leave you to it, then?"

My question got a nod. "Yes, that would likely be for the best. While I do find you to be pleasant company, I also require privacy to get in top form. A shame, really - you seem like a fairly interesting fellow."

I shook my head to that with a chuckle. "Oh, trust me, miss Schnee - if your first impression of me was when I was off the clock, you would have a _very_ different opinion of me. At the risk of sounding offensive, all I will say on the matter is that myself and the average member of Atlesian high society do not mix all that well. Actually…" I leaned in close. "Can you keep a secret?"

I was met with a deadpan expression. "Zeiss, I am the heiress to a multi-billion lien company with a monopoly on Dust in more than 80% of all inhabited regions in the entire world. I probably have more secrets than you do possessions. I think I can keep one more fairly well."

I shrugged and conceded. "Fair point. But anyway… quite a few attendees saw fit to subject me to ridicule concerning my position and the supposed fact that I'm 'too young' to have the job that I do. Now, if you'll pardon my rudeness, I don't exactly take kindly to being shit-talked like that."

Now that there was nothing to interrupt, I was able to focus on the fact that she had already been desensitized to swearing to the point where my filter didn't bleep out 'shit.'

 _Oh, dear. Not even 16, and she's already okay with this kind of language…? Granted, I was slinging that left and right under my breath by the time I was ten, but that was back in California, and I was never really a conventional child._

But back to the dialogue…. "So, accordingly, I've come up with a little something to fire some shots back at them. And here's what I've got in mind…"

I was then treated to Weiss's visage running the gamut of facial expressions while I explained my big plan for petty revenge. Included in the list was surprise, dread, awe, fear, eagerness, amazement, disgust, and quite a few others, before finishing at blank when I wrapped up.

She held that neutral face while voicing her thoughts. "Zeiss Serven. This is, without a doubt, the single most vindictive, unnecessary, extravagant, malicious, and utterly over-the-top scheme I have ever heard."

My smile faded a bit at her words.

"That being said…"

Her countenance suddenly twisted itself into an expression of pure _evil_ as she finished her thought.

" _ **I absolutely love it.**_ "

My smile widened by a factor of 10 in no time.

 _Ohhh-ho-ho-ho… this is gonna be_ _ **satisfying**_ _._

* * *

 **ONE RIDICULOUSLY VINDICTIVE, UNNECESSARY, EXTRAVAGANT, MALICIOUS, AND UTTERLY OVER-THE-TOP SCHEME (and about an hour and a half) LATER…**

If I had to choose one word to describe the aftermath of The Plan, it would be ' _glorious._ '

Hell, it was _so_ glorious that I couldn't find it within myself to give a shit about the fact that this had a very real chance of putting me back on Atlas's 'Most Wanted' list.

But hey, at least I still got paid for my shift. No regrets, bitches!

Some bluebloods were standing stock-still at the horrors their eyes feasted upon. A few were on the floor, shaking and rocking themselves in the fetal position. More were making their way to the exits at varying speeds - some as fast as they could go, others at a stiff, shambling pace. The odd one here and there was confusedly staring at the rest, wondering why they were having such severe reactions.

The fireworks had started right after Weiss had concluded her performance and walked off the dining hall stage. What followed… well, I'll give you some snippets of the reactionary dialogue and leave your imagination to run wild.

"G-gods… oh, gods…"

"MY LEG!"

" **WHAT IS THIS?! _WHAT IS THIS?!_ WHAT IS MY LIFE?!**"

"MY TWENTY-THOUSAND LIEN CABBAGES! YOU MONSTERS!"

"SPEAK TO ME, WILSON! _WILSOOOON_!"

"My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined."

"Dad, I'm straight-up not having a good time right now."

"Hmph. You sheep crack at the slightest pressure. _Pathetic._ "

"My glasses… that's just not fair…!"

"Bwahahaha! Oh, oh my lord, you absolute madman! You actually got down on the floor! Eat dat dirt, fool!"

"BROTHERS HELP US, THE WORLD'S GONE KOO-KOO FOR CHOCO POOFS!"

"...call my therapist. Tell her she's a rich woman. _Now._ "

At the very least, you can probably tell it was totally bonkers.

"OH GOD, THE CEILING!"

...okay, even _I_ don't know how that happened.

 _Holy_ _ **shit**_ _, that's nasty._ _I think that may be my cue to leave._

"Psst! Zeiss! Over here!"

I turned to see Weiss's upper body poking out from behind a door, waving me over.

Deciding it was better not to ask questions, I stealth-dashed up and let her pull me in.

Once inside, she began leading me forward. "Follow me. This isn't the first time I've been here, so I know of a few escape routes."

Being myself, I questioned literally everything. "And… why exactly are you willingly assisting me?"

I saw her eyes snap to me for a second before focusing back on the path. "You're a supremely interesting person, Zeiss, and I believe that potentially leaving you to rot in a prison cell would be doing a disservice to the world. By the way, I really must commend you on your effectively flawless execution. I doubt anyone suspected you before it was too late, and even then, right now I would bet that they're still scratching their heads over the culprit's identity."

What little I could see of her expression then shifted slightly. "The ceiling, though…"

 _Oh, no. I know a Running Gag-slash-Never Live It Down situation when I see one._ "For your information, that was entirely unintentional. Hell, I have no idea how or why that ended up the way it did, and I was behind everything!"

She audibly sighed at my retort. "Regardless of whether or not it was intended, I'm still going to blame you for any nightmares I may suffer from being scarred for life."

I rolled my eyes, but smiled as the perfect set-up for a classic line fell right into my lap. "Well, ex- _cuuuuuuuse me_ , princess!"

Weiss shot me a glare in response. "For your own safety, I recommend that you refrain from making me regret my decision."

 _Okay, reminder to not piss off the Ice Queen._ "Right, shutting up now."

The silence that followed gave me enough time to realize that I may have unintentionally given her blackmail material on me. All she needed to do was threaten to expose that I was responsible for everything here, and she could force me to do all manner of tasks. In essence, I had wrapped myself around her finger, without her even needing to lift it.

 _...I'd say 'damn, I'm good,' but that kinda has the opposite effect in this situation. I'll just stick with 'no comment.'_

Rounding a corner, we reached a small hallway with a door at the end.

"Here we are. I would suggest that you get moving, quickly. Which direction to do so in, I will leave for you to choose."

I nodded, and reached for the knob… but hesitated as I decided to try one last thing before I biggity-bounced the fuck outta dodge. "Say… would it be presumptuous of me to ask if we could exchange scroll numbers? I mean, I fully understand that this probably isn't the ideal time or place to do so, but… well, I don't know if we'll ever see each other again, and to be honest, I've kinda started to like you, even if we did only meet for the first time a couple hours ago. Whaddaya say?"

She stared at me for a good bit, scrutinizing me with a narrowed gaze, as if debating whether or not this idea was tolerable or Lemongrab levels of unacceptable. Until finally…

"...all right. Because you have wormed your way into my good graces, I will give you a chance." She pulled out her scroll. "I hope for both our sakes that you don't squander it."

I did the same. "Well, I don't really have much experience dealing with royalty, but… I asked for this, so I suppose I'm obligated to put in the effort to make it work. I'll try my best, miss Schnee."

We held them next to each other, a flashing green light on the casing signifying the successful recording of another user's contact information. "See that you do."

With that done, I again reached for the knob, this time grasping and turning it, opening the door. I turned back to Weiss, offering a goodbye.

"Welp, as much as I'd love to stay and chat, something's telling me that I won't be welcome here pretty soon. Talk to you later?"

She just made a shooting motion with her hand. "Oh, just get going, you."

"Right. Bye."

And with that, I slipped outside.

 **Weiss's support level has advanced to rank E.**

* * *

 **[Private conversation with Steelheart]**

 **Steelheart: Zeiss? Mind telling me where you bugged out to?**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Escaped through an unused side entrance. Currently motoring the h**l away from the building.**

 **Steelheart: You really think that's a good idea? Wouldn't it be better to go back inside to reduce suspicion of where you went?**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Nah, I already made them think I left after I got paid. Going back after that would only raise more questions.**

 **Steelheart: Alright, then. Seriously though, the fact that you actually managed to pull all that off without getting caught is nothing short of amazing.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Well, it certainly wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do. I was almost busted a few more times than I'm comfortable with.**

 **Steelheart: But was the ceiling really necessary?**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Oh, for the love of- okay, for the record, that was completely accidental. I didn't even see it myself until after I set everything off.**

 **Steelheart: Wait, you don't know how it happened?**

 **SSJ Mercenary: No! I'm not even sure how I could have done that! I mean, have you seen how high up those roofs are? You'd either need a really big ladder or a grappling hook - neither of which I own, mind you - to do what I supposedly did with the ceiling!**

 **Steelheart: Well, I'm just saying, this isn't the first time you've screwed with physics…**

 **SSJ Mercenary: ...huh. S**t, then.**

 **Steelheart: Just make sure to stay out of trouble like this in the near future, okay? You already got on their hit-list once, and I'm not sure you'll be able to erase your name a second time.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Right, right, I hear you. I'll try to be more careful. I can't make any promises, though.**

 **Steelheart: I'd be questioning your identity if you did. Get home safe, Zeiss.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Back atcha, Petra. And I'd prefer if you did it sometime soon. You've got school tomorrow.**

 **Steelheart: Aaaaaand you ruined it.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Good. See you later, Iron Girl.**

 **Steelheart: Goodnight, you big troll. Have fun sleeping under your bridge.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Hey, at least it's more comfortable than the wet blanket of loneliness.**

 **Steelheart: Oh, shut up and go to sleep.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Right here on the street?**

 **Steelheart: You know what I meant, jackass.**

 **SSJ Mercenary: Just making sure.**

* * *

 **A/N: Hoo boy, what a doozy that was. I'd say it was a good thing I split this party episode into two, otherwise this would have been a 15K+ word monster.**

 **Honestly, that story sin counter should be WAY higher than it is right now. I'd actually appreciate it if one of you readers left an "Everything Wrong With Soft Reset in One Review." If someone does do that, I'll update this chapter with the proper sin count.**

 **I'm kinda iffy on whether or not it was a good idea to make the White Fang shootout portion a battle instead of a minigame. Looking at it now, I probably could have made it a huge Time Crisis reference or something like that. Then again, I have practically no experience whatsoever with the Light Gun Rail Shooter genre. The best I have was when I used to own the Wii version of Ghost Squad, but I can hardly remember anything from that game.**

 **Speaking of battles, I'd like to hear your opinions on Zeiss & Weiss vs. Parid. And yes, the similarities in our names was not lost on me. You can expect to see at least one joke about that when we see her again. Anyway, if it seemed short, that's probably cause it was - in-universe, at least. The system I created doesn't really allow for the kind of fight lengths we see in canon because the relationship between HP values and damage calculations means that quite a few enemies - and allies - go down in much fewer hits compared to most JRPGs. To add to that, we've also seen that Remnant is noticeably lacking in quote-unquote 'healing spells,' meaning that pretty much 90% of the Huntsman population has no way to restore Aura and prolong a battle. And when you combine all that with the lightning-fast pace of RWBY's signature fighting styles, then even with an abundance of blocks, dodges, and parries, it usually only results in fight lengths of around two minutes. Of course, certain major opponents will be getting vitality boosts to make their fights last longer (check out the newly-introduced Miniboss effect), but even I'm not sure how much more time that'll tack on. I suppose we'll just have to see in the future.**

 **Speaking of which, this chapter marks the introduction of Weiss. Writing her was a bit of a unique task, for a few reasons. For one, in my experience, a lot of people have differing opinions on how to characterize her, from either making her somewhat cold, melancholy, and distant (like Blake, but with truckloads of better character development), to making her standoffish and temperantial, with a bit of a short fuse. For another, we never really see her interact with anyone besides the main cast or anyone that doesn't piss her off, unintentionally or otherwise (barring the badass bullhead pilot, but he's a special case). I don't have any hard reference material for the situation I put her in, so I had to wing it and try my best not to make her sound too out-of-character. Again, I would appreciate feedback on this.**

 **Someone call the Flame Emperor, because I think I may have had a bit too much fun with The Plan™️. The bit about the ceiling was something I came up with on the fly, and I was like 'okay, that sounds reasonably hilarious, lemme shove that in.' Hope you got as much enjoyment out of reading it as I did writing it.**

 **For anyone wondering, that last conversation was through scroll texts, not the system chat. That's why I didn't label it with 'chat logs.'**

 **That seems to be everything. You can probably expect another timeskip between this chapter and the next, but I haven't fully decided how long it's going to be, or even what the chapter itself will focus on. Meh, I'll figure it out later. Ciao!**

 **[TRANSMISSION ENDED]**


	17. It's Rewind Time!

**Hello! I'm sure you're curious as to where I've been since July.**

 **Basically, I kinda started up one too many other projects at once, and spread myself thin. Then I found one particular idea that I decided to focus on, and neglected everything else. In hindsight, I probably should've kept some of my current posted stories on the bench until I was ready to give them their due attention, but I can't really change that now, and I'm not deleting anything.**

 **But anyway, on to the real reason I'm here:**

 **I've made the choice to hit the reset button on Soft Reset.**

 **For those of you reading this who actually have a clue as to what a good story is (and I doubt there are very many of you here, because... well, I'm sure you've read this story's summary), you know as well as I do that as it is now, this fic is exactly what it says on the tin: a bloated, burning train-wreck about sixteen chapters long. So, me, being the prideful and complete dumbass that I am, decided recently that I wanted to change that and rewrite the story. The new version will actually attempt to hide the fact that it's trash, and will be about... 20% less shit, I wanna say? I dunno, you'll have to find it for yourself. I'll be posting it right after this update, so it should be ready for y'all by the time you finish reading this.**

 **However... I don't quite feel like putting a 'complete' tag on this yet. Primarily because it was never actually completed. I'm not sure if I'll ever come back to it, but who knows? You might see something on here at some point in the future.**

 **But until then, we're all gonna have to say goodbye to Soft Reset...**

 **...and say hello to Soft Reboot!**


End file.
